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[MP] - Mafia World.


Pablo Javier

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Pablo Javier
''Mafia World''

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Story:

A Japanes oldman called Kouhai Fujida, created his criminal organization, ''Akabashi Mafia'', that name in honor for his Died Grandpa ''Sr Akabashi'', now they want to be the mafia the were, fighting against other Gangs / Mafias... So Shiro, a New Member enter in the ''Mafia World'' for be part in the Criminal Organization History!


Characters:


Shiro Lee - Protagonist = He was born in Japan, Tokio. He is the new member and he enter in the ''Mafia World'' (Age 29).


Crazy Bald (Unknown Name) - Coprotagonist = He was born in Japan, Yokohama, He is a crazy guy! (Age 27)


The Important Members - Secondaries = Shou Ichiawa (34), Kenzo Kamira (25 - Died), Ryo Honaki (28). / They are the important members of the mafia, like subleaders.


Kouhai Fujida - Secondary = He was born in Japan, Osaka. He's a serious person, the mafia boss. (Age 64),


Pepe - Secondary = A mexican guy, he was a Rifa's member, but he left when he knows they sell drugs. (Age ?)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Woozie - Antagonist = He's the leader of Triads, his organization have a big rivalry against Akabashi Mafia. (Age ?)


Cachorro - Antagonist = He's the leader of Rifas, since T-Bone Mendéz died, he know he was the successor. (Age 28)


Double G - Secondary Antagonist = He was the right hand of Cachorro. - (Age 27 - Died)


Owaki - Secondary Antagonist = He's the right hand of Woozie, since Su Xi Mu dies, Woozie know he was the perfect successor.


Gangs / Mafias:


Akabashi Mafia = Leader; Kouhai Fujida - Important Members; Ryo Honaki and Shou Ichiawa - Remarkable; Shiro Lee and Crazy Bald.


Triads = Leader; Woozie - Important Members; Owaki...


Rifas = Leader; Cachorro - Important Members; N/A...

==============================================

Download:



Chapter 1 Missions:


Introduction

The New Member

Speed Change

Gunshoot

Ruining the Meeting

Good Information

The Last In Die 1/2

The Last In Die 2/2


I'm working on the next chapter, be careful!


By - My Name Is Pablo aka Pablo Javier...


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My review:


 


Story/Plot: 3.5 - Hi, I'm Green Goo. I played the first chapter of your Mission Pack "Mafia World" and I have to say that the story or the plot was good, I liked the story of this MP but you some mistakes and I'll point them out.

Effects: 4.0 - The effects you put in this MP were great I liked your style in designing, keep it up.

Overall Gameplay: 4.0 - Gameplay was good, but you should work on the intro hardly before starting the "Gun shootings". What I mean's the 3 first missions were a little short, so work better on the prologue and the introduction.

Grammars: 3.0 - The most really annoying mistake in this Mission Pack was the grammar, your grammar isn't that good. You look like a good designer so you should work laboriously on your grammar next time.

Difficulty: 3.5 - Seriously this Mission Pack is difficult for me, and for all of us. Make it a little easy next time, I mean "Medium".

Length: 3.5 - As I said in the overall gameplay, the first 3 missions were short, and rest were good not that bad. In dyom you can put 100# objectives. Make your missions longer than the others.

Final Score: 3.58 - And this is the final result. In my opinion, I think you're a good designer, I don't want you to become like the other newbies in this community, You should work and fox your mistakes then come back to designing. Play other MPs and SLs, see how our great designers design missions. The real good designer must be creative. So I suggest you to fix your mistakes, play other awesome missions, then come back to designing. This is it. Hope you didn't take any offence from me. And one more thing, work on the logo of your topics and make good names for your mission. For example change the "Mafia World" into "The Triad War" or "The Mafia War" :)

 


Edited by .GreenGoo

Work In Progress : [MP] Fallen Nation



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Pablo Javier

 

My review:

 

Story/Plot: 3.5 - Hi, I'm Green Goo. I played the first chapter of your Mission Pack "Mafia World" and I have to say that the story or the plot was good, I liked the story of this MP but you some mistakes and I'll point them out.
Effects: 4.0 - The effects you put in this MP were great I liked your style in designing, keep it up.
Overall Gameplay: 4.0 - Gameplay was good, but you should work on the intro hardly before starting the "Gun shootings". What I mean's the 3 first missions were a little short, so work better on the prologue and the introduction.
Grammars: 3.0 - The most really annoying mistake in this Mission Pack was the grammar, your grammar isn't that good. You look like a good designer so you should work laboriously on your grammar next time.
Difficulty: 3.5 - Seriously this Mission Pack is difficult for me, and for all of us. Make it a little easy next time, I mean "Medium".
Length: 3.5 - As I said in the overall gameplay, the first 3 missions were short, and rest were good not that bad. In dyom you can put 100# objectives. Make your missions longer than the others.
Final Score: 3.58 - And this is the final result. In my opinion, I think you're a good designer, I don't want you to become like the other newbies in this community, You should work and fox your mistakes then come back to designing. Play other MPs and SLs, see how our great designers design missions. The real good designer must be creative. So I suggest you to fix your mistakes, play other awesome missions, then come back to designing. This is it. Hope you didn't take any offence from me. And one more thing, work on the logo of your topics and make good names for your mission. For example change the "Mafia World" into "The Triad War" or "The Mafia War" :)

 

 

 

Hi, i think you have reason. Before the gunshoot missions i need to do more about the history, thanks!

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