GTA Online jokes

[Sky_Light12]

a 50.cal sniper rifle capable piercing through several layers of glass and body with ease

a minigun vs wooden barrier ? no sale

[Arkseven]

R* way to say: "hey, stop grind and go buy a shark card"

 

"Succeeding as a CEO requires navigating the risks and rewards of the ruthless Los Santos free market – where everyone is out to snipe at your latest venture – so Buy and Sell missions were designed specifically for trade in public sessions."

 

"If you're concerned other players are hanging about your Warehouse or Office – pick the right time to sell, make sure you have Associates and get them to clear out players who are stalking you or waiting for you to execute a deal. Taking your team off the grid with the Ghost Organization ability and exiting via the rooftop helipad where possible are also solid strategies."

 

 

because, you know...we are all honoured players figthing with pistols only, right?

we dont need that easy and stupid jet, RIGHT R*?

[Alvarez]

Two NPCs are talking at a NPC party:

 

"This city is LOVELY. My life is SPLENDID. Yesterday i was met by some very REFINED individuals and got SHOT in the FACE!"

"The way you talk about it, it just cannot be bitter post-ironic sarcasm, you're really enjoying it, aren't you, you masochist?"

 

[offtopic]

Look, i can tell we have this forum for complaining. There are dedicated topics for that. I will refer to them later, as a part of serious backseat moderating.

But something sets me off. It started with a sarcastic reply: "the joke is the game". And all of a sudden everyone thinks he is entitled to bitch and moan in a Joke topic, because he thinks "Joke" is meant in sarcasm.

f*ck no. It is a place to amuse yourself and not spread the depravity, that we have enough in this place.

If you want to complain, fine - then just put your complaint in a humouristic form and try to take it with a laugh.

 

You cannot? There is a B&M topic for that, then.

[/offtopic]

Edited July 7, 2016 by Alvarez

[xXepicjasaXx]

that you have to be 18 to play the game...

[0Blitzy]

The bit in the gta forums where everyone think their comment is so f*cking balls out that they can call /thread and the thread should be closed.

 

You know, egotists.

Penises.

 

/thread

[Lancerator]

Kids.

[Alvarez]

This topic.

[Horse_With_No_Name]

Parachuting jobs

 

Capture jobs

Edited July 8, 2016 by Horse_With_No_Name

[Hunter]

This thing's a joke:

 

 

Damned if you do; damned if you don't. You stay high and out of the way of guns, then you get taken down by a twisty-turny BS missile. You get low and close, hiding behind stuff to avoid that, then you get shredded, thanks to the horrible armour on these poor guys.

 

Un-fun fact: The Savage is even weaker than that. Meh. Bleh. F*ck.

[LeakyLine]

The look on a level 500's face when you annihilate them after they pick a fight with you for no reason,

[Pißwasser Time]

A Priest a Rabbi and a Minister enter a bar.... um.... I had too much Pißwasser to remember the rest...

[HKM87]

This thing's a joke:

 

 

Damned if you do; damned if you don't. You stay high and out of the way of guns, then you get taken down by a twisty-turny BS missile. You get low and close, hiding behind stuff to avoid that, then you get shredded, thanks to the horrible armour on these poor guys.

 

Un-fun fact: The Savage is even weaker than that. Meh. Bleh. F*ck.

Tottaly feel the same. Heck, it's like the Buzzard armor got weaker after FFAF update.

[Toxic_Paradox]

When the cops can catch up to your zentorno.