Best of Rockstar's Rejected DLC Ideas

[fw3]

First off, this is a fictional thread, designed just for kicks and giggles.

So, you're a marketing lackey at Rockstar. Your job: to push R&D for fresh, new DLC concepts.
Then, take those concepts and pitch them to the executive team for approval.

Like any company, dozens of concepts get rejected, while only one or two are actually considered.

This thread is about all those concepts that never made it past the executive team.
Ideas that were scoffed at, 86'd, or rejected faster than Lester's new diet plan.

Of course, when you push R&D, they're going to come up with some weird ideas.
Stupid, ridiculous, weird, and just outlandish ideas that would never see the light of day.

So, being a good marketing lackey, what are some of the ideas you pitched that got snuffed?
What concepts did you bring to the table that, even you knew, would never go through?

Here's a few that I presented that never made it:

Peaceful Protest DLC
The perfect DLC for passive players, 5th year college students, and leftwing worrywarts.
• Weapons that shoot flowers, cotton balls, and white doves.
• Vehicles like the Brute Camper equipped with a PA system to chant and blaring 60's peacenik songs.
•  Lots of new tie-dye clothing, Birkenstocks, and beads.
• New missions including Survivals, where players battle waves of riot police using bullhorns and flowers.

Department of Public Works (DPW) DLC
Your job is to keep the streetlights and bodies from cluttering the streets of Los Santos and clean up the stains, broken glass and torn up grass.
• Weapons like leafblowers, road cones, and Redwood cigarettes.
• Vehicles like the new FF50 Safety Yellow Vapid Sadler that drives slightly faster than an empty Dump.
• All new, pre-stained clothing, denim, and flannel garments, hard helmets, and work gloves.
• New missions include the Mop the Blood Challenge and Empty All the Trash Cans.

Single Wheel Stunt DLC
An entire DLC devoted to unicycles. Think about it.
• Weapons include turreted unicycles, unicycles with rockets, and more.
• Vehicles like the new Unimpressor, a flying unicycle.
• Clown suits, rainbow suspenders, and silly shoes available at Suburban clothing stores.
• New missions are just retooled old missions, like Rooftop Rumble and Coveted, except with unicycles.

TL;DR
What are some of your worst DLC ideas that Rockstar executives would never agree to?

As always, in the name of keeping the forum fun and creative! Cheers!


 

Edited March 28, 2019 by fw3
Edited to add intense photo of DPW DLC character. Neat, right?

[MeisterJazz]

A fix everything that needs to and should've been fixed a long time ago but were to lazy and don't give a f*ck, buy more shark cards dlc

[Willy A. Jeep]

The LS Noire Update (Or "The Past Was Awful" Update)

 

• New vehicles, including the Vapid McCoy (1940 Ford), Willard Dahlia (1947 Buick Super), Schyster 911 (Cord 812), and Canis Kelso (1939 Willys Overland).
• New features, including the requirement that cars must be filled at gas stations, a new health system which fades the screen from color to black and white, and cell phones have been replaced with landline phone boxes around the city.
• All sci-fi vehicles have been replaced with dieselpunk alternatives.
• Lobbies are now segregated by player character race and sex, and only certain vehicles are available to characters of certain race/sex.
• All players in Bad Sport wear fedoras and zoot suits.
• New radio station, "Jazz, Blues, & Oldies", which plays 1940s popular music, jazz, and blues with AM quality, DJ'd by Wynton Marsalis.

[MaddenedGhost]

Concept that got rejected huh .. I can also imagine some that got their creators fired.

basically anything that has to do with balance in this game.

Dev comes up with an idea that will make things easier and balance the pace of the game, they get their idea rejected and they also get fired from Rockstar.

 

I'll come back to this thread later with some actual ideas, for now I had to chime in with this lol

[CaptainMarvel]

Lol to the people that aren’t understanding the concept of this thread...

 

 

THE CATFISH UPDATE:

 

Where a new voice modulating feature is added for male players who have female avatars. Reel in as many hornball teens and lonely older players with your fake female golem to rake in double $ and RP. Use the enhanced Bleeter app to post the thirstiest in game texts or Xbox/PS messages for an additional 69 thousand GTA$ Bonus.

 

Upgrade your genital-less character to the new Mk2 homing rocket launching Phallicopalypse. Only ten million after unlocking the Plastic Surgeon business front (don’t forget to add security and luxury waiting room).

[MsBrandi]

The midnight run dlc

Sure it sounds like the 80s movie that starred robert de niro but with the content like new vehicle missions like mobile op/special vehicle mission

 

This dlc will take you through land sea and air stealing various different of vehicle in a form of car chase, mini heist, races against NPC, and vehicles ranging from rx7, e type, f50, bluebird k7, ortega mk1c, airwolf, and even the original ellie not the one that is replica and full of restomdded bullsh*t in 2000s movie the authentic one driven by the car crash king himself HB halicki

 

Not to mention the new modes that imitates cop vs crooks in a gameplay like the NFSHP2 that can add some new weapons like emp gun instead of that f*ckin sh*t emp mines in lamerrna wars, a spike strips like in jb 700

 

But R* seems more catered to the kiddies update nowadays so yeah i'm pretty sure it will get shelved so f*ck it more PvP bullsh*t bring it on! Let's make this game more competitive by bringing some retarded players that plays in rentals and curse a lot through the mic, more competitive!

 

f*ck PvE! (Signed by Alex 12 y/o from london elementary school)

Edited March 28, 2019 by Mach1bud

[Coleco]

Unrealistic steak.

 

 

Doesn't get much crazier than that

[fw3]

1 hour ago, CaptainMarvel said:

Lol to the people that aren’t understanding the concept of this thread...

 

 

THE CATFISH UPDATE:

 

Where a new voice modulating feature is added for male players who have female avatars. Reel in as many hornball teens and lonely older players with your fake female golem to rake in double $ and RP. Use the enhanced Bleeter app to post the thirstiest in game texts or Xbox/PS messages for an additional 69 thousand GTA$ Bonus.

 

Upgrade your genital-less character to the new Mk2 homing rocket launching Phallicopalypse. Only ten million after unlocking the Plastic Surgeon business front (don’t forget to add security and luxury waiting room).

LOL!! You had me at "fake female golem!" 

[Bandersnatch]

Karen Daniels DLC

 

This summer brings the Karen Daniel's DLC, bring along your online character on a story of revenge and redemption as you open up many lucrative business opportunities.

 

Look out for the following activities/mission

 

Take Karen bowling

Irish pub pool tournament

Nikko chronicles

 

Also new permanent 2x GTA to the following added adversary modes 

 

Flash light wars 

(8v8 fight to the death with flashlights) 

 

Romans destruction cabs

(Destruction Derby cab arena wars)

 

Keep and eye on the streets for the new stealable and storable Esperanto and Uranus vehicles. 

 

 

 

Edited March 28, 2019 by Bandersnatch

[fw3]

2 hours ago, Bandersnatch said:

Karen Daniels DLC

 

This summer brings the Karen Daniel's DLC, bring along your online character on a story of revenge and redemption as you open up many lucrative business opportunities.

 

Look out for the following activities/mission

 

Take Karen bowling

Irish pub pool tournament

Nikko chronicles

 

Also new permanent 2x GTA to the following added adversary modes 

 

Flash light wars 

(8v8 fight to the death with flashlights) 

 

Romans destruction cabs

(Destruction Derby cab arena wars)

 

Keep and eye on the streets for the new stealable and storable Esperanto and Uranus vehicles. 

 

YES!!!

[HamwithCheese]

I once thought of a flying bike with lazer explosive rounds. Thank God that didnt happen.

[Standard Deluxe 59]

3 hours ago, Bandersnatch said:

Romans destruction cabs

(Destruction Derby cab arena wars)

I like this, hopefully it has some physical damage to the cars. 

[halapeno71]

Digi-Farm!  

 

• Buy a farm in Grapeseed!  Choose from one of two possible locations!
• Plant your own crops!
• Tend to your own crops!
• Tend some more!
• Keep tending!
• Still tending
• Harvest your crops!  Sell your crops for hundreds of dollars!
• Farm raids!  Fight back against seemingly endless waves of O'Neil brothers and prevent them from knocking up your daughter.

Yes, it's Digi-Farm!  Agricultural excitement!  Because you demanded it!  Yes you did.  Shut up.

[Agent 14]

6 hours ago, CaptainMarvel said:

Lol to the people that aren’t understanding the concept of this thread...

 

 

THE CATFISH UPDATE:

 

Where a new voice modulating feature is added for male players who have female avatars. Reel in as many hornball teens and lonely older players with your fake female golem to rake in double $ and RP. Use the enhanced Bleeter app to post the thirstiest in game texts or Xbox/PS messages for an additional 69 thousand GTA$ Bonus.

 

Upgrade your genital-less character to the new Mk2 homing rocket launching Phallicopalypse. Only ten million after unlocking the Plastic Surgeon business front (don’t forget to add security and luxury waiting room).

Like reaching down on a stripper panties and discovering a set of balls -Liberty City Lazlow

[Swissawhole]

Man FW3, I fell for ya.  You post some of the most creative, thought provoking posts on here.  Looked at first two replies, and it was just an excuse to port salty tears currently airing in at least a half a dozen other threads.  This place can be so great (as evidence by your posts) and so toxic (as evidenced by first few replies).  Guess I just wanted to let you know someone appreciates your efforts.  

[Mach1bud]

Cleaned up the topic. The point is to post funny ideas for DLC that would never actually be made.

 

Ninja Cow Update-

 

Hordes of ninja cows attack LS and shoot milk into everyone's eyes then enslaves us and we have to break out of cow prison (the cow pen) and kill the leader cow, Sir Cowkillalot. 

[REXX]

BUSH TRIMMER DLC

 

"Everyones' bush needs a trim once in a while. The last thing someone wants is their bush getting tangled up. That's where you come in. Now is your chance to get real deep into those bushes and start pruning."

 

"The Lawnmower is now available on South San Andreas Super Autos".

 

Premium Stunt Race: Landing Strip

[CaptainMarvel]

11 minutes ago, REXX said:

BUSH TRIMMER DLC

 

"Everyones' bush needs a trim once in a while. The last thing someone wants is their bush getting tangled up. That's where you come in. Now is your chance to get real deep into those bushes and start pruning."

 

"The Lawnmower is now available on South San Andreas Super Autos".

 

Premium Stunt Race: Landing Strip

 

Have you played any of the player created races involving the lawnmowers down Chilliad? Forced in first person?

3 hours ago, Swissawhole said:

Man FW3, I fell for ya.  You post some of the most creative, thought provoking posts on here.  Looked at first two replies, and it was just an excuse to port salty tears currently airing in at least a half a dozen other threads.  This place can be so great (as evidence by your posts) and so toxic (as evidenced by first few replies).  Guess I just wanted to let you know someone appreciates your efforts.  

 

Exactly! People turning any topic into an extension of B&M. 

 

NOW WHERES MY CATFISH AND BUSH-MASTERING (Sorry @REXX, I had to change the name) DLC C*ckStar?!

Edited March 29, 2019 by CaptainMarvel

[KazzMajol]

I wasn't able to hit the LIKE button as many times as i wanted to for the "Peaceful Protest DLC"....     L M A O!!!

[Agent 14]

The meat beating DLC.

 

"Everybody's meat deserves a beating sometimes take part of this slaughter house DLC where you and your friends beat eachother meats with our new motion censor function grab the meat slam the meat punch the meat anything is possible with this carnage inducing slaughter house."

Edited March 29, 2019 by Agent 14

[CaptainMarvel]

5 minutes ago, Agent 14 said:

The meat beating DLC.

 

"Everybody's meat deserves a beating sometimes take part of this slaughter house DLC where you and your friends beat eachother meats with our new motion censor function grab the meat slam the meat punch the meat anything is possible with this carnage inducing slaughter house."

 

WITH ADVANCED MARBLING FLAGS. 4K resolution!

[Agent 14]

Just now, CaptainMarvel said:

 

WITH ADVANCED MARBLING FLAGS. 4K resolution!

And VR support!

[MsBrandi]

Hot coffee swinger dlc

 

You know that we have it in SA right? Now you can also do it with 10 players, competing with each other to bang some hotties from brandi love, shae summers, julia ann, nicole aniston and even the legend lisa ann and reiko nakamori

Compete in a full abandoned swinger resort in chumash with your host candy suxx from VC, be the best lover babeeh

i misread the thread it should be awkward and funny lol

[Standard Deluxe 59]

The Eco-Nut update, where you can set your character up to be as green as that bogus green new deal wishes you'd be. You'll lose all your cars except for a Dilletante. You will also lose access to any aircraft and your apartment or house will be converted to a self sustaining yurt! You also must buy all organic, non processed snacks that cost a hundred bucks a pop. Also no more guns for you, lead hurts the environment. 

[Gdiddywilson]

Crimes Against Humanity DLC

 

- Defend San Andreas from the migrant hoard in a new Survival Mode

 

- Pick off slow moving unarmed rafts packed full of people seeking a better life 

 

- Fire the new teargas launcher carelessly into hoards of peaceful demonstrators singing songs of freedom 

[REVENGE777]

7 minutes ago, Gdiddywilson said:

Crimes Against Humanity DLC

 

- Defend San Andreas from the migrant hoard in a new Survival Mode

 

- Pick off slow moving unarmed rafts packed full of people seeking a better life 

 

- Fire the new teargas launcher carelessly into hoards of peaceful demonstrators singing songs of freedom 

I shouldn’t have laughed so hard

 

”por favor senior! Mi familia just wanna better life!”

 

”wot in Tarnation u say to me?!! This one thinks he’s a jokester! GET EM BOYS!!”

 

BOOM!

 

A small village has been completely anihalated off of a life raft from lock on missiles

[Gdiddywilson]

11 minutes ago, SonofLosSantos said:

I shouldn’t have laughed so hard

 

”por favor senior! Mi familia just wanna better life!”

 

”wot in Tarnation u say to me?!! This one thinks he’s a jokester! GET EM BOYS!!”

 

BOOM!

 

A small village has been completely anihalated off of a life raft from lock on missiles

We're all war-criminals in the HD universe anyways

[fw3]

15 hours ago, Swissawhole said:

Man FW3, I fell for ya.  You post some of the most creative, thought provoking posts on here.  … Guess I just wanted to let you know someone appreciates your efforts.  

Thank you for the nod. I respect all the concerted threads on this forum and grateful we can continue our immersion beyond the game, itself. Cheers, m8!

Oh, and as for staying on topic, I still can't believe R* didn't approve this one:

Grateful Cops of the LSPD DLC
Not so much a DLC, so to speak, but an update to the current environment where, when a player received multiple $2000 rewards for good behavior, the LSPD actually show their softer, kinder side and gratitude to players by saying nice things, offering compliments, and occasionally reaching out to lend a hand to players, when needed.

 

Edited March 29, 2019 by fw3

[Geisterfaust]

23 hours ago, Willy A. Jeep said:

New radio station, "Jazz, Blues, & Oldies", which plays 1940s popular music, jazz, and blues with AM quality, DJ'd by Wynton Marsalis.

First part is not really a bad thing, but AM quality bothers me.

[CaptainMarvel]

39 minutes ago, hei3enberg said:

First part is not really a bad thing, but AM quality bothers me.

 

If they don’t like AM, well...FM.