I may have a crush on a co-worker... Not really sure what to do about this

[Leone Family 315]

This ain't my first time having a crush on someone, and of course I've had many girlfriends in the past. (I'm not trying to say that I'm a super experienced guy, just saying that I do have a little bit of that). But it's the first time I've developed a crush in a workplace environment. But first, let me explain the situation.

 

I work in a hardware store which I will not reveal the brand, but it's a company owned by Lowe's. I am officially a cashier, but in practice, since I'm currently the 2nd most experienced in my department and the fact that #1 is a woman, which means she can't do manual labor by store policy, that means I'm the jack-of-all-trades guy, so I also very often work in the lumber yard, the service desk, and as a service clerk. My crush is also a cashier, but she's only been with us for about 6 months as of now. Also to help understand the context, I'm in the french-speaking province of Québec in Canada. SO DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS BASED ON THE WAY I WRITE! English isn't my first language after all. Those who have been in Québec (like actual 100% Québec towns with little to no immigrants like my city) you know that Québec women are by far the most beautiful babe-type of all caucasian women. Well that's also true at my job. If only you saw my coworkers... But of course I'm totally not the kind of person who looks at girls or thinks about sex all the time, I'm just saying that even though I'm not interested in my coworkers and I'm super professional, I'm not blind and thus I can see that they're all really attractive. However, the girl who I have a crush on is probably one of the least attractive of the bunch (but that doesn't make her ugly in ANY way, as I said, I'm comparing her to people who could be models, she's still super super cute). And finally, to finish this introduction, the last piece of context to understand is that I'm 20 years old since May and my crush will turn 18 next month (chill the f*ck out lol, we're only a little over 2 years apart). Now here's the story:

 

When she began to work here about 6 months ago I didn't have any crush on her yet but I still thought she was interesting, nothing more. We didn't really speak a lot because I'm not really the kind of person who starts conversations, that's in part explained by the fact that I have a light case of Asperger syndrom, but as I said, it's only a very small case, no one ever notices for months or years until I tell them, so most people in my life aren't even aware of my condition. But last Tuesday during lunch, we had a pretty deep conversation in the cafeteria and I don't know what the f*ck she did to me, but just by hearing how intelligent and mature and interesting she was, that's what sparked it. It happened that we also had our break at the same time later that afternoon, so we spoke again for the full duration of the break. And it happened again, for EVERY break of the week. I got to admit that in the last days I arranged my breaks to be at the same time than hers, but still, she started to initiate the conversations herself, she would deliberately go sit in front of me when I was the first to arrive in the cafeteria and she put her cellphone away just to have face-to-face conversations with me. It's not that easy to know if it's mutual, she could very well just be super friendly, which she actually is. But I'm not writing this wall of text just to ask if you think this is mutual, this is not what I came for. I'm writing this because I can't stop thinking about her, and it's really really weird for me because she's my coworker and that's the way I viewed her since I met her, it's weird to think of her as a person that I'm falling for. If a possible relationship forms I wouldn't want this to affect my work performance (altough work romance is totally okay where I work at, almost all the bosses are related). Oh and I forgot to mention that I also added her on Facebook earlier this week. I'm trying to resist just going to her Facebook profile and looking at her posts, even though I know there's nothing wrong with this it's like if inside of me I would feel like some sort of stalker, even though I'm only talking about innocently looking at her pictures and posts. She's been on my mind all day every day since Tuesday to the point that I don't have the mood to play video games, and I didn't street race at all this week! (I do it sometimes, this is Québec after all, the heart of TRUE street racing). Anyway, I'm supposed to train her next week to use the cash register in the lumber yard. Yes, I may have arranged a little bit of that. lol. But for now, that's pretty much all that has happened between us.

 

So why am I typing all this sh*t in here? Well first that's because I can't do anything but think of her all day long, so that's a good way to waste some time and fast forward to the next day of work where I will have the chance to speak to her. But it's also because I wanna know what I should do next. No, I'm not a retarded 20-year old virgin who asks how to get the girls on the internet, in fact my last girlfriend was a super good looking emo blonde nymph. Sex was LITERALLY all she wanted and she was obsessively attached to me, those are the main reasons why I broke up with her, I need to be alone from time to time and the fact that her wasn't the brightest didn't help (I'm not trying to bash her, she really was clinically diagnosed with a poor IQ, and we're still good friends to this day). My crush however, is the total opposite. She's super intelligent, a very kind and mature person, the type of girl who doesn't get drunk and doesn't have sex with the whole town. I'm thinking of maybe inviting her to go eat somewhere together for our lunch break, just to have a friendly chat, because I do genuinely enjoy talking to her, but I don't know how she would react. Would that pass as normal or weird? The last thing I want is to creep her out, she's still my coworker after all. sh*t man what should I do? I'm lost. Like totally lost. Lost to the point where I'm asking myself how I ended up writing about this on an internet forum while even NO ONE else knows that I've just developed a crush on her. I feel like half of me is mad in love while the other half has way too much respect for her to even dare give her the dilemma of having to deal with this. I'm lost in my feelings. God help me.

Edited June 23, 2019 by Leone Family
Edited some parts that people clearly didn't understand the right way

[HelloMyNameIsHuman 289]

I will help you:

 

You've put too much thought into this. Coworkers are not good matches. You are a person who needs alone time from time to time, which basically means you need a break. Yet when you work together, where is your break? You need work for your break. Out of work, you will not have time to take breaks because that is your off time.

 

You've written a story in your head about who this person is, even assume she's most probably a virgin. This is a big red flag that you have already ended up far too invested in her, before she even has the chance to explore whether she has feelings for you. Before you even know if she does.

 

You say you're super experienced, a lot of girls, a nympho hot blonde was your last girlfriend. You think she's a virgin. There is a major mismatch there, which is why you notice it.

 

This can all be summed up easily by the coworkers rule. Is it doomed? No. But you need to recognize that what you're doing here in your mind is a symptom of your Asperger's. You've got to step back away from this, emotionally and mentally.

 

That all said, there is no real harm in asking if she wants to hang out. Could be your wife one day, could be a big mistake.

 

Whatever you do, know that it is life. Whatever will be, will be. If it's meant to be, it will be. You can simply ask her if she wants to go to some place you enjoy or go to an upcoming townie activity around town. You do this in a chill way. You say "Hey, such and such fest is coming up I'm looking forward to that fried cheesecake they have every year" or whatever and if she is interested in the detail, then you say do you wanna come with. If she wants to come with, take it easy and remain what you are.

 

Main take away is to recognize that you are telling stories in your head and jumping to conclusions. You'll push her away doing that, or build expectations which she cannot meet. You like her, that's clear, or rather, you like the idea you have of her. Just make sure she can be herself.

 

Could be your soul mate, could be a big mistake. Be yourself is all that you can do. Friends can become lovers. Lovers - people who really love each other, or where one really loves the other - cannot become friends after it ends. So be her friend and see where it goes.

 

A girl will let you know if she wants you or not. They have been programmed/lifted up very well in this way these days, and they are very proud about it. If a girl isn't forward with her wishes, she's potentially damaged, which isn't always a bad thing, but usually is. If they are not forward, they are usually not interested and just want to be friends.

 

She is about to finish high school and has a lot of other things on her mind and is a totally different person than you know at work. Be her friend, and if she likes you, she will make it apparent. If you let on that you like her, and you do not act on it, she will see you as weak. This can go on for page after page, there's a lot to say about all of this. However your best bet is to keep getting to know her, know her outside of work, do not have expectations or assumptions about her, let her be herself, let her show you what she wants to show you, and get your imagination out of the way. Know the person, not what you think of her based around your time away from her. Know the person, not your imagination about them.

 

You have an idea of this person, which is great. But if she does not live up to your idea of her, or if you expect too much and she can't give it, you're just going to get let down. Do the "event/detail about it/invite" thing and see what it's like outside of work.

 

If it does begin to work out, get a different, higher paying job, when you want "me time". Do not ever tell your woman you need me time. Your time is her time, if you're a man about yours.

Edited June 23, 2019 by HelloMyNameIsHuman

[Leone Family 315]

13 minutes ago, HelloMyNameIsHuman said:

I will help you:

 

You've put too much thought into this. Coworkers are not good matches. You are a person who needs alone time from time to time, which basically means you need a break. Yet when you work together, where is your break? You need work for your break. Out of work, you will not have time to take breaks because that is your off time.

 

You've written a story in your head about who this person is, even assume she's most probably a virgin. This is a big red flag that you have already ended up far too invested in her, before she even has the chance to explore whether she has feelings for you. Before you even know if she does.

 

You say you're super experienced, a lot of girls, a nympho hot blonde was your last girlfriend. You think she's a virgin. There is a major mismatch there, which is why you notice it.

 

This can all be summed up easily by the coworkers rule. Is it doomed? No. But you need to recognize that what you're doing here in your mind is a symptom of your Asperger's. You've got to step back away from this, emotionally and mentally.

 

That all said, there is no real harm in asking if she wants to hang out. Could be your wife one day, could be a big mistake.

 

Whatever you do, know that it is life. Whatever will be, will be. If it's meant to be, it will be. You can simply ask her if she wants to go to some place you enjoy or go to an upcoming activity around work. You do this in a chill way. You say "Hey, such and such fest is coming up I'm looking forward to that fried cheesecake they have every year" or whatever and if she is interested in the detail, then you say do you wanna come with. If she wants to come with, take it easy and remain what you are.

 

Main take away is to recognize that you are telling stories in your head and jumping to conclusions. You'll push her away doing that, or build expectations which she cannot meet. You like her, that's clear, or rather, you like the idea you have of her. Just make sure she can be herself.

 

Could be your soul mate, could be a big mistake. Be yourself is all that you can do. Friends can become lovers. Lovers - people who really love each other, or where one really loves the other - cannot become friends after it ends. So be her friend and see where it goes.

 

A girl will let you know if she wants you or not. They have been programmed very well in this way these days. If they are not forward, they are usually not interested and just want to be friends.

 

She is about to finish high school and has a lot of other things on her mind and is a totally different person than you know at work. Be her friend, and if she likes you, she will make it apparent. If you let on that you like her, and you do not act on it, she will see you as weak. This can go on for page after page, there's a lot to say about all of this. However your best bet is to keep getting to know her, know her outside of work, do not have expectations or assumptions about her, let her be herself, let her show you what she wants to show you, and get your imagination out of the way.

 

You have an idea of this person, which is great. But if she does not live up to your idea of her, or if you expect too much and she can't give it, you're just going to get let down. Do the "event/detail about it/invite" thing and see what it's like outside of work.

 

If it does begin to work out, get a different, higher paying job, when you want "me time". Do not ever tell your woman you need me time. Your time is her time, if you're a man about yours.

Hey thanks for your reply. When I said she was "probably a virgin" it was just my way to say that she's not the type of girl like my ex. That kind of stuff doesn't really matter to me. Also, I'm not assuming anything, as I said, we had deep conversations every day of the week, and I've casually known her for 6 months already. But you're right about the rest. The fact that I wouldn't want this to affect my work is the main reason of my dilemma. I'm not some sort of desperate person either, it may look like this from the way I write but really it wouldn't be a big deal to step back. It's just a crush. Thanks mate!

 

Edit: She's in college, not high school. Here in Québec high school is one year shorter 

Edited June 23, 2019 by Leone Family
added some stuff

[HelloMyNameIsHuman 289]

I would reiterate, then, that you should look for the next fair or summerfest around town as a perfect opportunity to talk about it and see if she shows interest in it, too. Or a movie coming out. "We should go together" - whatever the case. It's a great way to go out from work and hang out without it being "do you wanna go out to eat?/Go on a date?" - it's pressure when it's a date. It's fun when it's something you find that you both like. Give it a try, and definitely keep us updated. Or PM me deets. I don't care about the locker room talk or anything, I'm just interested in how it goes, as a GTAF friend. Following the thread

[Zello 12,091]

Don't sh*t where you eat.

[HeavyDuke 7,501]

59 minutes ago, Zello said:

Don't sh*t where you eat.

This. Instead only eat where you sh*t.

 

 

 

 

Just my 2 cents on the topic, you slut shaming your ex and sound very disrespectful ''while you took it from her just the same'', then talk like you are a male feminist ''sjw'' by involving sexist policies to the matter kinda sends a weird message. And a girl you think is a virgin, might have had more dick then a girl that acts like a slut in a relationship. Just because they act classy doesn't mean they ain't sassy. Which shouldn't matter anything to begin with. It's not like all of their dicks still float around in there and you got to fight your way in pushing away other dicks.

 

You are a man, take responsibility and get to the point. If there is one thing any woman appreciate, it's being straight forward. If I can't get a clear message of a girl, I simply make impossible to avoid flirty hints or jokes that are as simple to solve as 1+1=I want some of that. If they go along its a hit, if they don't respond properly I try a new approach. They flock off, then bye. 

Edited June 23, 2019 by HeavyDuke

[LeslieFromTheShoIntimacy 134]

Not gonna lie, tl;dr. I don’t believe a soul-mate is even possible before 30.  You have to grow with a person and that takes years. You’re literally only 20.. Shoot your shot, or don’t

 

Just know that if you do and she doesn’t respond positively, awkward workplace moments incoming. Lol

 

That being said, you only regret the chances you didn’t take.

 

I would do it if it was me.  It’s not like you plan on working for Lowes forever anyways right? So if something happens you can always just find another job.  Not like a cushy executive job with benefits is on the line here.

[Guest]

spend less time writing your autobiography on gtaf and more time making an effort, it doesn't take much to say hey lets go for a drink or whatever. also, the f*ck is up with suddenly assuming she's a virgin just based off the way she acts and speaks to people? for all you know she could be a bigger nympho than your ex, don't judge a book by it's cover or in this theoretical situation don't judge a girls sexual prowess by her actions. there's a great disparity between stating your experienced and had a super hot nympho gf in the past yet you have to take to gtaforums of all places for advice.

[Leone Family 315]

8 hours ago, HeavyDuke said:

This. Instead only eat where you sh*t.

 

 

 

 

Just my 2 cents on the topic, you slut shaming your ex and sound very disrespectful ''while you took it from her just the same'', then talk like you are a male feminist ''sjw'' by involving sexist policies to the matter kinda sends a weird message. And a girl you think is a virgin, might have had more dick then a girl that acts like a slut in a relationship. Just because they act classy doesn't mean they ain't sassy. Which shouldn't matter anything to begin with. It's not like all of their dicks still float around in there and you got to fight your way in pushing away other dicks.

 

You are a man, take responsibility and get to the point. If there is one thing any woman appreciate, it's being straight forward. If I can't get a clear message of a girl, I simply make impossible to avoid flirty hints or jokes that are as simple to solve as 1+1=I want some of that. If they go along its a hit, if they don't respond properly I try a new approach. They flock off, then bye. 

I'm anything but a sjw feminist, doesn't mean I can't disagree with some rules. I am not slut-shaming my ex, in fact me and her are still good friend and still see each other from time to time. Don't judge me from the way I write, remember that english isn't my first language and I can't stand people who think I'm being an asshole when in fact I'm someone who wouldn't hurt a fly. I can really see how the language barrier is making all of you take it the wrong way.

 

But still, thanks for your reply! :)

[Eutyphro 2,912]

10 hours ago, Leone Family said:

I'm thinking of maybe inviting her to go eat somewhere together for our lunch break, just to have a friendly chat, because I do genuinely enjoy talking to her, but I don't know how she would react.

If you want something romantic with this girl, do things with her a lover would do. If you are going to hang out with her as a friend, then you're going to friendzone yourself. Pretty normal mistake for a 20 year old to make, but it's good to learn early. Meet up with her late in the afternoon or evening, and then move her around to some different places. Also, like someone else seemed to be insinuating, don't put her on a pedestal.

Also, if you find out she's not that interested, which is likely considering you have put her on a pedestal and thus don't really respect yourself compared to her, don't waste your time, and move on. Don't chase her if she's being flaky or wishy washy, which she will likely be, because once again, you've put her on a pedestal. Actually don't ever chase women in general.

Edited June 23, 2019 by Eutyphro

[Smith John 4,876]

8 hours ago, LeslieFromTheShoIntimacy said:

Not gonna lie, tl;dr. I don’t believe a soul-mate is even possible before 30.  You have to grow with a person and that takes years. You’re literally only 20.. Shoot your shot, or don’t

What ^this cunt said. Also, pedestal.

[Voodoo 157,694]

Whip it out™.

[Zello 12,091]

I could see it working if you were in a different department but since you're not dont even think about it.

[HeavyDuke 7,501]

12 hours ago, Eutyphro said:

don't put her on a pedestal.
 

Unless its your own pedestal.

[TheSantader25 6,156]

Save her from a burning building. That'll help. Guaranteed. 

[Zello 12,091]

If you want more relationship advice then come on down and visit the pit.

 

https://gtaforums.com/forum/425-the-pit™/

 

We help save relationships, save marriages, love advice, sex tips, career advice and more. Provided by your fellow GTAF members.

 

Here are some testimonials 

 

"The pit has helped me become a better professional and a valuable member of the workforce." - Chamberpotcleanerman20

 

"I have become a better man due to the pit" - Fearthosewhofearhim

 

"I am now the ultimate fanboy. I already was but The pit has taken me to the next level." - SonOfLiberty

 

"Women used to be afraid of me. Now they love me. I'm swimming in pussy." - Rafae S

[HeavyDuke 7,501]

1 hour ago, TheSantader25 said:

Save her from a burning building. That'll help. Guaranteed. 

This implies he has to set the place he works on fire and then save her....and then he could be charged for rape because he would have to touch her. This is 2019.

If we take that road, he might as well play it safe: 

 

Spoiler

Become her hero by saving her from being tied down and raped in a dark wet cellar.

 

'' just a little to late of course '' But still be the hero who cuts her loose Can't exactly get your money back you spend on ropes or handcoughs and a blindfold.  Might as well enjoy the whole setup you paid for. Just make sure you act surprised, stop using the deep black male voice you used while ''acting'' and don't by accident just walk in there with the handcough keys. This would be a dead giveaway. Wait you f*cked up? Now you would have to go for plan B..

 

THERE IS NO PLAN B. freak out, panic and tell her your ex was a slut and this is all her fault. Now both of you go get your slutty ex and put her in the cellar, kick your new girl also in there and tie her up a second time.

 

 

Now you have two woman.

Edited June 24, 2019 by HeavyDuke
Wise words

[Big Molio 9,319]

Goose her when you're in the lumber yard together, see how she reacts.

[HeavyDuke 7,501]

21 minutes ago, Big Molio said:

Goose her when you're in the lumber yard together, see how she reacts.

I believe flashing her in the lumber yard is more appropriate. Its a natural environment and all.

[Mister Pink 9,823]

On 6/23/2019 at 3:56 AM, HelloMyNameIsHuman said:

I would reiterate, then, that you should look for the next fair or summerfest around town as a perfect opportunity to talk about it and see if she shows interest in it, too. Or a movie coming out. "We should go together" - whatever the case. It's a great way to go out from work and hang out without it being "do you wanna go out to eat?/Go on a date?" - it's pressure when it's a date. It's fun when it's something you find that you both like.

Absolutely. I echo this statement. Formalising it as "a date" puts certain social pressures, connotations etc. I found I had the least amount of pressure on dates that weren't dates, if that makes sense? Not just for me but for her. We don't label it. We just hang out. If something comes of that, then cool. But if not, that's cool too. And you'll know if she is interested in you when when you hang out alone.

 

On the flipside, this can be misconstrued as wanting to hang out as friends. So, during this hangout time, I would probably be flirting and it should be clear. But if it wasn't reciprocal, then I'd back off and just chalk it up to experience. 

 

If you are finding it hard to figure out if a girl you hang out with likes you, then she most likely doesn't. 

 

 

[Pesos 413]

This can't be real, surely.

[Baserape 1,642]

Eject, eject, eject!

 

/Ejected.

[HeavyDuke 7,501]

8 minutes ago, Purevil said:

Eject, eject, eject!

 

/Ejected.

 

Don't forget to put up your sexy face when you eject.

[Ned Bingham 264]

On 6/23/2019 at 3:19 AM, Leone Family said:

I work in a hardware store which I will not reveal the brand, but it's a company owned by Lowe's. I am officially a cashier, but in practice, since I'm currently the 2nd most experienced in my department and the fact that #1 is a woman, which means she can't do manual labor by store policy, that means I'm the jack-of-all-trades guy, so I also very often work in the lumber yard, the service desk, and as a service clerk.

She can't do manual labour by store policy???

Are you sure she hasn't just fed you a line? Fair enough letting her off lumber duties, but surely she can lift boxes and stack shelves? 

 

This is doubly weird because I have the impression that Canada is a real equality/diversity/feminist type of place, the government always sticking its goody-two-shoes nose into everyday lives.

[HeavyDuke 7,501]

2 minutes ago, Short Stay said:

She can't do manual labour by store policy???

Are you sure she hasn't just fed you a line? Fair enough letting her off lumber duties, but surely she can lift boxes and stack shelves? 

 

Woman can't lift boxes because they already carry one 24/7.

 

''Roll on snare drum'' Ba Dum Tss!

[Leone Family 315]

I gotta admit that some of those replies are quite funny. But I think I'll just pass on her. I mean, if it ends up working but then in 20 years she ends up finding this thread...

 

You know what, women are way too complicated. Imma just go kill myself already, at least in heaven I can suck Jesus' c*** in exchange for an eternal supply of women.

 

Goodbye world, this is my last post, and these are my last words.

 

No homo

[El Penguin Bobo 2,657]

bye bye

[Agent 14 2,303]

You have a crush on a girl and you asking for dating advice in gaming forum. Yeah... I'm out.

[HeavyDuke 7,501]

1 hour ago, El Penguin Bobo said:

bye bye

No.. nooohhh

 

[Zello 12,091]

2 hours ago, Leone Family said:

I gotta admit that some of those replies are quite funny. But I think I'll just pass on her. I mean, if it ends up working but then in 20 years she ends up finding this thread...

 

You know what, women are way too complicated. Imma just go kill myself already, at least in heaven I can suck Jesus' c*** in exchange for an eternal supply of women.

 

Goodbye world, this is my last post, and these are my last words.

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

No homo

 

You could always take her to that music video location and then both go out looking for Jack Kim.

 

Or you know what forget the girl go after your true love Jack Kim.

Edited June 25, 2019 by Zello