The Assistant's Oral Work - Bit of Fun!

[LL Cool L]

this might be one of the funniest gifs I have ever seen

[deadx23]

Oohh I'm glad you choose that assistant rexx

 

Rexx: I got sum oral work for ya

 

Assistant: wha--! *Makes obscene noises*

 

[Rafae]

Me likey

[ALifeOfMisery]

Assistant: I have two degrees, both in finance.

 

Me: I swear to f*cking Lucifer, if there is ever a glitch where I can kill you I'm going to leave my PS4 in rest mode until it burns just so I can shoot you every time you open your f*cking mouth.

[REXX]

Oohh I'm glad you choose that assistant rexx

 

Rexx: I got sum oral work for ya

 

Assistant: wha--! *Makes obscene noises*

 

[ciel]

assistant: boss I have some bad news

me: ugh, did my oppressor get impounded, again?

assistant: no.. you're being sued.

me: lmao what, by who?

assistant: the ceo of YG Entertainment, he says you've tweeted him over 1000 death threats.

me: BITCH THEY AINT THREATS. call pegasus and get them to prep my buzzard, I got a ugly fat rat to dispose of in Seoul

assistant: all this because he disbanded your favorite korean girl group?

me: SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH. 2NE1 deserved better!

Edited December 9, 2017 by xxi

[Malibu Club]

Assistant: What's cooking? Let me know.

 

Me: Nothing. Definitely not a ruffie in your drink.

[Slonitram]

Assistant: My fearless leader!

 

Daniel: *In a Soviet uniform* OUR fearless leader.

 

Assistant: Cyka.

[Gridl0k]

btw the Facility assistants don't get all mouthy when I accidentally ask for 31 P&Qs instead of 30 so f*ck the receptionist, they can sit there mute from now on.

[LeakyLine]

btw the Facility assistants don't get all mouthy when I accidentally ask for 31 P&Qs instead of 30 so f*ck the receptionist, they can sit there mute from now on.

THIS, GOD DAMMIT, THIS. SHUT THE F*CK UP YOU CONDESCENDING C*NT. IF I WANT MORE SNACKS, I'LL TAKE MORE SNACKS. DON'T GIVE ME ANY F*CKING LIP.

[Lupo-Akane]

I like my female assistant, better the ljt and the others that call me.

[LT. Ronald C. Spiers]

I like my Assistant, she is flipping better then the brain dead Johnny on the spot, yes i need a flipping car you dumb a** *&%*$& &*%$#$. I wish we could just kill him...and LJT.............

Takes me back to the days when he tried, miserably, to deliver my jet. Those were the days!

[Sentinel Driver]

*phone rings*

Me: Please be special item call

*picks up phone*

Assistant: This garage spa...

Me: *gunshot*

Assistant: Hello? Are you there boss?

Me: *silence*

Edited January 8, 2018 by Sentinel Driver

[PwnageSoldier]

I'm happy this isn't dead.

 

Anyways since all of my characters have extensive military training, and are in a paramilitary organization, I'd like to think my assistant is somewhat able to defend herself.

 

SCENARIO 1 (I'm not present during this)

*a C4 charge blows the staircase door off it's hinges (that doesn't exist in-game), and four insurgents burst out with Compact Rifles*

Assistant: *grabs the Assault Shotgun I order her to keep with her and decimates them before they even get a chance at a shot*

*the phone rings, she picks it up*

Me: The f*ck was that explosion coming from the office? I just got back!

Assistant: Oh, just the normal, run-of-the-mill terrorists who probably wanted to kidnap me and steal sh*t from the office.

Me: Well, why aren't I hearing one of them on the phone?

Assistant: Because they are too busy dealing with multiple shotgun shells in their chests. Kinda f*cked up my hair though.

Me: That's why I love you.

 

This is just a random weird scenario I thought up.

 

SCENARIO 2

*I walk into the office, wearing my fatigues like usual when I'm not dealing with stuff*

Assistant: Hey boss! Great to see you!

Me: Nice to see you too! Why are you here though? I thought I let you have a vacation week.

Assistant: Oh.. well I guess I was a little bored, so I just came back here to do work and wait 'till you show up because that's when I actually do hard and fun stuff.

Me: I guess that makes sense. Don't you have a family to see though?

Assistant: Yeah, but I'm practically married to my work so it doesn't matter. Personally I enjoy being around you more!

Me: Thanks for the compliment! Alright, I got sh*t to do, see ya.

Assistant: Bye sir! I hope you come back soon!

Me (thinking): Dafuq is she trying to pull?

 

I hope I can make more!

Edited January 8, 2018 by PwnageSoldier

[Killer Whale]

Me: *walks past male assistant*

Male Assistant: "You look jacked, boss."

Me: *stops* "Whut?"

Male Assistant: "Nice car you jacked, boss. I'm not a fan of Vapids, but the FMJ is really--"

Me: "Oh! The car, you mean! Carjacking, you meant. Oh, I thought you meant--"

Male Assistant: "No! No. Of course not, boss. I would never jac--"

Me: "Yeah, you wouldn't. You couldn't."

Male Assistant: "Uh huh..."

Me: "Yeah... Send me the deets on that X80 before it gets away." *leaves office*

Male Assistant: "Sure, sure."

[fw3]

Another fun thread, REXX! Thank you!

ME: Okay, we've been at this for a while now. I really wanna give you… <interrupted>
ASSISTANT: Nope. Sorry, boss. It's never going to happen!

ME: Wait, you didn't let me finish what I was going to… <interrupted>
ASSISTANT: Doesn't matter! It's never going to happen. Not ever!

ME: Well, no, it won't when you keep interrupting me when I… <interrupted>
ASSISTANT: The more you push it, the less it's going to happen!

ME: Okay, okay! I get it, I get it! I'll never be able to give you that big, fat… <interrupted>
ASSISTANT: Stop!! Don't go there, boss! I'll file a harassment suit for you trying to give me a… <interrupted>

ME: ...RAISE!!!!!! Oh, and now that I can finish my sentence, you're fired!

Edited January 8, 2018 by fw3