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Gummy 

Join BELLICOLOGY

Recommended Posts

Gummy 

What is BELLICOLOGY?

Bellicology derives from the name of our lord and savior, Niko Bellic. Bellicology is a belief that to become victorious and live the dream you've always asked for, preferably an American dream, one must believe strongly and praise our lord and savior, Niko Bellic.

HISTORY OF BELLICOLOGY


Bellicology started in 2008, but the story behind started around late 2006/early 2007.
During the darker times of the earth, a mortal by the name of Houser bred a boy named NIKO BELLIC.
In 2008, the spiritual guide to Bellicology (the Holy Bible of Bellicology) was unleashed to the world.
This Bible, named Grand Theft Auto IV, revealed the story and struggle of our lord and savior, Niko Bellic, with help from fellow prophets, Roman Bellic and Jacob Hughes. Additional appendices named 'The Lost and Damned' and 'The Ballad of Gay Tony' was also uncovered a few months after.
It was in this moment where a man named Vihaan Aryaan started to spread the story and thus gathering fellow believers, thus creating what we know as Bellicology.

nUd72rC.png
HOW TO JOIN BELLOCOLOGY

Becoming a fellow Bellicologist is easy, one must say the words of Niko Bellic.

"Life is complicated. I killed people. Smuggled people. Sold people. Perhaps here...Things will be different."

After one says said words, things WILL be different.

BELLICOLOGY PRACTICES
To truly become a real Bellicologist, one must:

  • Wear the clothing of our Lord and Savior.
  • Participate in the practice of Bowling, Pool, Darts, or fast food dining from Cluckin Bell or Burger Shot. If Bowling is chosen pray to the prophet Roman Bellic
  • Move to the closest interpretation of Liberty City, New York City.
  • Play and understand the Bible of Bellicology, Grand Theft Auto IV, at least 7 hours a day
  • Pray to our lord and savior, Niko Bellic, thanking him for all he's given. 6 hours a day.
  • Not to read the satanic Bible, Grand Theft Auto V, and despise those who play it.
  • Attain weapons from black market gun shops, preferably those in back alleys.
  • One must help give lift to unfortunate souls with an Esperanto, the Bellic cab.
  • Create a profile in love-meet.net and becoming a couple with fellow Bellicologists from said site.
  • One must visit the angel palace "The Triangle Club" and lie with partners preferably those from Alderney in midnight.

After those practices are done, you will be victorious, and the American dream will come true.

MEET FELLOW BELLICOLOGISTS IN THE CHURCH OF BELLICOLOGY.

JOIN BELLICOLOGY NOW!

Fellow Bellicologists, say "I am a proud Bellic follower" with a reply and tell them your experience with Bellicology! Invite and persuade more people to join Bellicology with telling your experience!

Edited by ~Tiger~

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Neon_Dreaming

In the name of the Niko, the Roman, and Jacobs holy blunt, Amen.

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CreepShow

Let us pray: Life is sh*t.

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theNGclan

Is it required to smell like cabbage in order to please my benevolent Bellic God?

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Gummy 

Is it required to smell like cabbage in order to please my benevolent Bellic God?

As long as you enter a car as a passenger and the driver says that he needs one of those "tree shaped air fresheners", you are already pleasing Bellic God.

Edited by Gummy 

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Flachbau

I'm typically not a fan of religion, but this certainly is something special.

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Uncle Sikee Atric

drunkbowling-fb.gif

 

This made this religion happen.

 

Praise be to the holy Bellic, who is never wholly coherent!

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Nico

Great Bellic, God among the protagonists, help us to find that special someone in our lives.

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MIDEVL

I need more tracksuits

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Gummy 

Fellow Bellicologists, let me share my story. In the hardest of times never lose faith of Niko Bellic! That is what I did and I have been blessed!

 

 

 

>I was only 9 years old
>I loved GTA IV so much, I had all the ports and expansions
>I pray to Niko every night before bed, thanking him for the life I’ve been given
>"Niko is love" I say; “Niko is life”
>My dad hears me and calls me a fa**ot
>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Niko Bellic
>I called him a c*nt
>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
>I’m crying now, and my face hurts
>I lay in bed and it’s really cold
>Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me
>It’s Niko Bellic
>I am so happy
>He whispers into my ear “This is my yellow car.”
>He grabs me with his powerful fingerless gloves hands and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I’m ready
>I spread my ass-cheeks for Niko
>He penetrates my butt-hole
>It hurts so much but I do it for Niko
>I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water
>I push against his force
>I want to please Niko Bellic
>He screams yellow cars as he fills my butt with his love
>My dad walks in
>Niko looks him straight in the eyes and says “It’s all complicated now.”
>Niko leaves through my window
>Niko is love. Niko is life.

 

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lol232

I know I'm bumping this, but this is simply amazing.

 

This thread helped me find a new path to righteousness.

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Gummy 

I know I'm bumping this, but this is simply amazing.

 

This thread helped me find a new path to righteousness.

May our God, Niko Bellic, light a new path for your journey to righteousness, success, The American Dream!

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The Deadite

This is some good sh*t, cousin.

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KratosDrake

What are the recommended means of action if I have the Satanic bible and the Bellic bible and fully read both and like each of them a lot?

 

Burger King and KFC count as places to eat?

 

Do we gain something if we achieve full Bellicologist status?

 

Do we gain extra points for wearing Sasha's clothes, as in the model for the manufacturing of Niko Bellic?

 

Can we pray to minor gods, like Dwayne, Patrick and Brucie?

 

Last but not least, was that 18+ spoiler really necessary?

 

The questions I need to know before fully embracing it. Kifflom, brother-brother/sister-sister.

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Gummy 

What are the recommended means of action if I have the Satanic bible and the Bellic bible and fully read both and like each of them a lot?

Read (play) the Bellic bible only. Any other bible and you can just consider shooting youself in the eye and dragging your rotten corpse to the ocean.

 

Burger King and KFC count as places to eat?

I presume you mean Burger Shot and Cluckin Bell, then yes. Although street burgers, hotdogs, and nuts prove a good substitute.

Do we gain something if we achieve full Bellicologist status?

This is what you must find out yourself

Do we gain extra points for wearing Sasha's clothes, as in the model for the manufacturing of Niko Bellic?

Any Bellic clothing will do

 

Can we pray to minor gods, like Dwayne, Patrick and Brucie?

Yes, but don't forget about the almighty Bellic.

Last but not least, was that 18+ spoiler really necessary?

 

The questions I need to know before fully embracing it. Kifflom, brother-brother/sister-sister.

Yes, because it tests the curiosities of Bellicologists.

 

Please, do not mention any other gods here, it is sinful and I will have to report you to an admin if you mention that name again.

 

 

 

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KratosDrake

Nah. I meant Burger King and KFC. Cuz Burger Shot and Cluckin' Bell dun exist in real life and those two are the closest ones to fit them.

 

How am I supposed to drag my corpse to the ocean if I kill myself? Lol. (unless somebody does that for me, which is improbable)

 

And sorry, I will not be joining cuz I don't have Online. (just realized this was a Crew topic, I'm an idiot)

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Gummy 

This is no Online crew, as I said, please do not mention that satanic bible called 'GTA V' and the follow-up 'GTA Online'. It pushes away potential believers.

 

And this is no crew, this is a real belief. If you think this is some sort of joke then think again.

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