PyThOn #TakeItEasy Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 (edited) Well, this is my first poem! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE CURIOSITY The Night Cname, The Day gone. I gonna sleep on bed,alone. Some curious questions didn't let me sleep. Some question I forgot, some I keep. "Why the big ship float on water?" "And Why small pin sank in water?" "Why the strawberry cake brings me headache?" "And Chocolate cake brings others headache?" "Why Sandal-Socks don't suite on me?" "And Shoes-socks looks awesome on me?" "Why I got 80 out of 100 marks on English?" "And why I got 12 out of 100 marks in History?" "Why There was 5 days from Monday to Friday?" "And 3 days from Friday to Monday?" "Why was I forgot to do Maths homework?" "And I remembered Science homework?" "Why Can I go against my friend?" "And I go totally against my enemy?" Life is full of curiosity, don't let it shrivel and die! Don't stop it, make your questions feel free! -KC10a ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am not a poet, hope everyone like this poem, this is my first poem! If you find any mistake, just tell me! Edited January 31, 2016 by KC10a Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AEsob Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) This isn't how you write a poem bro, It's just a brick of text, and the editing is poor. Your grammar needs a lot of work, spellings need work and poetry isn't something you can achieve in fifteen minutes. Don't struggle to find a rhyming pattern. I'm going to edit it out for you: The Night Gone, (Night comes after day, but you know what? That's up to you to edit) the Day gone. I'm gonna sleep on bed, alone. Some curious questions don't let me sleep. Some questions I forgot, some I keep. "Why does the big ship float on water, but the small pin sinks in water?" "Why does the Strawberry cake give me a headache, but the Chocolate cake give others headaches?" (The way you wrote this one, there's no way someone like me, with so little talent in poetry can make it rhyme) "Why don't the Sandal and socks suit me, (A suite is a set of rooms, or a number of instruments to be played in succession) but the Shoes and socks look awesome on me?" "Why did I get 80 out of 100 in English? (Although I doubt it, no offense) but only 12 out of 100 in History?" "Why are there 5 days from Monday to Friday, but only 3 days from Friday to Monday?" "Why did I forget to do Maths homework, but remember to do the Science homework?" "Why can't I fight my friend, (Pretty sure it's can't. Don't put against here) but totally fight my enemy?" Life is full of curiosity, don't let it shrivel and die! Don't stop it, make them free! (Wait-what? That doesn't make any sense, make WHAT free? This line doesn't belong in here.) It took me about 30 minutes just to edit it properly. If you do plan to work on your English, buy the 'High School English Grammar and Composition' by Wren and Martin, it's published by S.Chand, I think. Other than that read good fiction. PM me if you think you need further help, or any other writer if you think you don't like me. Need help with your poetry, then athande is your man, Pm him, I think he'll help, but finally it's up to you. AEsob Edited January 31, 2016 by AEsob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PyThOn #TakeItEasy Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 Thanks poem edited. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mokrie Dela Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Well done on breaking your poetry cherry man. I always like to see people giving it a try. It is difficult - more so than prose at times, I think, but stick with it. Most of all, Poetry is the perfect vehicle to convey feelings and deep thoughts. I've found it's a great vent for depression or sadness, struggles etc, so if you're liking it, don't give up! Also, like prose, don't underestimate the importance of editing and proofing. When you've finished it, don't feel you have to rush to upload. Set it aside for a while and come back to it and tighten it up (a day or two; shorter than with prose as i think you want to keep that frame of mind you were in when you wrote it). Spelling and formatting can always be tidied up last, but take your time to get things solid. I often write a poem and when i upload it here, it's only been a day or so since i wrote it. But I wrote something and took a couple of months a year or so ago, and it really does show. I hope to share that, btw, but need to copyright it first . I hope to see more stuff soon saintsrow 1 The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Click here to view my Poetry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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