Jump to content
  1. Welcome!

    1. Welcome to GTAForums!

  2. News

    1. GTANet.com

  3. Multiplayer

    1. GTA Online

      1. The Criminal Enterprises
      2. Updates
      3. Find Lobbies & Players
      4. Guides & Strategies
      5. Vehicles
      6. Content Creator
      7. Help & Support

    2. Red Dead Online

      1. Blood Money
      2. Frontier Pursuits
      3. Find Lobbies & Outlaws
      4. Help & Support

    3. Crews

  4. Grand Theft Auto

    1. Grand Theft Auto Series

      1. Bugs*
      2. St. Andrews Cathedral

    2. GTA VI

    3. GTA V

      1. Guides & Strategies
      2. Help & Support

    4. GTA IV

      1. The Lost and Damned
      2. The Ballad of Gay Tony
      3. Guides & Strategies
      4. Help & Support

    5. GTA San Andreas

      1. Classic GTA SA
      2. Guides & Strategies
      3. Help & Support

    6. GTA Vice City

      1. Classic GTA VC
      2. Guides & Strategies
      3. Help & Support

    7. GTA III

      1. Classic GTA III
      2. Guides & Strategies
      3. Help & Support

    8. Portable Games

      1. GTA Chinatown Wars
      2. GTA Vice City Stories
      3. GTA Liberty City Stories

    9. Top-Down Games

      1. GTA Advance
      2. GTA 2
      3. GTA
  5. Red Dead

    1. Red Dead Redemption 2

      1. PC
      2. Help & Support

    2. Red Dead Redemption

  6. Modding

    1. GTA Mods

      1. GTA V
      2. GTA IV
      3. GTA III, VC & SA
      4. Tutorials

    2. Red Dead Mods

      1. Documentation

    3. Mod Showroom

      1. Scripts & Plugins
      2. Maps
      3. Total Conversions
      4. Vehicles
      5. Textures
      6. Characters
      7. Tools
      8. Other
      9. Workshop

    4. Featured Mods

      1. Design Your Own Mission
      2. OpenIV
      3. GTA: Underground
      4. GTA: Liberty City
      5. GTA: State of Liberty
  7. Rockstar

    1. Rockstar Games

    2. Rockstar Collectors

  8. Community

    1. Off-Topic

      1. General Chat
      2. Gaming
      3. Technology
      4. Movies & TV
      5. Music
      6. Sports
      7. Vehicles

    2. Expression

      1. Graphics / Visual Arts
      2. GFX Requests & Tutorials
      3. Writers' Discussion
      4. Debates & Discussion
  9. GTANet

    1. Announcements

    2. Support

    3. Suggestions

GTAForums does NOT endorse or allow any kind of GTA Online modding, mod menus, tools or account selling/hacking. Do NOT post them here or advertise them, as per the forum rules.
*DO NOT* SHARE MEDIA OR LINKS TO LEAKED COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL. Discussion is allowed.

The Assistant's Oral Work - Bit of Fun!

REXX

By REXX,
in GTA Online

 Share

Recommended Posts

septimoose

septimoose

Posted
Posted (edited)

Assistant: Can I have the day off, it's my dad's fu-

 

Me: No. Sit the f*ck back down.

 

 

 

 

... later that day ...

 

Me: I need a shipment of furs, I've got a buyer in mind over in Delaware.

 

Assistant: That'll be $18,000 for 3 crates.

 

Me: ... Aren't they $2,000 each?

 

Assistant: Not if you want all 3 at once.

 

Me: Fine, take it out of the account

 

Assistant: Okay, I've just ordered them - you can pick them up at LSIA

 

Me: On my way.

 

Assistant: *deposits the extra $12,000 in her own account*

 

 

 

 

... ON ARRIVAL TO LSIA ...

 

Me: Bitch, where the HELL are my crates?

 

Assistant: Ummm... Aren't they there?

 

Me: NO.

 

Assistant: OH... Some guys stole them. Would you like me to track them?

 

Me: What do you think?!

 

Assistant: Okay. I've found them, they're on a helicopter. You'll have to take it out, and take each crate to the warehouse individually. It should only take you the rest of the day... By the way, I'm taking my lunch now. Good luck! Bye! Oh. And I accidentally texted the location to everyone in your phone book. Sorry! Bye!

 

Me: I SWEAR, if you're going to that goddamn funeral it'll be the last thing you do. Your goddamn dad will respawn in a few hours!

 

 

 

 

... 8 HOURS LATER ...

 

Assistant: Welcome back! How did the crate collection go?

 

Me: Don't even.

 

Me: a210f4b1a2a2ed75d825d395a27028a0--charli

Edited by septimoose
  • LT. Ronald C. Spiers, REXX, Killer Whale and 4 others
  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Yellow Dog with Cone

Yellow Dog with Cone

Posted
Posted

Also, I know the assistant will do anything as long as it's legal-ish, but I don't think she'll do that!

She'd do anything for some shares (but she won't do that)

  • Professional Amateur, REXX, Killer Whale and 4 others
  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Coleco

Coleco

Posted
Posted

 

Also, I know the assistant will do anything as long as it's legal-ish, but I don't think she'll do that!

She'd do anything for some shares (but she won't do that)

 

 

 

8TAYIgI.jpg

 

Anything for shares

 

But I won't do-o

 

That

 

 

(Piano outro)

 

 

 

  • J1M, askinnywhitedildo, Solid Scorpion and 2 others
  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ntinoskonsta

ntinoskonsta

Posted
Posted

Assistant: Get the car to the buyer without sustaining damage and we'll get the full amount!

 

Me:

 

yeah-if-you-598eda.jpg

 

"you can't use this image extension on this community" is bs

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Gridl0k

Gridl0k

Posted
Posted (edited)

Me: *cuts his tongue out with a rusty spoon*

Edited by Gridl0k
  • Geisterfaust and REXX
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
J1M

J1M

Posted
Posted (edited)

f*ck me? f*ck you! In fact, everyone has!

 

Me: Rented's a bit pissed off that you've been sleeping with everyone.

 

Assistant: I said, when I'm married, I will stop doing that.

Edited by J1M
  • Rented, mrfonzius, askinnywhitedildo and 1 other
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
spincther

spincther

Posted
Posted

Her: "I'll do anything as long as it's legal-ish"

 

Me "$300 a day.....get on your knees"

  • REXX and mrfonzius
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Sky_Light12

Sky_Light12

Posted
Posted

Me : *piloting buzzard*

*receives call from assistant*

Assistant : " boss, look this garage space is still-"

Me : "Yeah Yeah , i get it. the garage was great and beautiful, but LOOK-"

*realize accidentally launch missiles to the dropped crate and blew up*

Me : "JUST DON'T CALL ME ABOUT THOSE STUPID GARAGE OR YOU'LL BE FIRED! I WILL GOING TO BUY THEM SOON, JUST DON'T REMIND ME ON PHONE!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites
ThaSouljaCity

ThaSouljaCity

Posted
Posted

I'm still waiting for that under the table blowjob. Give that bitch some real oral work...

 

*insert lenny face*

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Solid Scorpion

Solid Scorpion

Posted
Posted

*Assistant salutes*

"Boss!"

*Punches assistant in face*

*Assistant salutes again*

"Thanks for that Boss!"

 

Damn wrong game :/

Link to comment
Share on other sites
askinnywhitedildo

askinnywhitedildo

Posted
Posted

Me - You know, we've known each other awhile now. You've always been here whenever I needed to source a car, or call in a helicopter, or to give me food when I'm hungry. It feels like you really care about me. I'm getting older now, and all these hookers and strippers, they don't mean much anymore. And I was just thinking that maybe we coul...

 

Her - I only date guys that are worth 10 figures.

 

Me - Okay...

  • REXX and Fireboy769
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
IceDree

IceDree

Posted
Posted

*Assistant salutes*

"Boss!"

*Punches assistant in face*

*Assistant salutes again*

"Thanks for that Boss!"

 

Damn wrong game :/

It was only a matter of time before someone brought this up 😝

  • Solid Scorpion
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
PijaPaUnLao34

PijaPaUnLao34

Posted
Posted

*I get into the office*

Assistant: Boss!

Me: ...

*I quickly search a car to steal on the computer and get out the office"

Assistant: *phone call* Hi, I got the detai-

Me: I just came out the office why didn't you told me that before?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Rafae

Rafae

Posted
Posted

Did you know that's she says stuff if you walk into her?

Yes lol

 

Funny as hell

  • REXX, Lupo-Akane and mrfonzius
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
rebeldevil

rebeldevil

Posted
Posted

Assistant: "It's the general!"

Me: Well I suppose I do have enough weapons on me to start a war.

Assistant: "We gonna have a good week, boss?"

Me: Eh, we'll do all right. Don't worry your perky little tits over it. Oh wait I need snacks before I leave.

Assistant: "I'll handle the food, you handle the company. ...Are you sure you need all these?"

Me: Don't tell me how to live my life. You're not even my real dad!

  • J1M and REXX
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TankGirl

TankGirl

Posted
Posted

I would have him speak Shakespearian to me, why not? Of course I wouldn't bother replying.

 

I walk into office:

 

Assistant: How dost thou, sweet lordess?

Assistant: Tis a true honor to worketh for thee

Assistant: Would thee like a free snack?

Assistant: Thee behold very quaint the present day mine fair lady

Assistant: May I giveth thee a back rubbeth?

As I am leaving my office:

Assistant: A good wish upon you out thither while thee murder the peasants.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Rafae

Rafae

Posted
Posted

Assistant: You do know about my MBA right?

 

Me: Yes you psychologically hinged mongrel, you can take that MBA and shove it all the way up your ass

Link to comment
Share on other sites
⁣V⁣

⁣V⁣

Posted
Posted

*Assistant salutes*

"Boss!"

*Punches assistant in face*

*Assistant salutes again*

"Thanks for that Boss!"

 

Damn wrong game :/

Her:

MGS5-Choke.jpg

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Sanches

Sanches

Posted
Posted

*Assistant salutes*

"Boss!"

*Punches assistant in face*

*Assistant salutes again*

"Thanks for that Boss!"

 

H_jSwvPN9vM.jpg

  • Solid Scorpion, askinnywhitedildo, Yellow Dog with Cone and 4 others
  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites
mrfonzius

mrfonzius

Posted
Posted

Me entering the office, hearing my (male) assistant talking on the phone: "I said: Mom screw this funeral...." :lol:

  • REXX and Rafae
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
hugh750

hugh750

Posted
Posted (edited)

i've had my assistant tell me i look sharp when i leave the office to do a job or when i leave to do a job she tells me i look sharp or asks about me why i don't give her stocks in the company.

i always tell her no on the stocks.

or when she would compliment me i would say thanks! :lol:

but there are times i wish i could fire her.

 

Edited by hugh750
Link to comment
Share on other sites
REXX

REXX

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Assistant: So, we gonna have a good week boss?

 

Me: Dunno, you tell me. You apparently know more than me. You know? Everytime I step foot outside my front door you phone me with details. Details I knew nothing about.

  • Solid Scorpion and J1M
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mrs. Buzz

Mrs. Buzz

Posted
Posted

Title: "The Assistant's Oral Work - Bit of Fun!" - - my interpretation - - "The Assistant's Oral Work - Fun o' Death!"

 

Why?

My Assistant is the one person in the game which could be my archenemy if only it would count. She killed me more often with her voice than any player in a freeroam war.

 

Ordering I/E car or crate(s) - run by her taking the elevator to the roof - Buzzard vanished - running to the roofs edge to jump down and order a new one - jump - want to open the parachute - autoaccept-incoming-assistant-call on time!

 

"Boss, the crates are loa....." splash on the ground to Walhalla.

 

I'd like to say her: "No calls, pls sent sms"

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Fireboy769

Fireboy769

Posted
Posted

Me - You know, we've known each other awhile now. You've always been here whenever I needed to source a car, or call in a helicopter, or to give me food when I'm hungry. It feels like you really care about me. I'm getting older now, and all these hookers and strippers, they don't mean much anymore. And I was just thinking that maybe we coul...

 

Her - I only date guys that are worth 10 figures.

 

Me - Okay...

OHHHHHH SHIET SHE JUST SHOT YOU DOWN LIKE IT WAS NOTHING!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
hugh750

hugh750

Posted
Posted

 

Me - You know, we've known each other awhile now. You've always been here whenever I needed to source a car, or call in a helicopter, or to give me food when I'm hungry. It feels like you really care about me. I'm getting older now, and all these hookers and strippers, they don't mean much anymore. And I was just thinking that maybe we coul...

 

Her - I only date guys that are worth 10 figures.

 

Me - Okay...

OHHHHHH SHIET SHE JUST SHOT YOU DOWN LIKE IT WAS NOTHING!

 

and i bet he went down in flames! :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
mrfonzius

mrfonzius

Posted
Posted

Me coming to the office for work and my assistant starts talking.

 

Me like: mrw-when-i-have-to-poop-at-work-and-walk

 

 

Or my male assistant when I restock my snacks: " You're gonna have to work that off in the gym, boss."

 

He then:PyUZ9fE.jpg

  • Solid Scorpion and REXX
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • 1 User Currently Viewing
    0 members, 0 Anonymous, 1 Guest

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using GTAForums.com, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

  I accept