Share Your Feelings

[§†range]

you could kill some time with this-

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2263256/Jigsaw-addict-completes-huge-jigsaw-took-17-MONTHS-glue-living-room-wall.html

Wholly sh*t ....lol

[reiniat]

I read this topic a lot but I very rarely actually post. I just see what other people are going through and realise that my problems are nothing by comparison.... but the fact that others have it worse doesn't mean that I don't feel sh*tty.

 

I know the topic is called share your feelings and so I have every right to post, whether I'm being a whiny bitch or not, but I also think the fact that I feel sh*tty even though others have it a lot worse makes my situation worse too?

Lovely, i come here so the problems of other people make my problems look smaller, like when Nelson sheds a tear on the sea.

[Ai®a©ob®a]

I read this topic a lot but I very rarely actually post. I just see what other people are going through and realise that my problems are nothing by comparison.... but the fact that others have it worse doesn't mean that I don't feel sh*tty.

 

I know the topic is called share your feelings and so I have every right to post, whether I'm being a whiny bitch or not, but I also think the fact that I feel sh*tty even though others have it a lot worse makes my situation worse too?

Hey bud, Your right because of the thing others say doesn't mean you're is any less "importance" mosat of us like myself are just talking to themselves to get it out on "paper" to help em out.

 

After i put all that out about my dad dying it made it feel better and others on here are actually very good at helping you such as Alien but some folks are buttheads just ignore em.

[Ai®a©ob®a]

 

I can't tell if i'm angry or upset...

 

I was doing some cleaning earlier today and i came across my Dad old Guitar and Pool Cues he had especially made for him and i since we played in Pool/Billiards every Tuesday from when i was 16 until he died when i was 21 that was back in 2007,

 

I still haven't cried over his death i still find myself angry over his death.'

 

Not because he died but because he died and how his death could've been prevented by the Gas Company but finding his guitar also make me remember the good times we had and than i get angry again.

 

I've talked to several doctors about this but none of them know really what to do because they don't deem me as depressed or anything but angry and they want me to let his death go and finally grieve but i can't.

 

I want to blame so many people but i know none of it was their fault the Firefighters got there within 6 minutes of the 9-1-1 call they did the best they cool but i can still picture it as vivid as it was yesterday just watching the house burn knowing they couldn't get inside.

 

Do i put these items up for sale, for i give em away or do a i keep em?

 

But i feel if i keep em they will keep bringing back the memories that nobody could do anything to help him.

Our circumstances are very different, but I lost my dad when I was 14 suddenly as well, in a plane crash. I still come across items from time to time, and time itself is a reminder... 15 years was the hardest for me, it meant he had officially been dead for longer than he had been alive (during my life)... but these objects, while the bring back memory and often times pain with it, they are a part of the person and they can represent the best things about that person.

 

It's not true what they say, "Time heals all wounds", time only allows the injury to become fainter in memory and these items bring back the hurt, but they also bring back the good. My mom gave my my dad's class ring about 6 years ago, and I wear it every day. Seeing it made me cry, but I draw strength from the memory, from the weight of the thing. Same with my wedding band, it was my dads. I hate to remember his loss, we used to do a memorial hike on his death day (also my wife's birthday and the day we lost our first child) so I made a point to move it to his birthday so we could focus on the good things, rather than the bad.

 

But all the objects will hurt from time to time... I fully believe in the saying "Time wounds all heals", but each newly opened wound is an opportunity to remember the good.

 

TL;DR, don't toss them. They might hurt a lot now, but one day they could provide comfort. You and your son could play with those cues, you could write great music on that axe.

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

Yeah i know it's only been 7 years but it feels like it was yesterday and what makes it worse during the holidays is that his birthday is on Dec 25th so i have to put on a smile when i want to cry.

 

After my dad died i was so angry that i got rid of alot of things including his billards table, his tools and his car they were the only things that survived the fire as they were in the basement or outside and only had smoke damage i don't have anything else no jewelry but i can still go see it anytime i want as i gave it to my uncle who made up our third teammate on our billards team.

 

After thinking long and hard about it i deiced not to get rid of the items but i started looking up if there are any billards teams around the area i might be able to join but i haven't played since his death so i oprobably lost my skills that i had back then but i called my uncle and he said i could come by and sub for his team if i wanted too but don't know if i want too or not.

 

But i need to do something to get out of this rut i'm in, I need to start dating or doing something to get out of the house i am home every night i don't think i've gone out since at least a year or so ago.

 

I ended up getting around $450,000 in his life insurance, house and property insurance but i feel like it's blood money and i hate spending it but since i can't work at the moment i have no choice.

Edited December 9, 2014 by Troubadour

[IveGotNoValues]

Hmmm...

 

That's how I feel. Unsure. Not sure what my emotions are at the moment. I guess i'll get a good nights sleep and figure it out in the morning.

[AlienTwo]

Thanks for the reply.

 

 

Yeah i know it's only been 7 years but it feels like it was yesterday and what makes it worse during the holidays is that his birthday is on Dec 25th so i have to put on a smile when i want to cry.

 

After my dad died i was so angry that i got rid of alot of things including his billards table, his tools and his car they were the only things that survived the fire as they were in the basement or outside and only had smoke damage i don't have anything else no jewelry but i can still go see it anytime i want as i gave it to my uncle who made up our third teammate on our billards team.

 

After thinking long and hard about it i deiced not to get rid of the items but i started looking up if there are any billards teams around the area i might be able to join but i haven't played since his death so i oprobably lost my skills that i had back then but i called my uncle and he said i could come by and sub for his team if i wanted too but don't know if i want too or not.

 

But i need to do something to get out of this rut i'm in, I need to start dating or doing something to get out of the house i am home every night i don't think i've gone out since at least a year or so ago.

 

I ended up getting around $450,000 in his life insurance, house and property insurance but i feel like it's blood money and i hate spending it but since i can't work at the moment i have no choice.

 

I'm sure he would want you to spend the money, to have a little comfort after the pain. I got checks too, I know how it feels... it's nice but as soon as you think about it for even a second, the memory of why you have it rears it's ugly head. I know it's hard, but try to take some comfort in it. Think of it as his last gift to you, think of him when you enjoy yourself with the money. Maybe buy a badass table and get back in playing shape so you can do him proud on the green felt. I don't know, I don't mean to "tell you what to do", i just know how it feels and I wish I could help.

 

Time... time and space. Not healers, but dullers of pain, opiates of emotion...

[BS_BlackScout]

I hate too serious people...
I mean, you make a simple joke and they're all like mad and acting like Mr. Super Mature Serious Boy Who Has Age n' sh*t

Really, it annoys the hell out of me...
I rather be a stupid retarded idiot who laughs from everything than a serious adult who is always mad at life. '-' That ain't even healthy.

 

Another thing, I keep contact with some people that I like; they're cool n' stuff.

But sometimes they freaking piss me off with that "Mr. Serious" behavior, or with that "Don't contradict me" behavior;

I already had thoughts about removing them and I still ask myself why I still haven't done anything.

I feel great by being anti-social, I don't usually have those "issues" with my IRL friends.

 

In the times when I was way more angry, I would simply go asking the person to go f*ck itself =)

Now I just ignore to not lose time or smth...

Edited December 9, 2014 by BlackScout

[AceThaCreator]

Man i hate the fact that i struggle with this b*tch called procrastination. It's like theres so much stuff that i want to accomplish but i can't stop putting things off to the last minute. Honestly sometimes i don't know how to deal with it, it's something since i was younger that has always been a bad habit. Anyone out there with this very same problem or has any tips on getting over this?

[Danz.]

So I've just finished to watch the best amateur porn ever. Needless to say that I'm feeling.... uh....

depressed.

 

 

Some1 kill me naw pls...

Edited December 9, 2014 by Danz.

[feckyerlife]

Man i hate the fact that i struggle with this b*tch called procrastination. It's like theres so much stuff that i want to accomplish but i can't stop putting things off to the last minute. Honestly sometimes i don't know how to deal with it, it's something since i was younger that has always been a bad habit. Anyone out there with this very same problem or has any tips on getting over this?

Tomorrow is a better day to talk about this subject

[Ai®a©ob®a]

I'm sure he would want you to spend the money, to have a little comfort after the pain. I got checks too, I know how it feels... it's nice but as soon as you think about it for even a second, the memory of why you have it rears it's ugly head. I know it's hard, but try to take some comfort in it. Think of it as his last gift to you, think of him when you enjoy yourself with the money. Maybe buy a badass table and get back in playing shape so you can do him proud on the green felt. I don't know, I don't mean to "tell you what to do", i just know how it feels and I wish I could help.

 

Time... time and space. Not healers, but dullers of pain, opiates of emotion...

Thanks buddy!

 

Yeah i was thinking long and hard about this and i think i'm gonna take around $20,000 and go buy a brand new car.

 

I have a very nice 2008 Ford Escape but it's getting too hard for me to get in and out of it now with the pain being as bad as it was.

 

I'm thinking of maybe getting a Ford Focus i love how they look and i can get one fully loaded with a sale going on right now at the dealership 10 minutes from my house.

 

After looking at the stuff i had put in a little pile my oldest ask me if she could have his guitar she was only 3 when he passed so she really doesn't remember him and my youngest never met him my ex was pregnant with her when he passed.

 

I'm going to take it and get it refurbished because it has some busted strings and the amp thingy needs to be fixed because of the smoke and water damage to it.

 

I do use some of the money to send my girls to a private school.

[Stephan90]

The only thing that is as nearly disgusting to me as torture on "suspects" who are caught and imprisonend against their will without being proven guilty or even charged, is the visible amount of people people who openly defend the torture for whatever reason.

Edited December 9, 2014 by Stephan90

[feckyerlife]

The only thing that is as nearly disgusting to me as torture on "suspects" who are caught and imprisonend against their will without being proven guilty or even charged, is the visible amount of people people who openly defend the torture for whatever reason.

not a fan of the wu tang huh

[AlienTwo]

The only thing that is as nearly disgusting to me as torture on "suspects" who are caught and imprisonend against their will without being proven guilty or even charged, is the visible amount of people people who openly defend the torture for whatever reason.

If I could go back in time and have my way with Bin Laden... I'd be a happy, skipping, torturing boy. I'd probably never leave the room, and neither would he.

 

He'd still be alive today.

[mr quick]

So I've just finished to watch the best amateur porn ever. Needless to say that I'm feeling.... uh....

depressed.

 

 

Some1 kill me naw pls...

link please

[ChrilLe]

I don't know how a winter depression feels, but I'm just so tired of this freaking winter.

 

It's not like it's the cold (hell, it's disturbingly warm this year), but it's simply the daylight I never get to catch really.

 

I'm in school from 8 AM to 3 PM. Break's too short to ''capture sunlight'', and if I'm home fast enough, I might just have one f*cking hour of daylight left to enjoy.

 

I don't know, but I'm just very uncomfortable with this ''constant'' darkness.

[AlienTwo]

I don't know how a winter depression feels, but I'm just so tired of this freaking winter.

 

It's not like it's the cold (hell, it's disturbingly warm this year), but it's simply the daylight I never get to catch really.

 

I'm in school from 8 AM to 3 PM. Break's too short to ''capture sunlight'', and if I'm home fast enough, I might just have one f*cking hour of daylight left to enjoy.

 

I don't know, but I'm just very uncomfortable with this ''constant'' darkness.

S.A.D.

 

 

 

Seasonal Affective Disorder

 

 

 

I'm lucky, I love the dark.

[Ai®a©ob®a]

So i went to the Doctors this morning and they gave me two medications via shots into my arm and within 30 seconds my shoulder all the way down to my left hand start swelling turning red and very hot to the touch.

 

I didn't have a fever but they use a heat camera to check the temperature of my arm and it was 102 degrees and it hurt like hell, I had to go the ED they took me via Ambulance because they were afraid it was going to swell so fast it would've cut off cirulation the ED doctors were very quick to respond with it and gave me medications and within 10-15 minutes the color started lighten to pink but by time the swelling stopped it had already spread across my chest, my back and start going down my right arm but it stopped short of getting to my right elbow the pain was just horrible i was in tears and the pain medications they were giving me didn't even touch the pain.

 

It still hurts but not as bad as before as i can move my arm now.

 

 

 

[shhhhhhhhh]

Y'all...I'm super depressed right now. I made these bomb ass steak tacos for supper...And I ran out of cheese!!!!!!! :'(

[Aby]

Y'all...I'm super depressed right now. I made these bomb ass steak tacos for supper...And I ran out of cheese!!!!!!! :'(

 

Since they're steak tacos, I don't blame you for being depressed.

[Danz.]

 

So I've just finished to watch the best amateur porn ever. Needless to say that I'm feeling.... uh....

depressed.

 

 

Some1 kill me naw pls...

link please

 

Not sure if it's a joke or not.

 

Nevertheless, check your PM inbox.

Edited December 10, 2014 by Danz.

[Docfaustino]

Note this is going to sound like bragging. I'm just trying to be concise so a tl;dr isn't necessary.

 

When I feel badly about myself I start having delusions of grandeur. And there's plenty of fuel for me to feel that way...my whole life those who have known me have said that I was exceptional. All day I've been thinking that I was literally put on this earth for a reason. When I was born I was told I was an "indigo child" which is a pseudoscience term for general prodigy. Even if that theory was bunk, I progressed at an extremely rapid rate. When I was very young I picked up computer game programming and was offered to tour and take early classes at Rhode Island College of Design (RISD). I was 13. I never related to the other kids in a meaningful way and it made me lonely but at the same time I felt this powerful, motivating, upward trajectory. Like I was always headed for the stars. Everyone who ever got close to me told me that I was different in an exceptional way.

 

A year later I had begun stage acting and was the lead in a school-affiliated play. My performance received good reviews and I was put in to the advanced acting elective against my choice. It's like there was this repeating pattern of being chosen to lead myself and others in new fields.

 

Unfortunately, months earlier I had gotten the awful tick bite I always cry about here on GTAF. Right before I had gone on stage I had my first experience with lyme disease, where I briefly felt as if I was in a dream state and was unable to easily walk around the room, make conversation, and forgot all my lines. It lasted 15 minutes. At the time I incorrectly thought I had a seizure. I did the show, but a month later that "feeling" was permanent and my life was put on hold for a while. A funny thing happened. Even through all the inflammation that prevented me from being witty and creative, the logical, calculated side of myself that had helped me learn game programming, drew me to political science and history. At this point I have again self taught myself enough about sociology, history, political institutions, foreign policy to field an entire book and I do write my own political analysis blog. It's like there's this hunger of me to conquer all fields of knowledge and wisdom. And when I'm done with one, I don't pick the next...it grabs me. Just like the programming opportunity and the acting opportunity. It's like I'm not setting my own path but having my path set by other actors in the universe towards some eventual important purpose.

 

And it just gives me this feeling like I was born for a reason. As I looked in to it I wondered why am I almost BIOLOGICALLY attracted to foreign policy and political science? I feel like my hunger to learn is beyond my own control. It's not like its particularly interesting...but I feel like I have a job to do in life and this is important training. In addition to being told I was different and exceptional all throughout my life, as I looked in to it, several of my ancestors had signed the US Declaration of Independence and even served in Cabinet positions during different presidencies. Perhaps I'm speaking through clinical depression but is it possible I have a job to do?

[BS_BlackScout]

Hell, some people try so much to be always right that they even contradict themselves.

For f*ck sake. >:l

[§†range]

Most people are so completely identified with the voice in the head--the incessant stream of involuntary and compulsive thinking and the emotions that accompany it--that we may describe them as being possessed by their mind. As long as you are completely unaware of this, you take the thinker to be who you are. This is the egoic mind. We call it egoic because there is a sense of self, of I (ego), in every thought--every memory, every interpretation, opinion, viewpoint, reaction, emotion. This is unconsciousness, spiritually speaking. Your thinking, the content of your mind, is of course conditioned by the past: your upbringing, culture, family background, and so on. The central core of all your mind activity consists of certain repetitive and persistent thoughts, emotions, and reactive patterns that you identify with most strongly. This entity is the ego itself.

 

-Eckhart Tolle

 

Sometimes it's this man's words that can only bring me to peace.

Edited December 10, 2014 by Sum-gUy

[IveGotNoValues]

Lately I feel like I can sort of trick myself into being happy. Mainly right when something happens that I know will bring me down, my mind can reverse it and sort of make me feel happy. Like i'm slowly getting better at blocking out the bad emotions. Now when I see something that makes me feel like sh*t, I suddenly think of something in the future that has potential to be good and the negativity is gone. Maybe i'm getting more hopeful...

[Gnocchi Flip Flops]

Lately I feel like I can sort of trick myself into being happy. Mainly right when something happens that I know will bring me down, my mind can reverse it and sort of make me feel happy. Like i'm slowly getting better at blocking out the bad emotions. Now when I see something that makes me feel like sh*t, I suddenly think of something in the future that has potential to be good and the negativity is gone. Maybe i'm getting more hopeful...

It's sort of the same for me. I try to be optimistic about the future just to get me through the month. Whenever I feel like I have nothing to look forward too, I feel depressed. Thankfully that doesn't happen to often.

[gtamann123]

My mom is sending some of her Christmas bonus my way this year feel pretty happy

[Ph03nixxxx]

Just a heads up, this might be a trigger for anyone with self-harm issues, so read with caution if it'll be problematic to you.

 

I lost my sh*t a bit today. I say a bit. A lot. I ended up taking 7 x my dose of mood stabilizers and a week's worth of antidepressants (not trying to kill myself, not sure what my thought processes were) and ended up talking to myself for an hour - not like I normally do either, I just kept repeating myself over and over and over, going in circles, rhyming, literally just talking and talking in a weird voice, trembling, until finally I had a razorblade between my fingers. You can guess what happened next, I'm sure; no need to go into details.

 

Been a fair old while since that last happened.

 

My hypomania tends to not include euphoria or a sense of grandeur; instead my mind just races, I get edgy as f*ck and all of the terrible thoughts I've ever had flood my head all at once until I'm chattering to myself and shaking and losing grip to the point of bashing my head against the wall to try and knock the thoughts out of my head. I can deal with the depressive side of it all, to an extent, it's easier to do nothing than to pace and scream and curl up on the floor sobbing and yelling at myself. Pretty sure today was a mix of too many meds and the climb to hypomania.

 

Sending hugs to everyone having a rough time of it at the moment. Thank you for sharing.

[IveGotNoValues]

I don't care how many times I see the movies, the Home Alone music always gets me all emotional and nostalgic man.

[Aby]

I love how 95% of the sharing your feelings and confession posts are related to porn in some way or another.