Lengthy Car Reviews

[Im_The_Rhymer]

Bravado Gauntlet Classic Review - Wake Up Tanner

If you’re a fan of old school muscle cars like I am, you’d be hard pressed to find any you don’t like in GTA Online: there’s the dependable Dukes, so dependable in fact, you don’t have to put a spoiler on it. Something that can’t be said about the Vamos and it’s mostly fun but sometimes frustrating tipping problem. And then there’s the Tulip, so unique in the fact that two of your friends can watch from the back as a hooker blows you. If you’re more into movies, vehicles such as the Ellie and the Imperator paying homage to Gone in 60 Seconds and Mad Max can tickle that V8 funny bone, as the latter is also one of the fastest land vehicles in the game.

That brings us to today’s release; the Gauntlet Classic. And with it comes the all important question: what unique feature does it bring to the table? As with any vehicle, there’s some good sides; it looks phenomenal - any fan of the Chrysler E platform will be wetting themselves more than a hormonal teenager. The looks continue inside where wood is molded with a speedometer that you can actually see in first person. The customization is outstanding, being able to transform the car (somewhat) from a Challenger to a Cuda with a few bumpers and grilles was a nice touch. And finally working butterfly valves! Only took until the Arena War update Rockstar. Then there’s the noise. When you start this thing, any german car will begin limping away, as this car sounds like a p-51 mustang. And unlike the mustangs in this game, you can pull off a half decent wheelie and stop before you hit the pedestrians with the car’s above average brakes.

That’s the last time I’ll use the phrase “above average” in this review. In a drag race, the Gauntlet gets uttery spanked by the likes of the Vamos and the Impaler, not to mention having the same top speed as the Blade with half the acceleration. The handling is also somewhat confusing; one moment having perfect traction, the next having entry understeer, and the next spinning out faster than you can say “dripfeed.” An Imperator killer she is not.

Nor is she a car that fills a niche. The Arena Impaler for instance is terrible over bumps, but you can forgive that because it’s a great car for the arena war mode where flat dirt can take advantage of it’s 0.7 offroad traction loss. The Hotring Sabre, while having awful AHF, is the only car you can use in a nascar style race, so there’s no point in complaining about it. If Rockstar made more specific class choices for races or made a dedicated adversary mode for the vehicle, I could let the performance slide, but alas.

Finally, she’s not exactly the most iconic car. Now don’t get me wrong, I love Vanishing Point and Driver San Francisco to death - I even made mine look like

Tanner’s car - but are they iconic over Gone in 60 Seconds, Death Race, or Mad Max? Even Death Proof’s Challenger is overshadowed by the Nova in that film, something the Vamos has another upper hand on.

If you were reading this for a recommendation of the car, this is probably where you’d click off and refuse to buy it. And I’m gonna reel you back in and tell you this is the most fun car I’ve driven in the game. Why? Well, it’s complicated...

Back during the Arena War update, I bought the Imperator because of how much I loved Mad Max. When I found the option to name the car, I of course named it after my girlfriend at the time. A month later, she cheated on me and I sold the car.

Big whoop. It’s a virtual car, who cares? Well I did. And I became obsessed in real life and in the game with trying to find a replacement. I tried the arena war cars, old favourites like the dominator, bizarre alternatives like the hustler, all to no avail. Eventually I accepted defeat. That’s when I bought a new game. Well, not a new one, I had played it twice and I figured it was time to revisit it; the aforementioned Driver San Francisco.

It hit me: that game was my childhood. It was still alive in me, just dormant. I was taking down Jericho with as much enthusiasm as 12 year old me had the first time I played it. The relationship wasn’t my childhood, my childhood was my childhood. That Challenger was me, and that was how I needed to get back into GTA.

Today I got into a 5 star cop chase and went off road the entire time in this big muscle car. I haven’t had that much fun since the game came out almost 6 years ago. She has so much character that the stats and performance don’t tell you, and I’m enjoying every second of it.

Let me put it to you this way: to me, other muscle cars in GTA Online are like active underwear; very functional and great performers. The Gauntlet Classic, on the other hand, is the most extravagant lingerie.

 

Edited August 9, 2019 by Im_The_Rhymer
Colour

[Scottiedog123]

Oh look out your gonna end up getting called a virgin, and your life questioned for writing stories..

[HamwithCheese]

This could be a spoof of motortrend and motor week, totally on board. I should write really, needlessly long pieces about interior ergonomics and storage space lol

[IceDree]

1 hour ago, HamwithCheese said:

This could be a spoof of motortrend and motor week, totally on board. I should write really, needlessly long pieces about interior ergonomics and storage space lol

I could've sworn we had a thread like that.

 

I might have to do some necrobumping, brb lol.

3 hours ago, Scottiedog123 said:

Oh look out your gonna end up getting called a virgin, and your life questioned for writing stories..

Hahaha especially with that last line.

 

6 hours ago, Im_The_Rhymer said:

The Gauntlet Classic, on the other hand, is the most extravagant lingerie.

 

[IceDree]

 

@HamwithCheese Found them! Here are couple of magazine issues by @frapplatte!

 

 

 

Dude went above and beyond, check out the PDFs he made, quality work.

 

[ddarko12]

Lmao I'm good at this kinda sh*t. I should cook up a review myself

[Yellow Dog with Cone]

While not exactly car reviews per se, I really enjoy @Willy A. Jeep's posts "in character" in the vehicles section, complete with lore friendly references and stuff like that.