GTA One Liners

[Algonquin Assassin]

"Life is complicated. I've killed people, smuggled people, sold people perhaps here things will be different". When I heard Niko ushering those words for the first time I knew GTA IV was going to be special.

 

Some honourable mentions.

 

- Tommy: "I've got to dress up like a chump as well as hang out with them? I like this shirt".

- Michael: "Why did I move here? I guess it was the weather".

- Cluckin' Bell employee GTA IV "Cluckity f*ck what's up?".

- Niko to Andre: "Maybe your dad likes it up the ass? What do you want me to say?".

-Niko to Brucie: "Be careful man. I've heard that stuff does funny things to your balls".

[LittleJesus]

"See you around Carl like a donut"

[CryptReaperDorian]

"DRAGON SAUSAGE!" -- Snakehead

[El Penguin Bobo]

"This is boolsh*t!" -Niko Bellic

 

"Nama, go f*ck yourself."-Micheal De Santa

 

"This sh*thole is supposed to be my home?" -Toni Cipriani

[H-G]

"You picked the wrong house, fool!" - Big Smoke

 

"Toe-to-toe, fool!" - CJ, when attacking peds with fists

 

"Fat fool's got a gun!" - CJ, when fat and a aiming at a ped with a gun

 

"People in high-school aren't chilly and all NAKED!" - Barry Stark, during the "Morality" episode of Pressing Issues on VCPR

Edited August 11, 2019 by The Eddo

[XXVIII]

Grand Theft Auto: VI | Conceptual Dialogue

 

The following are conceptual quotes that I conjured up for Rockstar Games’ forthcoming accolade, Grand Theft Auto: VI. They are not one-liners, but more of something much deeper than one-liners, centralized around the visibility of children/teenagers, schools, and realistic scenarios. Some of the dialogue is off-the-cuff, whilst the other dialogue gravitates to the comical, confrontational, controversial, meaningful, and sexual/erotic side of the spectrum. 

 

I cannot wait to see what dialogue the Creative Department has conjured up for the next installment. 

 

Male Carcer City police officer: ‘Chiraq PD! Drop everything you got, or we’ll bring everything your *ick can’t handle!’

 

Male Carcer City police officer: ‘Chicago one time! Get dah *uck on the ground and try to act like you respect us badges!’

 

Male Pedestrian 1: ‘Well..., at least that’s one less *sshole for society and one less liability for taxpayers. I could be next though, ‘coz the corporate life is like sucking the *ick of my worst nightmare!’

 

Da’Rell Remier: ’I swear humans are reversing backwards!’  

 

Male Bank Robber 1: ‘Good morning, fellow townsperson. I’ve been nickled down to my last dime, the economy *issed itself and minimum wage can blow me. Long story short: gimme the *uckin’ cash!’

 

Male Bank Robber 2: ‘Relax; it’s okay, this is a gun-free zone. You’re gonna be just fine. I mean, I’m gonna kill you anyway, but you lived a meaningful life of *hit, right!’

 

Male Pedestrian 2: ‘Loudmouthed, big nose with a big *ick, comin’ through! ‘Hey, least Jesus got somethin’ right about me!’ 

 

Male Serial Killer 1: ‘Paper or plastic, miss?’

 

Male Serial Killer 2: ‘C’mon-c’mon-c’mon! *uckin’ die already! I’m behind schedule!’

 

Male Serial Killer 3: ‘Hello, I’m Dex and I’m gonna be your murderer, today. Let’s get started.’

 

18-year-old Male Burger Shot Drive Thru Operator: ‘Welcome to Burger Shot! How can I make your *ss or love handles fatter, today?

 

15-year-old Male Cluckin’ Bell Drive Thru Operator: ‘Cluck-cluck, this job *uckin’ sucks. What you havin’?’

 

18-year-old female Bank Robber: ‘Hey. I’mma materialistic, bad *itch with a gun. Wanna’ open that register for me?’

 

20-year-old male: ‘Ayee, shawty. How can a *iggah get at dat umbrella?’

 

Male Employee 1: ‘Finish this 9-to-5 or go covert with that secretary who can make my 12-gauge cry. Yep, easy choice. Work life.’

 

Female Pedestrian 1: ‘This relationship died right after he spit those vows. If only I had a hitman on a speed dial.’

 

Female Protagonist variation 1: ‘Don’t *uck me, over, Mr. White Night, or I’ll cut right through your bulls*it disguise with an insult or a bullet!’

 

Female Protagonist variation 2:  ‘Don’t mistake my looks as a weakness to give your ego a hard on.’

 

Female Protagonist variation 3: ‘The name’s Ms. Independent; not pet names, k?’

 

Female Protagonist variation 4: ‘I creeped up a few car lengths in back of you... and I saw the fireworks. I heard the agony of that little girl bleeding through some good vibes in my car. Sad thing is... this is our reality.’

 

Son 1:’ You. Have. A. Severe drinking problem, dad! When the *uck are you gonna’ see it! You’re killing your life self slowly! Is it gonna’ take a hospital bed to set you straight? You’re an asset to this family and I can’t take care of these two beautiful woman (mother and sister) alone! Don’t you die on me!’    

 

Colt Austin: ‘Lemme tell you something, right now. I lost the ability to give a *uck at a young age ‘coz I lost everything. The two people that gave me a chance at a legacy were wiped away by cannon blasts. My blood was trapped in a coma. Today..., still I stammer and tremble, staggering around as my reality tries to wraps it head around just what the *uck happened. Now I ask you: is that enough of a justification not to give this world and people another chance? Maybe it isn’t. But both are toxic.’

 

Husband 1: ‘Beer me, suck my *ick and don’t asking anything more of this relationship. Blame my hardships.’

 

Female Pedestrian 2: ‘That’s a really clever marketing campaign, you have going for you. So, what you are saying is that you had a lot of 15-second girlfriends when you were 16 years old? Congratulations, you just won the dumb*ss of the year award.’

 

18-year-old Female: ‘On my way to *uck your dad; you can watch!’

 

Male Pedestrian 4: ‘Dude, I’m not tryna’ start ‘ish with you or nothin’, but that horse’s ass is legit better lookin’ than your girl’s. Just sayin’.’ 

 

Giovanni ‘Gino’ Luego variation 1: ‘If you’re soft and got glass bones... you ain’t gonna make it. Period.

 

Male Mobster 2: ‘The mob life can go two ways, kid: with ya teeth swimmin’ in blood ‘coz of a misdeed, or by profiting with the right approach.’

 

Male Pedestrian 5: ‘Lick my nuts, my balls and my hairy cock, baby!’

 

21-year-old Female: ‘Gotta say that opening my legs in front of computer has really helped me much more than opening a book ever has, hahaha!’  

 

Male Pedestrian 6: ‘I bet the *ussy could do business for the right price.’

 

TJ Marchione: ‘Yo, apple-bottom, *ss! I’mean... Ms. Jones, can I go empty mah *ick, please?’

 

Loretta Jones: ‘Boy, you better clean up yo’ lingo ‘for you step back in mah classroom!’

 

TJ Marchione: *itch, why don’t you go *uck yo’ self and yo’ saggy *ussy even Donald Love wouldn’t eat.’

 

Loretta Jones: ‘Oh hell naw! *iggah, you bettah learn some decorum, *iggah, or I’mma show ‘yo punk *ss the black version of Jackie Chan, you understand me, *iggah?’

 

TJ Marchione: ‘’Aight, damn, girl. Turn ‘dem lips off. Duh ones next yo face cheeks. I ain’t tryna’ check tho’ otha’ ones.’ 

 

Loretta Jones: ‘Learn up, *iggah; I’ll  beat the thug right out you!’

 

NOTHING Producer Larry Benson: ‘Hey HardOn Games... I’m 150 million short. Pay up. By the way, tell your new game that Larry’s Scottish *ss says *uck you.’ 

Edited August 16, 2019 by XXVIII
I had to convert the post to plain text.

[ROCKSTAR MANIC]

OH, I had these on my sig before they changed the format of the website

 

Tommy: Why did you get in this business ya prick? For the pussy thats why...

Tommy: Look its easy, haven't you ever seen a movie. We walk into the bank, wave the gun around, and leave very rich men...

Tommy: Dumb Florida Moron...

[Beato_dim]

3 hours ago, XXVIII said:

-snip-

You already posted it a different subforum (where it actually belongs).

And I think the pedestrian quotes are somewhat too long and wordy to be effective.

[Mattineu]

 

 

Edited August 16, 2019 by Mattineu

[H-G]

III:

 

Claude: [remains silent.]

 

VC:

 

Lance: "It's time for the Lance Vance Dance!"

 

SA:

 

Big Smoke: "Coughio, up el weedo, before I blow your brains all over the patio!"

 

TLaD:

 

Johnny: "Of course we've got a plan. We snatch this guy, deliver him to some other guys, then we pat ourselves on the back for doing a great job."

Edited August 23, 2019 by The Eddo

[McAgent]

"You forget a thousand things every day, make sure this is one of 'em"

- you know who.

 

[Yinepi]

"You want the chainsaw, gringo?"

[Sunglasses]

"YOUNG MAN." 

[_GTAFREAK_]

GTA SA is littered with those funny, unforgettable one-liners...

 

Some of my favorites is when Ryder tells to CJ:

 

"Same old CJ. Busta, straight busta!"

"Don't expect me to kiss your ass or nothing. You're still a busta to me."

"Can't stop me!"

"Watch the road motherf*cker!"

"Too many damn weekend soldiers!"

 

Seriously, I love all of those missions from Ryder. I almost felt bad for killing the guy the first time I had to do it...

 

Better yet, here's this one. I'm sure you guys remember it:

 

Big Smoke to CJ: "All you had to do was follow the damn train!"

 

Here's a few more just to get it going:

 

CJ to Cesar: "Does the Pope sh*t in the woods?"

 

CJ to Ken Rosenberg: "Who the f*ck is Tommy?!"

 

Tommy Vercetti during the final mission: "No, I just wanted to piss you off before I kill you"

 

Toni Cipriani at the beginning of the game: "This sh*thole is supposed to be my home?"

Edited August 26, 2019 by _GTAFREAK_

[H-G]

Pizzeria Employee: "Ryder?! Not this again!"

Ryder: "IT AIN'T ME, FOOL!"

Edited August 28, 2019 by The Eddo

[happygrowls]

"i've got a date with a cheese deluxe"

[Guest Billy Russo]

"I was wanking over some fat bird's tits when this twat turned up." - Maccer

[Tao Cheng]

"Tommy Vercetti? Hah! Surgjette! Denjdnvjknadskvjnaskjvmou!!!" - the very first dialogue in Vice City.

[Leone_Son]

[Americana]

My mother's my sister!

 

---

[ChengizVlad09]

Not sure whether these are classic one-liners, but here's some of my favorites, not exactly favorites in exact order.

 

- " I'm getting paranoid Toni. Really f*cking paranoid. Just because I think everyone hates me, doesn't mean they don't. Know what I mean? "

 

Salvatore.

 

- " Smells good. What's cooking? Where's mine? "

 

Officer Frank Tenpenny

 

- " Checks and balances. Nobody is watching anybody watching nobody. You know what I mean? "

 

Mike Toreno

 

- " Shut up. Sit down. Relax. "

 

Tommy Vercetti

 

- " I poke my head out of the gutter for one freakin' second and fate shovels sh*t in my face. "

 

Ken Rosenberg

 

- " I just wanted to piss you off before I killed you. "

 

Tommy Vercetti

 

- " Like it says in the book, we are both blessed and cursed.

- What f*cking book? "

 

Big Smoke and C.J

 

- " You know I'm black, right?

- I'm blind Carl, not stupid. "

 

Woozie to C.J

 

- " Nothing brings (drives) down the real estate prices like a good old fashioned gang war. Apart from an outbreak of plague, but that may be going too far in this case. "

 

Avery Carrington, Donald Love

 

- " That guy could defend an innocent man all the way to death row. "

 

Kent Paul about Ken Rosenberg

 

- " Kid, I'm a hippie, the only thing I've shot is acid.

 

The Truth

 

- " Just like old times, huh Tommy?

- Who the f*ck is Tommy? "

 

Ken Rosenberg to C.J

 

- " Does pope sh*t in the woods? "

 

C.J

Edited September 2, 2019 by ChengizVlad09

[ThirteenAG]

IV gifs are live...

 

[EBEZAplaysgames]

On 9/2/2019 at 8:34 PM, ChengizVlad09 said:

- " You know I'm black, right?

- I'm blind Carl, not stupid. "

 

Woozie to C.J

 

 

Amazed it took so long for someone to put this one. Classic.

[ThirteenAG]

TLAD gifs are now available.

 

[Guest Billy Russo]

More mood swings than your pregnant wife, Emotion 98.3.

[EkaSwede]

"WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'? GIVIN' BIRTH!" - Trenchcoat guy from GTA3. Yep, he's been drinkin' again.

[Eugene H. Krabs]

"Come take a bite of this hot chihuahua meat!"

[Evil empire]

Pilot:There he is, kill him!

Co-Pilot: John, why do I always do the f*cking killing?! Why do I have to do all of the shooting?! 

Pilot: Because I'm a pacifist! Kill him!

 

GTA San Andreas - Helicopter cops

[ThirteenAG]

Added TBOGT gifs, gifs from GTASA The Introduction, and low effort GTAV gifs.

 

 

P.S. There's also a public discord bot, link on top of the website.

Edited September 24, 2019 by ThirteenAG

[Evil empire]

-A lesson in business my friend: if you have a unique commodity the world and his wife will try to wrestle it from your grasp eve if they have little understanding as to its true value.

 

Donald Love in GTA 3