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The Last Knight (Transformers 5)

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I watched this last night, and it's the biggest pile of incoherent nonsense that I've come to expect from Michael Bay; it's inevitable success at the box office is sure as hell not down to decent story telling or cinematic consistency. It's a royal mess from start to finish, full of either cheesy or sexual themed jokes, scenes that just don't make sense, poorly filmed (or edited) fight scenes, a high military presence, and yeah, you've guessed it; explosions. Lots and lots of explosions.

The general plot of the film (which if you haven't watched, and don't want to know, don't read on) is that Earth is Unicron, and that Cybertron and Earth are essentially opposites, with Quintessa (some ancient mechanical alien who created Optimus) wants to destroy Unicron by erasing life on Earth. Turns out that the first Transformers on Earth aided Arthur, Lancelot and Merlin, and that Cade (Wahlberg) was chosen by some mechanical stone to be the last knight so that him and a female professor (who happens to be a descendant of Merlin) can find/use some ancient staff to stop it all from happening.

There's no mention or reference to Galvatron, so we don't know how Megatron has returned; the same Megatron who the US Government decides (taking into account all that Megatron has done) to make a deal with and further free some Decepticons. Illogical; this seemed only set up so that we had a Suicide Squad scene, which came across as awfully cheap. Bumblebee also had a part in WW2 apparently, and also, out of nowhere (and further, without an actual voice box) spoke to a brainwashed Optimus which was just enough to bring him back around.

Dinobots? Were hardly in the film. How/Why there were baby Dinobots further remains a mystery. Considering the hype Barricade was getting too, his inclusion in the film was nothing special, and once again seemed underused; we hardly saw Drift or Crosshairs in action either. Was a complete waste of time I'd think.

4/10, and that's being generous.

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Spaghetti Cat

Hmm that's sad to hear. The previous Transformers were Oscar contenders and kept getting bumped by less explosion-y movies. I was hoping this was going to be the year.

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