The Assistant's Oral Work - Bit of Fun!

[alkaline_]

Me: *flurp flurp flurp in to the office*

 

Assistant: "your stinky fish is ready fluffy penguin"

 

Me: *exicted penguin noises*

 

Assistant: "awwww"

 

Me: *yom yom yom*

[Sanches]

I remember jokes, when my friend was like "Immmm sssshaIKing..." to the assistant.

[J1M]

Assistant: Did I mention that i have an MBA?

 

Me: That says "Meteorite Bar Assistant"

 

Meteorite Bar Assistant: I'll take care of the food, you take care of the company!"

[Uncle Sikee Atric]

Over the phone : And Louise was there at the table turning her nose up at the wine and bitching at the clientele, while Stacey was complaining to the waiter about the kids at the table next to us and Jenna had clearly drunk too much and just looked sick! Add to that, Meg was being a little bitch about everything she could be....

 

Oh, this isn't mom is it? I've pressed the wrong speed dial button.... sh*t!

Edited August 11, 2017 by Uncle Sikee Atric

[REXX]

Thread is going better than expected

 

Assistant: Your personal vehicle will be brought up now.

 

Me: Who's driving it? You know that it cost $3,000,000.

 

Assistant: Don't worry, its in good hands.

 

Me: Who?

 

Assistant: Roman.

 

[lll-H-I-M-lll]

Assistant: hi boss

Me:stands there says nothing

Assistant:you want me order anything?

Me:still standing there saying nothing

Assistant:everything ok boss?

Me:points and busts out a freakout action

 

Leaves office

[Coleco]

This happens every morning when I enter my office

 

 

Forget snacks, in my company we get daily fresh supplies of DUTTY JUNGLE TUNES

 

 

 

And that's why I'm the CEO

[Blankerz]

The female assistant is incredibly annoying! switched to the guy and never looked back.

[Bruce Khansey]

Assistant: "Hi boss"
Me: "I told you to buy me a good beer. [shakes the bottle] Does it taste like a good beer?"

Assistant: "...what?"
Me: "[shoot her in the shoulder] DOES. THIS. TASTE. LIKE A GOOD BEER?"

Assistant: "NO!"
Me: "Then why you bought me this sh*t! You read the Bible, Christie (random name)?"

Assistant: "Y...Yes!"
Me: "Well, there's this passage I've got memorized, it sort of fits the occasion. Ezekiel 25:17: 'The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord, when I lay my vengeance upon thee.'" [shoot her in the head]

 

 

Bonus: as I leave the office I finish the beer and say "...hey, that wasn't that bad after all"

[Rafae]

Assistant: I hate to say no, but no.. I can't do that right now.

 

Me: I dare you to say that again, mother fker, I DARE YOU

 

[ntinoskonsta]

Assistant: So this car is being looked after by a professional outfit, shall we say, and they're taking it out to sea...

 

Me: lolnope *click*

[lll-H-I-M-lll]

This happens every morning when I enter my office

 

 

Forget snacks, in my company we get daily fresh supplies of DUTTY JUNGLE TUNES

 

 

 

And that's why I'm the CEO

AMEN

[ntinoskonsta]

*phone rings*

Assistant: Jesus Christ why the f*ck is your stupid Panto impounded again?

[Spadge]

"You though about giving me some shares boss?"

"Yes, and the answer is still no."

Edited August 11, 2017 by Spadge

[Tokasmoka]

"I'll do anything, as long as it's legalish"

 

"Why are you still fully clothed?"

[Yellow Dog with Cone]

Assistant: I don't anticipate any trouble.

 

And then boom, trouble.

 

I think that my Assistant is either dumb or a snitch.

[⁣V⁣]

Me: *sources a vehicle and leaving the office*

Assistant: "Boss."

Me: *gets down the elevator and outside*

Assistant: calls: "Well this car is being looked after by a professional outfit, shall we say. And they're taking out to sea. You're going to need to airlift it with a cargobob."

Me: <sigh> *goes back to the office*

Assistant: "Hey Boss"

Me: "Why didn't you tell me that I needed a cargobob before leaving the office?"

Assistant: "Errm... Tell me which vehicle you want and I'll tell the Pegasus people to get it ready"

Me: <sigh> MY cargobob.

Assistant: "Sure thing, I'll get them to bring it up to the helipad"

[Spadge]

^ interns be like

[*Lola]

Me: For the 100th time, will you please clean my office!!

Assistant: Will do.

 

Returns to find office the same way when I left.

 

 

 

Always hated the messy office.

 

[J1M]

Assistant: Next time, talk 50% faster. I don't got time for your mumbling.

Me: You sound like my associate. She always has to rush.

Assistant: She's got thrush?!

Edited August 12, 2017 by J1M

[Alvarez]

Assistant: "I'll do whatever as long it's legal-ish"
Me: (fires up Director Mode with Menyoo)

[Triumph-Rat]

Did you know I moonlight in other peoples offices when you aren't looking boss?

[REXX]

 

Assistant: Boss, am I worth more than $300 now?

 

Me: Maybe...

 

Thats quite an old pic tbh

Edited August 11, 2017 by REXX

[Rafae]

 

[Professional Amateur]

Assistant: Boss, have you thought about giving me some shares?

 

Me: Why yes I have! Would you like to share a bottle of Pisswasser with this random associate I found?

 

Assistant: That...that's not what I meant...

 

*allaroundmearefamiliarfaces.mp3*

 

 

Assistant: Boss, am I worth more than $300 now?

Me: Maybe...

Thats quite an old pic tbh

 

Also, I know the assistant will do anything as long as it's legal-ish, but I don't think she'll do that!

Edited August 11, 2017 by Professional Amateur

[⁣V⁣]

 

Oh wow, that edit. I thought it was a mod at first

 

Off-topic:

Speaking of mods, I thought of you when I saw this:

 

Ugh, you'd be amazing at taking pictures on PC with mods.

 

 

*cough*pirate it*cough*

Edited August 11, 2017 by --V--

[REXX]

 

 

Oh wow, that edit. I thought it was a mod at first

 

Off-topic:

Speaking of mods, I thought of you when I saw this:

 

Ugh, you'd be amazing at taking pictures on PC with mods.

 

 

 

*cough*pirate it*cough*

Funny you mention that. I was considering it, but I decided not to as I couldn't be asked to make my characters again

[IceDree]

Assistant: We Are Gonna Have a Good Week. Boss?

Me: A Tremendous Week, a Yuge Week, Like ... Bigly, Likes the Which You Never Seen Before ... *laughs & then stares at her* of course we'll, Now find Johnny T, I'll rip him a new one for scratching my Rolls again.

____

Assistant: Today We Are Robbing an Arms Dealer.

Me: Okay.

Assistant: This Butcher ....

Me: Waaaaaaiiiitttttt a Minute, Do You Call Me a Butcher Behind My Back?

[Uncle Sikee Atric]

Assistant : You're intercepting some biker today called LJT. Apparently you keep getting calls from him so we can track him easily. Take his bike as the saddle bags are full of drugs and our client wants LJT terminated. He will no longer call you....

 

Me :

[Skeve613]

"Oh, Hi Boss!"

 

"You're fired. I hired a Buzzard that lost it's rotors in a telephone poll collision to run the front desk instead so I get a tax credit for hiring the disabled."