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ThatKyloRenGuy

GTA The Ballad of Gay Tony Rewritten

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ThatKyloRenGuy

I will be rewriting IV and TLAD this year as well just like I’m doing here and with V. However, all four rewritings will probably crossover with next year. 2018 marks the 5th anniversary of GTA V and the 10th anniversary of GTA IV/EFLC. The only other GTA I’ll be rewriting is San Andreas but that’ll have to wait until next year in 2019 as that year will mark the 15th anniversary of that game. Without any further ado, allow me to present (drum roll please) GTA TBOGT Rewritten!

 

I LUV LC

It is April 2008. Luis Fernando Lopez is at the bank with a computer technician by the name of Eugene Reaper. Both of them had their whole bodies face down on the ground as Derrick McReary, Patrick McReary, and Michael Keane all had their guns pointed at them. The vault had been blown to smithereens and Niko Bellic was down in there, collecting the cash. 

Eugene whispered to Luis “Ya know? I was a high school football player. I caught the ball and scored a touchdown with only seconds left of the game, winning it!”

Luis whispered back to Eugene “I still don’t think it’s a good idea for you to combat these people”.

Derrick: Both of you! Shut up if you want to live! Otherwise, my brother and I are just making a withdrawal.

Packie: You f*cking idiot! You just told them we were brothers! Now the bacon is gonna come to us faster than it does at a breakfast house!

Just then Niko came back out of the vault, saying “I’ve got the cash! Let’s get out of here!”

Eugene shouted “NOT SO FAST!!!” and shot Michael Keane to death.

Packie shot Eugene to death while shouting “SAINT F*CKING MICHAEL!!!”

Luis waited as Niko, Packie, and Derrick headed out of the bank. He got up slowly as that was his opportunity and dashed right out of the door, only to be stopped by an LCPD officer. Luis put both of his hands up in the air while saying “I’m just a witness!”

The LCPD officer told him “Alright then! You are free to go! I advise you to get out of this area as soon as you can, though because things are about to get rough”.

Luis: Alright officer! Take care!

Luis and the LCPD officer parted. Luis ran as fast as he could out of the area, hearing all sorts of gunshots being fired. He answered a call from Tony Prince.

Tony Prince: Lou! You’re still alive! Thank God! How did it go?

As Luis kept walking on, he answered with “The place got robbed. Eugene is dead”.

Tony: Sh*t! Oh, just come see me at my apartment.

Luis: Will do, boss!

Luis hung up, put his phone in his pocket, walked to Tony’s house, and rang the doorbell. Tony let him in. As Luis walked inside, he met with two Italian-American mobsters of the Ancelotti crime family named Rocco Pelosi and his Uncle Vince.

Tony: Luis, I can’t believe I forgot to introduce you to these fine relatives of Gracie. Rocco and Vince, this is Luis. Luis, this is Rocco and Vince.

Luis: Nice to meet you two. But seriously, what are you guidos even doing here?

Rocco: Just collecting money that Mr. Gay Tony here owes us!

Tony: Listen, it’s from a long time ago, guys.

Vince: We’re the Ancelottis. We don’t forgive and we don’t forget! You should keep that straight by now, fag!

Rocco said to Luis, “See ya around, Spic!”

Right as Rocco and Vince were about to set foot outside, Tony shouted “WAIT!”

Rocco and Vince looked back and Rocco sighed then said “Whaddaya want?”

Tony: We are not guidos, fags, or Spics. We are a melting pot in this here country and everyone is equal. Capiche?

Rocco: (rolls his eyes) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me something I don’t already know. Goodbye!

As Rocco left with Uncle Vince, Tony told Luis “Just take me to the club, Lou. It’s our only hope of not going broke right now”.

Luis and Tony got in Tony’s car and Luis drove Tony to the nightclub. There, they met with Dessie and Troy. Luis and Tony got out of the car.

Troy: Big Tony in the house! How’s it going, man?

Tony: Well, not the best! I’ll discuss it inside!

Tony told Luis that he did a good job and that he won’t be needing him until tomorrow then patted him on the back and walked inside with Troy.

Just then, two Dominican guys were trying to get into the nightclub but couldn’t. They turned around and said “Our boy, Luis!”

Dessie: (to Luis) You know them?

Luis: Yes. They’re my friends.

Dessie: Really? I want confirmation.

Luis: Their names are Henrique Bardas and Armando Torres. I’ve known them since childhood.

Dessie: Okay then. You two are officially members.

Armando: Nah, we’ll just catch the club later. It’s getting late. Luis, drive us home if you please.

Luis: Fine.

Luis got in Tony’s car with Armando and Henrique. He drove both of his friends back to his neighborhood while they just had a bit of small talk. They thanked Luis as they got out and Luis drove back to his apartment. As he got out of his car and walked into his apartment, he went to bed and said “Peace at last!”

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ThatKyloRenGuy

PRACTICE SWING

Luis woke up to what he initially thought was just his phone ringing but it turned out to be a call from Tony. He picked up the phone and upon answering it, he said “Why so early in the morning, T?”

Tony: Uh, it’s 9 in the morning?

Luis: Sh*t. I think I may have overslept.

Tony: Come meet me at the golf course. Rocco is there too.

Luis hung up and said “Sh*t. Anyone but that guy!” He walked out of his house, got in his car, and drove to the golf course. As he got to the driving range, Rocco said “Well, about time you showed up, Mex!”

Luis: I’m Dominican, not Mexican, dumbass.

Rocco: Dominican, Mexican, Puerto Rican, Cuban, Colombian, Venezuelan, Spaniard, same f*cking thing!

Luis: Yeah, and it’s all Latin, just like Portuguese and you guineas!

Rocco: Oh, strong words you’ve got there!

Luis: Just tell me what I came here for already!

Rocco: Alright. I’ve got a Messina crime family member tied up on a golf cart. You are to hit that son of a b*tch with a golfball until he gives us the information!

Rocco handed Luis the club and ran up to and got in the golf cart.

Rocco: Start now!

Tony stepped back as told by Luis. Luis gave the ball a great whack and it went right over the golf cart.

Rocco: You pulled it!

Luis teed up and hit another ball. This time, it curved and fell in a sand trap.

Rocco: Don’t tell me you were missing on purpose there!

Tony: Come on, Lou. Third time’s a charm.

Luis: Just stay quiet. I can’t concentrate with you talking over me.

Luis kept a keen eye on the ball, got in position, and slowly swung the golf club. The golfball went in the air with the tee coming out of the ground. Luis, Tony, and Rocco were all staring at the golfball as it moved. They all closed their eyes simultaneously as it hit the Messina mobster right in the stomach.

Rocco: Are ya gonna tell us some info now?

The Messina mobster responded with “I ain’t telling you sh*t!”

Rocco told Luis to “hit him again” as he moved closer by a target.

Luis aimed for the target and the golfball hit the target.

Rocco: Want me to hit it for ya?

That snarky comment wound up biting Rocco in the arse as the golfball ricocheted off of the target and hit the Messina mobster, who said “My men will be coming to get you!”

Rocco moved to the very back of the driving range.

Tony: You’ve got this, Lou!

Luis: FORE!

He hit the golfball with his eyes closed and as he opened them, he kept his fingers crossed as the golfball hit the Messina mobster right between the eyes.

Rocco: And out he goes!

Just then, other members of the Messina crime family surrounded the golf course.

Tony: Let’s get out of here!

Rocco: Let’s split up! I’ll fight my way outta here! You and the fag, go the other way! Caio!

Luis pulled out a gun, stood his ground with Tony standing right behind him, and began firing at will. As Tony and Luis walked along the trail of shot mobsters at the golf course, the LCPD showed up.

Tony: Sh*t! Now we’ve got the cops on our tail!

Luis grabbed Tony by the arm and ran right out of the golf course, stealing a police car along the way. Luis sped off and became out of sights to the LCPD helicopter.

Tony: Whoosh! That was TOO close! Take me home, Lou!

Luis drove Tony back to his apartment and let him out.

Tony: Alright, Lou. See ya around. And remember, you can’t just leave the police car here.

Luis: I won’t Tone. Adios.

Luis then drove away from Tony’s apartment as if nothing happened.

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AiraCobra
4 hours ago, ThatKyloRenGuy said:

-snip-

 

I'm sorry but it's honestly so hard to read this drivel the way it is written.

 

Could you please learn the basics of punctuation, grammar and paragraphing when writing these stories the lack of all three makes it hard to read as it's all jumped together especially when there is no spacing AT ALL between what paragraphs there are.

 

Might I suggest downloading an add-on called Grammarly  it's a free tool to help you write and it will point out errors being made with Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation but not paragraphing but paragraphing is more or less common sense when you end a paragraph with a sentence you create a space to start the next paragraph use this post as an example as I am putting a space between each statement I'm making.

 

I myself use Grammarly as i'm far from perfect myself but mostly for its spell checker as it's very solid and up to date while regular PC spell checkers aren't and it will sometimes catch mistakes I make regarding punctuation and the correct spelling and when and correct time to use apostrophe such as when it's correct to use its instead of it's"

 

I would comment on your story but I simply couldn't read it as it was as I said looked jumbled maybe in the future when you have those 4 issues sorted out maybe then myself and others will be able to read them and give you more constructive criticism on how to make the story better.

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universetwisters

Like I said in your past threads, the writing format is so poor it makes me want to throw my house out my window.

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Sinner!
10 hours ago, ThatKyloRenGuy said:

I will be rewriting IV and TLAD this year as well just like I’m doing here and with V.

 

Why? the scripts in GTA are already of a very high-quality.

 

I don't even care about the formatting or grammar, what does bother me, is you're essentially just taking Rockstars story and quite literally just changing its script with very minor & meaningless changes.

 

It's very uncreative, aimless, and just all-around pointless.

 

I'm not a writer myself, but surely the whole point of writing is for you to create your own concept & narrative as opposed to taking someone else's and just changing it ever so slightly. 

Edited by Sinner!

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ThatKyloRenGuy

MAMA'S BOY

 

Luis walked into the house of his mother, Adriana Lopez, and began staring as he found a mysterious guy.

 

Luis: Mami, who the f*ck is this guy?

Adriana: It's complicated Luis, he's a businessman.

Mr. Santo: Hey, it ain't that complicated. My name is Mr. Santo and your mom has been making the same, classic American mistake which is living beyond her means.

Luis: Hey, don't talk about my mom like that!

Mr. Santo: I like your mom. If I didn't, I would've had this place burnt down by now.

Luis: (sarcastically) Oh, I'm REALLY afraid of you, mother*cker!

Mr. Santo: Come on, Luis.

Luis: See ya later, mami.

Adriana: BE CAREFUL!

 

Luis followed Mr. Santo out of his mother's house.

 

Mr. Santo: Let's walk and talk.

 

Luis continued to walk with Mr. Santo.

 

Mr. Santo: Alright, so I've organized a cage fight in which you fight a Lost MC dude by the name of Billy Grey. Secondly, you fight an Italian mobster named Ray Boccino. Last, but not least, you take a dive after fighting an Irish mobster named Patrick McReary!

Luis: Well, why would I do that?

Mr. Santo: I don';t know, perhaps because you want to keep your mom's house..

Luis: F*ck me, bro!

 

Once Luis and Mr. Santo got to the arena, an announcer said "First up, representing the Lost MC, their one and only President! Billy Grey!" Jim Fitzgerald, Clay Simons, Terry Thorpe, and Brian Jeremy were all clapping and cheering as Billy walked into the cage.

 

Billy Grey: Yeah! Who's the deadbeat who wants to fight me? Huh?

 

Announcer: And now to the contestant to fight him! LUIS FERNANDO LOPEZ!!!

 

Luis walked out and jerked his head.

 

Billy: Ha! You're kidding me, right? Too bad Johnny's not here.

 

Luis put up his fists and began dodging Billy's punches. He eventually was backed up against the cage's wall. He ducked as Billy threw a punch, hitting his hand against the cage. Just then, Luis crawled underneath Billy and punched him repetitively against the cage, knocking him out!

 

Announcer: LUIS IS THE WINNER! He now begins to challenge the Pegorino crime family's capo...RAY BOCCINO!!!

 

Ray Boccino came out into the cage as Billy was dragged out.

 

Ray: Nowhere for you to go, buddy!

 

Ray punched Luis then threw him to the ground. Luis got up weakly.

 

Mr. Santo: What is he doing?!

 

Random Guy: He's kicking his ass! That's what he's doing!

 

Mr. Santo: (sternly) I meant Luis!

 

Luis then kicked Ray in the knee, punched him down to the ground, and hit him in the head over and over again. Ray was then knocked out as Luis held his arms up in the air.

 

Announcer: Now for the grand contestant-put your hands together for PATRICK MCREARY!!!

 

Packie: You look familiar!

 

Luis: Likewise!

 

Luis and Packie had their fists collide. As Packie kicked, Luis took him by his left leg and body slammed him. As Packie got up, Luis kicked him down in order to knock him out.

 

Announcer: AND THE GRAND WINNER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IS LUIS FERNANDO LOPEZ!!!

 

Luis and Mr. Santo walked outside shortly after the cage fight.

 

Mr. Santo: What the f*ck man? You were supposed to go down the last time! Have you forgotten that quickly or something?

 

Luis: Come at me tough guy! I ain't taking your sh*tty orders!

 

Mr. Santo: I'm gonna make you wish you took a dive!

 

Luis chased Mr. Santo into the sidewalk as he knew what he was up to. Luis pulled out his pistol and stood there as Mr. Santo kept running. Right when Mr. Santo was almost taking a left turn, Luis shot him multiple times, leading to his death.

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universetwisters

Wasn't Billy arrested during the events of Mama's Boy?

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Sinner!
On 10/17/2018 at 8:10 PM, ThatKyloRenGuy said:

Italian mobster named Ray Boccino

Why would a slick Guido like Ray be fighting in an underground cage fight? seems very out of character. 

 

On 10/17/2018 at 8:10 PM, ThatKyloRenGuy said:

F*ck me, bro!

 

You have randomly shoehorned story characters into the cage fighting part. outside of that, it's the same story. 🙄

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