[MP] What Pain Means (Full Chapter 1 Available)

[RithRake24]

RITHRAKE24 PRESENTS

A BRAND NEW MISSION PACK

 

WHAT PAIN MEANS

Christopher Anderson is an experienced investigation officer belonging to the Las Venturas Police Department, who is famous around the State of San Andreas for having solved 32 cases of merciless, bloodthirsty criminals. When the Governor of San Andreas calls him over to Los Santos to look into an unsolved case involving a series of 21 brutal murders at Market Station, Christopher is thrown into a mystery of a bigger scale.

A case that appears easy at first, having a lot of starting points for investigation, soon evolves into a more mind-boggling affair.

Follow Christopher's investigation as he is finally handed a case that really tests his intelligence and mettle, a criminal who cannot be proven guilty by customary investigation methods. Follow Christopher as he risks the loss of the things most dear to him, his reputation, family, etc.

 

TRIVIA (MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS)

Spoiler

1) This mission pack takes place in 2002, ten years after the events of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

2) When Carl Johnson returned to Los Santos from Liberty City in 1992, Christopher Anderson was still just a 17-year-old teen living in Las Venturas with his parents, with great ambitions of working for the police force, and Josh was still a 16-year-old teen orphan who lived in an orphanage in the outskirts of Los Santos.

3) Josh's parents were murdered in 1986 by Kane, who was subsequently murdered by Carl Johnson when attending a funeral in 1992, during the events of GTA: SA.

4) After the events of GTA: SA (and before What Pain Means), Carl Johnson proceeds to take over all gang turf in Los Santos, leading to Grove Street Families becoming the most powerful and influential gang in Los Santos, and also reducing illegal crack cocaine trade to a minimum.

1

1

 

 

CHAPTER 1: THE GHOST OF MARKET STATION

 

Mission 1: The Santos Job

Mission 2: Join the Dots

Mission 3: Finger on the Trigger

Mission 4: Target No. 22

Mission 5: The Ghetto Life

Mission 6: Street Thug

Mission 7: My Enemy’s a Ghost

Mission 8: Back on Track

 

CHAPTER 1 (COMPLETE) is ready for download: What Pain Means Chapter 1: The Ghost of Market Station/SD

 

CHANGES THAT CAN BE FOUND:

Spoiler

This .rar file contains several changes as I hinted before.

 

First of all, minor mistakes in all 8 missions have been fixed, including dialogue typos, cutscene irregularities as well as several routepoint errors and minor problems with actors.

 

Secondly, soundtracks have been added (click here for the SD) for all 8 missions. This is obviously my first time using a soundtrack so please provide feedback on it!

 

Thirdly, two DLC missions are included in the archive: Dirty Drug Deal (MOTW #129 Winner) and Manipulation (MOTW #130 Participant). Both missions act as prequels to What Pain Means, with Dirty Drug Deal taking place two years prior, and Manipulation taking place just two weeks prior.

 

Hope you like these tiny little bonus additions! Thank you guys for all the support, including all the nominations for the DYOM Awards. I am incredibly happy about it, but it wouldn't have been possible without you guys, the players. Thanks once again! There is no limit to my gratitude.

 

A LIST OF ALL THE FIXES MADE:

Spoiler

THE SANTOS JOB

- Added customs sounds

 

JOIN THE DOTS

- Added custom sounds

- Fixed issue with routepoints (but is still occasionally problematic)

- Minor dialogue typo error fixed

 

FINGER ON THE TRIGGER

- Added custom sounds

- Repositioned some cutscenes

- Fixed an issue with camera shake

 

TARGET NO. 22

- Added custom sounds

- Fixed small continuity issues (shortened some cutscenes, fixed routepoints so the Market Station entrance was blocked better)

 

THE GHETTO LIFE

- Added custom sounds

- Fixed some out-of-character dialogue

- Repositioned some cutscenes

 

STREET THUG

- Added custom sounds

- Fixed a minor actor behaviour issue

 

MY ENEMY'S A GHOST

- Added custom sounds

- Fixed an issue where Josh did not follow Chris in the final objective

 

BACK ON TRACK

- Added custom sounds

- Shortened some cutscenes (for better continuity)

- Made changes to vehicular settings to make the mission challenging, yet passable

 

CHAPTER 2: CAT AND MOUSE

 

Mission 1: TBA

Mission 2: TBA

Mission 3: TBA

Mission 4: TBA

Mission 5: TBA

Mission 6: TBA

Mission 7: TBA

Mission 8: TBA

 

 

Note: Chapter 1 will majorly be cutscene-dominated, featuring minimal gameplay. However, this lack of gameplay will be made up for in Chapter 2, where the MP will evolve into more of an suspense thriller.

 

Edited May 31, 2019 by RithRake24
Chapter 1 archive added

[RithRake24]

CHAPTER 1 MISSION 1 is ready for download.

Click below:

The Santos Job

[omigawail]

Looks very enthralling, but I don't think you should tell us about the twist if it's a twist! 16 missions looks like quite a lot, that's above average for a missionpack. The first mission so far does a pretty good job at introducing the characters (though their names got repeated an awful lot).

 

I do have one question though, it is said that the homicides happen at Market Station, the metro and the areas near it. That place is packed with people and will surely have officers and security cameras everywhere. The one trope almost all detective and investigation movies/games get wrong is making every character incompetent except for the protagonist who is somehow able to solve a case that many somehow failed at even though it was pretty clear.

 

Remember that making a quality missionpack is not an easy task, especially a story-driven one. It can either become a cliched mess that takes itself too seriously and lasts too long (16 missions can be a drag to play through without a compelling storyline to push the player and motivate him), or it can become a classic among DYOM missionpacks and a staple detective-themed piece of work that will raise the bar for minimal-gameplay storylines.

In either case though, good luck.

[RithRake24]

9 hours ago, omigawail said:

Looks very enthralling, but I don't think you should tell us about the twist if it's a twist! 16 missions looks like quite a lot, that's above average for a missionpack. The first mission so far does a pretty good job at introducing the characters (though their names got repeated an awful lot).

 

I do have one question though, it is said that the homicides happen at Market Station, the metro and the areas near it. That place is packed with people and will surely have officers and security cameras everywhere. The one trope almost all detective and investigation movies/games get wrong is making every character incompetent except for the protagonist who is somehow able to solve a case that many somehow failed at even though it was pretty clear.

 

Remember that making a quality missionpack is not an easy task, especially a story-driven one. It can either become a cliched mess that takes itself too seriously and lasts too long (16 missions can be a drag to play through without a compelling storyline to push the player and motivate him), or it can become a classic among DYOM missionpacks and a staple detective-themed piece of work that will raise the bar for minimal-gameplay storylines.

In either case though, good luck.

Thanks so much for taking the time to try my mission and post your thoughts, means a lot to me. You’re probably right, I was pretty stupid about mentioning a twist (but the damage is done already!)

 

About your concern about incompetent NPCs who couldn’t get a seemingly simple case solved, I saw that question coming. But as I’ve mentioned in the synopsis, the case is something that looks easy first. And don’t worry, I’ve got your question covered since I saw it coming (only time will tell if it really will satisfy you). If I actually did satisfy your doubt now it would spoil some later parts in the story, but many thanks for asking.

 

Additionally, instead of stretching a short story into 16 draggy missions, I have to say my story in itself is actually quite long, and it would easily span at least 12-14 missions. And if I need to, i am going to reduce the size of the second chapter to 4-6 missions, since the second chapter is still in its very early planning stages.

 

I’ve planned every single mission in the first chapter already, and I’m quite positive it wouldn’t be much of a drag. I’m hoping the community feels that too. Right now I can only hope.

 

Thanks for wishing me well too. Means a lot.

[El Penguin Bobo]

Played the first part. It's pretty good man! The cutscene was really nice, but I would have loved to play as the character from there.

[RithRake24]

3 hours ago, xXPinguXx said:

Played the first part. It's pretty good man! The cutscene was really nice, but I would have loved to play as the character from there.

Thanks for the feedback! Really glad you liked it! I'm afraid because the investigation requires lots of dialogue, the first chapter will contain less gameplay than usual missions. But rest assured, I'll try to make the short gameplay sections as memorable as possible, and chapter 2 will have heavy and fun gameplay portions, because the investigative portions would decrease and the actual apprehending the enemy would increase (and the title of the MP would make more sense.)

 

You might think you just made a short, simple comment, but you have no idea how much it means to me, since I'm new to this community and I'm looking for encouragement. Thanks for keeping me going!

[Target13]

The series is off to a good start. I like your camera placement during cutscenes.

I will be sure to write a full review when the series, or at least the first chapter is complete.

[RithRake24]

6 hours ago, Target13 said:

The series is off to a good start. I like your camera placement during cutscenes.

I will be sure to write a full review when the series, or at least the first chapter is complete.

Thank you T13! I’d love a review from a highly respected designer, it could really help me improve.

[RithRake24]

CHAPTER 1 MISSION 2 is ready for download.

Click below:

Join the Dots

 

Just a note: This mission is personally my least favourite of the 8 missions in Chapter 1 due to it being extremely dialogue-heavy (though it was necessary to have that much dialogue to explain the investigative points). Also, please read the notes that can be found within the spoiler tag after you play the mission, as it may answer some possible bug-related questions you may have.

Spoiler

This mission might have minor bugs, e.g.

1) Chris in the first scene inside the station is supposed to walk to the cops counter. However, in some rare instances, he may walk straight ahead instead.

2) John Stevens, towards the end of the mission, is supposed to run into the room that Chris and Josh are in. However, in some cases he may just stand where he spawns instead of following his assigned routepoints.

3) This one's not really a bug, but it's annoying as it disrupts the mission's continuity. After the objective where you have to beat up the corrupt cop, depending on where you finished the objective, the dead body of the cop might appear in the following cutscenes, but the cop is not meant to be dead as he talks to Chris afterwards. This is because I couldn't hide the objective actor after the objective is completed.

 

Edited January 21, 2019 by RithRake24

[RithRake24]

CHAPTER 1 MISSION 3 is ready for download.

Click below:

Finger on the Trigger

Edited January 25, 2019 by RithRake24

[RithRake24]

CHAPTER 1 MISSION 4 is ready for download.

Click below:

Target No. 22

 

Note: When you get to the car chase, accelerate immediately or you might have trouble catching up and might lose the car you're chasing (it isn't marked on the radar). If you do lose the car, simply reload the mission. Sorry for the minor spoiler by the way.

Edited February 5, 2019 by RithRake24

[RithRake24]

CHAPTER 1 MISSION 5 is ready for download.

Click below:

The Ghetto Life

 

A very short mission. In this sequel, Christopher tries to put his previous failure behind and moves on with his investigation of the case, by starting to dig deeper into the life of the prime suspect.

[Satourn]

For a first project this one's okay. I like the cinematography for the most part, the missions, despite having little gameplay thus far, don't feel tedious, the gameplay parts are fun and the premise, even though unoriginal, is interesting to follow. However, I do have some points I need to talk about.

 

First of all, the plots of individual missions seem either overexaggerated or unnatural, especially in the mission 'Join the Dots'. Since the project takes place in the original game's universe 10 years after its events, I don't understand why the police force would still be as corrupt as back in 1992 because it's not pre-established anywhere. Sure, you can have an arrogant cop character greeting Christopher in a rude manner, and sure, there may be tension between new recruits and old officers, but the first act of the mission felt like a giant hyperbole.

 

Second, Christopher looks too cocky of a character to me. Although it's established that he's pretty much the Sherlock Holmes of this world, and although it is, after all, a fictitious story that doesn't present itself as being realistic, I don't see his motivation to be such a cocky guy, especially in a new environment. I guess that's part of his entire character though, and since he's your creation, I guess I can't really have a say in how he NEEDS to act, but I just wanted to point this out.

 

Third, the whole character of Josh seems off. We first see him as a cowardly rookie under the boot of more experienced officers, but as soon as Christopher appoints him No. 1 Cop for the duration of his stay in LS, Josh makes a complete 180 and becomes the man to fear. I would believe in him becoming more self-assured if it wasn't so drastic, but right now it looks kinda comical. Then again, this isn't supposed to reflect reality so...

 

And finally, some of the script feels off too. It's good for the most part, but a few bad lines stick out heavily.

 

You might consider all these to be nitpicks, which I'm not going to hold against you since, well, I've been accused of bias and nitpicking before. The aforementioned points don't decrease my rating thus far, however I'd suggest you change your writing ways to be more realistic. 3/5, keep on keeping on.

[RithRake24]

6 hours ago, SatournFan said:

 

 

(I omitted your review in the quote because it's literally right above this post)

 

@SatournFan

Thank you so much for the review. You have no idea how much it means to me that someone line has taken the time to download each of my missions and attempt them, and then subsequently write a lengthy review as you've done. No, I'm definitely not going to accuse you of nitpicking or bias, as I accept and appreciate honest opinions such as the ones above; they can actually help me out in the long run. However, there is a few things I'd like to say:

 

(Please don't read what's inside the spoiler tag unless you've played the missions)

Spoiler

Firstly, I do agree that I made the first act of "Join the Dots" a little over the top, and I'm fully guilty for it. That's very well noticed, thanks for pointing it out to me. However, the reason that the cops are still corrupt in What Pain Means is in fact very different to the reason that they were corrupt during GTA:SA; however it will only be revealed in Chapter 2's first or second mission according to my mission plan. I agree it's not pre-established but at the same time Christopher, like the player himself, doesn't know what has corrupted the police, and he discovers it later on. I hope you understand what I mean, but many thanks for pointing it out.

 

Secondly, you're right, Christopher was intended to be cocky, a characteristic that is not usually seen in ordinary mission packs. Even though he is personally in a new environment, his fame spreads all around San Andreas, so I felt the new environment wouldn't really reduce his overconfidence. Also, his overconfidence arises from the 32 cases he's solved (without any failures, by the way). However, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be revealing this fact in this early stage of the Mission Pack, but you're SatournFan and it was your concern, so here goes: Chris is supposed to undergo character development throughout the MP. He encounters a challenging case where there's suddenly multiple failures thrown at him after a "win streak" of 32 cases, and he will change accordingly. Well noticed, though. (I even gave him a character model with a sort-of cocky face  )

 

The third point you made was again something of my fault. My initial intention when making Mission 3 and 4 was that I wanted to imply that by working under Chris for a short period of time, he's been given power and it is his golden opportunity to shine in front of the rest of the force, so he tries to involve himself in everything that Chris does, simply everything, with the only thing giving him courage being the fact that he's accompanied by the bravest cop in all of San Andreas, Christopher Anderson himself. However, when seeing my missions in the point-of-view of the writer, I know this fact for sure, but what I'm sure I failed in is trying to look at my MP from the angle of the consumer. Looking back at the MP after you mentioned the issue with Josh's character, I really feel you have a very valid point (no one's capable of a quick 180) but at the same time, what I've really failed in is I haven't been able to convince players of my mission that Josh is simply "acting brave", and that while he's genuinely interested in the case, his cowardly characteristic has not disappeared, he's simply adding on a fake courageous layer over himself. My failure to express my real intention of the character is really why Josh ends up so comical.

1

 

Please don't think I'm accusing you of anything like you said, because it would be wrong to accuse someone who painstakingly pointed out some honest and authentic concerns they had in your work, and everything you said is ultimately going to help me improve. I am so thoroughly happy about the review, thank you so much. 3/5 for the first mission pack I ever made, that too from someone like yourself, it's actually like a dream for me. I will attempt to make my script and dialogues more authentic in the future. Thanks again! 

 

P.S. If you see any improvements in my future work, you can credit your review...

 

P

[RithRake24]

CHAPTER 1 MISSION 6 is ready for download.

Click below:

Street Thug

 

A very short mission, barely 5-6 minutes in length. In this sequel that continues directly from "The Ghetto Life", Christopher moves on with his investigation of the case, by starting to dig deeper into the life of the prime suspect.

 

Only two more missions to go to wrap up Chapter 1...

[RithRake24]

Chapter 1 Mission 7 is ready for download.

Click below:

My Enemy’s a Ghost

 

in this mission, Chris comes across a find that prompts him to start looking at the case from a fresh angle.

Edited March 5, 2019 by RithRake24

[RithRake24]

CHAPTER 1 MISSION 8 is ready for download.

Click below:

Back on Track

 

Chris carries on with his investigation in order to obtain a new lead on the case.

 

This mission marks the end of Chapter 1. However, the .rar file containing the entire chapter will not be released yet because I'm planning some tiny little surprises for it. It will most probably be released by the end of today, or early tomorrow!

[RithRake24]

UPDATE ON WHAT PAIN MEANS

 

CHAPTER 1 (COMPLETE) is ready for download.

Click below:

What Pain Means Chapter 1: The Ghost of Market Station

 

This .rar file contains several changes as I hinted before.

 

First of all, minor mistakes in all 8 missions have been fixed, including dialogue typos, cutscene irregularities as well as several routepoint errors and minor problems with actors.

 

Secondly, soundtracks have been added (click here for the SD) for all 8 missions. This is obviously my first time using a soundtrack so please provide feedback on it!

 

Thirdly, two DLC missions are included in the archive: Dirty Drug Deal (MOTW #129 Winner) and Manipulation (MOTW #130 Participant). Both missions act as prequels to What Pain Means, with Dirty Drug Deal taking place two years prior, and Manipulation taking place just two weeks prior.

 

Hope you like these tiny little bonus additions! Thank you guys for all the support, including all the nominations for the DYOM Awards. I am incredibly happy about it, but it wouldn't have been possible without you guys, the players. Thanks once again! There is no limit to my gratitude.

 

For a list of all the fixes made to this final archive, visit the MP's topic: [MP] What Pain Means

 

What Pain Means Chapter 2 is coming soon...

Edited March 29, 2019 by RithRake24

[Notna]

I'll start off by saying that as a first big project, this is insanely good. You've got a great future in DYOM and I'll be looking forward to more of your MPs.

 

That being said, there was a lot of things I bloody LOVED and a bunch of things that made me wish I was in place of the victims down at the Station.

 

Spoiler

Let's begin with the things that you've really handed well; overall, the story and concept are great. What's there not to a love? A brilliant detective on a job in a strange city, with strange people and a strange case. The premise is set up pretty well and I must say I haven't seen the "stranger comes to town" concept used in DYOM too much, surprisingly. You won a point with that because this guy's a huge fan of Sergio Leone movies and Lee Child novels, both of which feature that plot point predominantly. The overall plot here is executed nicely, and the twists and turns were surprising. I liked the reveal of Sean Davis' identity theft by the perpetrator, I didn't see that coming. I really was excited to see how his disappearance and resurfacing could be explained, so that was a well-thought out turn.

 

In addition to the overall story, there's something special about the way you design gameplay - I really liked the use of colors in the text, you have a good sense for placing objects as well as some really unique objectives. Early on, you used coronas for checkpoints and that was really cool, I was disappointed to see you didn't stick to that. You should. That gave a "trademarkish" vibe and fits your style nonetheless. Shooting the bottles on the roof was probably one of the best parts in the first chapter, I just thought that had a really fresh scent and was well timed with the dialogue. The best part of the MP so far by a mile though are definitely the shootouts - insanely fun! Especially the shootout in Grove Street, I was grinning ear to ear. Super fun.

 

There's also something adorable about Chris' love for roofs. That's just tremendous 

 

But now, that's a nice transition to the things you really have something to work on.

 

You have a cast of characters that doesn't really wake much emotion in me, every one of them for 1) their own reasons and 2) for one cohesive reason. Anderson's personality as a cocky genious detective is tremendous, but you should hang on to that - he switches from Sherlock Holmes to a 70s buddy cop show goody-two-shoes blue collar officer faster than those shows got canceled. SatournFan mentioned well that Josh seems to change out of nowhere from a no-good rookie to "the man to fear", out of nowhere. SF also well covered the cops at the station being... un-cop like for seemingly no reason, so that's maybe something to elaborate more. Their personality is your call, but I'd like to see some reasoning behind their arrogance and indifference. Are they underpaid? Has their training been such? Station policy?

 

Cohesively, the characters just don't stick to their character - you introduce them in one kind, next mission they're totally different. You've got some good personality ideas, just try to think of ways you can emphasize them and have the characters stay true to themselves.

 

Seth Grief kinda just is there, not much to say about him, but I believe his role will be bigger in the chapter to come.

 

I talked to you about including the San Andreas characters (who you portrayed quite well) but that's your shot to call, really. They fit their part well. 

 

Big bother about the characters' personalities was also the dialogue - that's been dug onto before but just try to give them all an own way of speech, and don't overexplain. At points, I felt like a child being talked down on. Simple but smooth does it.

 

The character that had me most riled up was without a question the Governor, simply because of how un-Governor like he was acting. Driving his own car, being in charge of the investigation... while a Governor does have authority in the state, it really depends on the situation and what branch; if Anderson was an FBI agent, his assignment would be more understandable. But since Anderson was just an LVPD officer (not even a detective, which is another good point to note - a lead investigator, especially of Anderson's status, tends to be a Detective rather than an Officer) the Governor would not much authority over him directly. Perhaps his superiors, but not him.

 

Realism anyway is the biggest stumbling block you currently have. I'll mention just a few examples, because there are plenty. Only a few days after Davis became the suspect, the cops checked his criminal background - which normally would be among the first things to do. Same goes for checking if the victims are somewhat connected; in a case that's treated as serial murder, that would be the VERY FIRST thing to investigate. These are just things that - this is the most important thing I'm gonna tell you - have to do research on; Google, read books, ask someone who knows. I can help you with entry-level stuff once it comes to criminology.

 

I won't mention cars coming off ROOFS as it seems there's some paranormal activity going on here anyway. 

 

I hope I don't come across too harsh because, in general, I really enjoyed playing this first chapter. I'm expecting you to pick on some of the things mentioned for the next chapter, and I'm sure you'll do great. Keep it up man, and like said, research 

Edited March 29, 2019 by Notna

[RithRake24]

@Notna

 

Thank you so much for your review. This is probably the longest one I've ever seen!

 

Spoiler

First of all, thank you for your compliments on the overall premise, plot and gameplay. A lot of effort went in to ensure that the twists were unexpected and I tried my best to give a fresh feel to the gameplay, by giving some small new touches to the gameplay features that DYOM offers us. However, with all my focus on making sure the plot was unpredictable and the presentation was remarkable, I did not pay enough attention to quite a few other things, mostly characters and realism. I'm fully guilty for it.

 

I have to confess, I'm not the best with handling characters. I did have a definitive plan for Christopher's personality and I tried my best to stick with it, even if it seemed problematic at times. Josh was not planned very well in the initial stages; in fact, Josh is not even mentioned, even once, in my very initial plot and event outline for each mission. Josh was born, as a spur-of-the-moment character, when I realised that it would be difficult, and impractical, to picturise an investigative discussion without a companion. The nature of Josh's creation meant that he is by far the most unrealistic character in my MP, with his personality and behaviour being created at the spur of the moment like the character himself was. It was definitely a big mistake, and I will be sure on handling my characters more carefully in my future projects. In terms of character development and management, I can definitely say I'm still in the learning stage.

 

The same goes for how I handle dialogue. I'll be looking more into different types of speech for different characters in my future work.

 

For the un-cop-like behaviour of the cops in general, that was fully intended, with a full-fledged reason, as I mentioned in my reply to SatournFan's review as well. The reason they behave like they do and the reason that are still very corrupt is due to a factor that is yet to be revealed; it will be revealed soon enough, in the middle of Chapter 2. Hopefully I can bring that across effectively and realistically in Chapter 2.

 

Thank you for your input on the unrealistic nature in which I have portrayed the Governor. You have opened my eyes and I will attempt to fix some blunders like this as much as I can in Chapter 2. Obviously, some details cannot be fixed, like the Governor's direct contact with Chris, and the very fact that Chris has been established as a cop, not a detective, but I will attempt to give the Governor more of a "VIP" feel in the next Chapter.

 

I have noted all your points on realism and keep this in mind - my future projects will feature many changes in accordance to all the feedback I've received to date. Thank you for your feedback, it means a lot to me. 

 

[SeanAlgerian]

Played it, nicely and creative. here the review(Major Spoilers

Spoiler

Scenario: Let me say it, it's started actually good and great, dialouge is pretty logical and reasonable. But there was some writing mistakes as well, the animations did fit for the reality dialouge, that what I most like, the crime and details was very easy to understand, it's seems like an easy case to read, and the brainstorm thing to shoot the bottles wasn't necssary though, you could make him brainstorming other than shooting the bottles(shooting doesn't work irl so make more sense). I'll give this one a little 8.5/10

 

Difficulty: First of all, Let me say it, there was too much lack of gameplay in the mission pack, I know you would say it's a case MP's. I'll give it a shot not to think about the lack, but there was some. Second, the fight at Police Station, wasn't....you know what feels giving one enemy and with low health and bad aim, but there was surprise in the shooting at Grove Street, so hard but less health, your idea is the opposite I do in my mission, I do much health but less difficulty, in case you didn't know the fight in the underground with the gang bangers. You should hide the car we was driving to fight. Because I killed the morons with Chris car. Nothing to afraid of though, here it is and yes really 7/10 Sorry.

 

Gameplay: This is the part I liked so far, The objectives was smart and not less minded, you didn't only do shooting things as gameplay, but driving and investgating the case. but the lack of gameplay was the only thing brain washed my head from this rating, but I said I won't interfer it since it's this mission pack genre it's Crime, I'll give you this Golden One 9.5/10

 

FULL RATING: The full rating it's actually....8/10, Horaay! or isn't? If bad review I apologize, this is my actual and real review, Just waiting more improvments from you.

 

 

 

[RithRake24]

2 minutes ago, Seth said:

Played it, nicely and creative. here the review(Major Spoilers

  Reveal hidden contents

Scenario: Let me say it, it's started actually good and great, dialouge is pretty logical and reasonable. But there was some writing mistakes as well, the animations did fit for the reality dialouge, that what I most like, the crime and details was very easy to understand, it's seems like an easy case to read, and the brainstorm thing to shoot the bottles wasn't necssary though, you could make him brainstorming other than shooting the bottles(shooting doesn't work irl so make more sense). I'll give this one a little 8.5/10

 

Difficulty: First of all, Let me say it, there was too much lack of gameplay in the mission pack, I know you would say it's a case MP's. I'll give it a shot not to think about the lack, but there was some. Second, the fight at Police Station, wasn't....you know what feels giving one enemy and with low health and bad aim, but there was surprise in the shooting at Grove Street, so hard but less health, your idea is the opposite I do in my mission, I do much health but less difficulty, in case you didn't know the fight in the underground with the gang bangers. You should hide the car we was driving to fight. Because I killed the morons with Chris car. Nothing to afraid of though, here it is and yes really 7/10 Sorry.

 

Gameplay: This is the part I liked so far, The objectives was smart and not less minded, you didn't only do shooting things as gameplay, but driving and investgating the case. but the lack of gameplay was the only thing brain washed my head from this rating, but I said I won't interfer it since it's this mission pack genre it's Crime, I'll give you this Golden One 9.5/10

 

FULL RATING: The full rating it's actually....8/10, Horaay! or isn't? If bad review I apologize, this is my actual and real review, Just waiting more improvments from you.

 

 

 

Thanks for playing through my Mission Pack and writing a review, much appreciated!

[SeanAlgerian]

1 minute ago, RithRake24 said:

Thanks for playing through my Mission Pack and writing a review, much appreciated!

No problem, partner! waiting next chapters for exicting missions.

[AnthonyCo0L]

HeRe AnOtHeR FeeDbAcK fRoM mE!

Spoiler

You guess it, I liked the mission pack variety and writting so much, we begin with someone called Chris who is called by a Mayor to fix a unsolved mystery in the world of Los Santos , he meet characters that tried to disrespect him and act like he unknown. The meeting of good character like Josh were great since I see him as a supporting character, I like how you planned the "Sean Davis Ghost" and the player was thinking he may be a victim or the suspect, but afterwards we see he is dead and that the criminal used him as nobody and meanwhile we got ambushed by the criminal schema in the sewers. The Ending was absouletly a great ending to show predictions of what next.

 

Your style in doing dialouges is like a reality chat and discuss which I liked the most and there was no regulation mistakes as I see, there nothing I can say expect from my latest view in Old Friends series.

 

The Complete rating of Chapter 1 is Excellent!

 

[RithRake24]

1 minute ago, AnthonyCo0L said:

HeRe AnOtHeR FeeDbAcK fRoM mE!

  Hide contents

You guess it, I liked the mission pack variety and writting so much, we begin with someone called Chris who is called by a Mayor to fix a unsolved mystery in the world of Los Santos , he meet characters that tried to disrespect him and act like he unknown. The meeting of good character like Josh were great since I see him as a supporting character, I like how you planned the "Sean Davis Ghost" and the player was thinking he may be a victim or the suspect, but afterwards we see he is dead and that the criminal used him as nobody and meanwhile we got ambushed by the criminal schema in the sewers. The Ending was absouletly a great ending to show predictions of what next.

 

Your style in doing dialouges is like a reality chat and discuss which I liked the most and there was no regulation mistakes as I see, there nothing I can say expect from my latest view in Old Friends series.

 

The Complete rating of Chapter 1 is Excellent!

 

Thank you so much! I highly appreciate you taking your time to play through the Mission Pack, and thanks for the fantastic rating! Hopefully you'll like my future missions and MPs too...

[M316]

Well my friend, safe to say you have been waiting for this one the moment i said i will give this one a go and see what's the fuss all about. I gave you already some personal thoughts in the DMs and how i appreciate the effort but it is time for the official review for WPM (Chapter 1). Since i am reviewing a chapter and not an entire story, i will do another version of trimmed review different from my usual one, which is the one that i used for Target13's The Fort, seeing how i cant assess it overall over something that is WIP, but nontheless here it is....


 

Spoiler

So the story's theme is like a dark toned, serious and gloomy vibe, evident from the poster, weather, characters of choice as you noted for me privately and as much of a small factor that only the attentive people with sharp eyes can notice, it helps set the tone for the entire serious which is really nice now looking back at it, reminds me of GTA 3 adn GTA 4 when compared to the likes of Vice City and San Andreas shiny and colorful tone overall. You start off as an officer gone professional detective, Chris, who cracked many cases and was personally phoned by the governor himself to crack a special case that many detectives have failed at. Sounds interesting already but the turns and questions marks in this story helps build the hype. It got me asking alot of questions and thinking about possibilities before i advanced to the next phase which can hold the answer or give new insight. For example, when Josh and Chris went to Davis's house and discovered his early demise, i actually thought to myself that maybe you are gonna involve some super natural element like ghosts or something, i mean the guy can spawns huntleys everywhere, can escape in a matter of seconds and have some magic up his sleeves and there is no way a low life thug can think of quarter of that. So good on you for that part.

 

As for the most likely scenario which is Seth Grief, i am already wondering, is Seth using the governor and blindsiding him or is the governor himself working with Seth? I mean he personally called for Chris to come an crack the case, and then came ALONE adn picked him up which for a governor is unusual especially going out into the opena dn picking up someone notable by yourself without security, so that was fishy i dunno whether it was intentional or a mistake by you but was an interesting sequence. Also i like how Grief is the guy you are looking for while over OFDH you are breaching and sabotaging his sectors in his company so nice crossover.

 

So Chris is this smart, intelligent yet very overconfident at times like when he tailed the red huntley at first and got threatened by Davis. It was funny seeing him underestimating his adversary which also tbf was kinda obvious that something would go wrong, like all cliche movies do, that's what we call "foreshadowing" lmao. Josh is that one newbie in the group that everyone hates and wants to get rid off, he is the freshman of the personnels over LSPD, but what i like about your writing of the cops is that they are parreleld to those in the main story of SA, meaning self righteous assholes and it is very clear since the MP contains GSF, Tenpenny references who was the corrupt force in the SAPD in general so seeing these two universes in a small crossover gives off cleverness in your writing style.

 

Now lets get to the exceution itself, cutscenes wise, it is clear that you like to use smooth alot, at times it looks fresh and some good quality studio like pacing, at other times it feels like you oversaturated it, using smooth custcens alot can get annoying and distract the player from reading the dialogue so it is ok to use static, it is the blueprint for cutscene presentation. Dialogue sounds natural, i have heard that you legitimately revamped the dialogue cos it was "to direct and cartoonish a bit" and it shows since especially this is your first MP so flaws in this regard can be expected so it is a good thing that you came back to it, as for gameplay elements while minimal in a story packed mission which is understandable especially for a beginning of any MP, small gameplays elements like when Chris had to shoot the bottles to brainstorm with Josh is quite relaxing and clever thinking from your end, chasing parts were alright, nothing too shabby but it does the job. 

 

Now for the main juice, the ending, it leaves alot of question on what happened to Chris, did he die(probably not lmao), where did they take him, is Seth behind this, is the governor allies with him, we will find out next (hopefully). You picked the right moment as it was one of the hottest points in the chapter and it raises every eyebrow possible to waht had happened.

 

Overall, Chapter 1 was very good with little to no flaws, that's why i will give it a 8.6/10, the reason i wont use my official ranking is simply cos it is reserved for complete story MPs/missions, and i am pretty sure with your new found experience and improvement from your remake to Chapter 1's dialogue, safe to say this MP wont disappoint my friend. Count me in as one of those looking forward to your future work, Cheers!!!

 

Edited May 27, 2021 by M316

[RithRake24]

Thank you for the very detailed review! I very much appreciate it.

 

Spoiler

The Governer driving himself was an oversight on my part. Back when I designed it, I didn't consider the fact that Governors don't simply drive themselves, until it was pointed out to me in reviews. When I went back to do the remaster, I only changed objective text and not any design element, so this mistake stays unfixed.

 

Also... I rarely use smooth? I usually use linear, but that tends to be only for establishing shots, where I show the exterior of the sequence, otherwise I use static. I don't remember using smooth cutscenes much at all in dialogues

 

Note to others: this 'remastered version' that M316 referenced is unreleased as of yet. It will be released when Chapter 2 is ready, which should be in the coming months.

[MassM]

Nice missions you got RithRake, And I like investigation missions.

Good luck with your next chapter 

[RithRake24]

On 6/27/2021 at 5:56 PM, MassM said:

Nice missions you got RithRake, And I like investigation missions.

Good luck with your next chapter 

I appreciate the kind words! The next chapter is currently 3/4 done but I have currently been too busy to finish it. I hope I complete it soon