IT

[IDredMan]

So one day I got really really depressed and instead of cutting myself literally I thought I'd do it metaphorically so I wrote a bunch of stuff. Now I need you guys to take a dump on it because I'm not a regular to these forums.

Here you go.

 

 

How 'bout no?

 

 

 

It's obviously a flash-forward...

But seriously, I'd like some feedback or something to develop the chapters past this... Intro.

Edited August 10, 2015 by IDredMan

[Ziggy455]

It's a very cryptic opener, but seems to make sense to me. If you want to develop this, you have to ask yourself, what story are you telling us? What do you want this story to be about? Then just simply think of your singular character in this opener, and think about him. If you need help on plotting or character development on this, just PM me.

[Mokrie Dela]

I have to say, this has a style to it that I really like. The sort of self-questioning flow to it. Most stories give us the facts "A gun is in my hand" but the way yours is really feels like you're experiancing it via a sort of daze, out of body experiance, as though you're not in control. "What's that in my hand? A gun"

 

It reminds me of the narration in The Simpsons when Homer/Lisa hallucinate while in the sense-deprivation tanks.

 

I do think it needs a bit more to it though. It's a bit quick, and I'd like to see more tension built - take things slower, show us more detail.

 

But style-wise, you've got something good here imo