This just in!

[The Wandering Hunter]

hydra destroys 4 armoured cars carrying vips across the city. police decided to give up the chase after the fourth died.

[Kyoto]

Armed man wearing a White Snake Skull mask, akin to Frederico "Zardonic" Agreda's iconic mask, was last seen downtown with a Hawk & Little manufactured heavy sniper mkII gunning down "innocent" civilians and other explosive warriors who were stricken with so much fear they instantly bombed themselves to avoid the hell this man has caused.

 

His message, released by the LSPD, is "We're bringing back the glory."

[REXX]

Weasel News!

 

We have just got word that a $15,000,000 cybernetic organism known as Project

B-62R or REXX is roaming around San Andreas. The cyborg apparently escaped Humane Labs and Research three years ago. There is a $1,000 reward for the person that brings him to us so we can sell it and make a $14,999,000 profit, muah ha ha).

 

I'm Dick Fiddler, Weasel News.

[Sentinel Driver]

Breaking news!

 

If you want to read the news you first have to do research in your bunker to unlock the newspaper (there's also 932 new liveries such as a chrome paint for bulletproof helmets.) And once you have unlocked the newspaper, you can buy the newspaper for only 4 million dollars. Buying the newspaper triggers a mission where you have to drive in a post op boxville delivering newspapers to every house in LS. You must be in a full public lobby to start the mission. If your boxville is destroyed you have to do the research again. But if you manage to complete the mission you can read your newspaper. Here's what it says

 

 

buy more kash kerds XD

 

[Kushology]

MAN FINDS HELICOPTER IN ASS

 

 

 

Edited August 24, 2017 by Kushology

[J1M]

"Helisexual woman proposes to attack helicopter!"

 

 

"Once you go attack, you won't go back"

 

Edited August 24, 2017 by J1M

[REXX]

 

MAN FINDS HELICOPTER IN ASS

 

 

Well with a pose like that, she was assking for it REKT!

[pptz84]

The bank has been robbed! ... again. Next.

[zoso80]

** Breaking News **

 

Missing persons alert issued for community member unseen for weeks. Rumors persist of deep disgust and frustration with Los Santos by the person just prior to disappearance. If you have any known whereabouts please contact the Los Santos Police Department or Blaine County Sheriffs Office.

[Solid Scorpion]

This just in!

 

Fake news.

Pursed lips weird hand gesture.

Edited August 24, 2017 by Solid Scorpion

[HeistsActivist]

Four masked men with assault rifles pulled up to the Vinewood Casino last night in a black van. Security footage suggests they may have been trying to rob it, more security footage from that same night shows a similar looking van with men wearing the same suits stopping across the street and trying to enter a Fleeca bank. After many failed attempts one man was seen kicking the door shouting out "Give us new heists goddamnit!" The police were called by a civilian but the suspects got away before the police could get there...

Edited August 24, 2017 by HeistsActivist

[Gridl0k]

A daring heist on the Chumash branch of Fleeca was averted yesterday when the driver of the car scoping out the bank crashed into it. A man could be heard swearing loudly in the distance.