Acehilm Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) The man that gave rise to my man Who planted the seed 18, had a kid Is it suppose to be? Emotionally, he took the wave And rode it all out Some doubt clouted his mind The future is blind So he felt the grooves And edges, and believed in time I look back as a kid And remember what I did I feel guilt His face doesn’t appear in the midst Working hard Coughing up blood and the paint I might faint if he slips in his sleep Never wakes Believe me, I’ve dreamt of that In fact, a few days ago to be exact The spirits spoke back Jack holds the door open I believe in that My REM must be forespoken No ordinary notion Coasting in the astral I see their bravehearts broken Staring through their portal At the mortal as they wait Their fate caught up The family at the wake Some smiling and laughing And cheersing their beers Others feel the tear As life, it ain’t clear So I sit my rear and toast to the immortals A welcome back party Juxtaposed to the normal. Edited February 24, 2016 by athande universetwisters, Mokrie Dela and AEsob 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AEsob Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 It's nice, I really like it. AEsob Acehilm 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mokrie Dela Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Good stuff as always, but I feel many of these lines could be merged together. It read to me with the pace and structure of a song, which isn't a bad thing, but is also very much expected. Seeing the volume of poems you've created, I'm beginning to expect to see an epic, a story, Paragraphs and all, but with the rhythm and rhyme of a poem. Hell, I tried it and had some success but could keep it up. The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Click here to view my Poetry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acehilm Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 Yeah, these are more so lyrics than any of my traditional poems. I just thought I'd post it anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mokrie Dela Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Well as said, that's not a bad thing. Different style, and I enjoyed reading it nonetheless so worth the post The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Click here to view my Poetry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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