The B*tch & Moan Thread (Part 3)

[DuhBritishTea]

7 hours ago, God-eater said:

An Open Letter to Pac Standard Hosts who don't set the outfits to Player Saved

You would be surprised at the amount of people who don't know that the heavy vest exists or know what it does. Some blame falls on them, yes, but I also blame R* (and Lester) for not explicitly telling players that it exists and makes your life easier. I replayed Criminal Mastermind and at no point in any cutscene did Lester mention "oh yeah you should go get these vests. They will make your life much easier". I mean they even show up inside the heist room in your apartment for crying out loud.

 

If I have to play with randoms I will grab the helicopter and pick them up so they don't inadvertently fail the heist because they don't know how to parachute and splat their way to HEIST FAILED.

[Rotorhead359]

39 minutes ago, DuhBritishTea said:

You would be surprised at the amount of people who don't know that the heavy vest exists or know what it does. Some blame falls on them, yes, but I also blame R* (and Lester) for not explicitly telling players that it exists and makes your life easier. I replayed Criminal Mastermind and at no point in any cutscene did Lester mention "oh yeah you should go get these vests. They will make your life much easier". I mean they even show up inside the heist room in your apartment for crying out loud.

 

If I have to play with randoms I will grab the helicopter and pick them up so they don't inadvertently fail the heist because they don't know how to parachute and splat their way to HEIST FAILED.

Correct. The game (or at least the heist npcs) doesn't tell you about this. The game shows it in the tool tips during the outfit selection screen, but who looks at that, right? Me neither.

And you can only see it when you select a heavy vest outfit, which are only available from selection during Humane raid EMP, Valkyrie and Finale. Very easy to miss it.

 

Of course, I understand some hosts wanting the same outfit on everyone (usually set to Leader Full Choice) but even if it is set to Player Saved, chances are nobody will actually use a heavy vest.

Some hosts only use Player Saved Outfits so that the crew won't check out all the outfits before pressing ready.

Edited September 12, 2020 by AirWolf359

[Battle Scars]

I had already unlocked the trade price for the Opressor MK 2 and yet when I go to Warstock, tells me to do 5 client jobs to unlock trade price, I already did that when it came out in the After Hours DLC... 

[Angry Akula]

You get up early on a sunday morning to take advantage of the bunker's double payout, but the fuggin PSN is down... FFFFFUUUUUUUUU

[God-eater]

@DuhBritishTea & @AirWolf359, I cannot disagree, tho I wish that none of that were true. That said, no one ever told me about the Heavy Vests, either - I just figured out what the Vest did from the HLR missions and by looking thru the clothing options at the shop (admittedly, there were far fewer options to sift thru back in those days). 

 

I definitely wish that the game made a point of informing players about these options. I suspect that back in the day R* intended for it to be secret pro knowledge that we'd work out for ourselves, much like the various (legit) tricks and shortcuts peppered throughout the OG Heist missions; I also suspect that nowadays there is simply too much going on in-game for the current crop of newbies to apply the same focus to the OG Heists that we did when they first came out.

 

And, of course, I don't expect R* to do anything to increase knowledge that would lead to more successful and more profitable missions for players. Hell, I imagine someone got fired over the Heavy Vests once Der Fuhrer Zelnick found out about them ("Vast ist dis? Ze players can makken ze money mitout buying ze Shark Cards? Nien nien nien NIEN!"). Probably why they've been disabled for every heist since.

[Talisman_83]

If R* cannot patch godmode, then remove vehicles from the game that enable it - like the Speedo van.

 

Honestly, if I was a R* dev, I should be f*cking ashamed of myself. 

 

How can this still be a thing?

[Wastelander (Suzuki)]

23 minutes ago, Talisman_83 said:

If R* cannot patch godmode, then remove vehicles from the game that enable it - like the Speedo van.

 

Honestly, if I was a R* dev, I should be f*cking ashamed of myself. 

 

How can this still be a thing?

Better option, Remove the God Mode Flag/Code from the actual game's code/console base. Job done.

Get rid of the MKII completely while we're at it.

[J-Scott-D]

51 minutes ago, Talisman_83 said:

If R* cannot patch godmode, then remove vehicles from the game that enable it - like the Speedo van.

 

Honestly, if I was a R* dev, I should be f*cking ashamed of myself. 

 

How can this still be a thing?

It's apparently by design.

[Shadowfennekin]

On 9/12/2020 at 8:54 AM, God-eater said:

An Open Letter to Pac Standard Hosts who don't set the outfits to Player Saved and to the Crew who will not get into the NOOSE Van at f*cking gunpoint:

 

Dear Idiots

 

Why do you hate money and success? I'm virtually dying to know.

 

Regards, 

 

God-eater

 

P.S. Before anyone chimes in with (using my best nasal Karen voice), "Mnyaaaah, I'm such a god at gta that I don't need the Heavy Vest", you can tongue-punch my fart-box. The Heavy Vest is such a massive advantage that only a fool would give it away. No deaths means no restarts which means more money and less time (which means more money).

 

P.P.S. Before anyone chimes in with "Mnyaaaah, I'm such a god at gta that escaping by motorcycle is no problem for me", here is an entire bag of dicks you can eat. The Van is BULLETPROOF and if a cop rams you the cop bounces off rather than catapulting you right into a case of terminal road rash. No damage means MORE MONEY.

 

Five and a half f*cking YEARS, man, and people still have no idea how to do this heist.

 

Brought to you by someone who just watched a crew lose every possible dollar they could by riding bikes while wearing tuxedos. As in, hit the cap and came away with the minimum take.

This is one of the many many reasons I NEVER do this or Doomsday Scenario

Too many f*cking idiots

 

I'll even message people in advance "Please drive straight to the boat, it's quicker and less risk of death" yet I'll get these leroy jenkins who get on motorbikes and either die getting to the mountains or die parachuting! 

 

PB gets a pass IF double is going on, since competent people might actually be doing it and I won't be wasting my f*cking time constantly redoing it. But otherwise; Fleeca, Humane Labs, Series A, and Doomsday part 1/2 finale are all I do if I feel like Heisting

And Casino, but people never seem to do setups..... so I just host my own

Edited September 13, 2020 by Shadowfennekin

[Wastelander (Suzuki)]

6 minutes ago, Shadowfennekin said:

This is one of the many many reasons I NEVER do this or Doomsday Scenario

Too many f*cking idiots

 

I'll even message people in advance "Please drive straight to the boat, it's quicker and less risk of death" yet I'll get these leroy jenkins who get on motorbikes and either die getting to the mountains or die parachuting! 

 

PB gets a pass IF double is going on, since competent people might actually be doing it and I won't be wasting my f*cking time constantly redoing it. But otherwise; Fleeca, Humane Labs, Series A, and Doomsday part 1/2 finale are all I do if I feel like Heisting

And Casino, but people never seem to do setups..... so I just host my own

Act 3 can die in a nuclear hellfire. You will always fail in three exact ways every time.

1. Freemode Tryhard and/or Low Level tries to fight the AI with Freemode Rollin', Rollin, Rollin' Rollin' tactics and dies before you even get into the first hallway

2. Aforementioned two people will die BY THEIR OWN STICKY BOMB AND RPG SPAM when blowing the crates up

3. Said people, if you've made it this far will not and can not survive the hacking part, they will also die so often it almost seems like they do so on purpose. Doesn't help one of the hacks, usually the first f*cking one, is slightly broken so you can't just simply point the beam at the last node, so you're forced to spend about 5 minutes side swiping that motherf*cker till it works.

Heist perma fails because someone said "F*ck this s*it and leaves" or you get stuck with the YOUR CEO HAS LEFT loop of death.

[Retro_Causality]

am i allowed to bitch and moan anbout the bitching and moaning?

[HamwithCheese]

47 minutes ago, Retro_Causality said:

am i allowed to bitch and moan anbout the bitching and moaning?

No.

[Shadowfennekin]

51 minutes ago, Wastelander (Suzuki) said:

Act 3 can die in a nuclear hellfire. You will always fail in three exact ways every time.

1. Freemode Tryhard and/or Low Level tries to fight the AI with Freemode Rollin', Rollin, Rollin' Rollin' tactics and dies before you even get into the first hallway

2. Aforementioned two people will die BY THEIR OWN STICKY BOMB AND RPG SPAM when blowing the crates up

3. Said people, if you've made it this far will not and can not survive the hacking part, they will also die so often it almost seems like they do so on purpose. Doesn't help one of the hacks, usually the first f*cking one, is slightly broken so you can't just simply point the beam at the last node, so you're forced to spend about 5 minutes side swiping that motherf*cker till it works.

Heist perma fails because someone said "F*ck this s*it and leaves" or you get stuck with the YOUR CEO HAS LEFT loop of death.

Death by RPG, I can forgive. It's happened to me sometimes cause people are so damn ignorant and walk right in front of you as you're firing rockets!

[Arrows to Athens]

1 hour ago, Retro_Causality said:

am i allowed to bitch and moan anbout the bitching and moaning?

Sure, but you'll be doing the very thing you're bitching and moaning about.

[DuhBritishTea]

3 hours ago, Wastelander (Suzuki) said:

You will always fail in three exact ways every time.

You forgot the AI magically killing you in 0.2 seconds despite not using miniguns like Juggernauts. Hell, even juggs take more time to kill me than these cheating scumbags.

[El Cavilldo]

Now that this B&M thread seems trending on 'noobs messing heists', would you mind sharing an updated guide or YooToob link to heisting Pacific Standard et.al.? That NOOSE van trick sounds sweet...

[DarkReign27]

4 hours ago, Wastelander (Suzuki) said:

Better option, Remove the God Mode Flag/Code from the actual game's code/console base. Job done.

Get rid of the MKII completely while we're at it.

Ya until that orbital canon or that bike is nerfed or removed entirely it's never been GTA online to me it's some freak show.

[Debesta]

"Rockstar Games has given you some clothes"

[Standard Deluxe 59]

2 hours ago, El Cavilldo said:

Now that this B&M thread seems trending on 'noobs messing heists', would you mind sharing an updated guide or YooToob link to heisting Pacific Standard et.al.? That NOOSE van trick sounds sweet...

It's fairly simple

1. Shoot a hostage

2. Get to the bikes

3. Ride bikes to roadblock where a noose van is parked, usually one is right up the street.

4. Get in noose van and hope your getaway driver knows what the hell he's doing.

 

Assuming you take the western highway and the driver knows how to, well drive, you should make it to the boats with enough time to get away.

[SlammerRPM]

3 hours ago, Debesta said:

"Rockstar Games has given you some clothes"

Masks are not clothes.

 

2 hours ago, Standard Deluxe 59 said:

It's fairly simple

1. Shoot a hostage

2. Get to the bikes

3. Ride bikes to roadblock where a noose van is parked, usually one is right up the street.

4. Get in noose van and hope your getaway driver knows what the hell he's doing.

 

Assuming you take the western highway and the driver knows how to, well drive, you should make it to the boats with enough time to get away.

Works almost as well with a regular police car. And they are everywhere. One person drives while the other three shoot.

[MaddenedGhost]

On 9/12/2020 at 1:54 PM, God-eater said:

An Open Letter to Pac Standard Hosts who don't set the outfits to Player Saved and to the Crew who will not get into the NOOSE Van at f*cking gunpoint:

 

Dear Idiots

 

Why do you hate money and success? I'm virtually dying to know.

 

Regards, 

 

God-eater

 

P.S. Before anyone chimes in with (using my best nasal Karen voice), "Mnyaaaah, I'm such a god at gta that I don't need the Heavy Vest", you can tongue-punch my fart-box. The Heavy Vest is such a massive advantage that only a fool would give it away. No deaths means no restarts which means more money and less time (which means more money).

 

P.P.S. Before anyone chimes in with "Mnyaaaah, I'm such a god at gta that escaping by motorcycle is no problem for me", here is an entire bag of dicks you can eat. The Van is BULLETPROOF and if a cop rams you the cop bounces off rather than catapulting you right into a case of terminal road rash. No damage means MORE MONEY.

 

Five and a half f*cking YEARS, man, and people still have no idea how to do this heist.

 

Brought to you by someone who just watched a crew lose every possible dollar they could by riding bikes while wearing tuxedos. As in, hit the cap and came away with the minimum take.

Open letter to you my friend: Don't do heists with randoms.

Edited September 14, 2020 by MaddenedGhost

[suicidal_banana]

8 hours ago, Standard Deluxe 59 said:

It's fairly simple

1. Shoot a hostage

2. Get to the bikes

3. Ride bikes to roadblock where a noose van is parked, usually one is right up the street.

4. Get in noose van and hope your getaway driver knows what the hell he's doing.

 

Assuming you take the western highway and the driver knows how to, well drive, you should make it to the boats with enough time to get away.

Good luck getting on the mountain in that van though, and using swat to go to boat directly is just asking to lose money (its too slow/you will bring cops & get shot a few times before boating the f- out of there) and shooting hostage to get swat is going to make the whole journey harder, with all due respect the swat van strat is the worst one there is.

 

Quick strat with bikes:

Spoiler

Requirements: People that understand you

 

- Go into the bank as normal
- One person grabs all the cash
- Somebody else clear street in front of bank
- Everybody hop out of bank till they see yellow marker, go back inside and wait, the person that cleared street run to bikes
- That person blows up the bikes, then a few seconds later blow themselves up, everybody vote restart, all 4 players respawn at bikes
- Everybody get on a bike, the person with the money goes the yellow route, the other 3 players wait there, NOBODY FIRE A SINGLE SHOT
- After like 30-45 seconds the remaining 3 players go, all cops will focus on the group of 3 and ignore the 1 person actually capable of losing money, as long as nobody fires a shot all cops have terrible aim so use that to your advantage, never shoot = much less chance of getting killed.

- Finish the mission as intended (all get to the jump, parachute to boat, get out of there)

Fancy strat with heli:

Spoiler

Requirements: Decent motorbike like a bati, apartment next to where the bikes spawn, at least one car inside that appartement's garage, people that understand you

 

- One player spawns in with bati or equally 'stunty' motorbike, take it to the big ammunation near the 'park', then drive to the drainage canal, stop at the last building on the left, this one (Other players all just go to bank and wait at the door)
- Take the stairs up to the roof, 90% of the time going up these stairs spawns a heli on the police station roof, if you see a heli go back down and onto the bridge next to the police station, if you dont see it go back to ammunation and back to this same building/up these same stairs. (theres other heli spawns around the map but you kinda want this spawn since ~75% of the time it spawns a buzzard heli, which is faster then the police maverick)
- When on the bridge, aim for the 'bridge-wall' right below the corner of the police station roof and wheelie into it in such a way that you jump onto the police station, steal the heli, fly it to where the bikes spawn, park it on the blue basketball court
- Now get into the garage of the nearby apartment and tell your teammates this in chat: "A few seconds from now please shoot random pedestrians until we get a fail, then choose restart", after telling them this quickly get into the car inside the garage and wait. (stay inside the garage, dont chat as it will automatically drive you out)
- If all went well you should be sitting in a car, inside the garage, and then the mission fails, everybody hit restart, everybody will spawn across the street from bank. You have now saved that helicopter for after the bank (It will remain on the basketball court for how ever many restarts it takes to get there, just know that as soon as you touch the heli it will be gone the next restart)
- Go inside the bank as normal, one person grabs cash.

- After cutscene of cops pulling up, another person clears street, 3 other players hop out for a sec (till they see yellow marker) and go back inside and wait
- The person that cleared street runs for bikes, blows them up, blows up themselves, players hit restart and they all respawn at the bikes
- Now one person blows up all 4 bikes, then everybody go to the basketball court & jump into the heli
- Fly towards zancudo military base/the boat (go in such a way that you can pass between zancudo on the left and the mountain on the right side about 75% up the mountain)

- When you go over the ridge of the mountain thats between you and boat, plummet your heli down as much as you can / dare right away (leaning forward and sideways will help u go down faster then normal, just be careful of the few trees that are there)
- Land with the tail pointing away from the boat (so nobody makes the mistake of running into tail rotor) and all rush to boat and get out of there. (If you did the heli-plummet from previous step properly what you have achieved is all cops spawn on a road higher up the mountain, unable to reach boat/do damage to the money bag)

 

 

DONT
USE
NOOSE

VAN
 

Also if you just really wanted to shoot hostages:
Do so after lester tells you to regroup at the door, as soon as the full amount of money is collected / as soon as the hostage icons vanish you can kill them all and it wont bring swat.

Edited September 14, 2020 by suicidal_banana

[No Homing]

Didn't get the Gauntlet Classic trade price... is this a known bug?

[SouthLand]

What's the point of allowing players to buy more than +200 vehicles if you can't store even 50% of that?

 

I have as much properties as i can + Nightclub, Office with all the parking spaces, Arena war, Facility and all others and i still need more space...

 

We should be allowed to buy as much properties as we want without limit.

[Timsalabimbo]

35 minutes ago, No Homing said:

Didn't get the Gauntlet Classic trade price... is this a known bug?

Yes, could have something to do with it having a Benny upgrade now.

[BakedVandal]

Never fails to happen! 
 

[DarkReign27]

1 hour ago, BakedVandal said:

Never fails to happen! 
 

"Top of the line in utility sports, Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!

Canyonero! Canyonero! (Yah!)"

 

 

Edited September 14, 2020 by DarkReign27

[xInfected_Virus]

5 hours ago, No Homing said:

Didn't get the Gauntlet Classic trade price... is this a known bug?

Yep, I even made a thread about it. 

 

[God-eater]

18 hours ago, El Cavilldo said:

Now that this B&M thread seems trending on 'noobs messing heists', would you mind sharing an updated guide or YooToob link to heisting Pacific Standard et.al.? That NOOSE van trick sounds sweet...

Just to expand on what @Standard Deluxe 59 said:

• Shoot some hostages
• One person takes all the cash
• Upon exit, the other 3 clear the street
• Money carrier steps out of the bank, pops back in & hides. 
• 1 or 2 others wait outside the bank just in case cops respawn and to take out choppers for the Runner
• 1 guy plays Runner - ideally the most experienced run 'n' gunner, ideally wearing the Heavy Vest. Runner goes to the bikes, blows them up & suicides
• Restart at the bikes
• Next bit depends on how cooperative the crew is. Either one guy rides out to the NOOSE Van & brings it back to the Money Carrier, or you all ride to the Van & get in as quickly as possible. Don't dawdle, don't engage cops, NOOSE Van is located just up the road next to that little ramp, can't miss it, it's along the gps route.
• Drive the Van west to the Great Ocean Highway
• Take the Highway all the way to the Bridge just past Hookie's and around 'dead man's curve', drive off the road to the right at the southern end of the bridge, follow the dirt road to the boat. Do it fast & smooth and you'll be at the boat before the cops get there (although there may be a car or heli that spawns, but for the most part dodge/ignore them)
• Drive the Van into the water right next to the boat, board fast and GTFO of there sharpish, again refraining from shooting any cops.

It is possible to lose a little bit of money at the end or if the Van goes head-on with something immovable, but I'm talking 10-20 grand here, which is nothing in the great scheme of things.

 

NOTE: Does not work with randoms. They'll ride right past the NOOSE Van then send you "wot r u doin" messages right before they catapult off their bikes.

 

13 hours ago, SlammerRPM said:

 

Works almost as well with a regular police car. And they are everywhere. One person drives while the other three shoot.

Gaaah, no, don't do that. As @suicidal_banana quite correctly points out, shooting a cop during the getaway ramps up their accuracy and aggression. Cop cars have no protection, so you willl definitely take some hits, and if you crash and the cops pile on to you, someone's probably gonna die.

 

6 hours ago, suicidal_banana said:

/snip

In principle I agree with you, the helicopter method is unquestionably the superior method, practically guaranteeing a full take, and your bike method advice is spot on; however, as you suggest under 'requirements', you need people to understand, listen, know what you're doing (or at least be able to figure it out) and cooperate. Randoms simply cannot do those things. I've never pulled off the heli escape without at least voice comms in play; hell, I've had people quit while I'm setting it up because they think I'm trolling. There's no way randoms can allow the money carrier to get a head start since randoms have to be First In All The Things and treat teammates like competition.

 

The NOOSE Van is as good as it's going to get with mute randoms, and even then it only works 40-50% of the time since randoms Will Not Be Told. They either ignore the Van or die 600 times before considering that maybe the Rank 600+ guy knows what he's doing.

 

Messages are typically ignored - eg on a recent Prison Break, as the Pilot, I messaged Demo 3 times telling them that I can handle the jet and to help the Prison Team (who had already died twice). Demo insists on trying to shoot down the jet, finally hits it... while I'm flying about 50 feet behind it, collateral explosion takes out the Velum. Oh, the response from Demo? I quote "I HAVE TO WHAT I NEED TO DO YOU F*CKER". Sigh...

 

So, yeah, in theory your suggestions are the A-grade, hands-down best methods; in practice, they are pipe dreams. Because randoms.

 

@MaddenedGhost, I know, I know, no idea why I keep doing this to myself... Here's hoping CP2077 breaks my GTA addiction once and for all.

Edited September 14, 2020 by God-eater

[B7R]

Have to love the Insta raids the second you press the button to start up your Motorcycle club. All I wanted to do was quick spawn in my MK I and this happens (MK II just got destroyed by a dingbat) 

 

What am I paying my security charges for if this is how I get raided?  Even Bunkers & Nightclub raids aren't as frequent as the moment you start up your organisation. 

 

 

..... and this is why I don't touch MC's anymore, don't have the patience to deal with sudden surprise raids because the in-game clock structs 12 and triggers a random MC raid. Their only still open at this point because of my Nightclub otherwise I'd shut them down and never touch them again.