wip [MP] Empire of the Soul

[Danz.]

6th mission of the third chapter has been uploaded!

 

Check it out: The Literal Soulmate

Edited February 1, 2018 by Danz.

[SeanAlgerian]

2 mission left for finishing Chapter 3!

 

This MP it's still awesome!How many chapters there will be?

[Danz.]

I expect at least 2 more chapters after finishing this one, so there will be enough room for all the events.

[SeanAlgerian]

Good luck, I wish you promoted to senior later, like CrisPK.

[Danz.]

7th mission of the third chapter has been uploaded!

Here it is: Guardian Angel

Edited February 8, 2018 by Danz.

[Yasir_RFL]

How the hell could you design this? Don't you participating in COTW?

[Danz.]

Final mission of the third chapter has been released! Check it out:

Departure Time

 

There are more chapters to come though.

Edited February 13, 2018 by Danz.

[SeanAlgerian]

Nice mission.Waiting for another chapters

[Danz.]

First mission of the 4th Chapter has been released!

Link: "You spin me 'round"

[Danz.]

Second mission of the 4th chapter has been released, check it out:

Unfortunate Son

[Danz.]

Third mission for the 4th chapter has been uploaded:

 

Zeta's Puzzle

Edited March 19, 2018 by Danz.

[Danz.]

It took me more than 2 weeks, but the 4th mission of the fourth chapter has been released!

Here it is

[M.B. Kovas]

I have been holding onto my own word for some time now, but I guess it's time to make that review that you've been looking forward to. I will only throw hard facts for you, so do not potentially feel offended if some of my words sound a little harsh. This review is meant to be taken constructively. So first of all, I want to make an important note that this review will contain spoilers, so those who do not want to ruin their story for themselves, I suggest stop reading this reply at this point. Also, another thing I want to state is that I only managed to play through the first chapter because of lack of time, and that's excluding the second to last mission, which I could not download due to some problem in the main website. And finally, I am not sure how developed your designing skills are as of today, but I acknowledge that you could have improved and the information that I'm about to present based on an old chapter could be outdated to you, but then again - I couldn't play more chapters, so I apologize for that.

 

Empire of the Soul personally has created a mixed opinion for me so far, and I want to discuss both sides of the fence here - for now it's specifically your topic. The presentation of this page to me is something I've seen many times before, therefore draws to the conclusion of it looking pretty ordinary, but I appreciate you taking your time in implementing custom headers and setting up the download links pretty clearly, although I have to admit that the presentation of the story section ("Synopsis") is quite lacking in detail. Seems a little rushed, but for the mission pack, which contains quite some mysteries in itself, I guess it's really okay as it is, and do note that I acknowledge the fact that the topic is nearly 2 years old, but it could have been done better.

 

As of my personal opinion, the missions themselves cannot draw a clear line for similar reviews by other people. The design is unusual and it emphasises a lot of aspects differently. To elaborate what I'm saying, the first chapter so far has been really mixed. Character development is out of hand and not tendentious. As a first example I can take the first protagonist of the story, Dan. His story follows a character that keeps changing his perspective on his life and other people too fast that it's gone to a point that I really don't know what to expect from him. The first episodes of the chapter were showing his silly behaviour towards his first girlfriend, whereas it has gone to certain points where the dialogue was really out of hand, like Dan suddenly roasting his girlfriend after the latter confessed about her mother being in a condition. At that point, I had imagined what kind of person this character was, but his values differed when he eventually critically injured his girlfriend after finding her cheating on him with a lawyer, the latter of whom he killed. And if that wasn't enough for this character's perspective jumping around, I noticed something else that I couldn't resist criticising. What's the deal with Dan's and Matt's behaviour with eachother, especially the constant swearing? I guess I can suspect that you were trying to show how these characters were really close friends given the swearing but none of them giving attention to it that much, but I don't think actual friends insult eachother as frequently as they do. Atleast certainly not the same friends that later help eachother get out of a life and death situation. Thus so far, the behaviour seemed odd. Every dialogue they share has a fair share of insults, but if they can live with it, I guess I can too. And I couldn't forget how aggressive Dan was towards the person who saved his life when he fell down into the water in the armored truck (atleast I assume that's what happened, because I hadn't played the 7th mission). It was really unappreciated and uncalled for, but I guess it can be justified by the pile of problems Dan has already gotten himself into, thus the uncontrolled behaviour. Also, another thing I wanted to mention was Graziela's involvement in the story. This character has been met very suddenly out of nowhere, and now she's involved in as many criminal activities as Dan is, but what I could not understand at first is how she actually stayed with Dan and Matt for some reason, even after meeting Agent 69 (and yes, I do notice the unnecessary sexual joke). Therefore, it feels like Grazi's involvement has been very forced without further explanation. We never even got to know how she ended up in the water out there before Dan saved her. So as of the character development, you get the point. Some conclusions have to be made for the sake of quality in your story telling, and I hope you take this into account.

 

Another thing I wanted to talk about is the use of incorrect grammar and slangs. Now I do get the point that you come from Brazil - a country which mainly speaks portuguese, so I will not judge the occasional misspelling of words, but there is one important thing that I had to notice, and that, of course, is your use of shortened internet inter-texting slangs. This is one of the things that can really drop quality of written dialogue, and Empire of the Soul is no exception. I've been lucky enough to spot uses of "words" like "wot", "btw" and so on. Here's some advise for you - good storytelling aims to be as clear to the listener as possible, and when you restrict your english to few words such as this - it's not going to do your reputation a whole lot of justice. For your own sake, try to never use these slangs again.

 

There's also something else I wanted to mention, and that is mainly the constant endings that happen in the middle of action in the mission. I appreciate the way you narrate the start of your missions (although I disliked how you narrated the first mission, which went something like "we know you don't give a crap about these characters yet, but...". This just seemed really rushed and out of place, sorry). These narrations implement a different feeling towards the missions, and makes them feel a little more lively, but what I did not understand is how you start the mission okay, but create no decent ending for it. I'm more or less specifically talking about sequences like when Dan was swimming towards that wreckage in which Graziella was in, but the mission ended just before he reached the boat. That really shows how unfinished the mission is, and I want to address that such cliffhangers in the middle of action could be very much okay at the end of chapters, but not constantly in almost each and every mission. Hence all I want to say, is that you should always implement as much work into concluding the mission as you do in starting it out.

 

There have been other various mistakes I have found throughout playing your project, but due to me criticising and making a lot of points that sound really negative, I have to balance it out. I know how it can make you feel about your work, but I encourage you to take it as a lesson in the future. I really want you to improve in the factors I've mentioned, because I see potential in you. And don't get me wrong, I enjoyed playing the mission pack. I could praise a lot of aspects in your project, but I wanted to present to you something I would personally fix myself, and I hope you look at it that way too. I am surprised of your creativity and your presentation of story. I am happy that there are still people who take their time to go deeper into details, because that's what makes projects like this feel alive. The story is really interesting, despite what I've said. I really encourage you to keep working on it.

 

So to form a final conclusion, I am going to tell it to you as short as possible. You're a great designer. You have great and inspiring ideas, but you need to learn to know how to implement them, too. This review took me quite a while to write, and I hope you enjoyed it. I'm going to finish the mission pack some time to find out how your designing skills improved over time, because this project without doubt is taking quite a lot of time to finish for you, but I hope eventually it is one day. Good luck in your future missions, Danz.

Edited April 6, 2018 by MartZ2

[Danz.]

That was an absolutely amazing review, something I’ve been waiting for a long time. Despite the much needed criticism, I must say that it could have been a lot more impactful if such kind of review was made back then, almost 2 years ago. Anyways, better late than never, now to the points you have mentioned:

 

Yeah, I recognize the topic doesn’t really present the Mission Pack in a decent way, which comes down to my own lazyness. I didn’t really bother to change it because I thought it was alright and nobody had yet to give feedback regarding that. Reason why I say it again, everything could’ve been better if I did get a feedback back then. It’s my first MP, so I’m still somekind of a newbie.

 

Regarding EoTS’s plot itself, I recognize it is confusing and very odd at times, but some of its weirdness is totally on purpose. The fact Dan seems to suffer from some kind of Bipolar Disorder, his rad relationship with Matt is on purpose too (it has behaviors that are normal here in Brazil, all this cursing and giving names is actually ordinary around here, so this is where I’m taking it from), the way he acted towards his ex gf seems a bit too harsh, but actually it was just a plot device to make him get pursued by ALSOUL (this is better explained later in the story). The dialogues in the first chapter are weak, I admit, this can be improved after I release all missions, before making a standalone archive with all of the EoTS missions. The part where Graziela is presented should have been better too, the whole sequence wasn’t as well explained as I thought back then. She is an illegal brazilian immigrant, the fact that she joins them alongside ALSOUL is because she’d be othewise in prison, so that’s a way to get food, home and money without having the cops after her everytime. She’s forced into that situation? Yeah, but she has little to no other option. Obviously this will change in the latter chapters, but this is already an spoiler.

 

About the writting, yeah, I guess it wasn’t well polished. Of course English is my second language, and it’s not practiced daily around here (almost nobody speaks English where I live), but I should have taken more time to polish it and really stop with internet slangs, which I can guarantee it has improved in the latter chapters.

 

Overall, I think you should really play the other 3 chapters I’ve released so far, so you can give me enough feedback to keep going forward with the story while improving most of its aspects. You can expect it to still be weird, because it’s more of a intended style than actually a mistske.

 

Therefore, your review was really essential for me to not lose interest in designing missions for this MP, you have no idea the difference it makes when you have a “North”, a direction to go, someone who tells me the mistakes and how to fix them. Anyways, I couldn’t thank you more for whta you’ve done. Now I’m just waiting for the other chapters’s reviews while I design the continuation for my story.

Edited April 6, 2018 by Danz.

[Danz.]

5th Mission of the fourth chapter has been released, check it out: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/52862

 

And soon there will be more to come.

[Danz.]

6th mission of the fourth chapter has been released after a very long time without updates. Sorry for the break, but soon there willl be more to come.

 

Check it out: A mess

[omigawail]

A lot of old faces have shown up again, DYOM is in a really good spot right now!

 

You collectively set a high bar for the quality of missionpacks and storylines, and we (the new dudes) are collectively thankful for that.

[DennysCute99]

Seems interesting, but I have no time for played this mission pack. I'm busy with my MP, is called THE FALL OF MICHAEL. Good luck on this.

[SeanAlgerian]

Well welcome back Danz, may Target13 give you the seal of approval.

[thermal7]

Hey, Danz. I've just finished playing your MP and I can certainly say that I really enjoyed it. While cutscenes and some of the in-game scripted events aren't all that good I'll just blame DYOM itself for that. As for story, while not perfect, it still manages to intrigue the player, to cause him to think about what's ultimately going happen to The Fantastic Five in their endless parade of trouble and suffering. The Fantastic Five itself (Dan, Younger Dan, Matt, Grazi and Travis) also deserves its name because of how distinct and unique every character is and how they interact with one another (like when Grazi basically acts the team's mom or when Dan hates on his younger self to cope with his own failures), Miss Effsay also deserves a mention since she's kind of a Toreno subtitute of the mod (an arrogant, invasive prick with no care for personal space of the protagonist, yet still amusing because of how much of caricature she is), as well her rival and evil counterpart: Tyler, who lacks her charisma and general kindness (or any positive qualities, at that matter) and who only lives to terrorise Dan and his friends. Speaking of Tyler, basically he's the one who drives the plot forward since one of the main plot questions is how else is he going to poop the day for everyone? Yet, you still can't deny that he has a villianous charisma of his own, even though it's mostly based on how much of a amoral, sociopathic bastard he is (seriously though, after him I won't feel ease near men in FBI uniform). Love to hate, they say. All in all, a good (if not great) mod with awesome, memorable, sometimes frankly weird and crazy missions (just play Coming Hard mission and you'll see what I mean) and interesting, potentially Hollywood-worthy plot that, after several tweaks and dialogue rewriting, can be made into a great movie about how that damn FBI agent just WON'T leave Dan alone. Keep up a good job!

[Danz.]

On 11/23/2018 at 2:26 PM, thermal7 said:

Hey, Danz. I've just finished playing your MP and I can certainly say that I really enjoyed it. While cutscenes and some of the in-game scripted events aren't all that good I'll just blame DYOM itself for that. As for story, while not perfect, it still manages to intrigue the player, to cause him to think about what's ultimately going happen to The Fantastic Five in their endless parade of trouble and suffering. The Fantastic Five itself (Dan, Younger Dan, Matt, Grazi and Travis) also deserves its name because of how distinct and unique every character is and how they interact with one another (like when Grazi basically acts the team's mom or when Dan hates on his younger self to cope with his own failures), Miss Effsay also deserves a mention since she's kind of a Toreno subtitute of the mod (an arrogant, invasive prick with no care for personal space of the protagonist, yet still amusing because of how much of caricature she is), as well her rival and evil counterpart: Tyler, who lacks her charisma and general kindness (or any positive qualities, at that matter) and who only lives to terrorise Dan and his friends. Speaking of Tyler, basically he's the one who drives the plot forward since one of the main plot questions is how else is he going to poop the day for everyone? Yet, you still can't deny that he has a villianous charisma of his own, even though it's mostly based on how much of a amoral, sociopathic bastard he is (seriously though, after him I won't feel ease near men in FBI uniform). Love to hate, they say. All in all, a good (if not great) mod with awesome, memorable, sometimes frankly weird and crazy missions (just play Coming Hard mission and you'll see what I mean) and interesting, potentially Hollywood-worthy plot that, after several tweaks and dialogue rewriting, can be made into a great movie about how that damn FBI agent just WON'T leave Dan alone. Keep up a good job!

Oh man, thank you so much for this review, it really helps my project going forward. And yeah, you almost got it all right, it's a character driven plot.

 

Also, sorry for not replying earlier it's been a while since I took a break from DYOM. I was not feeling that creative itch that I had before, so I rather take a break than release tasteless low quality missions without an actual idea where the plot would be leading to, besides I was very busy with medical school. So, here I am, back to business.

Edited December 31, 2018 by Danz.

[M.B. Kovas]

Hopefully this mission pack can start moving it's production again. Needless to say, I've enjoyed the first season.

[thermal7]

Hey Danz, not to be annoying but... any progress with the mappack? Is it dead or still going?

[Danz.]

I'm sorry guys, I haven't worked on this since 2018. 

 

Not sure if I have the motivation to go on or if anyone would actually care enough about it's continuation. If yes, then I might get it going again and finish it before it gets too stretched out.

[Martin_Strada]

On 6/27/2020 at 9:05 AM, Danz. said:

I'm sorry guys, I haven't worked on this since 2018. 

 

Not sure if I have the motivation to go on or if anyone would actually care enough about it's continuation. If yes, then I might get it going again and finish it before it gets too stretched out.

Welcome back dude. Remember me?

[Danz.]

12 hours ago, Martin_Strada said:

Welcome back dude. Remember me?

Of course I remember you, lol. But I still don't know whether I should go on with it or not. Opinions?

[Martin_Strada]

6 hours ago, Danz. said:

Of course I remember you, lol. But I still don't know whether I should go on with it or not. Opinions?

I just literally forgot that you didn't finished this MP. Ah, good old times. I wanna know how the story ends, while there's some cool mystery from this chapter. I might be interested to play the entire MP again.

[thermal7]

Obviously, you REALLY should finish this mp. It would be a real shame if this intriguing temporal crime thriller story would not get a decent conclusion. Also, the choice to kill or spare Tyler implies 2 parallel story lines, each with a different outcome. Any chance of that happening?

[SupportGaming2020]

hey Danz,even though,I technically didn't play your series(because I don't have pc version or dyom)I've been interested in dyoms for years now, and i've watched your series being played by Aznkei1,'' and I gotta say I love your storyline,and hope that one day,you'll finish it.

[SupportGaming2020]

@Danz.been thinking about it for a while,and if you are still planning on finishing this MP,I have few ideas..but I wanna message you personally