Open Letter to [insert name]

[SemperJ550]

Dear everyone

Why the f*ck you only drive Zentornos?

Sincerely, Someone with taste.

[Lord DC]

Dear Fort Zancudo.

 

When you hear the rumbling and explosions going on in the city you're supposed to protect, why aren't you sending out jets or tanks to take out the griefers?

 

Sincerely,

 

The Los Santos Police Department

[saintsrow]

yo r*

 

y u nerf funz?

 

loyal fan

[Jak2bossbf3]

Dear Mendoza im sorry you been f*cking hit

From bigsaggytitties

[luisniko]

yo r*

 

y u nerf funz?

 

loyal fan

 

hi cuz

 

it's cos yo name is saintsrow

 

we no like

 

r* staf

[paperbagdude]

Dear heist host.

 

How about you give me at least 5 seconds to actually leave the heist lobby if I'm not interested instead of starting the heist the very moment I joined, so I don't need to leave in the outfit selector and ruin the experience for everyone else including you, and then I would also be free of your death threats and such.

 

Thanks.

 

- Mysterious Dildo Guy

[Tampa]

Dear Freeroam Griefers,

Please stop trying to kill me as I have played this game since October 2013 and you have no chance of killing me.

Signed,

Tampa (AKA (Gamertag redacted))

[SuperJude™]

Dear Game Designer Responsible For The Awful Game Mechanics That Make Falling Down A Ten Second Ordeal Of Trying To Get Back Up -

 

I bet you smell.

 

I hope that as of this writing you've long ago been fired by Rockstar Games and Take Two Interactive.

 

Of all the wretchedness in the world of gaming this may be the most heinous bit of coding ever.

 

Thanks!

 

- Jude

 

**********

 

Dear ATM Machines -

 

I understand your loneliness. It seems cruel to have even included you in the game when the very same function can be accessed from the phone.

 

If there were any way to help, I gladly would, so long as it doesn't involve actually having to use you.

 

Thanks!

 

- Jude

 

**********

 

Dear "How The f*ck Did You Die" Guy -

 

People die in this game. It happens. Generally, most people don't actually want this to happen, but we all thank you greatly for taking time out from your normal high minded activities to remind us that life is folly.

 

Thanks!

 

- Jude

[ugotsmoked]

Dear forum members...

 

I don't care what car you drive.

 

I don't care about your aim preferences.

 

I don't care how you play.

[SemperJ550]

Dear forum members...

 

I don't care what car you drive.

 

I don't care about your aim preferences.

 

I don't care how you play.

Looks like we have a greifing, Zentorno driving, freeaim elitist here.

[Hylskriksen]

Dear loading,

Please do not consume so freaking much of my spare time.

 

Thanks.

[saintsrow]

 

Dear forum members...

 

I don't care what car you drive.

 

I don't care about your aim preferences.

 

I don't care how you play.

Looks like we have a greifing, Zentorno driving, freeaim elitist here.

 

Ha, I didn't want to start a flame war in this nice thread, but I was going to reply:

 

 

Dear ugotsmoked

 

We don't care that you're a GTA0 free-roam total badass who feels the need to remind us about it every week

 

Signed, the GTAV Forum

 

 

(just joking here, so please lighten up)

Edited April 19, 2015 by saintsrow

[Triggermensch]

Dear Taxi Company,

 

I'm sorry you are most likely going out of business. No one would really call you, unless they have a better vehicle on their hands. It seems Uber and Lift aren't the real competition anymore, you've been long out of the game for almost 2 years.

 

Sincere Apologies

 

Triggermensch

[Shaundi.]

Dear George W. Bush

 

JFCMSB

 

Hang on..

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Rockstar

 

Stop making fools out of yourselves by restricting what we can and can't store.

 

-GTAForums

[saintsrow]

To the Mendoza Family:

 

.....

Loved this It was so beautiful, I shed a tear.

[makki3]

Dear Builders/Developers at Mile High Club/ Other operational construction sites

 

I know there's a very probable explanation for this but: Why after 18 months since I've entered Los Santos absolutely no work has been done yet you guys dress up in the little orange a green vests with the white helmets and pretend to work?

 

Maybe its all those gangs that occupy your construction sites and don't do anything other than shoot everybody that walks/drives by, thinking that all non-members of their gang want to attack them.

 

Yeah, That's probably it.

 

Yours truly, Bullet riddled Los Santos construction inspector

Edited April 22, 2015 by makki3

[Lord DC]

Dear Aircraft carrier:

 

I would love it if you would come back ad station yourself in San Andreas. Fort Zancudo has a problem with fighter jet theft, and it would help if we had some extra defense from those crazy nutjobs, even though we really don't care about those thefts and forget about them in 2 minutes.

 

Signed

 

Martin Madrazo Mendoza, Commander of Fort Zancudo.

 

P.S. We need more fighter jets. Our 5 billion supply has run out.

Edited April 19, 2015 by Lord DC

[Demonikhan]

Dear NOOSE,

Thank you very much for walking in front of my gun sights just outside the subway tunnel and dying by the boatloads without costing tax payers money in the lead you did not waste.

 

Sincerely,

Demonikhan, Cop Killa

[GR Choke]

Dear

Clouds

Unknown network errors

Failed to join job/activity

Freezes

Time outs

 

f*ck you

Edited April 20, 2015 by GR Choke

[TinMadDog]

Dear Fellow Neighbors of Los Santos,

 

why must you insist on adding a chrome paintjob, combined with lowrider rims on supercars?

 

-A Disgruntled Resident

Edited April 21, 2015 by TinMadDog

[Shrreder]

Dear GiantsGiants,

 

I am writing this to inform you of grave consequences may be upon you in the future.

 

If I were to ever see you in public sessions, I would happily kill you over and over again due to your horrendous taste

in car colors and modifications. It pains me every time I see you post a picture of a once innocent, beautiful stock

car turn into a Frakensteins Monster of a mess.

 

Be wary of your travels on any system. They may be very grave and your worst mistakes.

 

Sincerely,

Shrreder.

 

You need help buddy.

[Trevor-Fuckin-Phillips]

 

To the Mendoza Family:

 

.....

Loved this It was so beautiful, I shed a tear.

 

Dear EKGene,

 

I, too, enjoyed this brilliant post.

 

Always,

TFP

 

[Rray79]

Dear gerald,

 

Why so few words after all the sh*t I done for you?

 

 

*great post, this is fun!

Edited April 20, 2015 by Rray79

[fw3]

To my dearest Y button,

I pressed you with the honest intention to get into my car, yet somehow, you decided to hijack a police car with police in it.

Subsequently, I died.

Your efficiency is now in question, and I may have to resort to walking more often.

 

Respectfully,

 

fw3's thumb

Edited April 20, 2015 by fw3

[Anubis871]

Dear Merryweather,

Please stop having Mendoza getting hit all the time.

Sincerely, TheThorToaster.

[Lord_Smasherton]

Dear Simply Logic,

 

I really need to know if you're a non-native English speaker, a troll, special needs, or some combination of the above.

 

Sincerely,

 

"The guy who's trying to be the gayest f*cking sh*t on gtaforums" (per my assigned moniker from you)

[saintsrow]

Dear Merryweather,

Please stop having Mendoza getting hit all the time.

Sincerely, TheThorToaster.

Dear Merryweather,

 

Please buy Mendoza a tank and make sure he stays in it Or if that doesn't work, please buy him a one-way ticket out of San Andreas. I'll pay half.

 

Or if you're really cheap, please teach him how to stay silently in cover, holding a loaded autoshotty, waiting for a player dot to poke his head around the corner. At least Mendoza will have a fighting chance

 

Sincerely,

A long time GTA0 citizen who has caused entirely too much suffering to poorly-skilled hired guards

[SemperJ550]

I'm pretty sure "Mendozas been hit" came from the Professionals and not Merryweather.

[GR Choke]

Dear Ron and Lester

 

f*ck you

[Uncle Sikee Atric]

Dear Whisky Bottle in my apartment....

 

Thank you for helping me sleep at night. After a long day of chaos, murder, crime and destruction, I can return home and sink into your warm and welcoming contents!

 

After a good few shots I can finally stumble into my bed and pass out, safe in the knowledge that any nightmares caused by the daily trauma I see and cause, will be slept through peacefully. So I can wake up fresh and ready for another day of life in this great region.

 

Also, thank you for seemingly having a limitless amount of your content! I swear I should have bought several other members of your kind home to replace you by now, but yet you still carry on without emptying.

 

Regards,

 

Sikee Atric.