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GTA One Liners

Recommended Posts


"Life is complicated. I've killed people, smuggled people, sold people perhaps here things will be different". When I heard Niko ushering those words for the first time I knew GTA IV was going to be special.:inlove:


Some honourable mentions.


- Tommy: "I've got to dress up like a chump as well as hang out with them? I like this shirt".

- Michael: "Why did I move here? I guess it was the weather".

- Cluckin' Bell employee GTA IV "Cluckity f*ck what's up?".

- Niko to Andre: "Maybe your dad likes it up the ass? What do you want me to say?".

-Niko to Brucie: "Be careful man. I've heard that stuff does funny things to your balls".

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"See you around Carl like a donut"

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"DRAGON SAUSAGE!" -- Snakehead

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El Penguin Bobo

"This is boolsh*t!" -Niko Bellic


"Nama, go f*ck yourself."-Micheal De Santa


"This sh*thole is supposed to be my home?" -Toni Cipriani

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The Eddo
Posted (edited)

"You picked the wrong house, fool!" - Big Smoke


"Toe-to-toe, fool!" - CJ, when attacking peds with fists


"Fat fool's got a gun!" - CJ, when fat and a aiming at a ped with a gun


"People in high-school aren't chilly and all NAKED!" - Barry Stark, during the "Morality" episode of Pressing Issues on VCPR

Edited by The Eddo

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Posted (edited)

Grand Theft Auto: VI | Conceptual Dialogue


The following are conceptual quotes that I conjured up for Rockstar Games’ forthcoming accolade, Grand Theft Auto: VI. They are not one-liners, but more of something much deeper than one-liners, centralized around the visibility of children/teenagers, schools, and realistic scenarios. Some of the dialogue is off-the-cuff, whilst the other dialogue gravitates to the comical, confrontational, controversial, meaningful, and sexual/erotic side of the spectrum. 🙂


I cannot wait to see what dialogue the Creative Department has conjured up for the next installment. 


Male Carcer City police officer: ‘Chiraq PD! Drop everything you got, or we’ll bring everything your *ick can’t handle!’


Male Carcer City police officer: ‘Chicago one time! Get dah *uck on the ground and try to act like you respect us badges!’


Male Pedestrian 1: ‘Well..., at least that’s one less *sshole for society and one less liability for taxpayers. I could be next though, ‘coz the corporate life is like sucking the *ick of my worst nightmare!’


Da’Rell Remier: ’I swear humans are reversing backwards!’  


Male Bank Robber 1: ‘Good morning, fellow townsperson. I’ve been nickled down to my last dime, the economy *issed itself and minimum wage can blow me. Long story short: gimme the *uckin’ cash!’


Male Bank Robber 2: ‘Relax; it’s okay, this is a gun-free zone. You’re gonna be just fine. I mean, I’m gonna kill you anyway, but you lived a meaningful life of *hit, right!’


Male Pedestrian 2: ‘Loudmouthed, big nose with a big *ick, comin’ through! ‘Hey, least Jesus got somethin’ right about me!’ 


Male Serial Killer 1: ‘Paper or plastic, miss?’


Male Serial Killer 2: ‘C’mon-c’mon-c’mon! *uckin’ die already! I’m behind schedule!’


Male Serial Killer 3: ‘Hello, I’m Dex and I’m gonna be your murderer, today. Let’s get started.’


18-year-old Male Burger Shot Drive Thru Operator: ‘Welcome to Burger Shot! How can I make your *ss or love handles fatter, today?


15-year-old Male Cluckin’ Bell Drive Thru Operator: ‘Cluck-cluck, this job *uckin’ sucks. What you havin’?’


18-year-old female Bank Robber: ‘Hey. I’mma materialistic, bad *itch with a gun. Wanna’ open that register for me?’


20-year-old male: ‘Ayee, shawty. How can a *iggah get at dat umbrella?’


Male Employee 1: ‘Finish this 9-to-5 or go covert with that secretary who can make my 12-gauge cry. Yep, easy choice. Work life.’


Female Pedestrian 1: ‘This relationship died right after he spit those vows. If only I had a hitman on a speed dial.’


Female Protagonist variation 1: ‘Don’t *uck me, over, Mr. White Night, or I’ll cut right through your bulls*it disguise with an insult or a bullet!’


Female Protagonist variation 2:  ‘Don’t mistake my looks as a weakness to give your ego a hard on.’


Female Protagonist variation 3: ‘The name’s Ms. Independent; not pet names, k?’


Female Protagonist variation 4: ‘I creeped up a few car lengths in back of you... and I saw the fireworks. I heard the agony of that little girl bleeding through some good vibes in my car. Sad thing is... this is our reality.’


Son 1:’ You. Have. A. Severe drinking problem, dad! When the *uck are you gonna’ see it! You’re killing your life self slowly! Is it gonna’ take a hospital bed to set you straight? You’re an asset to this family and I can’t take care of these two beautiful woman (mother and sister) alone! Don’t you die on me!’    


Colt Austin: ‘Lemme tell you something, right now. I lost the ability to give a *uck at a young age ‘coz I lost everything. The two people that gave me a chance at a legacy were wiped away by cannon blasts. My blood was trapped in a coma. Today..., still I stammer and tremble, staggering around as my reality tries to wraps it head around just what the *uck happened. Now I ask you: is that enough of a justification not to give this world and people another chance? Maybe it isn’t. But both are toxic.’


Husband 1: ‘Beer me, suck my *ick and don’t asking anything more of this relationship. Blame my hardships.’


Female Pedestrian 2: ‘That’s a really clever marketing campaign, you have going for you. So, what you are saying is that you had a lot of 15-second girlfriends when you were 16 years old? Congratulations, you just won the dumb*ss of the year award.’


18-year-old Female: ‘On my way to *uck your dad; you can watch!’


Male Pedestrian 4: ‘Dude, I’m not tryna’ start ‘ish with you or nothin’, but that horse’s ass is legit better lookin’ than your girl’s. Just sayin’.’ 


Giovanni ‘Gino’ Luego variation 1: ‘If you’re soft and got glass bones... you ain’t gonna make it. Period.


Male Mobster 2: ‘The mob life can go two ways, kid: with ya teeth swimmin’ in blood ‘coz of a misdeed, or by profiting with the right approach.’


Male Pedestrian 5: ‘Lick my nuts, my balls and my hairy cock, baby!’


21-year-old Female: ‘Gotta say that opening my legs in front of computer has really helped me much more than opening a book ever has, hahaha!’  


Male Pedestrian 6: ‘I bet the *ussy could do business for the right price.’


TJ Marchione: ‘Yo, apple-bottom, *ss! I’mean... Ms. Jones, can I go empty mah *ick, please?’


Loretta Jones: ‘Boy, you better clean up yo’ lingo ‘for you step back in mah classroom!’


TJ Marchione: *itch, why don’t you go *uck yo’ self and yo’ saggy *ussy even Donald Love wouldn’t eat.’


Loretta Jones: ‘Oh hell naw! *iggah, you bettah learn some decorum, *iggah, or I’mma show ‘yo punk *ss the black version of Jackie Chan, you understand me, *iggah?’


TJ Marchione: ‘’Aight, damn, girl. Turn ‘dem lips off. Duh ones next yo face cheeks. I ain’t tryna’ check tho’ otha’ ones.’ 


Loretta Jones: ‘Learn up, *iggah; I’ll  beat the thug right out you!’


NOTHING Producer Larry Benson: ‘Hey HardOn Games... I’m 150 million short. Pay up. By the way, tell your new game that Larry’s Scottish *ss says *uck you.’ 

Edited by XXVIII
I had to convert the post to plain text.

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OH, I had these on my sig before they changed the format of the website


Tommy: Why did you get in this business ya prick? For the pussy thats why...

Tommy: Look its easy, haven't you ever seen a movie. We walk into the bank, wave the gun around, and leave very rich men...

Tommy: Dumb Florida Moron...

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3 hours ago, XXVIII said:


You already posted it a different subforum (where it actually belongs).

And I think the pedestrian quotes are somewhat too long and wordy to be effective.

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Posted (edited)




Edited by Mattineu

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The Eddo



Claude: [remains silent.]




Lance: "It's time for the Lance Vance Dance!"




Big Smoke: "Coughio, up el weedo, before I blow your brains all over the patio!"




Johnny: "Of course we've got a plan. We snatch this guy, deliver him to some other guys, then we pat ourselves on the back for doing a great job."

Edited by The Eddo

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"You forget a thousand things every day, make sure this is one of 'em"

- you know who.



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"You want the chainsaw, gringo?"

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