What would the protagonists think of Squishmallows?

[universetwisters]

I love Squishmallows! They're so cute and they have relatable personalities and they're so soft and cuddly! They all also look so polite and sweet. I was delivering a pizza to a construction crew earlier today and one of the guys was like "I like your squishmallows on your car dashboard my daughter has the HUGE ones and I keep stealing them for pillows". Everyone loves Squishmallows!!!! If you don't then there's probably something wrong with you. But what would the GTA Protagonists think of Squishmallows (or I guess any cute and cuddly plush animals)? This is what I think:

 

Claude - Cold and emotionless. Would look at one abandoned on the side of the road, begging to be reunited with their family, and ignore it. He might possibly even punt it like a football.

Tommy - He collects little statues so there's nothing to suggest he wouldn't collect Squishmallows aswell. Either he cuts one open and expects cocaine to be inside it like the hidden packages or he just has a few. Not a big collection.

CJ - He ruined a rapper's career just because OG Loc asked him to and murdered a bunch of construction workers just because they catcalled his sister. He is beyond saving, and I fear he's too late to experience the warmth and love of Squishmallows.

Toni - Same as Claude; he's cold and emotionless and would be indifferent to them. But then again, he does live with his mother, so it's possible that all of his money goes to Squishmallows when he isn't doing mafia sh*t.

Vic - Wholesome and pure and too nice for crime. Would happily go and buy every single one had they existed in the 1980s. He would make more money reselling the rare ones than all of his empire building profits combined.

Niko - If presented with a Squishmallow, he would either cuddle and love it and know that everything is right in the world or, like CJ, he's too late for saving. I dunno yet.

Johnny - A f*cking degenerate drug addict. He could have the nicest plumpest squishiest Squishmallow and trade it for some meth. It's a shame too because the idea of a HUGE Squishmallow riding in a sidecar on his Hexer is a very silly thought.

Luis - Have you seen how many chicks he sleeps with? Also he has a small penis so ofc he'd have a huge Squishmallow collection.

Michael - One of his kids would probably get him one for a birthday or something. Michael would act like he hates it but, deep down, he loves it and wishes he could get more without his family raising an eyebrow.

Franklin - He's all alone in that big dumb mansion of his (assuming GTA Online isn't canon) so ofc he'd get a couple Squishmallows and keep them around and talk to them like the volleyball in Castaway.

Trevor - Trevor has done unspeakable things to Mr Raspberry Jam and I'm not even gonna allow the thought of what he'd do to a Squishmallow cross my mind.

 

What do y'all think? I'd love to hear your thoughts and theories!

[maximumlink]

Trevor would love them because he's clinically insane as are all squishmallow owners.

[asadog2]

What did I read 

[Kyoto]

1 hour ago, universetwisters said:

Niko - If presented with a Squishmallow, he would either cuddle and love it and know that everything is right in the world

Hard disagree on this one, choom. He'd be more like...

[Guest]

Good question. But what would the antagonists think of squishmallow instead?

 

Dimitri would have one and call it "Little Niko". He would squeeze it all days in anger while berrating Niko for ruining his businesses.

[universetwisters]

13 minutes ago, wise_man said:

Good question. But what would the antagonists think of squishmallow instead?

 

They're all bad people so they'd prob do the Trevor thing and have sex with them

 

13 minutes ago, wise_man said:

Dimitri would have one and call it "Little Niko". He would squeeze it all days in anger while berrating Niko for ruining his businesses.

 

He'd drop it from extremely tall heights and laugh manically to himself before defiling it

 

 

Edited September 15, 2023 by universetwisters

[Guest]

13 minutes ago, universetwisters said:

They're all bad people so they'd prob do the Trevor thing and have sex with them

I don't know man, but I believe Russian mobsters would have a thing for squishmallows, even if it's just for expressing their frustations like Dimitri.

 

Vlad would cuddle it lovingly whenever he's alone. Bulgarin is a rich guy who would collect as many as possible to make every kid jealous. Mikhail would probably treat it like his wife, though, and throw it all around his room.

 

Even I think our fanmade Russian OCs like Felix Godovsky, Gennadi Zhukov, and Maria Vinogradova would think squishmallows are kinda cute. They'd only squeeze them once in fear they'd get addicted to doing it.

[Krymefull]

8 hours ago, universetwisters said:

Trevor - Trevor has done unspeakable things to Mr Raspberry Jam and I'm not even gonna allow the thought of what he'd do to a Squishmallow cross my mind.

Trevor would look at a Squishmallow just like how Ezra Miller looks at minors:

[Jeansowaty]

9 hours ago, wise_man said:

I don't know man, but I believe Russian mobsters would have a thing for squishmallows, even if it's just for expressing their frustations like Dimitri.

 

Vlad would cuddle it lovingly whenever he's alone. Bulgarin is a rich guy who would collect as many as possible to make every kid jealous. Mikhail would probably treat it like his wife, though, and throw it all around his room.

 

Even I think our fanmade Russian OCs like Felix Godovsky, Gennadi Zhukov, and Maria Vinogradova would think squishmallows are kinda cute. They'd only squeeze them once in fear they'd get addicted to doing it.

Gena would look at it like "That's a funny toy thingy." and then place it on his shelf and smile whenever he walks past it. 

 

thanks for remembering the man lmfao

[universetwisters]

9 hours ago, Jeansowaty said:

Gena would look at it like "That's a funny toy thingy." and then place it on his shelf and smile whenever he walks past it. 

 

thanks for remembering the man lmfao

This reminds me, what would Sal think about squishmallows @Datalvarezguy? I’m under the impression he’s be like Trevor and do unspeakable things to it but I could be wrong (I hope I’m wrong)

[Datalvarezguy]

1 minute ago, universetwisters said:

This reminds me, what would Sal think about squishmallows @Datalvarezguy? I’m under the impression he’s be like Trevor and do unspeakable things to it but I could be wrong (I hope I’m wrong)

You just forced me this mental image of Sal's sister having them squishies and every time he was a kid and walked past her room and the door was open one of those things would be looking at him to the point that plush's burnt into his memory more than the room itself.

[atay26]

I guess you beated Gamergirl4559 to it

[Meta26]

this is the cutest topic ever, I swear especially the niko part! I have a hello kitty squishmallow