This just in!

[SqualidCoyote]

What newspaper headline would we see if the Los Santos Meteor reported on your average day cruising around the city?

[Nyamber]

Breaking News!

 

Fort Zancudo has been forced to retire it's entire fleet of Savage Attack Helicopters, as they were accidently left out in the rain. This damaged the armor on those "flying tanks" beyond repair.

[SHADOW OPS]

Shirtless and tattooed masked vigilante oppresses city!!!

[bloatedsack]

PORTAL TO ANOTHER DIMENSION APPEARS IN LS!

A mysterious affliction seems to have effected the citizens of San Andreas and Los Santos where they lose place in the space-time continuum and either jump in and out of phase with our universe or are instantly transmitted to another instance of our universe where they exist entirely alone.

 

Leading scientists have blamed an unknown theory called "P2P," alternating blaming everything on a mysterious entity known only as "Cockstar."

[ViceOfLiberty]

West Vinewood costume party explodes into apocalyptic warfare! Flamboyant jet fighter armed drug cartel commits acts of homo erotic terrorism.

Edited August 22, 2017 by ViceOfLiberty

[⁣V⁣]

This just in...

 

Player disappears from the session because a cheater was spamming explosions on their location. Sports at 11.

Edited August 22, 2017 by --V--

[lll-H-I-M-lll]

Breaking news:

 

Harbujahn is off the radar

[B_E_N_1992]

Breaking News:

 

Vice City & Liberty City appear just off the coast of Los Santos

[Zerani]

Breaking News:

 

It's just in, a chrome supercar with what looks like pink money wheels is now speeding down the highway of Los Santos, police have been in pursuit of the speeding chrome vehicle for over 2 hours and are still en pursuit as we speak. Here's live footage of it right now!

 

Now for the weather report:

 

Cloudy with a chance of Hydra bullets for the next three days, then the skies should clear up by the weekend bringing in bombings from Oppressors and sunny skies.

Edited August 22, 2017 by NateAssassin

[ViceOfLiberty]

Just in!

Snake Plisken lands in Los Santos to stop threat of nuclear chaos!

[Sanches]

Fixing news!
Why everyone are breaking them?

[PaeganLoveSong]

Extra! Extra! Packs of griefers warded off by armed squad of vigilantes dresses like cowboys and rum runners! Read all about it!

[Coleco]

BREAKING NEWS

 

Shark Officially Jumped in Southern San Andreas

 

 

 

Read more on this story in just four short hours or access it NOW for a nominal fee

[CarimboHanky]

mine would be an investigative article in which the reporter try to uncover the reasons why some of the citizens of los santos own many cars that are identical

[Matrelith]

BREAKING NEWS

 

 

Man spotted at the beach having a good time.

Edited August 22, 2017 by Matrelith

[SuperJude™]

Breaking News!

 

Man Does Nothing During Bank Heist, Still Profits!

 

The criminal in question apparently made off with over Three Hundred Thousand Dollars despite what seems to be a lack of anything to do.

 

The Criminal has released a statement:

 

"I wouldn't say I did nothing. I waited for the other guys to get a helicopter and park a car in front of the bank. I hacked a panel, I grabbed all the money then I hid inside the bank til someone got to our escape vehicles and blew themselves up. I gallantly hit 'replay' and got into a helicopter before getting out and getting into a boat. I wouldn't call that nothing!"

Edited August 22, 2017 by SuperJude™

[ViceOfLiberty]

Breaking news!

Los Santos man, XxYoMommaJizz69xX, convicted on 276 counts of murder and arson, sentenced to death in the street by the strong arm of the law. Interview with the 63 deputies who fired the fatal shot at 7. Stay tuned!

Edited August 22, 2017 by ViceOfLiberty

[Zader]

SHOCKING!

Lunatic in Fox Mask Spends Four Days in Garage without Food or Drink!

[555-We-Tip]

Auto Theft Up 700% in Past Year

[ViceOfLiberty]

Are malfunctioning street lights causing T-bone accidents in Los Santos? More at 8!

[REDDICE]

BREAKING NEWS: NEW BRAIN PARASITE CAUSING LOS SANTOS DRIVERS TO PURPOSELY RUN DOWN PEDESTRIANS AND RAM OTHER DRIVERS OFF THE ROAD. RESEARCHERS AND INVESTIGATORS HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THE PARASITE WAS RELEASED INTO THE PUBLIC BY INSURANCE COMPANIES FOR PROFIT

 

More after these messages: "Wake up in the morning, drop a big ol' log...

Edited August 22, 2017 by REDDICE

[ViceOfLiberty]

VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES CAUSING UNPROVOKED KILLINGS IN SAN ANDREAS!

[DangerZ0neX]

Unless if it is acknowledged and talked about in the narrative segment of the game, anything that occurs during free-roam gameplay is not canon.

 

This is why in GTA IV, Niko will state that he hasn't killed civilians and that he only targeted cops and gangs as well as certain targets that require assassination during cutscenes, even if you had him run over the entire pedestrian traffic in Star Junction for 3 hours straight. So, obviously, any jet griefing and oppressor sh*ttery not will get reported or talked about because no such thing ever happened.

 

Anyway, by all means, you can still go ahead and write about it if you feel like it as all I did was give my two cents.

[jwdrinkwaterjr]

News Flash!

Member of notorious biker gang terrorizes south Los Santos with attack helicopter. Thousands of rounds fired before pilot crashes into ocean. No injuries reported.

[ntinoskonsta]

Breaking News!

 

A notorious criminal known only by his codename, Agent 14, is using groups of high-class entrepreneurs to wreak havoc all over San Andreas. According to reports, he helps them set up a gunrunning business for obscene amounts of cash, then pits them all against each other by notifying everyone to intercept whenever one of them tries to move supplies, thereby causing massive destruction across Los Santos and Blaine County. Police state that this might be the most dastardly act of terrorism they have ever witnessed.

[PaeganLoveSong]

Unless if it is acknowledged and talked about in the narrative segment of the game, anything that occurs during free-roam gameplay is not canon.

 

This is why in GTA IV, Niko will state that he hasn't killed civilians and that he only targeted cops and gangs as well as certain targets that require assassination during cutscenes, even if you had him run over the entire pedestrian traffic in Star Junction for 3 hours straight. So, obviously, any jet griefing and oppressor sh*ttery not will get reported or talked about because no such thing ever happened.

 

Anyway, by all means, you can still go ahead and write about it if you feel like it as all I did was give my two cents.

Could YOU be allergic to harmless fun? Find out during our interview with Dr. Isiah Friedlander. Tonight at 7 on Weazel News!

[ash-274]

Lizard woman continues reign of terror; dozens of civilians and police killed in latest airborne attack against quasi-military group. Rumors of the suspect shopping in discount clothing stores remain uncorroborated.

[Nick1020]

A strange trend is going on where citizens are blowing themselves up in the middle of a gun fight. No one can explain why this happens or the reasoning behind it.

[The Wandering Hunter]

advert from los santos customs

 

for sale: 1 million elegy retro customs with custom plates

[Kushology]

All I read is the Daily Globe.

 

OT;

 

Breaking News!

 

Random citizen takes on a group of experienced griefers and gets slapped!