The Assistant's Oral Work - Bit of Fun!

[REXX]

Silly title, I know I don't usually create threads that much, but when I do, its normally to have a few laughs with the community and get some imaginative and creative juices flowing; and hopefully that is the case here.

 

 

So Rexx, what we gotta do?

As anyone with an office would know, we have an assistant who greets us everytime we walk through our office front doors. And most of the time, we pretty much know what they'll say. So for a bit of fun, come up with a small 3 - 5 line dialogue between your assistant and your character (although they can't talk ). Anything goes, there are no rules what so ever! Maybe they want to maintain a professional conversation? Or perhaps throw in a few inuendos? Or simply go absolutely bat sh*t crazy; as Doctor Ray De Angelo would say (oooooooohhhmmmmmmm)!

 

 

There's really not much else to it The idea is either sh*t or bust

 

As the thread creator, I would be stupid not to begin, so here's a crap quickie:

 

ASSISTANT: Boss, do you really think I'm worth $300 a day?

 

ME: Nope, you sit in the same chair, at the same desk and say the same things everyday.

 

ASSISTANT: Don't blame me, blame the people who made me. But I do have free snacks though.

 

Like I said, its crap Its hard to think at almost 4 in the morning but I'll come up with more later Anyway, I'm sure you guys can come up with some funny little dialogues and I look forward to reading them!

 

[Cilogy]

[FlacidJack]

Me: Good morning, I'm just passing by to order some crates. I just want to let you know when I walk in I can see right up your skirt.

 

Assistant: Oh my gosh! Thanks I had no idea I'll make sure to be aware of that.

 

Me: So you think maybe you can locate some crates for free since I was nice enough to tell you?

 

Assistant: Nope, still 18,000$ for three crates.

 

Me: wtf *****! So are you gonna still give everyone else the location for free once I pick up the crates, you ******* ********!?!

 

Assistant: Yep.

[DrSweatySphincter]

Im really, really let down that this wasn't a sexual thread.

[Rafae]

Im really, really let down that this wasn't a sexual thread.

Oh but it it is

 

Just under disguise

[J1M]

Im really, really let down that this wasn't a sexual thread.

 

Assistant: Hello! What can I do for you?

 

Me: Some hot coffee would be great!

 

Assitant: Remember, I'll do anything as long as it's legal...ish.

Edited August 11, 2017 by J1M

[Killer Whale]

Assistant: "Oh, hi."

 

Me: *grumbles as he walks to the office*

 

*returns to front desk*

 

Me: "Didn't I tell you to clean the office yesterday?"

 

Assistant: "You did? Oh, uhh... yeah, you... did!"

 

Me: "Then why does it still look like a pigsty, huh? Those TV boxes have been there since January from last year!"

 

Assistant: "I have two degrees in finance; I don't have time to clean your office. Why don't you get your stripper buddies from the other da--"

 

Me: *slams palm on front desk* "That's none of your damn business! I'm gonna source some cars now. You better start cleaning while you get me the place of the other cars." *walks away*

 

Assistant: "If you pay me $750 a day, I would."

 

Me (mumbling): "I should've gotten a male assistant."

 

This might sound a bit wrong. I'll make a better one later. Promise.

Edited August 11, 2017 by Mr_No

[HamwithCheese]

"Sooo this car belongs to a warlord.."

"WHY AM I STEALING FROM HIM?"

 

"You have the details on that car? It should be parked and waiting for you."

"Ha, yeah right.'

[Pedinhuh]

Assistent:"Have you thought about giving me some shares, boss?"

 

Me: "You ungrateful bitch! I OWN YOU!!! Do you have any idea of how much overpaid you are??? $300 A DAY to sit in front of a computer and pretend to be doing something useful while I have to do all the hard work, bribe cops here, kill gangsters there, boost cars, fly back and forth and I still have to listen to this???

You're lucky I don't ask you to bounce on my boy every hour as a compensation for having to listen to your non-sense everyday! And if you think about pressing charges for sexual harassment against me, just remember what I do to folks who are 10x more dangerous than you are everyday!"

 

"And no, I won't give you any f*cking stinking shares of the company because we aren't open to the stock market, do you even know where you work at?"

Edited August 15, 2017 by Pedinhuh

[Lupo-Akane]

Silly title, I know I don't usually create threads that much, but when I do, its normally to have a few laughs with the community and get some imaginative and creative juices flowing; and hopefully that is the case here.

 

 

 

So Rexx, what we gotta do?

As anyone with an office would know, we have an assistant who greets us everytime we walk through our office front doors. And most of the time, we pretty much know what they'll say. So for a bit of fun, come up with a small 3 - 5 line dialogue between your assistant and your character (although they can't talk ). Anything goes, there are no rules what so ever! Maybe they want to maintain a professional conversation? Or perhaps throw in a few inuendos? Or simply go absolutely bat sh*t crazy; as Doctor Ray De Angelo would say (oooooooohhhmmmmmmm)!

 

 

There's really not much else to it The idea is either sh*t or bust

 

As the thread creator, I would be stupid not to begin, so here's a crap quickie:

 

ASSISTANT: Boss, do you really think I'm worth $300 a day?

 

ME: Nope, you sit in the same chair, at the same desk and say the same things everyday.

 

ASSISTANT: Don't blame me, blame the people who made me. But I do have free snacks though.

 

Like I said, its crap Its hard to think at almost 4 in the morning but I'll come up with more later Anyway, I'm sure you guys can come up with some funny little dialogues and I look forward to reading them!

 

How do get that look for her?

[Rafae]

How do get that look for her?

Power Ice office decor

 

The most expensive one

[GrungeNinja]

Assistant: " Oh Hi"

Me: "Hello there, how are you today babe" ?

Assistant: *stares, silent, moving the hair"

Me: "Anyway, I wanted to ask you something"

Assistant: " How can i help you boss?"

Me: " So, sometimes i watch your computer screen to see what you're doing you know, and its always on that text editor with this word i can't read, why? care to explain? Are you lazy? is the computer with problems and you never told me? Whats going on? "

Assistant: " Remain silent, staring, looking at the nails, combing the hair with the hand..."

Me: "uhhhh, i asked you a question..."

Assistant: " Hi "

Me: "Hellooooo... waiting for you answer..."

Assistant: "silent..."

Me: "So, you dont have an explanation heh"

Assistant: " You're looking very sharp today boss, really !"

Me: *sigh... " You're a damn Slight woman aren't ya?!"

Assistant: " You know, i got two degrees, both in finance"

Me: " ... and yet you just can't answer the goddamn question about that thing on the computer screen right you sh*tty whore!!, if i could take out the weapon from my pocket i would shoot you in the eye! "

Assistant: " So, we're going to have a good week boss?"

Me: " I would, IF I COULD SHOOT YOU!!!!! "

Assistant: " Hey!!! Its the General"

Me: "Ok, im off, done with ya, I hope someday Rockstar allow guns in offices, then you're f*cked..."

Assistant: "So long..."

Me: *walks away"...

[Mogg]

assistant: "i need to hang up, someone's coming!"

assistant: "it's the general!"
me: *it never ends*

assistant: "so, is it going to be a good week, boss?

me: "yes, of fuggen course - i'm on the grind! you didn't notice me spending hundreds of thousands on crates; you called me EVERY LAST DAMN TIME I DELIVERED A CAR TO THE VEHICLE WAREHOUSE?"

assistant: have you considered giving me some shares, boss?

me: "YES! I'D GIVE YOU 60% if i could! i'd happily let you run this operation seeing as you breathe down my neck over it every time i clock in to work!!"

assistant: "i'm considering a third degree, in finance, of course"

me: *an hero*

[Big_T]

I have little conversations with Sugar Tits all the time.

 

Her: "Have you thought about giving me a raise Boss?"

 

Me (in a raspy perverted voice): "Hehe, I sure have you sexy little minx. How about you go clear that paper jam on the copier while I bend you over and give you that raise you....oh hang on, Im actually a chick, thats not gonna work. Just give me some ciggies and beer, I got sh*t to do".

 

Her: Have a good day boss.

 

Me: Yep, see ya.

[Verbal Soze]

Assistant : It's the boss, what can i do for you today?

 

Me :

 

 

[Rafae]

Assistant: Boss!

 

Me: Sit the fk down

 

 

That's all I got for now

[Happy Hunter]

Assistant: *Is moving upwards, about to say something* "H-hi"

Me: "No, just be quiet. I don't want anything. I don't want to give you shares, I don't want to hear about your degrees, and I don't want to f*ck you or anything like that. You are a source of semi-free snacks to me. That's all."

[Kyoto]

Assistant: Baby seems we never ever agree - you like the movies, and I like T.V.

 

Me: I take thing serious, and you take 'em light

 

Assistant: I go to bed early...

 

Me: And I party all night

 

Assistant: Our friends are sayin'

 

Me: We ain't gonna last

 

Assistant: Cuz I move slowly

 

Me: And baby I'm fast

 

Assistant: I like it quiet

 

Me: And I love to shout!

 

Both: But when we get together, it just all works out.

[MeisterJazz]

All I read was sh*t and bust...

[Snoopbr]

"I told him I got a MBA!"

[HeistsActivist]

I've been dying to do this as I reply along with my assistant whenever he yips a gesture of hello.

 

 

**Tony stands up wearing his three piece suit as I walk in with a designer vest and tie on**

Tony: "You look sharp boss!"

Me: Oh thanks Tony you look pretty snazzy yourself.

Tony:

Me: Question tho, its 3AM so y u still here?

Tony: Didn't you hear me over the phone with my roommate? I said I think I'm gonna work late tonight

Me: See this is why you are the reason this company stays afloat, you're a hard worker

Tony:

 

 

Tony: When I become the majority shareholder I'll want a collection like this

Me: It is a great one isn't it Tony? I'd give you one of these cars if this damn game wasn't so restrictive

Tony: What game?

Me: Never mind bro

Tony: You can eat what you like, you'll still keep the weight off! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Me:Thanks Tony thats nice of you to say

Tony: You know, I wanted to say you are more a guy than a boss

Me: *tearing up* Thanks Tony, *leans in for bro hug*

Tony: Ok, getting Pegasus on the line

Me: Thanks Tony

 

*I walk by to go outside*

Tony: I was just checking the scores, thats it

Me: Its ok bro chill.. Did Liberty win last night?

Tony: Yup.. big! They beat Vice City 28 to 10

Me: Thats frickin amazing, I think due to that info I'll be able to work more efficiently

Tony: Same here bro

Me: Could you get Pegasus to deliver the Buzzard

Tony: Getting them on the line right now

Me: Tony after that you can take a break I just stocked the coffee machine and theres some "Bite, It's Big" subs in there from the catering meal done for the company leftover

Tony: Awesome, see you around

Me: "Tchüss"

 

I really like the male assistant though

He seems more like a dude who would

"Crack open a cold one with the boys" over the female assistant and does seem more like a friend to my character than the female assistant (who friendzones me anyway..)

 

[KornbreadMaf1a]

I refuse to talk to that bitch because she continues to charge me $1 for the snacks she says are free.

[Gleeman Vox]

Doctor Ray De Angelo would say (oooooooohhhmmmmmmm)!

 

Nah Rexx, i know you like R&C from your Annhilation Nation Content Creator.

 

 

[Fireboy769]

*Enters Office*

Assistant: You take that tone with me again and I swear, I'll come over there and shove that phone up your....Hello? HELLO?! UGH! BOSS!

*Exits Office*

[FlacidJack]

 

Im really, really let down that this wasn't a sexual thread.

Oh but it it is

Just under disguise

Assistant: Looķs like your pockets are full.

 

Me: That's not thirty P&Q's, fifteen Egochasers, five Meteorites, ten eColas, and ten Pisswassers... I'm just really really really happy to see you.

 

[Handsome Jack]

"I got two degrees, both in finance"

 

"I don't care be quiet."

 

"I got an MB-

 

 

"I said shut the f*ck up i'm sick of hearing you say the same damn things all time and charging me a $1 for free stuff?! Yeah, I had enough of you."

 

 

[DarkSavageDeathlyCloud]

Really thought this would be a thread about npc's teeth somehow.

[Rafae]

Some of the replies in this thread

 

I love them

[Lupo-Akane]

I like my Assistant, she is flipping better then the brain dead Johnny on the spot, yes i need a flipping car you dumb a** *&%*$& &*%$#$. I wish we could just kill him...and LJT.............

Edited August 11, 2017 by Lupo-Akane

[M*A*R*I*N*A]

ASSISTANT: Boss, do you really think I'm worth $300 a day?

 

ME: Would you like some actual work with that eyeliner? The only thing I seem to be paying you for is wearing eyeliner and you do a sh*t job at that too. You probably spend that $300 paycheck on eyeliner at MECCA each time you get paid. I promise you, eyeliner won't disappear overnight. Go buy some actual nice clothes and get your hair done, you need it.

Edited August 11, 2017 by N R G