CEO Assistant Appreciation Thread

[SummerFreeze]

Also, YES, I would give her shares, BUT I don't actually run a company...

 

I work for SecuroServ. They let me call myself "CEO" as some sort of joke. I'm about as self-employed as an Uber driver.

 

Actually, come to think of it, I am just an armed Uber driver, who delivers cars and crates instead of passengers.

[saintsrow]

32 minutes ago, SummerFreeze said:

Also, YES, I would give her shares, BUT I don't actually run a company...

 

I work for SecuroServ. They let me call myself "CEO" as some sort of joke. I'm about as self-employed as an Uber driver.

 

Actually, come to think of it, I am just an armed Uber driver, who delivers cars and crates instead of passengers.

GTA Online has almost come full circle, both in terms of real world UberEats, and in terms of GTA 3D Universe Vice City and San Andreas -- next DLC, we'll be delivering pizzas on a Faggio Pizza Boy, with a session full of griefers trying to take us out with Hydras, DeLuxos, and Orbital Cannons.  

[kcole4001]

59 minutes ago, SummerFreeze said:

Also, YES, I would give her shares, BUT I don't actually run a company...

 

I work for SecuroServ. They let me call myself "CEO" as some sort of joke. I'm about as self-employed as an Uber driver.

 

Actually, come to think of it, I am just an armed Uber driver, who delivers cars and crates instead of passengers.

This is very true.

And by shares I think she means snacks...

 

Now folks, we haven't had an snaps of our dear assistant with  the two degrees, gotta keep on topic...

 

 

She reminds me of someone I used to work with a little.

And just think of the millions I've made from her missions (crates and I/E).

 

=========================================================================================================================

 

16 hours ago, Natsuki said:

Oh, come on... This is getting ridiculous.

 

 

That is really the whole point  

 

Edited August 9, 2019 by kcole4001

[Yellow Dog with Cone]

When the CEO Assistant said:

 

 

I really felt that.

 

[Rumblebud]

Since my office has a "Vintage" interior design, I often see my assistant wears some pretty sexy outfits matching it.

 

Of course I would have pictures about now; but I hired a male assistant for a change, don't really feel like spending extra just for a few pics though. 

[Cackling Jack]

She has free snacks but for some reason I still go to the stores and buy them. Most underrated female character in online. 

[kcole4001]

17 hours ago, CanadianMuscle said:

Since my office has a "Vintage" interior design, I often see my assistant wears some pretty sexy outfits matching it.

 

Of course I would have pictures about now; but I hired a male assistant for a change, don't really feel like spending extra just for a few pics though. 

Note to self: got to try this to see if there's a difference (unless I'm already using the 'vintage' interior, can't remember). 

[HamwithCheese]

There is a difference. She even has a different hair style.

[Rez090]

Only thing I don't like about the assistant is she gets underpaid, her daily fee is only $300. She should at least get $500, maybe more, for how helpful she is.

[Kyoto]

You dudes do realize she's the one who sends a heads up to the cartel, the cops, the triads, and the bikers whenever you do Special Cargo or I/E work, right? That's why her computer always reads "Dear sirs".

 

Don't let the free snacks and personal vehicle requests fool you. She's plotting your downfall.

 

But I do appreciate the phone calls about rare items right when I'm about to sign out.

[Standard Deluxe 59]

14 minutes ago, Rez090 said:

Only thing I don't like about the assistant is she gets underpaid, her daily fee is only $300. She should at least get $500, maybe more, for how helpful she is.

I'm sorry but what? Assuming she works five days a week she makes $78,000 per year for doing little more than filing her nails. I think she's over paid because she really doesn't do too much. She gets $800 bonus whenever I need her to get an impounded car for me. I mean she charges $1,000 and it's only $200 to get the car so clearly she's pocketing the rest. 

[Rumblebud]

On 8/7/2019 at 11:34 PM, Taterman said:

She's a snack

[kcole4001]

3 hours ago, HamwithCheese said:

There is a difference. She even has a different hair style.

Indeed there is!

 

Proof, if it was needed:

 

$760,000 worth of proof!

I guess it's money well spent...or it is:....money...well, spent!?! 

She never smiles, though...

[Aghakhi]

9 minutes ago, kcole4001 said:

She never smiles, though...

She's a very professional lady, you see. Takes her job seriously and all, I mean we've all heard how mad she can get at the phone already  Now that's some dedication to a well done job!

 

I guess that all these ambushes is because 95% of the playerbase dress themselves like clowns, have no sense of subtlety or stealth, and ride around in the most impossibly flashy vehicles in LS. Not being able to track such creatures down is too much even for the most retarded of the NPCs.

 

Unfortunately, there's nothing the Assistant can do about that. And the remaining 5% who takes immersion with any sort of seriousness get screwed up too because Rockstar doesn't give a crap and didn't put a basic system of cause and consequence in the game.

 

Now, the same can't be said about any other business contacts. The f*ckers personally send messages selling you out. I can't remember right now of the Assistant sending a message telling you the wreck a special cargo or I/E delivery of other players. If I remember correctly, it's just the game itself prompting you to do so.

 

I might be wrong, please someone correct me if so

[Angry Akula]

2 hours ago, Standard Deluxe 59 said:

I'm sorry but what? Assuming she works five days a week she makes $78,000 per year for doing little more than filing her nails. I think she's over paid because she really doesn't do too much. She gets $800 bonus whenever I need her to get an impounded car for me. I mean she charges $1,000 and it's only $200 to get the car so clearly she's pocketing the rest. 

In GTA's economy that'll barely get you a fancy dress...

[REXX]

Haven't checked much of forums as I just got back from holiday, but I found the time to do this

 

 

I'm actually kinda' annoyed Online characters never got this.

[NegativeVector]

 

Had a game glitch a long time ago that would make the assistant show up standing instead of seated at the desk

 

 

Even caught her checking me out lol!

 

[kcole4001]

On 8/17/2019 at 4:50 PM, REXX said:

Haven't checked much of forums as I just got back from holiday, but I found the time to do this

 

 

I'm actually kinda' annoyed Online characters never got this.

Nice!

[SuicideRider]

On 8/17/2019 at 3:50 PM, REXX said:

Haven't checked much of forums as I just got back from holiday, but I found the time to do this

 

 

I'm actually kinda' annoyed Online characters never got this.

She is a pretty pile of pixels.

[KazzMajol]

too damn funny.  

[Yellow Dog with Cone]

On 8/9/2019 at 7:16 PM, kcole4001 said:

Indeed there is!

 

Proof, if it was needed:

 

$760,000 worth of proof!

I guess it's money well spent...or it is:....money...well, spent!?! 

She never smiles, though...

I wish we could choose between both the Office look and the Assistant's look instead of the latter being tied to the former.

[Rumblebud]

Why does she want shares of my company given to her? If she wants in, she's gotta invest the $300 I pay her every day into company shares herself.

Actually, according to my calculations, she works a full 24-hour cycle, $300 per day means I pay her slightly below what minimum wage is throughout Canada.

 

So, it's pretty safe to say she works a pretty sh*tty job, either that or i'm a cheap asshole.

[HamwithCheese]

I'm really disappointed they never made npcs more "lively". Like, instead of the assistant just sitting at the desk, why couldn't they have her, idk walk around, sort files, anything. And if you came by when she's busy, there would be a phone at her desk to call her.

[saintsrow]

On 8/9/2019 at 5:37 PM, Aghakhi said:

She's a very professional lady, you see. Takes her job seriously and all, I mean we've all heard how mad she can get at the phone already  Now that's some dedication to a well done job!

 

I guess that all these ambushes is because 95% of the playerbase dress themselves like clowns, have no sense of subtlety or stealth, and ride around in the most impossibly flashy vehicles in LS. Not being able to track such creatures down is too much even for the most retarded of the NPCs.

 

Unfortunately, there's nothing the Assistant can do about that. And the remaining 5% who takes immersion with any sort of seriousness get screwed up too because Rockstar doesn't give a crap and didn't put a basic system of cause and consequence in the game.

 

Now, the same can't be said about any other business contacts. The f*ckers personally send messages selling you out. I can't remember right now of the Assistant sending a message telling you the wreck a special cargo or I/E delivery of other players. If I remember correctly, it's just the game itself prompting you to do so.

 

I might be wrong, please someone correct me if so

 

 There are many insightful observations here. 

 

One of the deepest is about the lack of "cause or consequence."  This characteristic is a flaw in all games.  The reason I like the GTA series is that overall, it seems less "gamelike" than most games, which completely abandon continuity, context, cause and logic for the sake of immediate game mechanics.  But GTA Online still has a long way to go, and the trend is in the wrong direction - toward simple repetitive, isolated mechanical actions, and away from the virtual world immersion which could make it even greater.  Spot-on observation. 

 

 

When I read this "... because 95% of the playerbase dress themselves like clowns, have no sense of subtlety or stealth, and ride around in the most impossibly flashy vehicles in LS," it completely hit me that this is the way women view men in the real world, and justifiably so. The population of men consists of 95% clowns and 5% good humans (or similarly, men are clowns, jerks, fools and slobs 95% of the time, and decent people only 5% of the time).   The GTA Online demographic is a totally accurate reflection of this reality.    There's probably a PhD thesis waiting to be written about this self-identification phenomenon.

 

 

Beautiful post.  

 

Edited August 21, 2019 by saintsrow

[Aghakhi]

15 hours ago, CanadianMuscle said:

Actually, according to my calculations, she works a full 24-hour cycle, $300 per day means I pay her slightly below what minimum wage is throughout Canada.

Well I'm not disputing your calculations, but personally I never thought that she actually works a 24-hours cycle. I always thought that the 24-hour availability was just for the sake of gameplay convenience. I mean just imagine having to do your cargo or I\E work within a specific time frame of the day  So, in my imagination she's mostly there during the time I'm grinding CEO stuff, which isn't that frequent these days anyway. At times of no activity, her shifts are way shorter and she just takes care of what's necessary to keep things up and running for when we come back.

 

Spoiler

So, I was thinking while writing this post, and it came to me that perhaps SecuroServ pays her some kind of bonus for our repeated success rates. A healthy bonus in my case, as I, for being rather paranoid and overly careful, have a 100% sell success rate across both I\E and Special Cargo. That means somewhere around 40 warehouse sales and over 550 vehicle sales, quite a lot for me actually haha  Given that she doesn't seems take anything from our money-filled mess of a office (how I wish we were able to clean that up, by the way), I like to think that she's getting a pretty nice efficiency, or whatever it could be, bonus.

 

Or perhaps she takes some, but is smart enough to only get what we won't miss But that money in the office could also be fake though, since we deal with counterfeit cash too as part of special cargo. Both ideas clash with each other in my mind, vying for my GTAO headcannon  I've been more inclined to the fake cash idea recently, makes sense too. Anyone has thoughts about what's actually that cash all over the office? 

 

@REXX I gotta give you props for your skills, and your good-hearted use for them  More funny stuff like this never hurts I'd say

 

[SummerFreeze]

On 8/10/2019 at 2:16 AM, kcole4001 said:

$760,000 worth of proof!

I guess it's money well spent...or it is:....money...well, spent!?! 

She never smiles, though...

You can preview office interiors for free.

 

2 hours ago, Aghakhi said:

Well I'm not disputing your calculations, but personally I never thought that she actually works a 24-hours cycle. I always thought that the 24-hour availability was just for the sake of gameplay convenience.

I try to minimize buying property upgrades that bring in new NPCs because I dislike the idea of them being at work 24/7 in-game.

 

That's why I don't have dancers in my nightclub and a spa in my penthouse. I wouldn't have bought the bar either but I wanted those arcade games.

Edited August 21, 2019 by SummerFreeze

[saintsrow]

On 8/8/2019 at 1:15 AM, Amy Vinewood said:

"Are you sure you need more snacks?"

 

I gotta say, thinking back to The Ballad of Gay Tony, Luis got a lot more than snacks from Joni, the Maisonette 9 office manager.  Now there was an assistant with benefits.  

 

 

GTA Online dropped the ball in this regard. 

 

[kcole4001]

On 8/22/2019 at 2:54 AM, saintsrow said:

 

.......

 

 

GTA Online dropped the ball in this regard. 

 

Without meaning ANY double-entendre (seriously!), they dropped so very many balls.....

[gtafan26]

My assistant and Ms Baker and me chilling on my yacht, yeah, that would be a good day in LS for me.

[Rumblebud]

The way they make dating in IV, and hookups in V; I would have thought they'd make booty calls here for more... "significant" connections.

 

But, that's wishful thinking.