GTA IV: The Worst Video Game Ever

[Line Rider]

You are a programmer for Rockstar who is secretly a mole for a rival game company. Your job is to sabotage any future releases of GTA IV by adding or removing something from the game which Rockstar won't find out about until after it is in stores. How will you take one of the greatest video games ever and turn it into the worst game ever?


Some examples.

Make all vehicles inaccessible to Niki until he gets a drivers license. This will involve setting up an appointment over the phone, waiting several day cycles, going to the DMV and having to wait in a waiting room for three hours real time without leaving  until your number shows up on the board, take the Liberty City written drivers test and get 100%, do a driving test with an elderly instructor, if you pass that, wait another three hours in the waiting room for your picture to be taken, then wait 3 to 10 day cycles  in front of Roman's apartment for the mailman to show up and hand you an envelope with the drivers license. Only then are you able to drive a car.

Every time you hit another vehicle, there is a 10 minute cut scene you can not exit where Nico and the other driver exchange insurance. 

Edited August 2, 2021 by Line Rider

[DOUGL4S1]

I absolutelly love the clickbait on this thread's title, bet people will jump in here ready to write paragraphs after paragraps defending GTA IV (me included (maybe))

 

OT: Every time you start a new game, it does 2 things:

1) It takes random mission objectives and breaks them, and

2) It randomly removes a single pigeon from the map.

 

An angry developer should be able to do these in a few hours of work, without drawing too much attention.

 

1) will cause a lot of confusion between players completing the storyline, things as "I'm having issues with this mission even tho I've never had that before", or "noone else had this issue". I suspect a lot of savefile exchanges going on. 2) might be a bit less annoying, but it effectivelly makes it impossible to complete the game 100%. It's more of a mildly infuriating thing for a minority of people, but still.

 

Also worth checking out what Rockstar actually did to make pirates who improperly cracked the game consider buying it (or finding a better crack):

 

[The Tracker]

[.Ryan.]

Take GTAO and slap GTA IV on it. That's how you f*ck up a great game.

[String]

Mission failed: the route was abandoned

Mission failed: Niko killed innocent people

[The Tracker]

On 8/2/2021 at 4:16 AM, Wayne Kerr said:

Mission failed: the route was abandoned

Mission failed: Niko killed innocent people

 

Mission failed: Niko did not have enough money to buy the Pump Shotgun and flashlight mod

[HisNameIsMilad]

7 hours ago, The Tracker said:

 

Mission failed: Niko did not have enough money to buy the Pump Shotgun and flashlight mod

Mission FAILED : Michelle disapproves your shoes 

[H-G]

Mission Failed - You tried to follow Johnny and/or Luis to see where they go in "Museum Piece".

[Guest]

-

Edited August 2, 2021 by Guest
Joke Failed

[B Dawg]

Mission Failed: You didn't drive past Roman's Cab Depot before reaching the Mansion.

[Lord Criminal]

Replace the missions that are given by the Yardies, Faustin/Rascalov bratva, Elizabeta Torres, McReary crime family, Hustlers, Pegorino crime family and Gambetti crime family with missions given by shareholders of a private military company, agents of the FIB and IAA, and a ruthless mob boss whom Niko badly messes with but suddenly becomes afraid of him and decides to leave him alone.

[The Tracker]

16 hours ago, iiCriminnaaL said:

Replace the missions that are given by the Yardies, Faustin/Rascalov bratva, Elizabeta Torres, McReary crime family, Hustlers, Pegorino crime family and Gambetti crime family with missions given by shareholders of a private military company, agents of the FIB and IAA, and a ruthless mob boss whom Niko badly messes with but suddenly becomes afraid of him and decides to leave him alone.

 

I have noticed that GTA IV and GTA V have the same "Involving with criminals" pattern: Protagonist kills character for a cheating/flirting issue (Niko killing Vlad for flirting with Mallorie, and Michael almost doing so to a Tennis couch Amanda was cheating on him with), protagonist ends up f*cking with gangsters (Niko with Mikhail Faustin, Michael with Martin Madrazo), protagonist owes said gangsters and latter ending in bad terms with them, making the characters flee from where they live. 

 

The only thing missing was Niko letting Mikhail alive and kidnapping Ilyena instead, only to fall in love with her and end up cutting Vlad's ear off for treating her bad. 

Edited August 3, 2021 by The Tracker

[Liberty City Executioner]

Mission failed: Niko forgot what to do on this mission.

Edited August 3, 2021 by ThatBenGuy

[CynicalMexican]

6 hours ago, The Tracker said:

 

I have noticed that GTA IV and GTA V have the same "Involving with criminals" pattern: Protagonist kills character for a cheating/flirting issue (Niko killing Vlad for flirting with Mallorie, and Michael almost doing so to a Tennis couch Amanda was cheating on him with), protagonist ends up f*cking with gangsters (Niko with Mikhail Faustin, Michael with Martin Madrazo), protagonist owes said gangsters and latter ending in bad terms with them, making the characters flee from where they live. 

 

The only thing missing was Niko letting Mikhail alive and kidnapping Ilyena instead, only to fall in love with her and end up cutting Vlad's ear off for treating her bad. 

Also, you actually got to destroy that very empire you f*cked with. GTA 4 feels so god damn satisfying for that reason.

 

On topic - add super long side objectives mandatory before you progress to the next part of the story, such as learning to fly.

[.Ryan.]

-Everytime the game loads up you get Rick Rolled for 10 minutes before it lets you play.

 

-If you don't go bowling with Roman he spams your email and text message box for the rest of the game.

 

-If you use cheats too often you're forced to wear a dunce hat and can never remove it. Even in cutscenes. 

Edited August 4, 2021 by MiamiViceCity1986

[HisNameIsMilad]

Mission failed: You didn't High Five Vlad

[The Tracker]

18 hours ago, MiamiViceCity1986 said:

-If you don't go bowling with Roman he spams your email and text message box for the rest of the game.

 

 

[Rhoda]

Oh no! Upon his arrival to the USA, Niko Bellic suddenly remembered he forgot to learn English! For the first few hours of the game you'll be encouraged to download a companion app which will guide through various course of the Serbian language, starting with the basics and then moving onto nouns, adjectives, verbs and what tenses to speak, including the three grammatical genders - masculine, feminine and neuter. In order to save your game you must log at least two hours of progress every day to ensure the story can move along at an acceptable place. If you fail to do so, you are met with a cutscene where Niko is shown writhing in pain, clutching a dry orange and slowly dying of scurvy. As a benefit however, this special anniversary edition of GTA IV will include the fan favourite of fingerless gloves. Unfortunately, you will have to mush-mouth your way through an awkward transaction with the store clerk. Microphone technology in your controller allows you to move onto the next step of the game, which is an oral examination on the Serbian language. Fail to convince the cashier and she will send for her burlish Slavic boyfriend who will promptly arrive, kick the snot out of you, wipe your save file and erase every single Easter egg from your home DVD collection.

[Line Rider]

Glitch swings fixed. Now whenever you drive  into them, it goes to a two minute cut scene of Niko happily swinging back and fourth.

[CynicalMexican]

Dimitri survives the ending no matter what and you habe to play as him post game.

[The Tracker]

On 8/5/2021 at 12:33 AM, Line Rider said:

Glitch swings fixed. Now whenever you drive  into them, it goes to a two minute cut scene of Niko happily swinging back and fourth.

 

For a minute I though you were being serious, I almost had a heart attack. 

[billiejoearmstrong8]

16 hours ago, CynicalMexican said:

Dimitri survives the ending no matter what and you habe to play as him post game.

 

This would honestly be awesome lol

[CynicalMexican]

1 minute ago, billiejoearmstrong8 said:

 

This would honestly be awesome lol

I feel Catalina would be a pretty damn good protagonist in of herself, only problem is that she is kinda unbearable lol.

[billiejoearmstrong8]

3 minutes ago, CynicalMexican said:

I feel Catalina would be a pretty damn good protagonist in of herself, only problem is that she is kinda unbearable lol.

 

I'd play as Catalina in a second! Or Elizabeta.

 

In the final mission of TBOGT Niko is killed by Bulgarin's exploded plane as it crashes to earth directly on top of him while he's taking a stroll in Middle Park. GTA IV is now permanently no longer playable.

Edited August 6, 2021 by billiejoearmstrong8

[H-G]

13 minutes ago, billiejoearmstrong8 said:

In the final mission of TBOGT Niko is killed by Bulgarin's exploded plane as it crashes to earth directly on top of him while he's taking a stroll in Middle Park. GTA IV is now permanently no longer playable.

Better yet, TLaD becomes totally unplayable if base IV discovers you have GTA V installed and one of the save files for the latter have the "Mr. Phillips" mission passed on it.

[Line Rider]

All the radio stations are gone. Instead, whenever Niko gets into any vehicle, Baby Shark plays in an endless loop with no way to shut it off. Same thing at bowling alleys,  car dealerships, and your apartment radio.

[H-G]

If you fail a mission and try to restart it, all music and sound effects stop, Numb - How It's Done starts playing full blast regardless of volume settings and the game does whatever it takes to drain out all of the difficulty and challenge in the mission GTA V-style by using extreme auto-aiming with 100% accuracy per shot, target ped/car health reduced to 1%, spamming your screen with a f*ckton of help messages, cheat code usage suggestions and sometimes even automatically controlling Niko/Johnny/Luis to get the mission done.

[Jeansowaty]

On 8/6/2021 at 6:59 PM, billiejoearmstrong8 said:

 

This would honestly be awesome lol

I won't lie this inspired me to write a story where you play as Dimitri's second in command (he's the guy in my profile pic), like, a third DLC of GTA IV and it shows a different side of Dimitri, him going crazy after he takes over, also showing some characters we didn't have a chance to interact with that much, like the hitman in a suit (Vadim Vasiliev), Roman's kidnappers (Pyotr Vasiliev and Marko Chernushkin), Sergei Utryanov who often hangs out at Comrades etc. 

 

On-topic: first mission is a prologue forcing you to swim for 5 hours straight until finding land, also with minigames to keep Niko alive from drowning.

[H-G]

Johnny and Luis' safehouses are available to Niko and vice versa but your vehicle will get stuck in the parking spots due to wet cement and the beds are epically crippled which take away 99% health every time you sleep on them.

Edited August 8, 2021 by H-G

[Line Rider]

The original stand up comedians from the comedy club removed. Instead, when taking a friend or date to the comedy club, you get stuck watching Carrot Top for 40 minutes with no way to end the cut scene other than shutting the game off. Once that is over, your date will never go out with you again.