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MrQuiche

Have you ever had depression?

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MrQuiche

Yeah it's not really an happy topic of discussion... 

 

Just wondering how much of you had or has experience with this and what did you  do or what has happened that got rid of it. An admin can create a poll linked to the topic name with the yes or no answer please, i can't do it i'm on mobile... 

 

So yeah as you've guess, i'm not that well especially since the start of that stay at home period, i'm only 18, approaching the stage where in France we go in superiors studies and honestly i don't have that good of a file in school... It's making me scared since if i'm not taken it means i won't have any job and there's more of course but i really think that this is this that's going to determine my mindset in terms of happiness... 

 

Some may know that i'm a big GTA fan and honestly video games in a whole dont have the same feelings as they had back when i was younger... Everything that i loved as as child is completely dead now, i don't know what to do, i've lost interest and motivation to love or do anything... It's so depressing especially now and i'm really wondering what's going to happen to me in a couple of months... 

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Uncle-John

I took a test in October 2019 with my psychotherapist where I scored mild to moderate depression which my Doctor brought up that I appear to have a history of depressive episodes which I can be quite a depressive individual with suicide and self harm ideation which comes and goes and is made worse by criticism but I refuse to self harm and I don't want to die just yet. Also realising I'm delusional and my paranoia ruining aspects of my life has been hard on me realising things could've been different and that I lost alot of friends but that might of happened regardless, I just gotta move forward in life despite the pain I feel and the traumatic events iv been through and surviving schizophrenia. Life can be pretty hard, no wonder I'm a depressive individual but things can get better, I certainly haven't lost hope just yet. 

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mr quick
Posted (edited)

I have had two major depressive episodes lasting about two years each. Both of them just sort of... stopped. I remember one day going to my psychologist and feeling the fog and heavy weight of being, feeling particularly empty on that day. After the session, I very suddenly, on a particular street corner, noticed that I could see the world around me clearly, and smell the air. I straightened my back and got a burger. From that moment, I've been fine. It seems strange to think that only days before, I was staring into the wheels of passing streetcars and thinking about what might happen. I went home and cleaned my bathroom and kitchen, for the first time in so long I dread to say it. 

It's tough. It really is. 

 

And hey, don't worry too much about school. When I graduated at your age, I had a grade average of 3, the same as a D in letter grades A-F. I also had 54 absent days and 54 hours (coincidence?!) of absense in those three years, which thankfully was one year before new laws were passed which would have disqualified me from having technically finished school. 

 

Now, according to that paper - my grades and my skipping shcool - I was a f*cking idiot, but I turned out alright. I've been good at every job I ever had and all of my work references are wildly enthusiastic about the time I worked for them. I currently am only weeks away from having finished a Bachelor of Music at a major private university college, where I have been elected student representative for the last two years, and where I have have fantastic grades.

 

I know it sounds like inspirational speaker-grade crap, and I suppose it is, but I'm trying to say that it's a long life and it changes every day. I never wanted any of what I've had or done, but it sort of just "happened", you know? It's like when you're looking to buy a car, you almost never end up with the one you expected. Suddenly, a choice you hadn't considered pops up. 

 

Oh and hey, you can wait. I was 21 when I started studying, and I have classmates who are 29 and 32... Never too late

 

e: And you don't have to study at all. The best time of my life was working at a massive meat plant. Didn't pay particularly well and was braindead work, but for some reason I loved it. 

Edited by mr quick
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Pete4000uk

Yep, not a nice place to go

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paperbagdude

I guess everyone ever has had depression. No matter what have happened to them, thinking of tomorrow seems like staring into the void. The void may seem so dark that it is impossible to project any sense of hope or improvement into the soul and the individual is locked in a feeling of impending doom without any reason for waking the next morning, while a lighter version comes with hopes and great fortunes for the future, while contemporarily struggling with a pain seized deep inside the chest. The heart is broken, a pressure seems to burst your chest open, but as the pressure lapses, the pain won't perish for a moment, as you're then left in a state of emptiness. 

 

I have been depressed several times in my adolescent years. I mostly blame my autism, as my previously great (and still mildly present) lack of social intelligence have left me lonely and frustrated of not fitting in correctly. I bust my ass out to be accepted through high school, and the frustration of doing so left me in doubt of my self worth. Same has happened recently, as a long-term relationship of mine has ended. She promised me that she would help tackle the issues my asperger's poisened the relationship with, through therapy and support, only for her to realize it was too late and that she had invested way too much of herself upon me rather than herself.

 

I am left optimistic about attending college and moving out, but the scar left by the fact that I have lost the person in my life that knew me the most and whom I loved the most will take years to heal. I am currently depressed by both the loss of her and the fact that I have deemed myself incompatible for relationships. I got a lot to figure out while keeping myself sane with short-lived pleasures in the meantime.

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TheSantader25
Posted (edited)

I gotta say the period between 18 and 21 has to be the most depressive times for people I think. I experienced it and I'm sure many people do. In this period you're so worried about your future and getting old without getting sh*t done that you stop enjoying life and may forget that you have your best years ahead of you. You'll sort yourself out between 22-24. And don't forget, it's never late for nothing. The human body combined with the right  mentality is unstoppable if you REALLY want something. Just enjoy your 20s. They are amazing. 

Edited by TheSantader25
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Carl Theft Auto
Posted (edited)

No

Edited by Carl Theft Auto

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JON22

Not been diagnosed but I know I have depression on and off. I don't need some expert to tell me I feel like 💩 Also I hate talking in general. I just put up with it.

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Candy_Licker
On 5/2/2020 at 11:14 PM, MrQuiche said:

Yeah it's not really an happy topic of discussion... 

 

Just wondering how much of you had or has experience with this and what did you  do or what has happened that got rid of it. An admin can create a poll linked to the topic name with the yes or no answer please, i can't do it i'm on mobile... 

 

So yeah as you've guess, i'm not that well especially since the start of that stay at home period, i'm only 18, approaching the stage where in France we go in superiors studies and honestly i don't have that good of a file in school... It's making me scared since if i'm not taken it means i won't have any job and there's more of course but i really think that this is this that's going to determine my mindset in terms of happiness... 

 

Some may know that i'm a big GTA fan and honestly video games in a whole dont have the same feelings as they had back when i was younger... Everything that i loved as as child is completely dead now, i don't know what to do, i've lost interest and motivation to love or do anything... It's so depressing especially now and i'm really wondering what's going to happen to me in a couple of months... 

 

yeah, being afraid of the future can eat you up.

I feel you. Seems like you lack a goal to aspire to. If you don't have a reason to wake up in the morning, it's difficult to do so. People who have a partner have an advanatge here, usually that's enough to keep a young'un going.

 

It's quite common among young people who just finished school, many people  your age have some off-time where they don't know what to do with their life, it's quite normal.

But you should def. get some help if this lasts too long. I know the prospect can be scary, but you are young, think of all the possibilities you have, despite how limitited you feel by grades. Have you had career counselling yet? Somebody who can develop a future together with you and show you opportunities you haven't thought of might be a good start. If that doesn't help, don't hesitate to get some therapy.

Best of luck, you're not alone.

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Uncle-John

ugh, feelings! damn all I feel is negative painful emotions id probably be better off dead. No im not going to kill myself, I live for my family and friends despite wanting the pain to go away, its too much to bear but I carry on anyway, life has been so cruel to me, emotionally and Psychically abused by my Cousin and Uncle, Bullied at school, hit, tripped over, stuff thrown at me, constant harassment, now I have f**king Paranoid Schizophrenia, my whole life feels like its headed in one direction, just feels like I was born to suffer and that's all i'd ever know, im a depressive individual, too much has happened to me and if I went to a Doctor they'd prescribe antidepressants like last time which I refused, its not a chemical inbalance, its life, life is pain, I was born to suffer without relief. if Hell exists, im already there, I just want it all to end but I refuse to die, wish I could feel happiness but its probably been beat out of me years ago by this cruel sadistic world of my mine. things will be better one day, im gonna make sure of it, this can't be all there is, this can't be what life is all about.

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Korpi

^

You're a tough dude, remember that. Tough dudes last,  tough times do not. Had you had nothing to fight for in life, you wouldn't be here, and neither would be I. Life is worth giving a shot. 

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MrQuiche

Do mind, i'm reading every post, it feels great to have people "confess" about their experience/feelings, i've been feeling better for a couple of days now, really motivated to get my driving license (aka liberty when you're young lol)

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No.
Posted (edited)

I was never diagnosed, my therapist back when I was seeing one didn't really give me a precise answer when I asked him. But for the last I guess 8 years I've been progressively losing interest in most stuff and had some ups and downs, but these last few years I feel like I'm getting closer to suicide every day. I hate waking up and having to deal with another day of being alive every day. When I wake up my thought every day is "oh f*ck I'm still alive".
I don't really know the difference between depression and anxiety. I have a lot of trouble focusing on stuff and rarely get motivation to do stuff, I always think "what's the point" when doing things I'm supposed to like. And I started having panic attacks last year and now they have become very frequent, like pretty much every day I have one. I stopped going to therapy around 2 years ago, after 3 years (with the same therapist) because I didn't see it helping me.

I also hate it when I read some resource online about depression help and they always say something like "it's okay everyone feels a little low every once in a while" or when people like my parents say "you just like complaining because you have nothing wrong in your life". I can't relate to that at all and I can't stop thinking that I won't ever enjoy my life so I should just get the guts to end it. I used to be afraid of suicide but now every time I look out the window (I live in an apartment) it feels like jumping wouldn't be so hard.

I think today I'm hitting my lowest point, I'm really desperate to die

Edited by No.
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Eutyphro
Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, No. said:

I was never diagnosed, my therapist back when I was seeing one didn't really give me a precise answer when I asked him. But for the last I guess 8 years I've been progressively losing interest in most stuff and had some ups and downs, but these last few years I feel like I'm getting closer to suicide every day. I hate waking up and having to deal with another day of being alive every day. When I wake up my thought every day is "oh f*ck I'm still alive".
I don't really know the difference between depression and anxiety. I have a lot of trouble focusing on stuff and rarely get motivation to do stuff, I always think "what's the point" when doing things I'm supposed to like. And I started having panic attacks last year and now they have become very frequent, like pretty much every day I have one. I stopped going to therapy around 2 years ago, after 3 years (with the same therapist) because I didn't see it helping me.

I also hate it when I read some resource online about depression help and they always say something like "it's okay everyone feels a little low every once in a while" or when people like my parents say "you just like complaining because you have nothing wrong in your life". I can't relate to that at all and I can't stop thinking that I won't ever enjoy my life so I should just get the guts to end it. I used to be afraid of suicide but now every time I look out the window (I live in an apartment) it feels like jumping wouldn't be so hard.

I think today I'm hitting my lowest point, I'm really desperate to die

A lot of the things you post have been relateable to me at points in my life, but I do think I've found the light at the end of the tunnel, and believe there really is hope for everyone on this issue. I think loads of people struggle with alienation and not finding meaning in modern society. Many of those people still have the support and the structure to hang on though. I think especially for people who feel completely misunderstood and lonely ending it becomes an idea they entertain. This is going to sound like New Age crap, but I really do believe that radical alienation and misery are an opportunity for expanding your consciousness and spiritual growth. Whenever you feel misery you might romanticize the lives of people who have always had it easy and have always felt accepted, but you should understand that these supposed 'suffering free' individuals have also never had an opportunity to deepen. Life is full of pain and misery for most people. You can either get wise or you can get wounded. Life can be truly brutal but there really is hope. I hope this isn't too vague but it is just my two cents.

Edited by Eutyphro
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GhettoJesus

Yeah I had a few years back. Looking back is what gives me motivation to keep my chin up.

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spectre07
Posted (edited)

Many times and very harsh days since 2008 until around 2014 and I never was thinking about suicide, but I've learned overcoming depression.

 

I still have depression but not tough times anymore because I've been staying strong.

Edited by spectre07
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Maxxeine

I've had it for most of my life. Every day is bleak. I'm so lonely. I tried to kill myself once, but couldn't go through with it. I still think about death a lot. Death used to scare me as a little girl because I thought I would go to hell. But now that I'm all grown up and not religious anymore, I'm not afraid of dying.

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Fuzzknuckles

Since I was a child. In fact, easier question: Have you ever not been depressed?

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DEALUX

Kind of. I don't know that I would describe it as depression in hindsight. There are forms of depression that are manageable (without medication) and ultimately illusory. I had something resembling depression in 2011-2012 (as a teen) but I found a way out through meditation and a change in attitude. Interestingly enough, a lot of those lethargic periods of my life were during times when I developed strong crushes on girls that I liked but fortunately as I grew and became an adult, I learned to accept reality as it is. Those crushes were more of a crutch for an already boring and unproductive life (which changed as I got my first job and became more active).

 

 

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[Ambient]

Do depressive episodes caused by neurosis count?

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Cameron Star
On 5/7/2020 at 9:51 PM, paperbagdude said:

I have been depressed several times in my adolescent years. I mostly blame my autism, as my previously great (and still mildly present) lack of social intelligence have left me lonely and frustrated of not fitting in correctly. I bust my ass out to be accepted through high school, and the frustration of doing so left me in doubt of my self worth.

Same. I've struggled with it my whole life. I have very little social intelligence and a lot of social cues, the obvious and subtle, fly right past me. Maintaining relationships with even some of my own family is difficult let alone anyone outside of it. I've gotten a little better for me in recent years, but there's always that self doubt that you're doing something wrong or you don't get something but you don't know what and you're waiting for someone to point it out. It's like there is a set of rules that everyone knows but you and you're just winging it through life.

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Rocket man FI

I was depressed too over a rejection from a girl. It may seem nothing but you will understand the pain when you do not get the one you truly loved. However, I managed to move on but still "thoughts" starts to crowd in my head and imprisons into darkness 😶

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Lioshenka
Posted (edited)

80375209-1506663079484726-68338531046858

 

If you haven't followed The Sad Bible on Facebook, guys, then do it now. It's a treasure trove of hilarious memes that eerily close describe our lives.

 

I was actually surprised that there wasn't a more recent thread about this on these forums - not back in March when I checked anyway.

 

I have never been diagnosed with any of that rubbish - and the older you get the more obvious it is that none of the doctors will care, they will just bounce you from one to another, and in the end they'll prescribe you a mini pharmacy of tablets to take.

 

I am not sure if I have the depression. I've been thinking about this a lot, and I tend to agree that I don't - on another hand I am turning more and more nihilistic with every day, and there's a very fine boundary between both. Life is pointless, and the existence is futile. So are the possessions, feelings and persons. Everyone you love dies, everything you admire gets destroyed, and in the end of it all you'll too die. Literally the only reason to live is to procreate, and if you are not super keen on it then all you do really is trying to entertain yourself until you finally die.

 

Do I want a flashy car and a big mansion? Yes, of course, but what's the point? It might give me the admiration and envy of others, but 10 days later everyone will get used to it. I can fund a charity, find vaccine for cancer and build a hospital - only for an angry mob 200 years later to turn up and pull down my statues and re-name everything that I created because the cancer pill is of a wrong colour. I can have children and a loving wife - only for the children to face the horrors of this world, watch the history and environment being destroyed before their own eyes, being subjects to street violence and face all the other challenges a person can face.

 

For my whole life I've been living with my mother who has a narcissistic personality disorder. If you don't know what this is then noone can explain it to you. It's a living hell that you are unable to escape. You are not allowed to have feelings, friends or possessions. The times you take food or go to sleep are tightly controlled - you may end up having only 1 meal at 2am, because you were forced to eat instead of going to bed regardless of how tired you were. You are under constant monitoring - generally, you are not allowed to leave the house, and if you do then you must report on your location every 15 minutes by text, e-mail or a phone call. Naturally, whatever you do you still get shouted at, abused, spat at, charged at with knives, pulled by your hair - you name it.

 

I am not very clear what defined suicide thoughts, but the first documented time when I wished I was dead was when I was 12 - so probably I thought about this a few years earlier. I should make it clear - I don't want to die. Dying is sad and painful. I just want to be dead. Around the same age I started self harming - it helped a lot. Imagine being screamed at with the most derogatory and disgusting words and not being able to escape, the mental pain of it s unbearable. The only way out is to run away, hide under the heavy table where she can't reach you, get the blade out of your pencil sharpener and to make sure that the physical pain overcomes your emotional pain- it was extremely helpful to me at that time to be able to shift my focus on something other then the screaming and the emotional abuse.

 

As a result of 30+ years of this nightmare I have developed cPTSD and social anxiety. I've accepted the fact that I will never be able to experience things that the normal people get to experience, and even if my mother dies before I do I might still not be able to fully recover. I can get back to being normal fairly quickly when she isn't around, but some things have engraved so hard into my brain that I know I won't be able to overcome them. After being abused and betrayed by the only person who is supposed to unconditionally love you I can not trust people. I'm not paranoid, but I know that everyone is out to get me and do me harm. No one has my interests in their mind despite of what they say.

 

Because of my limited social exposure and the constant monitoring of my movements I never had many friends - in young age the friends were selected for me, when I became older and more independent it was made nearly impossible for me to befriend other people, although I tried. Regardless, as of last year I only had a girlfriend and a best mate - I wouldn't be able to have any more people. I had a real life that I saw, I had a second life that they saw, I made up a third life that I told my mother, and then I had a four back up made up life in case she spotted a hole in my lies, so that I could quickly switch to a back up:. Let's say I finished working at 5:30 and went for a walk with a friend for an hour afterwards:

- Where have you been? You must have been f*cking that whore, weren't you? That whore that gave you AIDS? Strip naked right now, I will inspect your body!

- Oh, I stayed late at work, we had a big project to finish.

- Why are your shoes wet? You went f*cking swimming, didn't you? You swam in sea? Remember how that man drowned, he was murdered, and so will be you!

- Oh, I popped into the shop to get a tooth floss after work. There's a new shop that's opened nearby.

- Idiot! We have tooth floss at home! Wasting money!

 

That's what my every day before the lockdown has been like more or less. My first thought every morning when I opened my eyes and every night when I went to bed was "I wish I was dead". Every day, and it's not an exaggeration.

 

Last year a few people I knew have died, good people, it had quite an effect on me - they were all under the 65 years of age. I wasn't close with them, but I liked bumping into them every now and then and follow them on facebook to see the funny stories or nice photos that they post. I suddenly realised that it that there is really no reason for me to live any more - not that there was much before, but at least it was worth getting up in the morning to see that wonderful photo of the stormy sea at sunrise. I chucked away a good part of my possessions - old notes from the Uni and school, scraps of paper - they had a lot of sentimental value to me. Then I moved to slightly larger items - they too had a lot of sentimental value to me, but I sold them cheaply on eBay - at least they'll be with someone who loves them. I finally competed GTA 5. All I have left are the essentials like clothes, tools and a small shelf of books etc. I wiped all of my social media accounts except FB - where I deleted all of my content for the past 14 years. I suppose in a way - if I die I just want to be ready for it.

 

I had to split up with my girlfriend last year - it was no longer possible for us to keep things going due to the constant restrictions. And after the lockdown started my friend has died (the coroner can't complete the report due to the lockdown that only finished this week, so I don't even know the reason), so all of a sudden I realised that I was all alone. It did get me down a few times, but every day is just a day of nothingness. It's all just a long blur. I had a fairly bad few days when these idiots started their "anti-slavery" protests - I was absolutely enraged, as if I needed something else to add to my misery. I would give anything to have been born a slave back in a day then live my current life, and these fools are trying to convince me it was bad! I have overcome it a bit now, luckily the media is no longer interested in the protests now that Johnny Depp is in court.

 

It has actually been better for me since the start of the lockdown - I wasn't allowed to leave the house (that's about 3.5 months), and leaving my room would pretty much guarantee a screaming session in about 50% of the time, so I've been confined to my bedroom doing nothing. The plus side of this is that I get little shouted at, I get decent uninterrupted sleep and more exercise, and it's worth having only 1 or 2 meals a day and living for weeks with no milk or bread.

I suppose I'll just carry on hoping that one day me or my mother will die and finally my nightmare will end. It's just a shame that until that happens I have to sit through the hundreds of equally pointless and empty days.

 

If you think you have depression then the best advice I can give you is go into laboutherapy. Literally, get a physical job or volunteer (at your age you probably want a job though), and work-work-work until you literally wear yourself out. It does you good, regardless how difficult it is to get out of the bed in the morning. I know that EU bans you from working more than 48 hours a week, but if you can get some extra hours for the under the table cash pay or something then working 60-72 hours a week won't leave you much time to think about the depression. You don't have to do it of course, even if you can dig up a garden or something will make you feel much better, but it depends how bad your depression is. It will also give you the necessary amount of money to have a good start in the adult life.

 

Also, the employees don't care if you have a University degree or not. They want experience. You can land a pretty good job even without a degree, you'll just have to be very convincing. Having a degree makes it easier though, but in all honesty it doesn't matter what University, what subject or what grade (sciences are more useful though).

 

Life is pointless as far as I am concerned, but if you are not super keen on suicide then get yourself a decent job, get a car, get yourself a small house with a large garden in the countryside and just exist. It's boring, but you can grow vegetables and visit places, and maybe that will help you find your call later in life.

 

Oh, and if you do get to the point where you want to commit the suicide then try and not do it right away - I'm not going to try and talk you out of it completely, because as someone who understands the pain I can see the idiocy of trying to do it. Usually suicide is a way of escaping a certain issue in life, so I would advise that you stop when you are seconds away from doing it and make a note in your calendar. Then in 365 days you come back and think if you still want to kill yourself or if things have improved. You tend to think about a lot of things while dying, so at least if you postpone it you won't regret any missed opportunities and will be able to look back with a clearer mind.

Edited by Lioshenka
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Utopianthumbs

I don't know if I would call it depression but ever since high school I have had what I would call a severe lack of motivation. I don't have that drive to do well in life or to do anything productive at all. Sometimes I think of starting something worthwhile but it will take me just the next day sometimes for me to lose my resolve and quit. Maybe I'm just extremely lazy and sometimes I think I need a real kick up the backside but though I do want to change or at least I think to myself I do, in a way I'm scared of changing too. I went to a counsellor before for this issue plus that I began to isolate myself from my peers, but when we got to the seeking for solutions part I got afraid or resistant to implementing it and I just stopped going. 

 

I really envy people who aren't content with settling for average and have the drive to make the most of their lives. It's an attitude I admire but it doesn't go beyond admiration for me unfortunately cause for whatever reason I cannot find the drive to do something with my life. I am extremely fortunate though to have a strong support group in my family whom to be frank I'm leeching off but they have supported me unconditionally without making me feel guilty or anything like that though they've obviously been saddened by this yet have tried to help me the best they can

 

I have 'tried' to shake myself off of it but I find myself unable to muster that motivation at all. Again from what I've heard or read about depression I don't think I suffer from it, I think it's more a matter of me being extremely lazy and scared of leaving my comfort zone but this attitude + me distancing myself from my peers ever since high school has led some to suspect I suffer from it. The distancing myself has never bothered me though, only the demotivation thing has kind of ended up with me self destructing somewhat. 

 

I still have time on my side I think so it's not too late for change. One of the reasons I'm posting this is so that I can come back to this few years later maybe and see if I've made any progress from now (I could maintain a journal but can't be motivated to maintain one either) . Or I may get embarassed and just edit this entire post later idk, we'll see

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JON22

Think I've got it now thanks to this coronavirus bullsh*t. My way of coping is saying china preceded by the word f*ck. It's their fault I have to waste money buying gloves and masks, which say 'made in china' on the packets. Only positive is I've saved quite a bit of money as I'm just buying essentials and hate touching money now in less I'm wearing gloves and it's in a plastic bag.

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Candy_Licker
11 hours ago, JON22 said:

Think I've got it now thanks to this coronavirus bullsh*t. My way of coping is saying china preceded by the word f*ck. It's their fault I have to waste money buying gloves and masks, which say 'made in china' on the packets. Only positive is I've saved quite a bit of money as I'm just buying essentials and hate touching money now in less I'm wearing gloves and it's in a plastic bag.

Do you have pre-existing conditions risk factors? Sorry that I don't remember I only recall that you work in a cleaning job from the corona-thread.

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JON22
1 hour ago, Candy_Licker said:

Do you have pre-existing conditions risk factors? Sorry that I don't remember I only recall that you work in a cleaning job from the corona-thread.

Don't really know. I have asthma but it's mild, but I'm back to using an inhaler because I've been a bit wheezy and sometimes can't yawn but I think that's down to stress because of coronavirus going around. I'm not taking any chances as it's killed healthy people with no pre-existing conditions. I'm ocd when it comes to washing my hands anyway.

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Lioshenka
Posted (edited)
19 hours ago, Utopianthumbs said:

I really envy people who aren't content with settling for average and have the drive to make the most of their lives.

But why though?

 

From what you described you seem to have turned nihilist, like I have, and the way I see it is as long as a person has a shelter and food it doesn't matter what he achieved in life, because what's the point? I mean, other people skydive, but I don't enjoy it anyway. They may have a million dollar car, but in the end it's just a mode of transport just like an old Mini. Whatever impact they make on the world will be forgotten or potentially erased fairly soon, but they won't see it anyway because they'll die eventually.

 

Just because you don't find joy or reason in all these things doesn't mean your life style is wrong. Maybe it's them who are wrong because they are pursuing all these things because they are desperate to find a reason in life?

 

There's an old joke that goes like this: an explorer goes to Africa, sees a black tribe man lying under the palm tree and eating a banana. The explorer says to him:

- You lack the motivation and the strategic thinking. What you should do is climb that tree, get more bananas and sell them. Get more bananas, earn more money and buy a lorry to expand your customer base. Earn more money, hire people who will climb the trees for you and deliver the bananas to other customers. All you'll have to do them is lie under a palm tree.

And the tribe man says:

- Well, ain't this what I'm doing already?

 

1 hour ago, JON22 said:

I'm not taking any chances as it's killed healthy people with no pre-existing conditions.

But why does it bother you? I am seriously curious.

 

I used to worry about this when I was little, but the way I see it we all are going to die anyway, at least this way you die naturally of a decease. I still would follow the precautions when I'll be allowed to leave the house, but if I get the decease then that's my destiny. 5 years after we die noone is going to remember us anyway, unless you are a politician who has committed massive atrocities. I've seen some people going completely nuts of the idea of dying, and I just don't get it - especially the older people who don't have that much to live anyway.

Edited by Lioshenka
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Utopianthumbs
24 minutes ago, Lioshenka said:

But why though?

 

From what you described you seem to have turned nihilist, like I have, and the way I see it is as long as a person has a shelter and food it doesn't matter what he achieved in life, because what's the point? I mean, other people skydive, but I don't enjoy it anyway. They may have a million dollar car, but in the end it's just a mode of transport just like an old Mini. Whatever impact they make on the world will be forgotten or potentially erased fairly soon, but they won't see it anyway because they'll die eventually.

 

Just because you don't find joy or reason in all these things doesn't mean your life style is wrong. Maybe it's them who are wrong because they are pursuing all these things because they are desperate to find a reason in life?

 

There's an old joke that goes like this: an explorer goes to Africa, sees a black tribe man lying under the palm tree and eating a banana. The explorer says to him:

- You lack the motivation and the strategic thinking. What you should do is climb that tree, get more bananas and sell them. Get more bananas, earn more money and buy a lorry to expand your customer base. Earn more money, hire people who will climb the trees for you and deliver the bananas to other customers. All you'll have to do them is lie under a palm tree.

And the tribe man says:

- Well, ain't this what I'm doing already?

I don't know if I can answer this satisfactorily but I'll try my best

 

Thing is, I'm scared of leaving my comfort zone but at the same time I kind of feel like I want to,too.I don't think I'm a nihilist though I have a very pessimistic/cynical world view but frankly, I'm finding living life like a pessimistic coward(this only refers to me) extremely tiring and even unfair somewhat. I don't want to die with what ifs and regrets that I didn't push myself to see what I'm capable of but at the same time I can't bring myself to push myself that way, it's like I'd rather think that oh I could have been someone if I really tried than actually make the effort and find out I never amounted to much after all. Sometimes it's not even that fear, I just feel I don't have that energy or drive to do something to live a better life, I find myself often wallowing in self pity in these moments. So I really envy those who have that drive and aren't afraid to take those risks to live out their dreams cause in a way I want to do it too but beyond wanting I can't bring myself to do it. 

 

Though then your point comes as to why try at all? Why does it even matter? I kind of think this way too,  your point that a sports car and an old mini, ultimately they both serve the same purpose , I have thought that way too so it hit home for me. Well these things may not matter in the long run and ultimately everyones legacy gets eroded by time. I can see that. In a sense I live that way too, I've never been that ambitious like for example in school my classmates would list out their dreams and aspirations but my wish was just to have permanent holidays lol. And now I'm sort of living that wish though not out of success, and honestly I find it extremely unsatisfying. I know it may not ultimately matter but at the same time I want to be happy, I want to find meaning, even if it doesn't matter I want to enrich my life and the lives of those around me(big wish considering I'm doing the exact opposite lol).  Why do I want that? I don't precisely know but what I do know is living the way I am now is not satisfying at all. I'd like to stress that I am not saying anyone who chooses to live a life that just meets their basic needs is wrong, that's also admirable in fact but even that doesn't apply to me since the shelter and food I have isn't even due to my efforts but my family's, and also merely existing the way I am now makes me feel insignificant and I really hate that, I know you may think why does it matter but living this way sucks for me, needing some reason to live may be pointless ultimately but I'm actually one of those who wishes for something like that cause I find it preferable to this, but when it comes to taking action I can't be bothered, I only like to philosophize like this but whether out of fear or lack of energy I keep failing trying to achieve something. 

 

 

I'm sure I didn't do a good job trying to convey my point to you lol, you're probably thinking what even is he saying? Just that I once wished to just be left alone to myself but now that I mostly have it, I find it very unsatisfactory and though I want to change I find myself unable to like I said. So that's why I envy those who don't settle and try to achieve something in life, it may not ultimately matter but living the mundane way I am is tiring for me(though not tiring enough to do something about it,it seems)so I envy those who actually can find meaning and take action in life cause I can't, I don't know why I can't do it if I wish to change that much but though I'm frustrated with living like this, it's also comforting in a way and it's a real struggle to bring myself out of that zone, beyond wishing for it I can't motivate myself to make it happen though I'd like too cause at the risk of repeating myself it's preferable to the way I am now. 

 

If I didn't make any sense I really apologize lol, I tend to ramble a lot without saying my substance properly. Hope I did manage to explain my pov somewhat even if it may have been unsatisfactory. 

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NileshKumar

Lazy enough to read the whole answer just above ^^

 

I never had depression just sadness for 3-4 days before sh*t gets back to normal

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