[Forum Game] The Bloopers Thread

[EkaSwede]

Spoiler

Johnny Klebitz Joined the PAYDAY Gang prior to "Mr Philips"

 

*Trevor has finished killing Johnny and is screaming at his corpse as a blue van pulls up. 4 heisters in nice suits wearing clown masks enter and look down at the fallen biker*

 

Trevor: No! Not clowns!

 

Houston: Get the f*ck up!

 

Johnny: *stands up fully healed of all injuries* Thanks, man! I knew I could count on you clowns to help a fellow heister out!"

 

Trevor: What the- who are these clowns?

 

Johnny: *gestures to the four heisters, Dallas, Chains, Wolf and Houston* This here's the PAYDAY gang. The lost branched out and we're business partner, pulling off all kinds of heists a motherf*cker like you could only dream of achieving! Dependable sons of bitches! *fist bumps Dallas*

 

Dallas: Right on! You need a Medic Bag?

 

Johnny: Nah, I'm good. It's gonna take more than a motherf*cker's badly written boot to take me out.

 

Trevor: Wh-what kind of heists? You stealing circuses?

 

Houston: What are you talking about? We've robbed banks, cartels, mercenaries all kinds of stuff! And not just any banks, we're talking about biggest banks in DC that hasn't been robbed for hundreds of years! Took one heck of a drill to get that done!

 

Chains: Broke dick piece of sh*t drill kept breakin, though

 

Houston: We've stolen gold, cooked 2.9 million dollar meth, stolen all kinds of weapons, thermobaric bombs, antiques, art, nukes, goats-

 

Trevor: *raises eyebrow* Goats?

 

Dallas: *smacks Houston on the back of his head* I thought we agreed to never talk about that!

 

Johnny: Yeah, baby boy Trevor bitch here probably can't even rob a bank or even get shot at, I guess!

 

Trevor: You shut the f*ck up you meth slave biker bitch

 

Johnny: You see, I wasn't actually taking the meth, I sampled it to the PAYDAY gang and they said it was the worst meth they've seen for a while

 

Chains: Yeah, what the hell you put in that sh*t? It's all about the Muriatic Acid, Caustic Soda and Hydrogen Chloride. anyone knows that.

 

Trevor: That's... not hos it works

 

Wolf: It is now, and guess what, we're taking over your operation here

 

Dallas: you sure? San Andreas doesn't really seem lucrative if you ask me in the long run. e've got a casino to rob in Vegas.

 

Trevor: Over my dead body!

 

Houston: *Brandishes a wad of cash* Donacdum *slaps Trevor with the wad of cash whihc instantly kills him because Houston had 16 Bloodthirst stacks and Berserker active*

 

Johnny: How's you like that, bitch?

 

Ashley: Johnny I-

 

Johnny: WHY DO YOU EXIST?

 

[CynicalMexican]

Spoiler

Ryder: Chicken man, I don't want no chicken.

 

Sweet: Nah nigga, let's stay in and order some food, let's call this place up it's called the Krusty Krab, get the hood rats and chill.

 

Big Smoke: looks intensely disappointed 

 

*phone rings at the Krusty Krab*

 

Squidward: Hello, speaking to industrialist induced depression, how make I take your order?

 

Big Smoke: Ayy, I'll take 10 Krabby Patty meals, give us two buckets of chicken tenders, a big cake, and a large pizza.

 

Squidward: Sir, are you ordering for a school?

 

Big Smoke: Nah, we ordering for the homes!

 

Squidward: *sigh* That'll be 200$ sir, where will this be delivered?

 

Big Smoke: 423 Grove Street

 

Squidward: Uggghh, we'll have your order delivered soon.

 

(Hangs up)

 

SpongeBob: I listened to the order, I've got it all ready in the car.

 

Squidward: Mr. Krabs do we really have to go out to Eastern Los Santos? The last time we delivered there some Vagos members gave me some bad weed.

 

Mr Krabs: No excuses! I don't care how late it is! That's my money there!

 

[psxdriverplayer]

Spoiler

Title: Watching them wheels

 

Type: Custom scenario

 

 

Transcript:

 

[Cartel owns a certain kind of shop]

 

[Claude gets to the interior]

 

[Cartel members inside notice Claude and approach him]

 

Cartel member says "Welcome to the shop."

 

Claude says "What you got in here?"

 

Cartel member says "Watch the wheels, gringo. This shop has the finest wheel in this town!"

 

[Claude goes to first person to watch them wheels, after a while he makes the selection]

 

Claude says "Give me that one on the wall there."

 

[Wheel is taken down]

 

[Claude buys it, goes out and applies it to his car since some asshat caused a wheel to go bad]

 

[H-G]

Sorry for the bump, but...

Spoiler

Title: A Date With Outtakes

Type: Ruined existing GTA scene

 

Transcript:

 

[Toni goes to Toshiko's apartment. Take #1]

Toni: "Anyone home?"

Big Smoke: [appears out of nowhere] "YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE FOOL!"

 

[bonk]

 

[TV static]

 

[Toni goes to Toshiko's apartment. Take #2]

Toni: "Anyone home?"

Kazuki: [exits bedroom] "Nice underwear, Cipriani." [Toni is suddenly wearing just his underwear while Kazuki pulls out a Katana from God-knows-where] "I'm going to enjoy thrusting my sword into you!" [evil and freeze-frame.]

 

Me: "Y'know what? F*ck Take-Two!" (get it?)

 

[TV static]

 

[Toni goes to Toshiko's apartment. Take #3]

Toni: "Anyone home?" [no answer, cricket chirping sounds are heard] "Fine." [leaves.]

Toshiko: [offscreen] "Wait! Mr. Cipriani!"

 

[TV static]

 

[Toni is outside the apartment building with Toshiko. Take #1]

Toshiko: "あなたが私の車を持って来るなら、私たちはあなたのタキシードを集めることができます。"

Toni: [after very long pause] "wat?"

 

[TV static]

 

[Toni is outside the apartment building with Toshiko. Take #2]

Toshiko: "If you bling my cal alound we can correct youl tuxedo." (tf is up with her dialect?)

Toni: "Correct it? Why? Is it torn up or something-" [gets run over by Kazuki's roofless Yakuza Stinger.]

 

Kazuki: "Oops." []

 

[TV static]

 

[Toni is outside the apartment building with Toshiko. Take #3]

Toshiko: "If you bring my car around we- Y'know what? I quit!"

Me: "Oh yeah?! Go star in Lionel Starkweather's 'movies' then!"

 

[TV static]

 

[Toni is driving Toshiko to the opera in a black Stretch. Take #1]

Toshiko: "I am a very retarded wife, Mr. Toni. I can't cook, do laundry, wash dishes or iron clothes. In fact, I can't even do basic housekeeping! My husband does everything on his own."

Toni: [looking like a chauffeur for some reason] "What the hell he keeps you around for then anyway?"

 

Toshiko: [tries to think (she doesn't have a brain, mind you) and shrugs] "IDK man, I'm missing a photoshoot for this." [all of a sudden Timothy Gibbs in Max Payne's outfit falls onto Toshiko's limo, crippling it to junkyard scrap] "WATASHI NO KURUMA!!!"

 

[TV static]

 

[Toni enters the Mr. Benz clothing store in Bedford Point, leaving Toshiko's limo parked outside. Take #1]

Leslie Benzies (shop owner): [heavy Scottish accent] "Hallo sire, wat can me help ye oot wit'?"

Toni: "I'll have two number-nines, a number-nine large..." [Toshiko facepalms.]

 

[TV static]

 

[Toni enters the Mr. Benz clothing store in Bedford Point, leaving Toshiko's limo parked outside. Take #2]

Random shop owner (bigger production values = variations!!1!!!1!1!!one+shift!): "Yes?"

Toni: "Gimme uh-" [sees a designer underwear] "That one!" [takes off everything in the middle of the crowded store and puts on the underwear] "Ah, better." [leaves.]

Toshiko: [sees Toni] "That's it, I quit!" [jumps onto the driver seat and drives off.]

 

Toni: "What the hell?! Hey wait, Toshiko!" [Kazuki, who was walking by Toni, hears what he said.]

Kazuki: [getting gradually angrier] "What the f-" [insert "To be continued..." meme.]

Edited September 15, 2021 by H-G

[JetNormalGuy]

Spoiler

Title : Nothing personal...

Type : Ruined existing GTA Scene

 

CJ burns down a Vagos member filled building with molotovs

 

He hears Denise screaming out the window for help.

 

CJ rushes in the building, risks his life, turns off the fires and gets to Denise's room.

 

Denise : OH THANK YOU SO MUCH I THOUGHT I WAS TOAST- OH MY GOD WHAT THE FU-

 

CJ tosses another molotov making sure she don't get out of this alive

 

CJ : Nothing personal bitch, I ain't risking jail time for getting ID'd when commiting arson, sh*t gonna get me in for life.

 

[sabitsuki]

Title: Bedtime

Type: Ruined GTA Mission

Mission: End of Chapter, TLAD

 

Spoiler

Johnny: ...Billy's a one-way SOB an' he don't give a sh*t about the brothers!

 

Brian: No, uh-uh!

 

Johnny: You think he'd stick his neck out for you, you're dumber than I thought!

 

Brian: (in a mocking tone) "You're dumber than I thought! You're dumber than I thought!" I knew you'd say that, I just KNEW you'd say that! You're so predictable, Johnny little Dick-o-witz!

 

Jim: Wah, what a baby!

 

Johnny: Yeah, and your babysitter, Billy, is on the inside now, so it's bedtime for you, motherf*cker!

 

Brian: Wha-what? No, it c-c-can't be!

 

Johnny: Yeah, silly ol' Billy ain't comin' back for you, you little weasel! Now get the f*ck outta-, what the f*ck is wrong with you, man?

 

(Brian starts breaking down and curls up in a fetal position. He starts sucking his thumb as the other Lost members, including his own faction, watch in disgust.)

 

Brian: B-b-billy's gone! H-he's gone! I don't wanna go to bed!

 

Jim: Oh great, there you go again. I told you this was a bad idea, Johnny. 

 

Johnny: (quietly) Dude, this is pathetic. I knew Brian was a pussy an' all, but c'mon man.

 

Jim: Now you know why we have a special room set up on the second floor for this sorta thing. He's got personal issues.

 

Johnny: I think personal is just puttin' it real f*ckin' lightly, James. Christ, I knew this was bound to happen sometime, but right now? I'd be f*cked sideways, dude.

 

Terry: Aw sh*t, he's pissin' himself now! F*ck we gonna do, Johnny?

 

(A puddle forms around Brian as he continues sobbing like an infant.)

 

Brian: J-j-johnny the jew....

 

Johnny: Somebody set up the crib and hand him the rattle, I'll get the bottle and diapers from the clubhouse.  We got a code yellow in here, brothers.

 

Edited September 17, 2021 by sabitsuki

[wise_man]

Title: I appreciate your move, Michael.

Type: Alternate scenario

Spoiler

[Michael and Franklin were having tense argument with Martin, his goons, and his mistress, Natalia.

 

Martin: Now, Michael [grabbed a baseball bat] I've got a question for you. Did you pull an architecturally, significant, and modernist wonder home down the hillside in Vinewood hills?

Michael: I thought the owner was banging my wife. 

Martin: Well that was a strange house for a tennis coach.

Michael: I terribly apologize, I wasn't thinking straight.

Martin: No, you do

Michael: What?

 

[Martin hugged Michael]

 

Martin: At last a reason to finally get rid of this petit b*tch, Natalia. Now she can go f*ck herself away from me and my wife.

Natalia: WHAT?

 

[Natalia walked toward Martin, but he slapped her]

 

Martin: I have see the light! I shall declare that I'll be a good husband today! I afraid that soon, me, you, and Patricia will stuck in the same situation. Lesson finds everywhere, right?

 

[Martin handed the bat to Michael]

 

Martin: Now give her an example of what happen when you sh*t on Madrazo's lawn.

Edited September 28, 2021 by wise_man

[Carbonox]

Spoiler

Title: Vice City's Beginning: The Starter Save Edition

Type: Ruined Vice City scene

 

[Vice Beach, outside Ken's office. A white Admiral pulls up on the alleyway.]

 

Ken: I poke my head out of the gutter for one freakin' second and fate shovels sh*t in my face!

Tommy: Go get some sleep.

Ken: What are you gonna do?

Tommy: I'll drop by your office in a few months and we can start sorting this mess out.

 

[Ken runs off to get his sleep while Tommy spends week after week collecting tiki statues, massacring gang members and completing emergency vehicle jobs to drive that lovely percentage up.]

 

[ChumCrumpet]

Spoiler

Title: Big Smoked
Type: Ruined San Andreas scene

 

Vinewood Cemetery - Sweet, CJ, Big Smoke and Ryder are walking to their cars. A purple low-rider speeds around the corner.

 

Ryder: Ballas! Drive-by! Incoming!

 

The balls shoot at the four Grove Street members, blowing up Big Smokes car and killing the four instantly. Credits Roll.

 

 

[JetNormalGuy]

Spoiler

Title: Unfortunate turn of events

Type: Ruined existing scene

 

CJ learns about what happened to his mother and books a flight back to Los Santos. As he is waiting for his flight he goes to the toilet and leaves his suitcase behind, when he comes back, he picks up an identical suitcase belonging to a Cartel member which includes : 3 Hawaiian shirts despite living in f*cking Liberty City, an M16, a Chainsaw for a gringo, 12 bags of weed, a Kilo of coke, 3 Bombs, a used condom, and a bloodstained machete.

 

CJ is stopped by the Airport security and is incarcerated for attempted terrorist attack, possesion of drugs and stupid shirts and is now awaiting trial, its probably gonna be the death penalty.

 

[AlexGTAGamer]

Spoiler

Title: The Cousins Beleaguered 
Type: Ruined existing scene 

Niko steps off of the Platypus, scans his surroundings, and sighs whilst awaiting the arrival of his cousin at the East Hook Docks.

 

Just then the camera follows an Albany taxi as it speeds towards the side of the Platypus. 

 

A Schafter is being offloaded from the ship by a crane, but a chain breaks and causes the car to come crashing down, right in front of the speeding taxi. 

 

Roman at the wheel, swerves sharply to avoid colliding with the wrecked car, but inadvertently runs over Niko. 

 

Roman brings the taxi to a stop, as Niko’s body lies motionless on the ground. 

 

Roman: “f*cking terrorists.”

*Credits roll* 

 

Trophy unlocked: Did you steal your license?

 
 

Spoiler

Title: The Cockroach Chronicles
Type: Ruined existing scene 

 

Niko and Roman walk into Roman’s Hove Beach “mansion”.

 

Roman: “Come in , come in. Make yourself at home. What’s mine is yours.”

 

Roman spots a cockroach scurry across the floor in front of him and rushes to step on it. 

 

However, the cockroach refuses to be squashed. 

 

Roman: “Come on…you little…bastard.”

 

Just then the cockroach manages to grip ahold of Roman’s shoe and pulls him to the ground.

 

Roman: “Argh!”

 

Niko: “Roman!”

 

Now on the floor, the cockroach scurries up to Roman’s face and begins to speak in a high-pitched Vlad-esq voice. 

Cockroach: “f*cking yokel. You think you can get away with this killing me?”

Roman: “N-no-“

 

Cockroach: “Because I refuse to pay you rent? Is that it?”

 

Roman: “I-I’m sorry-“

 

Cockroach: “You have a lot to be sorry for yokel. I’m going out now, but I will be having some ladies around later for a little party. So I want this place cleaned before I get back. Understood?”

Roman: “Yes I understand.”

 

Cockroach: “Good”. 

 

The roach scurries to the door, but stops short and faces towards Niko.

 

Cockroach: “And what are you staring at? I’ll burst one of your eyeballs. Flabby Roman, this guy’s giving me the creeps.”

 

Roman: “That’s my cousin. He’s new here.”

 

Cockroach: “I can see that. Did he walk here from 1985?”

 

Niko: “Yeah.”

 

Cockroach: “Excellent. Now stop f*cking staring. I mean I know I’m good looking and everything, but come on.”

 

The roach scurries out of the apartment, leaving the cousins to process what has just happened. 

 

Roman: “Great guy.”

Niko: “This country is strange. Too strange for me.

*Picks up suitcase*

I’m going home. Goodbye cousin. Try not to get beat-up by any more cockroaches.”

 

Fancied doing two different ruined scenes for the same mission. 

[H-G]

Spoiler

Title: Betraying the Betrayers

Type: Ruined existing GTA scene

 

Transcript:

 

[Catalina, a Colombian guy and Claude bust out of the back of Liberty City Bank and run thru the alleyway to meet Miguel at the end of the alley in a Banshee.]

[As Catalina and the Colombian guy round the corner, Catalina shoots the guy with her pistol, takes his pistol for dual-wielding and aims at the corner.]

 

[Claude never comes. Catalina and Miguel both freeze in static positions.]

[Catalina is stuck pointing her two pistols at the corner while Miguel is stuck looking backwards in the alleyway from inside the car.]

 

[An hour passes by. Both are still inanimate, and there's no sign of Claude. Another hour goes by, then another, and another, and ANOTHER.]

[Eventually a whole day passes by, then a week, then a month and then a whole year.]

 

[Sun shines, clouds gather, it rains, it gets foggy, it snows. Seasons change, years change, centuries change, but Claude never shows up.]

[A couple of cops sitting in a cop car parked across the street from the bank finally decide to notice Catalina and Miguel and call for backup.]

 

[The police arrive and arrest them both, each of them gets 300 years in prison.]

[Legends say that to this day, even though they're dead now yet their corpses still incarcerated, they're still waiting for Claude to show up...]

Edited March 12 by H-G

[psxdriverplayer]

Spoiler

Title: Get back here

Type: Original kek

 

Transcript:

 

[Tommy drives over a pedestrian]

 

[A cop notices]

 

[Tommy gets one star]

 

Cop: "Hey, get back here!"

 

[Tommy goes back there]

 

Cop: "You forgot to pickup the money"

 

Tommy: "Thank you"

 

[Tommy picks moneys]

 

[Tommy continues with his day]

[psxdriverplayer]

Spoiler

Title: What hardware we got?

Type: GTAForums original series kek

 

Transcript:

 

[Package arrives to Vercetti Gnag [sic]]

 

[Package is opened and examined by Vercetti Gnag [sic] members]

 

Vercetti Gang member: "What hardware we got?"

 

Another Vercetti Gang member: "Well let's see here. There's this processor which is INTEL Core I5-4690 3,5GHz LGA1150 6m cache Haswell Refresh CP and is quad-core with a Manufacturer Approved™ fan, this motherboard which is ASUS H97M-E, the case which happens to be ZALMAN Z3 Plus Midi Tower USB3.0 Window with Case Manufacturer Approved™ fans, the power unit which is CHIEFTEC PSU 500W ATX2.3 80+ BULK, this memory which is Corsair XMS3 memory module 8GB kit 1600MHz9-9-9-27 1, this hard drive which is ADATA SX900 256GB SSD 2,5inch SATA III, this graphics card which is ASUS GTX750TI-OC-2GD5 2048MB GDDR5 2x DVI HDMI VGA, this here DVD drive which is ASUS DRW-24F1ST/BLK/B/AS, this display which is ASUS VE247H 23,6inch 16:9 TFT LED 1920x1080 anti glare VGA DVI HDMI, this here keyboard which is LOGITECH K120 BUSINESS AMERICAN, this here mouse which is Logitech Wireless Mouse M510 and finally, this Colt Python."

 

[Vercetti Gnag installs everything in order to make some more businesses to grow their territory]

 

LOPPU - THE END - DER ENDE - FINE - VÉGE - 終わり

 

 

 

(NOTE: For those wondering, specs mentioned over there in fact were them personal PC specs of the author of this post when he got his beefy computer in 2015 - in which he installed Windows XP right there and then - and while some specs have changed (mainly some fans and the power unit once after it fukken exploded), that general build is also used to write this post.)

[H-G]

10 minutes ago, psxdriverplayer said:

Title: What hardware we got?

Type: GTAForums original series kek

 

...

LMAO

 

"She's always givin' me a hard time!" when?

[psxdriverplayer]

23 hours ago, H-G said:

LMAO

 

"She's always givin' me a hard time!" when?

Perhaps if I can think of something amusing.

 

Anyways...

Spoiler

Title: You know I've been loyal!

Type: GTAForums original series kek

 

Transcript:

 

[Tommy arrives after getting a word that there's something going on at the Vercetti Gnag [sic]]

 

Tommy: "What's the problem?"

 

[Vercetti Gnag [sic] member shows a history of one of the internet browsers]

 

Vercetti Gang member #1: "See what someone has been doing here."

 

[Tommy grabs a Vercetti Gnag member]

 

Vercetti Gang member #2: "Hey, watch the suit, man!"

 

Vercetti Gang member #3: "You know I've been loyal!"

 

[Another Vercetti Gnag member walk in]

 

Vercetti Gang member #4: "What's going on?"

 

[A few more Vercetti Gnag peoples get in and realize the situation with der PC]

 

Vercetti Gang member #5 (to #7): "You better tell him, Mario."

 

Vercetti Gang member #6 (to #7): "YOU DID WHAT?"

 

Tommy: "Alright, what is this?"

 

Vercetti Gang member #7: "You see, I found this one great site for getting some fancy and great supplies for us. It's been working fine so far for us."

 

Tommy: "Makes sense. Remember, you break it, you bought it. Understand?

 

LOPPU - THE END - DER ENDE - FINE - VÉGE - 終わり

 

[JetNormalGuy]

On 2/10/2022 at 8:56 PM, psxdriverplayer said:

  Reveal hidden contents

Title: What hardware we got?

Type: GTAForums original series kek

 

Transcript:

 

[Package arrives to Vercetti Gnag [sic]]

 

[Package is opened and examined by Vercetti Gnag [sic] members]

 

Vercetti Gang member: "What hardware we got?"

 

Another Vercetti Gang member: "Well let's see here. There's this processor which is INTEL Core I5-4690 3,5GHz LGA1150 6m cache Haswell Refresh CP and is quad-core with a Manufacturer Approved™ fan, this motherboard which is ASUS H97M-E, the case which happens to be ZALMAN Z3 Plus Midi Tower USB3.0 Window with Case Manufacturer Approved™ fans, the power unit which is CHIEFTEC PSU 500W ATX2.3 80+ BULK, this memory which is Corsair XMS3 memory module 8GB kit 1600MHz9-9-9-27 1, this hard drive which is ADATA SX900 256GB SSD 2,5inch SATA III, this graphics card which is ASUS GTX750TI-OC-2GD5 2048MB GDDR5 2x DVI HDMI VGA, this here DVD drive which is ASUS DRW-24F1ST/BLK/B/AS, this display which is ASUS VE247H 23,6inch 16:9 TFT LED 1920x1080 anti glare VGA DVI HDMI, this here keyboard which is LOGITECH K120 BUSINESS AMERICAN, this here mouse which is Logitech Wireless Mouse M510 and finally, this Colt Python."

 

[Vercetti Gnag installs everything in order to make some more businesses to grow their territory]

 

LOPPU - THE END - DER ENDE - FINE - VÉGE - 終わり

 

 

 

(NOTE: For those wondering, specs mentioned over there in fact were them personal PC specs of the author of this post when he got his beefy computer in 2015 - in which he installed Windows XP right there and then - and while some specs have changed (mainly some fans and the power unit once after it fukken exploded), that general build is also used to write this post.)

Vercetii gang is preparing themselves for the an epic LAN party.

[H-G]

21 hours ago, psxdriverplayer said:

Perhaps if I can think of something amusing.

 

Anyways...

  Reveal hidden contents

Title: You know I've been loyal!

Type: GTAForums original series kek

 

Transcript:

 

[Tommy arrives after getting a word that there's something going on at the Vercetti Gnag [sic]]

 

Tommy: "What's the problem?"

 

[Vercetti Gnag [sic] member shows a history of one of the internet browsers]

 

Vercetti Gang member #1: "See what someone has been doing here."

 

[Tommy grabs a Vercetti Gnag member]

 

Vercetti Gang member #2: "Hey, watch the suit, man!"

 

Vercetti Gang member #3: "You know I've been loyal!"

 

[Another Vercetti Gnag member walk in]

 

Vercetti Gang member #4: "What's going on?"

 

[A few more Vercetti Gnag peoples get in and realize the situation with der PC]

 

Vercetti Gang member #5 (to #7): "You better tell him, Mario."

 

Vercetti Gang member #6 (to #7): "YOU DID WHAT?"

 

Tommy: "Alright, what is this?"

 

Vercetti Gang member #7: "You see, I found this one great site for getting some fancy and great supplies for us. It's been working fine so far for us."

 

Tommy: "Makes sense. Remember, you break it, you bought it. Understand?

 

LOPPU - THE END - DER ENDE - FINE - VÉGE - 終わり

 

This apparently makes sense because the internet was invented in '83, a whole three years before the events of VC.

[Carbonox]

Spoiler

Title: CJ Handles Disappointment... Like a Saint!

Type: Ruined San Andreas scene

 

[CJ has just found out the Verdant Meadows costs $80k and not 1 buck like Toreno promised. Because he's been a bad boy with his spending habits, he can't even come close to affording that, so he starts cruising around the desert in frustration.]

 

CJ: $80k? What the f*ck?

*pause*

CJ: No, what the actual f*ck?

*pause*

CJ: What the actual goddamn f*ck?

*pause*

CJ: What the actual goddamn motherf*cking goddamn F*CK!

*pause*

CJ: Crap.

*pause*

CJ: Crap, crap, crap.

*pause*

CJ: Crap, crap, sh*t-crap, goddamn, f*cking sh*t, crap crap son-of-a-bitch, ass-wipe, piss-wipe, crap crap, crapping crap!

 

[psxdriverplayer]

Topkek-y blooperoni roit here

Spoiler

Title: Vercetti Gnag member reacts to Definitive Edition

Type: GTAForums original series kek

 

Transcript:

 

[Sees a nieuw Vercetti Gnag model]

 

"These shoes are new!"

 

ZE END

[JetNormalGuy]

 

On 8/26/2022 at 2:25 PM, Carbonox said:

  Reveal hidden contents

Title: CJ Handles Disappointment... Like a Saint!

Type: Ruined San Andreas scene

 

[CJ has just found out the Verdant Meadows costs $80k and not 1 buck like Toreno promised. Because he's been a bad boy with his spending habits, he can't even come close to affording that, so he starts cruising around the desert in frustration.]

 

CJ: $80k? What the f*ck?

*pause*

CJ: No, what the actual f*ck?

*pause*

CJ: What the actual goddamn f*ck?

*pause*

CJ: What the actual goddamn motherf*cking goddamn F*CK!

*pause*

CJ: Crap.

*pause*

CJ: Crap, crap, crap.

*pause*

CJ: Crap, crap, sh*t-crap, goddamn, f*cking sh*t, crap crap son-of-a-bitch, ass-wipe, piss-wipe, crap crap, crapping crap!

 

You forgot the part where he talks about horse balls

Edited August 28 by JetNormalGuy

[Evil empire]

Spoiler

Title: Big Smoke and CJ in the house

Type: Ruined GTA scene

Transcript:

 

CJ who is back in Grove Street after his 5 years exile enters the house.

Big Smoke arrives visible angry with a baseball bat in his hands:

-You picked the right house fool!

CJ: -I picked the white house?

Smoke: -You're not even in Washington fool!

CJ: -But a house doesn't have to be in Washington to be white dumbass!

Smoke: -Not false.

CJ: -And if I picked a white house using a Washington what would you have said?

Smoke: -I don't even know if it's feasible.

CJ: -Me either.

Smoke: So did you ask the question?

CJ: -By curiosity.

Smoke[facepalms]: -Oh CJ you are really desperating! Anyway I said you picked the right house because you should have taken the left house.

CJ: -So I'm in Ryder house? How come he isn't here?

Smoke: -He graduated to commander and left for Andromeda thanks to the mass effect.

CJ [with a huge WTF expression]: -Ryder left his girlfriend for Andromache? But isn't she from the greek mythology?

Smoke[facepalms]: -I said Andromeda ; the galaxy fool!

CJ [whose face goes red with shame]: -Oh damn, I shouldn't have slept so much at school.

Smoke: -That's for sure.

CJ: -By the way do you play baseball?

Smoke: -No, you?

CJ: -Me either since one day I saw a guy enter a laundry in Chinatown with a baseballbat then leave running with 2 triad guys trying to shoot him. By the way do you have an idea to lose weight?

Smoke: -Not really why?

CJ: -You can learn to run as fastly as Tommy Vercetti and try to follow the damn train.

Smoke: -Not bad but first let's go eating in the burger shot. I'm so hungry I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese and a large soda.

CJ [astonished]: -How do you do to eat all this?

Smoke: - Thanks to the same thing that gives your weapons infinite ammo.

CJ: -But I didn't reach the 100%.

Smoke: -I doesn't matter because I already reached the 100% fatness.

CJ: -Fascinating, and by the way glad to see you back pal!

 

Edited August 30 by Evil empire