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GTA Online jokes

Toxic_Paradox

By Toxic_Paradox
in GTA Online

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Mrs. Buzz

Mrs. Buzz

Posted
Posted

Not a joke but always a good laught - Kuruma or Insurgent driver in passive mode. Does that count?

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mareepx

mareepx

Posted
Posted

Catchup.

 

>Police officer crashes into your car

>Murders you for it

  • Mervz789, kirg1234 and TheNarrative
  • Like 3
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Sky_Light12

Sky_Light12

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

 

Knock knock!

Who's there?

 

Harbujahn with tank im nice player come out for a cuddle!

magic !

 

aPb2Y3.gif

 

cue to squeakers shout " HooDini ! "

Edited by Sky_Light12
  • lll-H-I-M-lll and Mervz789
  • Like 2
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ripsta

ripsta

Posted
Posted

nearest airfield. Stupid PEGASUS LIFESTYLE MANAGEMENT at it finest

  • The Crooked Panda
  • Like 1
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lll-H-I-M-lll

lll-H-I-M-lll

Posted
Posted

Killed a mic squeking carebear a dozen+times along with most in the lobby

Most the lobby calling me everything under the sun in many different languages

But still "i want to be your fwiend i want to be your fwiend"

 

This sort of player lol

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Non Funkable Token

Non Funkable Token

Posted
Posted (edited)

"Hey Boss, you might be interested in this, come to the office as fast as you can."

 

Di9FDFZ.png

 

 

Session (Invite:1)

 

 

 

trolling-intensifies_gp_2620141.jpg

 

 

Edited by Perez84
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DarkSavageDeathlyCloud

DarkSavageDeathlyCloud

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

 

 

Knock knock!

.

Who's there?

...Mendoza

 

Mendoza who?

 

Mendoza's been hit ! MENDOZA'S BEEN f*ckING HIT !!!

Edited by goldadderXD
  • The Crooked Panda, jeremy81385, LeelooPL and 1 other
  • Like 4
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Sky_Light12

Sky_Light12

Posted
Posted

* Le squeaker blasting a dubstep on mic *

" Stop playing that damn music because it sounds like a dumpster rolling down five flight of stair ! " ~ Insane Troll

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unicornace

unicornace

Posted
Posted

yesterday i joined a lobby only with 6 people in it. i was like ui ui ui lets do some ceo work. BOUM somebody off radarish jeterish cannoninshed me!! my response was a fluffy "ui ui ui". he was like look at my k/d, look at my k/d, its real!!! it was something 10.243 whatever. i was like "ui ui ui" again. i managed to kill his online pixel warrior once. he went passive, ordered a new jet and cannonished me again. then he texted me "do you believe me now?" hihihi. this was a good one.

I know its a translation thing but its getting pretty hilarious. Please tell me what your first language is, what on earth ui ui ui means and seriously why a FLUFFY Ui ui ui is any different.

 

I know its some kind of exclamation like maybe saying 'holy sh*t' or something... can anyone shed any light?

  • Mervz789, alkaline_ and ..GhosT
  • Like 3
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oleg_aka_djmeg

oleg_aka_djmeg

Posted
Posted

 

yesterday i joined a lobby only with 6 people in it. i was like ui ui ui lets do some ceo work. BOUM somebody off radarish jeterish cannoninshed me!! my response was a fluffy "ui ui ui". he was like look at my k/d, look at my k/d, its real!!! it was something 10.243 whatever. i was like "ui ui ui" again. i managed to kill his online pixel warrior once. he went passive, ordered a new jet and cannonished me again. then he texted me "do you believe me now?" hihihi. this was a good one.

I know its a translation thing but its getting pretty hilarious. Please tell me what your first language is, what on earth ui ui ui means and seriously why a FLUFFY Ui ui ui is any different.

 

I know its some kind of exclamation like maybe saying 'holy sh*t' or something... can anyone shed any light?

 

that's like... ui ui ui custom. fancier and more expensive.
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Konata Inoue

Konata Inoue

Posted
Posted

 

 

Knock knock!

.

Who's there?

...Mendoza

 

MENDOZA'S BEEN F****** HIT!

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GR Choke

GR Choke

Posted
Posted

 

yesterday i joined a lobby only with 6 people in it. i was like ui ui ui lets do some ceo work. BOUM somebody off radarish jeterish cannoninshed me!! my response was a fluffy "ui ui ui". he was like look at my k/d, look at my k/d, its real!!! it was something 10.243 whatever. i was like "ui ui ui" again. i managed to kill his online pixel warrior once. he went passive, ordered a new jet and cannonished me again. then he texted me "do you believe me now?" hihihi. this was a good one.

I know its a translation thing but its getting pretty hilarious. Please tell me what your first language is, what on earth ui ui ui means and seriously why a FLUFFY Ui ui ui is any different.

 

I know its some kind of exclamation like maybe saying 'holy sh*t' or something... can anyone shed any light?

apparently UI means user interface

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Sky_Light12

Sky_Light12

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

 

 

Knock knock!

.

Who's there?

...Mendoza

 

MENDOZA'S BEEN F****** HIT!

 

" i'ma f*cking marine !!!! "

* insert mendoza's battle cry here *

" Semper Fi , motherf*cker "

Edited by Sky_Light12
  • Mervz789 and Konata Inoue
  • Like 2
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Skeve613

Skeve613

Posted
Posted

Why did the Rhino tank run over nine NPC-occupied cars and thirteen NPC civilians?

 

 

He was just trying to cross the road with typical GTA NPC AI at work.

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Konata Inoue

Konata Inoue

Posted
Posted (edited)

Why did the Rhino tank run over nine NPC-occupied cars and thirteen NPC civilians?

 

 

He was just trying to cross the road with typical GTA NPC AI at work.

Why did the rhino tank not run over the cars?

 

Because Rockstar removed the 6th star.

Edited by DM98xKONATA
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Robaldinio

Robaldinio

Posted
Posted (edited)

I delivered some cargo, you know, to my multi-million dollar Organisation, and then Ron called me to see if I needed a job.

 

 

pado.jpg

Edited by Robaldinio
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Sky_Light12

Sky_Light12

Posted
Posted (edited)

jm5Cn9Xrf0SN5r3IyeqpuA_0_0.jpg

pretty much the cash is " safe " , on second thought , i mistook this as a refrigerator

Edited by Sky_Light12
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Sky_Light12

Sky_Light12

Posted
Posted

Drive this thing for 5 minutes.

 

Insurgent_brakes_for_noone.jpg

oh , how about Freight train ?

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Chief theef

Chief theef

Posted
Posted

I delivered some cargo, you know, to my multi-million dollar Organisation, and then Ron called me to see if I needed a job.

 

"TPI rewards go getters, and your´re getting NOTHING!"

-Ron, after me selling a full large warehouse.

 

 

pado.jpg

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afriendlyreddot

afriendlyreddot

Posted
Posted

The "join friends" option in the pause menu...

  • Mervz789, fw3 and Hunter
  • Like 3
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DangerZ0neX

DangerZ0neX

Posted
Posted (edited)

Trevor goes to the bar with Mendoza to get some drinks and party, and while they're enjoying their time and booze Trevor has received a message from Ron telling him that there's a huge shipment of narcotics arriving in Sandy Shores on the first Monday in less than three months from now.

 

Trevor: "Hey, Mendoza, what's the calendar date for, uh... The first Monday in three months from now?"

 

Mendoza: "September Five, motherf*cker!"

 

Trevor: ...

 

===========================================

Weazel News Reporter:-

"Yes Andrew, as it appears in the crime scene of what's leftover of the burning ashes of Tequi-la-la several bodies suffering from brutal stabs with a broken bottle with the exception of one special corpse in the pile, it appears that the victim's head has been stomped on furiously with hard-soled pair of boots of a balding hillbilly madman, we couldn't identify the facial and dental records of the victim and all he had was a dogtag around his neck that only says Mendoza, which suggests that he's a marine."

 

Weazel News Anchor:-

"That's quite a gruesome event, Sarah. Is there any other lead on the aftermath with a connection to this scene?"

 

Weazel News Report:-

"We're not exactly sure, but according to eyewitnesses, the assailant has fled the scene towards the East of Los Santos, shortly thereafter citizens of Mirror Park heard explosions and bullets fired underneath the freeway in a secluded warehouse near the railways. The police force are still investigating the crime scene which turned out to be the hideout of the formidable Professionals gang who used their ex-marine skills in crimes across the city. Turns out, their leader who goes by the name of The Don has been missing and his body wasn't found, the police force suggests that he has been kidnapped by the same madman who burnt down the bar in Vinewood, the biggest clue being that the warehouse has also been burnt with gasoline fire, and unfortunately every evidence has vanished with the fire. Back to you, Andrew."

 

Weazel News Anchor:-

"Thank you, Sarah. We wish that our local and brave law enforcement capture this psychopath before even more mayham follows us around, we can't stress this enough with the recent rise of armed jets being the leaders of terror in our streets."

 

"Coming up next, we have leaked footage of pantyshots of various Vinewood celebrities in a party held by the son of the now-famous producer Michael De Santa, all in which includes Mr. De Santa's rage as he shoo'd off all the celebrities with a wild rain of bullets fired in the air and breaking a TV!"

Edited by DangerZ0neX
  • Mervz789, TheNarrative and TheTruthIsFree
  • Like 3
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Toxic_Paradox

Toxic_Paradox

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Gta online character can carry a minigun,rpg,homing launchers and rifles and can still run like an athlete

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Member's Only

Member's Only

Posted
Posted

How many players does it take to change a light-bulb?

 

Timed out.

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Sky_Light12

Sky_Light12

Posted
Posted

Gta online character can carry a minigun,rpg,homing launchers and rifles and can still run like an athlete

and if that wasn't enough , you can dent an armored kuruma with your fist alone

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