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Daughter's bonding with father and Son's Bonding with Mother?


Terano
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According to me, Son's have better bonding with Mother than fathers and this case is opposite when we talk about daughters,

They have better bonding with their fathers.

 

This thing is so natural and common in India in an any average family.

 

I am just so curious to know that is this condition is same in your family or country? if yes then according to you what is the reason behind this psychology?

 

I also dont have the exact reason for this psychology.

Searching for a perfect logic for this, Hope you guys will help me

Reply your views,

Edited by Terano
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Somewhat related, I know psychologist Sigmund Freud had a theory called Oedipus complex. He proposed that during infancy a child feels some sort of sexual desire toward the parent of the opposite sex. Which might be a contributing factor toward this son/mother daughter/father bond you mention.

 

Might sound rather odd but it is Freud after all.

Edited by Tacts_21
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Menstrual Deranged

Family dynamics can be tough to analyze sometimes. In my experience, kids tend to get along less well with the parent they are most like because they clash more for whatever reason. When I was younger, I got along better with my mother. Now that I'm older, I feel like I get along better with my dad and relate to him a little better than I do my mom. I'm still trying to figure out exactly why this is.

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Yeah it depends, I guess if both parents are good, normal parents. then yeah, i have noticed this a lot.

 

But i dont agree with the sexual desire at all.

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Me and my friends was discussing on this yesterday,

One of my friend said fathers are more conservative and protective for their daughters so thats why they try to connect with her perfectly.

They also interfere so much in daughters life.

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The answer is because Indian culture is heavily patriarchal.

So, a patriarchal culture will meticulously raise boys to be the economic providers, to navigate reality (learn math and science), be successfully and earn. while it meticulously raises girls to be incompetent in reality, (to avoid math and science) to be distracted by their own feelings, and to ultimately rely on a man to navigate the world for them.

and mothers tell you what you want to hear a the expense of what you need to hear, while fathers tell you what you need to hear at the expense of what you want to hear.

So to the son, a mothers comforting words are a refuge to a harsh 'dog eat dog' reality that he must navigate, while to the daughter the fathers words are an anchor to reality and a refuge away from her learned incompetence.

 

In other words - daughters prefer thier fathers because it is their fathers who prepare them for reality, something the over-all culture fails to do. While sons prefer their mothers because they offer a safety net to reality, which is what the over-all culture fails to do for them.

Edited by Rusty Balls
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In my case, I bonded with my mom because the sperm donor (my dad) took off running after another piece of ass, which I assume was more appealing to him than staying with my mom. Anyway, my wife bonded with both her parents, but more so for her dad, because he was more laid back or mellow compared to her mom's personality. Her mom is a control freak, she has the best intentions in mind, but it doesn't turn out like that.

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I'm from a standard US family...just me and an older sister.

 

My sister is definitely tighter with our father and I'm definitely tighter with our mother.

 

E:

Forgot: my wife has the same setup except she has an older brother. Same deal in her family. She is daddy's girl and her brother is mommy's boy.

Edited by trip
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Creed Bratton

Maybe it's the parent's preference that sets the dynamic. I know that if I was to be a father I'd prefer to have a daughter. I just think it would be easier to raise a daughter. She could talk to her mother about all the girl stuff when she needs to and she could seek fatherly wisdom from me. Also daughters seem easier to get along with. I am not a control freak anyway. I'd probably turn my kids into geeks and philosophers. And I kinda think that it would be boring to have a son, or at least not as fun as having a daughter. I was a boy after all. A son wouldn't be such a new experience to me. I wouldn't have as much patience. I just know it. I've been through boyhood and even now when I see boys playing outside I just think they're boring. And since I've never experienced childhood from female perspective I think it would be more fun to raise a daughter. To see and to be be involved in that experience. I don't know how to better explain it. When I try to imagine myself as a parent I see a son as something boring and daughter as something adorable. Then there's also the fact that daughters generally tend to be more vulnerable than sons so you as a parent would get to feel protective and needed a lot longer in life, which is probably important in older age when you become useless to society.

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I get what you mean, Yokel, but I like the idea of having a son. It's a chance to keep the family name going and it's important on a personal level for my son to be raised by his real father, with honour, decency. discipline and proper values.

 

 

I do get you on how it seems like it would easier to raise a daughter, but only a girl's father could really attest to that. Teenage daughters are probably more difficult to handle than teenage boys.

Edited by Failure
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You derive your raising methods from your personal experiences and since parents from opposite sex children didn't experience their childhoods through the eyes of the opposite sex, they simply use whatever was taught to them via 3rd party methods and/or personal feelings.

 

A mother will usually push her daughter because she knows her limits, she was once in the same position herself and knows the boundaries, while she has no personal experience living like a little boy and has to use knowledge obtained somewhere else to act accordingly.

Edited by dice
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Good points there dice. This is one reason why I think it's so important for children to be raised in a traditional nuclear family with good male and female role models. Our generation has been blighted by insane divorce rates with swathes of children either raised by one parent or by divorced parents in separate households (the former is probably better in this case). It's a disaster that we really need to resolve going forward when we come to raise families of our own (or if we choose to--I mean I don't see myself every marrying so I'll never have kids).

Edited by Failure
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Femme Fatale

I always had a close relationship with my Dad...Don't care much about my mom, especially now that they're divorced...

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My dad is a f*cking asshole.

He's done way too much sh*t in the past to be forgiven.

 

Moms ftw

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Creed Bratton

I get what you mean, Yokel, but I like the idea of having a son. It's a chance to keep the family name going and it's important on a personal level for my son to be raised by his real father, with honour, decency. discipline and proper values.

This is a personal preference though. I couldn't care less about any of that. Which is a bit odd considering the environment that I grew up in. My parents care about continuing the family name and so does most of society. f*ck all that I say. I just care about living my life how I see fit. I don't even want kids or a wife. Not at this point anyway. I'd rather work on becoming a secluded eccentric billionaire.

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I bond way more with my mom than my dad. Then again, he always seems to have an attitude towards me even when I don't do anything towards him. I wish that was different now that we're under different circumstances.

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Nonheterosexuality notwithstanding, I suspect that in many cases, it's a biofamilial insurance for successful future relationships with the opposite sex. The parent of the same sex whom although we bond with quite well, is also who we observe more objectively as our personal role model. The parent of the opposite sex, however, is who we tend to bond with more, which allows us to create deep and lasting relationships with the opposite sex, leading to successful creation of one's own family

Edited by AtchooMatchew
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