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Critique my story idea for GTA 6


Alpha Demigod
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Alpha Demigod

I wrote a rough version of this about this is another thread but made some modifications and want to put it here. If it's in the wrong subforum just move it to "Expression - writer's discussion" or whatever else.

 

I want this GTA to be less kiddie and be more serious. I also want to incorporate hard choices and a branching storyline, similar to The Witcher 3, but still making it work in a Rockstar universe. So nothing TOO CRAZY with the deviating storylines and RPG-level character change.

 

 

PROTAGS

 

 

Martin- a 30 something cop who is dissatisfied with his life and turning dirty to make more money for his family. (yeah, yeah, walter white comparisons inbound)

 

Jimmy- a young 20-something crackhead that listens to Deathcore and has a mohawk, like an urban version of Trevor

 

Alison- female assassin, german with a gruff voice and doesn't smile, blonde and attractive

 

 

CHARACTERS/FACTIONS

 

Steve- an older criminal, classy and collected like Robert DeNiro in Heat. Leader of Italian mob.

 

Xi Yin Lang – leader of the triads

 

 

 

PLOT

 

 

Game starts with Sergeant Martin collecting bribes from some low-level hood bros like Franklin and CJ. He's finding that being a dirty cop is turning in more money than being a good one. Word of his deeds spread and a high-level criminal reaches out to contact him. Steve Fellucio, don of the Fellucio crime family.

 

Steve promises he can pull some of his strings in the police force and make Martin lieutenant, only if Martin directs his crew to distract them from monitoring a bank they protect (it's Martin's district, he's in charge of it). Martin would have to f*ck up the radio and alarm system internally at the station, so that Steve's crew could rob the bank without much hassle or a quick response.

 

Choice 1:

 

Martin can decide to let Steve go through with the job, or say "f*ck off" and refuse Steve. If the former, Steve goes through with the bank heist but Martin's friend is killed in the process. If the latter, Steve gets pissed and trashes Michael's house and smashes his cars. The latter you lose -$20,000. The former gives you a moral sadness while the latter gives you a gameplay one.

 

Regardless of what you choose, Martin approaches Steve and agrees that they could work together. The cutscene and dialogue is different depending on what you chose, but the end result is the same. If you told Steve to f*ck off, Martin appraoches him humiliated and asks for forgiveness. If you side with Steve, the bank is robbed and Martin is happy with his promotion. The promotion is shown in a cutscene and gives you a money bonus, though makes no effect on gameplay or anything.

 

CUT TO

 

We are suddenly in control of Jimmy. He is getting piss-drunk at some rave in a warehouse and heads to the bathroom where he sees some biker sleazeball making out with a passed-out chick. He breaks a bottle over the man's head, knocking him out. and then unzips his pants and gets ready to rape that chick. Alison walks in and Jimmy stops, Alison then shoots the passed-out biker chick in the head with a silenced pistol and tells Jimmy he is welcome to continue if he wants (necrophilia style). Jimmy is stunned and asks her some questions. Alison reveals she is a gun-for-hire and was tasked to eliminate the girlfriend of some big biker brute. Looks like someone hired an assassin to eliminate the Ashley to someone’s Johnny.

 

Jimmy realizes his days of smocking crack and raving can end if he befriends Alison and becomes a high-class Hitman/Hitwoman like she is. Over the course of a few missions the two develop a friendship and eventually a romance.

 

 

 

 

CUT TO

 

Steve and Martin. Martin pours his heart out to Steve, he tells him that being a straight cop for so long pays like sh*t and he is worried about his family's financial future. He doesn't have a bitch-family like Michael did. You actually like Steve's family because they are all wholesome.

 

Martin tells Steve his pension and life insurance is sh*t, and if something were to happen to him on the job his family would be in ruins because his wife doesn't work. (yeah it sounds a bit like Breaking Bad doesn't it?)

 

He tells Steve that he's ready to become a criminal and can use his connections in the police force to make his journey a bit easier. Steve takes him under his wing and tells he'll pay lots of money if Martin can kill a well-guarded Police Captain, like a really high-up deputy guy. This man is heavily guarded but Steve being a cop can get close to him under the guise of friendship. Steve reluctantly takes the job and kills his fellow officer.

 

Next big mission, Steve offers Martin a protection job. To protect some important Mafia guy while he awaits a flight at the airport.

 

 

CUT TO:

 

Alison informs Jimmy she has a new contract issued by the Chinese Triads, she has to kill some big mafia dude at the airport. Kill him before his private plane can arrive.

 

CHOICE 2:

 

At this point, you can choose to play as MARTIN or ALISON/JIMMY. And the gig will either be protection or assassination and changes how the mission gameplay unfolds.

 

If you play as Alison and kill the mafia dude, Martin is bashed by Steve and has his house burnt up in retaliation. He rescues his family, and in fear, they move to the abandoned countryside away from the eyes of Steve and his mob. (Roman's sorrow, anyone?)

 

If you play as Martin and save the Mafia dude, Alison's employer who issued the contract is furious at her failure and has his goons beat her up and rape her and leave her knocked out in an alley. They then burn down her hideout. Jimmy and her realize they have to break up, so they do. She retires to the countryside, eager to get back on her feet and recover. She vows revenge against her employer, leader of the Triads: Xi Yin Lang.

 

 

Regardless of your choice...

 

Jimmy continues doing jobs (presented as cool assassination missions) offered by the same connections that Alison introduced him too. He becomes a gifted assassin and eventually surpasses Alison in skill.

 

By the end of this mission string (Jimmy getting better), whichever protag was exiled from the city returns to the city to finish their mission. Martin wants to kill Steve, and Alison wants to kill Xi Yin. Whichever protag "won" and stayed in the city continues doing jobs for their respective leader and building a bond.

 

Jimmy gets a call from Xi Yin. Depending on your actions the dialogue changes, but the end result is the same: kill Alison. If Alison is out for revenge, Yi Xin views her as a threat and thinks Jimmy is ideal to kill her. If Alison stayed in the city, Yi Xin says Alison is no longer necessary and she knows too much to be peacefully “let go”. There is no resignation letter here, and she must be killed because she is a loose end and a loose tongue.

 

CHOICE 3:

 

As Jimmy you can choose to kill Alison, the woman who taught you everything you know. Yi Xin will give you mad money, but you lose a playable protag.

 

You can alternatively tell Yi Xin to go f*ck himself and do a mission where Jimmy kills Yi Xin. You chase down Yi Xin through a hotel and at the end you get a cutscene of Jimmy throwing grenades into a hotel room to kill Yi Xin, but his innocent 4-year old daughter is also in the room and caught in the blast.

 

Yi Xin is dead, Alison is alive, but Jimmy has the weight of child-manslaughter on his conscience. As such Jimmy goes back to smoking crack and doing hard drugs and you see him break down in cutscene, going from the confident classy assassin he was becoming back into a drug-riddled wreck. You genuinely feel sorry for him.

 

(I wanted to avoid the cliché of make a decision, something bad happens either way, and no choice is an obvious “right choice”)

 

 

That's all I have so far. Let me know what you think. I'm trying to make HARD decisions in the game that have both negative and positive consequences...let me know if it works.

Edited by Imperial Purity
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