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So God Made a Pizza Delivery Guy


universetwisters

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universetwisters

So on the 8th day, God looked down on all the stuff he made and said "I need a way to keep all these kids off the street and occupy their time with something other than drugs", so God made pizza delivery guys.

God said "I need someone willing to show up on time, drive through the peak of rush hour with one hand on the wheel and the other hanging out the window just to deliver food to someone who tips less than the sales tax, and do it twenty more times before staying until midnight fixing up dough", so God made pizza delivery guys.

"I need someone with strong enough to steer a 2 ton hunk of metal without power steering and walk $80 dollars worth of food up a staircase when the elevator's out, and yet gentle enough to not go postal when somebody cuts them off", so God made pizza delivery guys.

God said "I need someone who knows every main road, side road, alleyway, and highway to get from the store to the customer as fast as humanly possible, and be able to remember it through the back of their head while punk rock is blaring from their stereo", so God made pizza delivery guys.

God had to make someone badass enough who's willing to risk getting pulled over to barrel through stop signs and blow past yield signs as if they've never seen one in their life, and yet someone with enough faith to mutter "Oh sh*t" as they drive by a parked squad car and pray that it was unoccupied, so God made pizza delivery guys.

God said "I need someone stoic enough to deal with bikers, Canadian drivers, and those who tip barely enough to buy a hamburger without nary a wince, but jovial enough to share their stories with the fellow drivers while making the dough", so God made pizza delivery guys.

"Somebody who'd scratch together enough of a living to the point to where it feels more like a hobby you get paid for than a proper career, and then groan and berate their son who, with smiling eyes, just said he wants to spend their life 'doing what dad does'". So God made pizza delivery guys.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know this is pretty much a knock on that "God made a farmer" poem, but hopefully it's enough a league of it's own. It's tough driving out there, so don't forget to tip folks like us well.

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universetwisters

B-but in my country , no one gives a tip to the pizza delivery guy :(

You must live in an awful country then or your pizza delivery guys are awful. Give them tips, they'll come to appreciate them and you get karma points.

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Ziggy455

I read this and thought it was damn near perfection. Many a night I've waited in the dark for the soldiers that wait idly for us to call.

 

BBQ Chicken pizzas are the sh*t.

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universetwisters

BBQ Chicken pizzas are the sh*t.

I don't care what mine is, as long as it's got a honey sirracha drizzle.

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Abel.

Enjoyed it. Good and well written little piece. Loved the endearing ending.

 

 

 

Here's to the unsung heroes of our day, of whom many are in your profession. I remember in high school a few of my friends ordered a pizza to school before an exam while it was snowing outside. The guy still showed up on time. I couldn't help but respect him for that.

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  • 1 month later...
The Pizza Delivery Guy

God didn't make pizza delivery guys, God IS pizza delivery guy.

 

Exploding-head.gif

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God didn't make pizza delivery guys, God IS pizza delivery guy.

 

Exploding-head.gif

 

Well...in which case, ey god, I'd really love a Chicken BBQ pizza, with extra cheese mind you.

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