GTA Online jokes

[kuusko]

Benny's prices for wheels

[xXepicjasaXx]

that there is no weather cycle with snow or even snow only lobbies.....or lobbies with no police...

[Sussus Amongus]

 

Edited April 7, 2020 by Pastry

[labrat_md]

LS Customs Mechanic: "What can the best mechanic in LS do for you?"

Me: "Great Question!", then speeding off to Benny's in my Banshee...

 

 

(I still hate Benny though.)

Edited June 26, 2016 by labrat_md

[bossofzeeland]

You got shot 5 times in the chest? Take some snacks and you'll feel like nothing happened!

[fw3]

Knock, knock!

Who's there?
Because volleyball net.

 

[Zerani]

The X80.

[TeammateHelper]

The community.

 

Don't worry, I'm a joke too

[iKarimster]

WTF is a gerald??

[Goten21]

Whenever Martin texts me an invite to adversary modes I just start cackling up

[MCMXCII]

Kash Kerds

[Fezza1999]

Ron's angry calls about crates that haven't been a thing since last gen

[MCMXCII]

Ron's angry calls about crates that haven't been a thing since last gen

I'm on last gen and I never got those phone calls. Weird.

[Fezza1999]

 

Ron's angry calls about crates that haven't been a thing since last gen

I'm on last gen and I never got those phone calls. Weird. Maybe Ron thought you were a "go-getter"

[All Those Chickens]

Knock, knock!

 

"Who's there?"

 

Tank.

 

"Tank who?"

 

BOOM! Tank you for increasing my KD!

[Nacho Z]

Caught this 'Bob getting it's chopper out for a Buzz job

 

[MCMXCII]

Maybe Ron thought you were a "go-getter"

ba dum tis

Edited June 26, 2016 by jrl51592

[REXX]

What would a horny gamer like to do to their female character?

 

... Liquor Hole.

 

Or maybe even liquor ace.

[rapidwiz]

People who think using the Kuruma in PS FInale is a glitch or cheating.

[chefbrettb]

Caught this 'Bob getting it's chopper out for a Buzz job

 

Gotta be more careful with the underbody, that's how folk get razor burn

[Alvarez]

- This is a thick composite bulletproof glass, it holds up to 3 hi-power projectiles and offers your CEO and you superior protection. When you need to shoot, smash it with your elbow.

Edited June 27, 2016 by Alvarez

[Bitsey]

Drive this thing for 5 minutes.

 

Oooh, I get it. Prepare car for ludicrous speed!

[Bitsey]

Also funny; run the f*ck over almost everything. It's just a scratch. Jump, fall and spin a hundred meters. It's just a scratch. And then there are freight trains.

[Sky_Light12]

say you would expect a liquor store cashier is completely helpless during a robbery

instead turn around and suddenly , they had machinegun on their hand

now imagine if the cashier could afford something like that while robbery get about 1k everytime

[Toxic_Paradox]

When you steal a parked car you smash the window and take the lock off

 

When you shot the window of a parked car you never take the lock off WTF

[CaptSpalding]

Why is there so much pressure to spend Independance day with other people ?.

[Alvarez]

Why is there so much pressure to spend Independance day with other people ?.

Because democracy isn't negotiateble.

[Ornacia]

[CaptSpalding]

A joke is not a joke when it has to be explained.

[Irish O'African]

Rockstar's Servers.

 

Might I add on, good sir?

 

Rockstar's Servers. And the fact they want their servers to rely on someone else's potato connection to support 30 people in a freemode session.

 

And another:

 

*Steal a $800 car. Gets a text message stating,* "You took my ride! You'll be in a slab soon, motherf*cker!" *Mere seconds later, get a $9,000 bounty.*

 

Or

 

*Steal a $50,000 car. Once again see,* "You took my ride! You'll be in a slab soon, motherf*cker!" *And again mere seconds later, get a $1,000 bounty.*

Edited June 30, 2016 by Raging.Clue