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GTA IV: The Worst Video Game Ever


Line Rider
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Instead of sending you pictures of strippers, Roman will send you pictures of himself in a thong.

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Grand Theft Auto IV would be a much worse game had Rockstar not included all those awesome average cars in the game.

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The Annis Pinnacle is removed from the game.

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CynicalMexican

Niko is a father who likes to go to yoga class in Downtown Algonquin. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

- After completing the final mission and getting the ending credits, the game cuts to two years later, and Niko is stuck in his apartment babysitting Roman and Mallorie's little brat. He can't leave the apartment and the parents never return no matter how long you keep the game on. And every ten minutes Packie or Brucie or another friend calls up and ask if he wants to go out, or a girlfriend calls up to ask if he wants to date, and Niko replies "Sorry.  I can't do that right now. I am babysitting." in a very disappointed voice. 

 

- Cars can run out of gas. You need to refill at a gas station every five minutes.  

 

- During the first mission, Roman doesn't just give you his old phone, but a Tanagotchi as a gift. Niko has to constantly care for the Tamagotchi, because if it dies, Niko gets a mission failed, and the game returns to the cut scene where Roman gives him the Tamagotchi, erasing all progress after that point.

 

- For the first five missions, the only weapons available to Niko are a water pistol, a Nerf gun, and a gun that deploys a flag that says "BANG!" from its barrel whenever you pull the trigger. 

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The game has been merged with GTA Online, Niko is replaced by an average mute character with no backstory, and story missions may only be played in groups. There are no checkpoints or extra lives.

 

Mission Failed! xXx_OppressorKid_xXx alerted the guards.

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On 8/12/2021 at 8:30 PM, KGBeast said:

The Annis Pinnacle is removed from the game.

I'm surprised no one got this reference. And also, to make the game worse, Niko arrived to LC without the suitcase!

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14 hours ago, Jeansowaty said:

I'm surprised no one got this reference. And also, to make the game worse, Niko arrived to LC without the suitcase!

Explain.

 

Mission failed: Niko forgot his toothbrush back in Serbia.

 

You start the game in Serbia and you have to do some sh*t for Bulgarin, you go over to the coast of Adriatic (Croatia let's say) and ship sinks so you run back and pack your things one by one.

You spent 7 months real time doing boring repetitive tasks till you're in Liberty City.

Edited by lol232
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6 minutes ago, lol232 said:

Explain.

 

Mission failed: Niko forgot his toothbrush back in Serbia.

 

You start the game in Serbia and you have to do some sh*t for Bulgarian, you go over to the coast of Adriatic (Croatia let's say) and ship sinks so you run back and pack your things one by one.

You spent 7 months real time doing boring repetitive tasks till you're in Liberty City.

Ages ago the Pinnacle was an inside joke on this forum as it was a car "no one ever saw" just like Niko's suitcase. Both were forgotten things.

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Just now, Jeansowaty said:

Ages ago the Pinnacle was an inside joke on this forum as it was a car "no one ever saw" just like Niko's suitcase. Both were forgotten things.

Ah sh*t I remember the suitcase debacle, that was funny.

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Cutscenes are seamless like in Max Payne 3 BUT are also very long, cringey, annoying and the worst of all, they're UNSKIPPABLE. Have fun.:kekw:

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Added 300 additional pigeons in the game, and upon killing all 500, the reward is a white Rumpo spawning in the alleyway nex to Niko's Alderney safehouse.

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Failing to kill Jim in "No Way on the Subway" will result in a unique cutscene where his abusive wife beats him to death.:kekw:

Edited by H-G
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Let me think... In the begining of installation game asks you about your real age by noticing in special window all your passport data. So after that game acting with all that 6+/14+/18+/21+ conditions and raitings. And if you honestly pass the 50% of game for example but after that you entered a stripclub only for a once and looked at the stripper - no matter, game dropping your progrees to the zero and you must start it from the very first mission.

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On 8/26/2021 at 1:51 AM, lol232 said:

Added 300 additional pigeons in the game, and upon killing all 500, the reward is a white Rumpo spawning in the alleyway nex to Niko's Alderney safehouse.

A Rumpo that sometimes spawns, sometimes not, most of the time it doesn't. Actually f*ck it a Rumpo could be cool because it does not appear in IV by default, should've been a Burrito or Speedo.

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1 hour ago, Jeansowaty said:

A Rumpo that sometimes spawns, sometimes not, most of the time it doesn't. Actually f*ck it a Rumpo could be cool because it does not appear in IV by default, should've been a Burrito or Speedo.

I entirely forgot kek, makes it even funnier.

Semi useless but at least you have a guaranteed vehicle spawning outside of one of the safehouses, more useful than the Annihilator.

Edited by lol232
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If the player gets arrested before the mission "Portrait of a killer" Niko gets deported back to Serbia for not carrying documentation and the player's account isn't able to play GTA IV anymore. 

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On 8/28/2021 at 5:13 PM, The Tracker said:

If the player gets arrested before the mission "Portrait of a killer" Niko gets deported back to Serbia for not carrying documentation and the player's account isn't able to play GTA IV anymore. 

If the player dies, it's over, and the player's account is also no longer able to play GTA IV anymore.

 

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Make the cars more slippery and add the bike gameplay into cars. Make Roman call you every minute. Remove ragdolls and add the renderware physics

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Animal rights organizations rage upon the release day of GTA IV and it gets re-rated to AO and banned worldwide all because you can kill pigeons in it. Oh, and did I mention R* and T2 get sued for $40 mil and must make GTAO DLCs forever to survive?:kekw:

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- About a third of the map is redrawn so that you keep getting lost.
- A police car every other block, and a foot cop on every block so whenever you steal a car you get an automatic wanted level.
- Instead of driving out of a wanted level, you have to cause police cars to crash then hide. 
- Whenever you try to kill NPCs, they run away really fast even though they are injured, so you cant finish the job.
- One third of the NPCs apparently have machine guns and if you attempt to hit them or steal their car, you will be wasted within seconds. If you manage to kill them first and take their gun, it only has about five bullets.

- The game keeps switching you from unarmed to armed, so that your gun goes off all the time, as does the gun go off whenever you are driving, using up the ten bullets your guns are able to hold. 
- an unwinnable cheap version of Crazy Taxi is among the missions.
- you are supposed to highjack a truck from a gang, but it never stops until it takes so much damage that it burst into flames, and the mission fails.
- Missions only pay out $10 on completion.

Oh, wait a second. They already did this in Chinatown Wars.  I wasn't expecting it to be as good as GTA IV, but I didn't expect it to be this broken. 

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The original base IV storyline is scrapped and replaced with a new one revolving around Niko's time in the war, working with Ray Bulgarin and joining the merchant navy. To play the original storyline, you must buy "The Soviet Connection" DLC from the GFWL Marketplace (or just buy EFLC/The Complete Edition for the Xbox 360 or on Steam, it has TSC, TLAD and TBOGT all in one, but not the war, RB and navy stuff).

 

EDIT:

 

Wait, that's actually a good idea.

Edited by H-G
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Every time you lose at bowling Niko gets depressed for an entire in-game week and won't leave his appartment

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- Niko has recoloured Roman's Hair

- You have to log in and play a match of Online after the first mission, or you can't progress (even when offline)

- no cheats

- modding bans you from singleplayer

- TLAD and TBoGT can only be played in Online

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On 8/2/2021 at 2:15 AM, Line Rider said:

You are a programmer for Rockstar who is secretly a mole for a rival game company. Your job is to sabotage any future releases of GTA IV by adding or removing something from the game which Rockstar won't find out about until after it is in stores. How will you take one of the greatest video games ever and turn it into the worst game ever?


Some examples.

Make all vehicles inaccessible to Niki until he gets a drivers license. This will involve setting up an appointment over the phone, waiting several day cycles, going to the DMV and having to wait in a waiting room for three hours real time without leaving  until your number shows up on the board, take the Liberty City written drivers test and get 100%, do a driving test with an elderly instructor, if you pass that, wait another three hours in the waiting room for your picture to be taken, then wait 3 to 10 day cycles  in front of Roman's apartment for the mailman to show up and hand you an envelope with the drivers license. Only then are you able to drive a car.

Every time you hit another vehicle, there is a 10 minute cut scene you can not exit where Nico and the other driver exchange insurance. 

Cut some cutscenes audios or make em buggy

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