[MP] Hunger for Justice

[xandeco17]

Story

• The story recounts the life of Ricky Melvin, a simple man living in Palomino Creek, who works with his father at a local pizzeria. He had the same routine every day, he only worked all day and then went home, only one thing happens that would change his life forever, everything he did would become insignificant, and then he met new people , and has a completely different routine from the previous one.

 

 

Characters

• Ricky Melvin

It is the protagonist of this journey, in which you must control.

 

• David Peterman

Mysterious man who appears most of the time giving orders to some thugs in the countryside.

 

• Paul Luts and Billy O'Connor

Two of the bandits who suffer influence/are commanded by David Peterman.

 

• Tony Adams

Man looking to help Ricky after big dilemma in his life. It's like a "big brother" to Ricky.

 

• And others...

 

 

Missions

1 - In the beginning

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is my first pack of missions, I ask you to evaluate calmly because I am still starting in DYOM, thank you!!!

 

 

[DennysCute99]

Good luck on this.

[xandeco17]

15 hours ago, DennysCute99 said:

Good luck on this.

Thanks man!

[SeanAlgerian]

I like that, keep it cool!

[omigawail]

As promised, I'm going to write a kinda satirical review of the first and introductory mission, as that is often the most important part of a storyline:

 

 

We start off in an eerie small town, completely empty and void of any signs of human life. It's fine if you turn off traffic and pedestrians to make the bike drivers path correctly, but you should add some flavor actors and cars to make it seems... not apocalyptic. The father and son duo are introduced to us immediately after. I can see that they are not just family, but are close friends as well. The conversation part is kinda... weird, since it's all smooth cutscenes (most of the dialogue happens during the transition between the 2 actors, so it appears in the middle instead of when you see a specific character) with the actors repeating the same animation over and over again.

 

The father claims that the day was successful, but I see the Pizzeria empty? Who are they serving? it seems to me like the entire town is empty. Not just from a gameplay perspective, the dialogue itself also seems off to me. the son mentions that it's his birthday late at night, you don't celebrate your birthday late at night when you are closing a shop as far as I know, but who am I to say, I'm don't work in a Pizzeria in a zombie town...

 

I kinda love the father/son duo, I'm starting to root for them in this missionpack. (Just a question, is the father divorced? Ricky didn't talk about having a mother at all) The son walks away to throw the trash, apparently the only place to throw the trash nearby is on the top of a Mount Chiliad, so it took him some time to reach it. He doesn't notice the gangsters going inside the Pizzeria, they say "Give us the money or we'll kill you" but later say that they didn't even take any money..? Oh yeah, they also killed him.

 

We see a death from the first mission, I honestly didn't have much time to relate to the father, and his death was just... there, a way to progress the story. I didn't feel any pain from it, and it seems neither did the son since his grieving is interrupted by him just deciding to sell the Pizzeria, the one thing left to him by his father. The son says that he can't survive off the Pizzeria money, but he and his father lived just fine working at it, so why is it suddenly not enough money? I guess zombies and ghosts don't eat Pizza a lot. Speaking of zombies and ghosts, humans awoke form their sleep and now roam the city, and police only work when the sun rises, good job not doing your job, incompetent police officers!

 

Ricky walks away from his father's grave to sell his shop, I wonder what his father would think about that decision. After wondering lost for a few hours, Ricky finally uses sees the car with four doors. You couldn't have been more vague about describing your car, Tony Adams! "Hey I'm just outside a building with a door and a window. What do you mean you can't find me? Nevermind, just use GPS..." The experienced Businessman Tony Adams attempts to buy property without doing a background check, also, how does he know that a person's father was murdered, yet doesn't know his name even though he's a close friend?

 

When he does know that he's a close friend though, the mission just suddenly ends. Leaving us all asking our selves, wondering about the most important question of all: what about Ricky's birthday cake?

 

 

Final verdict: The story tries so hard to be serious, but the cheesy dialogue holds it back. As you improve in writing, the missionpack will also improve in quality until it's on par with some of the best storylines around here. I can't judge you on the gameplay, since I didn't see it yet. There's one thing I can't stress more, and it is that the actors need to be animated better. Depending on what action they are doing, change the type of hand motion they use. Hide the actor then immediately spawn another one on top of it with a different animation, it hurts my eyes when I see a character wiggling their hands like they are trying to catch a mosquito that's been annoying them for 10 minutes.

 

Score: It is average, too average. There is nothing that sets it apart from anything else. It's not so bad that it becomes a cult classic, but it's not good enough to become a cult classic either. It's just there for you to play for some minutes of entertainment, or time wasted... depending on how fun you find it.

[xandeco17]

11 hours ago, Nuddle King said:

I like that, keep it cool!

Thanks, man, keep playing.

18 minutes ago, omigawail said:

As promised, I'm going to write a kinda satirical review of the first and introductory mission, as that is often the most important part of a storyline:

 

 

We start off in an eerie small town, completely empty and void of any signs of human life. It's fine if you turn off traffic and pedestrians to make the bike drivers path correctly, but you should add some flavor actors and cars to make it seems... not apocalyptic. The father and son duo are introduced to us immediately after. I can see that they are not just family, but are close friends as well. The conversation part is kinda... weird, since it's all smooth cutscenes (most of the dialogue happens during the transition between the 2 actors, so it appears in the middle instead of when you see a specific character) with the actors repeating the same animation over and over again.

 

The father claims that the day was successful, but I see the Pizzeria empty? Who are they serving? it seems to me like the entire town is empty. Not just from a gameplay perspective, the dialogue itself also seems off to me. the son mentions that it's his birthday late at night, you don't celebrate your birthday late at night when you are closing a shop as far as I know, but who am I to say, I'm don't work in a Pizzeria in a zombie town...

 

I kinda love the father/son duo, I'm starting to root for them in this missionpack. (Just a question, is the father divorced? Ricky didn't talk about having a mother at all) The son walks away to throw the trash, apparently the only place to throw the trash nearby is on the top of a Mount Chiliad, so it took him some time to reach it. He doesn't notice the gangsters going inside the Pizzeria, they say "Give us the money or we'll kill you" but later say that they didn't even take any money..? Oh yeah, they also killed him.

 

We see a death from the first mission, I honestly didn't have much time to relate to the father, and his death was just... there, a way to progress the story. I didn't feel any pain from it, and it seems neither did the son since his grieving is interrupted by him just deciding to sell the Pizzeria, the one thing left to him by his father. The son says that he can't survive off the Pizzeria money, but he and his father lived just fine working at it, so why is it suddenly not enough money? I guess zombies and ghosts don't eat Pizza a lot. Speaking of zombies and ghosts, humans awoke form their sleep and now roam the city, and police only work when the sun rises, good job not doing your job, incompetent police officers!

 

Ricky walks away from his father's grave to sell his shop, I wonder what his father would think about that decision. After wondering lost for a few hours, Ricky finally uses sees the car with four doors. You couldn't have been more vague about describing your car, Tony Adams! "Hey I'm just outside a building with a door and a window. What do you mean you can't find me? Nevermind, just use GPS..." The experienced Businessman Tony Adams attempts to buy property without doing a background check, also, how does he know that a person's father was murdered, yet doesn't know his name even though he's a close friend?

 

When he does know that he's a close friend though, the mission just suddenly ends. Leaving us all asking our selves, wondering about the most important question of all: what about Ricky's birthday cake?

 

 

Final verdict: The story tries so hard to be serious, but the cheesy dialogue holds it back. As you improve in writing, the missionpack will also improve in quality until it's on par with some of the best storylines around here. I can't judge you on the gameplay, since I didn't see it yet. There's one thing I can't stress more, and it is that the actors need to be animated better. Depending on what action they are doing, change the type of hand motion they use. Hide the actor then immediately spawn another one on top of it with a different animation, it hurts my eyes when I see a character wiggling their hands like they are trying to catch a mosquito that's been annoying them for 10 minutes.

 

Score: It is average, too average. There is nothing that sets it apart from anything else. It's not so bad that it becomes a cult classic, but it's not good enough to become a cult classic either. It's just there for you to play for some minutes of entertainment, or time wasted... depending on how fun you find it.

Buddy, you have no idea how much your review motivated me even more to do this MP, I swear. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Yes, in fact some "nonsense" things happen, but in the course of the upcoming missions all these "loose pieces" will fit into a kind of timeline. So I'll start to justify some cases here:

 

1 - The fact that they made a lot of money that day, the pizzeria was empty simply because the work day was over, it was 22 o'clock in the evening, 22 o'clock in a "ghost town".

 

2- Yes, Ricky's mother has not been mentioned in this introduction, but everything will be explicit in the course of the missions to come, be calm.

 

3 - The fact that the thugs did not take the money, just killed Anthony, it was because they got an order (there at the beginning of the mission, where Anthony says "You know what to do"),

and also, before Murder has the following sentence: "Ah Paul, we do not have time for this, let's act" which means they just went to do what they were assigned, which was kill Anthony Pierce.

 

4- About him having to sell the pizzeria, maybe it was because Anthony (when he was alive) supported Ricky, and Ricky had / has a huge desire to grow in life, he did not want to be subjected to living a life working in a small pizzeria in Palomino Creek, but this will also be explained in the upcoming mission.

 

5- The police have only arrived in the morning at the pizzeria, can also be a clue of what is happening, stay tuned!

 

6- Tony Adams is a businessman who was returning to San Andreas, his relationship with Anthony will be explained soon, wait.

 

7- On the four-door car, yes, I was too lazy.

Sincerely, thank you for writing this review, you helped me a lot, motivated me even more. Reading things like this lets me know that there are people following my mission and I am very happy about it. I will do everything to improve.

[SeanAlgerian]

48 minutes ago, omigawail said:

As promised, I'm going to write a kinda satirical review of the first and introductory mission, as that is often the most important part of a storyline:

 

 

We start off in an eerie small town, completely empty and void of any signs of human life. It's fine if you turn off traffic and pedestrians to make the bike drivers path correctly, but you should add some flavor actors and cars to make it seems... not apocalyptic. The father and son duo are introduced to us immediately after. I can see that they are not just family, but are close friends as well. The conversation part is kinda... weird, since it's all smooth cutscenes (most of the dialogue happens during the transition between the 2 actors, so it appears in the middle instead of when you see a specific character) with the actors repeating the same animation over and over again.

 

The father claims that the day was successful, but I see the Pizzeria empty? Who are they serving? it seems to me like the entire town is empty. Not just from a gameplay perspective, the dialogue itself also seems off to me. the son mentions that it's his birthday late at night, you don't celebrate your birthday late at night when you are closing a shop as far as I know, but who am I to say, I'm don't work in a Pizzeria in a zombie town...

 

I kinda love the father/son duo, I'm starting to root for them in this missionpack. (Just a question, is the father divorced? Ricky didn't talk about having a mother at all) The son walks away to throw the trash, apparently the only place to throw the trash nearby is on the top of a Mount Chiliad, so it took him some time to reach it. He doesn't notice the gangsters going inside the Pizzeria, they say "Give us the money or we'll kill you" but later say that they didn't even take any money..? Oh yeah, they also killed him.

 

We see a death from the first mission, I honestly didn't have much time to relate to the father, and his death was just... there, a way to progress the story. I didn't feel any pain from it, and it seems neither did the son since his grieving is interrupted by him just deciding to sell the Pizzeria, the one thing left to him by his father. The son says that he can't survive off the Pizzeria money, but he and his father lived just fine working at it, so why is it suddenly not enough money? I guess zombies and ghosts don't eat Pizza a lot. Speaking of zombies and ghosts, humans awoke form their sleep and now roam the city, and police only work when the sun rises, good job not doing your job, incompetent police officers!

 

Ricky walks away from his father's grave to sell his shop, I wonder what his father would think about that decision. After wondering lost for a few hours, Ricky finally uses sees the car with four doors. You couldn't have been more vague about describing your car, Tony Adams! "Hey I'm just outside a building with a door and a window. What do you mean you can't find me? Nevermind, just use GPS..." The experienced Businessman Tony Adams attempts to buy property without doing a background check, also, how does he know that a person's father was murdered, yet doesn't know his name even though he's a close friend?

 

When he does know that he's a close friend though, the mission just suddenly ends. Leaving us all asking our selves, wondering about the most important question of all: what about Ricky's birthday cake?

 

 

Final verdict: The story tries so hard to be serious, but the cheesy dialogue holds it back. As you improve in writing, the missionpack will also improve in quality until it's on par with some of the best storylines around here. I can't judge you on the gameplay, since I didn't see it yet. There's one thing I can't stress more, and it is that the actors need to be animated better. Depending on what action they are doing, change the type of hand motion they use. Hide the actor then immediately spawn another one on top of it with a different animation, it hurts my eyes when I see a character wiggling their hands like they are trying to catch a mosquito that's been annoying them for 10 minutes.

 

Score: It is average, too average. There is nothing that sets it apart from anything else. It's not so bad that it becomes a cult classic, but it's not good enough to become a cult classic either. It's just there for you to play for some minutes of entertainment, or time wasted... depending on how fun you find it.

Yo man, that kinda too much for him to do, he can't do it more real extreme realistic, GTA SA is a game and DYOM is a mod, I mean is only 1 mission to explain everything, which he can't tell the full info of what going on, plus you didn't think about some sentence which make sense that you said questioned about. Is a mission pack though, not some weirdo cult exist in real life, DYOM is classic as always, or shall I call it Classico, and yeah he new member so you shall give him some times, I thought reviewers will review every each mission pack after 2 missions or 3 released, so the MP will be more understandable. I am agree with you about his mistakes, but he doing his full efforts.

[xandeco17]

1 minute ago, Nuddle King said:

Yo man, that kinda too much for him to do, he can't do it more real extreme realistic, GTA SA is a game and DYOM is a mod, I mean is only 1 mission to explain everything, which he can't tell the full info of what going on, plus you didn't think about some sentence which make sense that you said questioned about. Is a mission pack though, not some weirdo cult exist in real life, DYOM is classic as always, or shall I call it Classico, and yeah he new member so you shall give him some times, I thought reviewers will review every each mission pack after 2 missions or 3 released, so the MP will be more understandable. I am agree with you about his mistakes, but he doing his full efforts.

Thanks for the words, bro. I know that all the criticisms here are constructive and they are to make me improve more and more in the MP.

[omigawail]

8 hours ago, xandeco17 said:

Thanks for the words, bro. I know that all the criticisms here are constructive and they are to make me improve more and more in the MP.

Thanks. I'm excited to see the continuation. As of now the introduction gives a sense of mystery and curiousity, but as the storyline progresses more stuff will hopefully be revealed (Still sad that I didn't eat some of Ricky's cake though )

 

To Nuddle: Thanks for worrying about him, I wasn't trying to be harsh. A lot of the stuff I said is just jokes and nitpicking. Think of it as a "DYOM mission sins'.

 

anyways gl on the missionpack dude.

[xandeco17]

6 hours ago, omigawail said:

Thanks. I'm excited to see the continuation. As of now the introduction gives a sense of mystery and curiousity, but as the storyline progresses more stuff will hopefully be revealed (Still sad that I didn't eat some of Ricky's cake though )

 

To Nuddle: Thanks for worrying about him, I wasn't trying to be harsh. A lot of the stuff I said is just jokes and nitpicking. Think of it as a "DYOM mission sins'.

 

anyways gl on the missionpack dude.

Thank you my friend, stay tuned!!