Heist failure stories

[Sam2150AD]

Recently done DCH.

I did this purely for the fun of it....the fun...hahahaha...

Anyway, I've set the heist up as per usual, collecting Level 2 keycards, completed Duggan shipments all  that. What's better it's The Big Con, Gruppe Sechs entry and NOOSE disguise. 

This heist in theory couldn't be simpler, walk in, walk out.

 

I invited just the 1 random, we don't need to complicate things so a level 157 player joined. I thought at 157 they should be pretty competent.

My suspicions were first raised when 157 didn't get into the GS Van and tried making his own way there, I get he maybe wanted to get there quicker but he still had to wait for the van?

We then entered the casino and went down to the Mantrap. This is where I had to leave it. As we know it requires both players, I stand on the left and wait for 157 to get into position. 157 doesn't get into position and then sends me a message after about 30 seconds telling me to "quit wasting time and open the door!" 

I replied over the mic that it was a 2 card system and if he reads his instructions, he needs to stand at the other end to open.

157 did this and we carried on, but I had to think of myself here and the job and the time I put in to set this up (alone) and wasn't going to let it all go to sh*t because 157 doesn't know what he's doing.

If he struggled with the Mantrap, he was also clearly going to struggle with the hacks in the vault.

I took the decision there and then to leave and bailed.

[God-eater]

2 hours ago, PhilPerlmutter said:

 

That. The main stupidity is that 90% of the time, people will not even write back when you try to communicate.

 

Or if they do, it's to insult you or argue with you.

 

Earlier I was standing outside the Staff Door trying to explain to the rank 36 Host why Security Passes were important, and they're just arguing with me. "I did all the preps", "what's wrong with hacking", and so on. 

 

One: if you'd done all the preps, we'd be inside and on our way to the vault instead of out here arguing like a pair of nonces. Two: hear that whooping sound and gunfire? That's why hacking is bad. But the real reason is because you don't have to. Just do one 5-minute, easy prep and that's a whole failure opportunity eliminated (4 failure opportunities, in fact). Not to mention the time it saves.

 

But nope, kept insisting that everything was fine. I was forced to drown myself because they wouldn't take the advice of someone 20 times their rank. 

 

Then there's the ones that seem willing to follow you, but lose their sh*t as soon as they don't understand why you're doing what you're doing. Case in point, after 3 restarts, the Noob Crew finally follows me onto the racetrack. I get to the road & bag a 4-door while they scatter in two different directions. I collect Noob 1, then head around the block and scoop up Noobs 3 & 4. I drive to the lower driveway of the cop shop, get out & start making my way to the chopper. All 3 of them stop following me as we hit the end of the alley, charge out into the road and start shooting at civilians (who panic and run them over) and cops. They're a couple of blocks away being swarmed by cops when I lift off, so I heave a great sigh and fly off to Zancudo (yeah, mid-level buyer). They lose a couple hundred grand, and by the time they arrive at the drop in two very broken cars I've been waiting long enough to be on first name terms with the buyer and arrange a date with his sister. 

 

Here's one from a few days ago: I drive the 3 of us to the chopper. One guy follows me, the Host takes the car & bails. I catch up with him in Senora, do a flyover & land. He drives past. I take off, catch up again, rear end him with the chopper (yeah, I'm that good) to spin him out, land right next to him, he floors it and bails again. I catch up with him again (swearing under my breath, of course) next to the railway tracks, do a full-speed skid landing right in front of him & grind to a halt as he swerves around me and flips his car. Only then does he get in. I wouldn't have gone to so much trouble but he threw me 25%, so in keeping with my stupid principles I have to be as helpful as possible. But these morons make it so f*cking hard to maintain the desire to help them sometimes...

 

I wish there was a "Heist Rating" stat. Something to indicate how experienced a given player is at heists. Could be calculated by number of heists done, platinum medals, Elite challenges, in-heist k/d, money made, hacking success percentage, that sort of thing. Then you could know at a glance whether the player needs to be carried or should be followed like they've got a lasso around your dick (metaphorically speaking so as not to exclude the ladies).

 

Meh, these f*ckers still wouldn't listen to me...

[partci]

40 minutes ago, God-eater said:

... I get to the road & bag a 4-door while they scatter in two different directions. I collect Noob 1, then head around the block and scoop up Noobs 3 & 4. I drive to the lower driveway of the cop shop, get out & start making my way to the chopper.

This was your fundamental mistake: my rule in cases like this is NEVER go for the chopper - go for the tunnel and forget about it. Spares tons of headaches.

[Sam2150AD]

1 hour ago, God-eater said:

One: if you'd done all the preps, we'd be inside and on our way to the vault instead of out here arguing like a pair of nonces. Two: hear that whooping sound and gunfire? That's why hacking is bad. But the real reason is because you don't have to. Just do one 5-minute, easy prep and that's a whole failure opportunity eliminated (4 failure opportunities, in fact). Not to mention the time it saves.

I leave if passes have not been acquired, I actually don't have time for that sh*t.

 

1 hour ago, God-eater said:

But nope, kept insisting that everything was fine. I was forced to drown myself because they wouldn't take the advice of someone 20 times their rank. 

What is your rank?

1 hour ago, God-eater said:

They lose a couple hundred grand, and by the time they arrive at the drop in two very broken cars I've been waiting long enough to be on first name terms with the buyer and arrange a date with his sister. 

What is his name, how did that date go?

[PhilPerlmutter]

7 hours ago, partci said:

Can you blame me for not wanting to communicate with 90+% of the player base out there?

 

In a heist? Yes, I clearly would for the case somebody writes something useful, f.e. in terms of organisation (who leads, who hacks, etc.), and you do not even bother to write back. I must admit I sometimes used to play DCH with randoms because the fails you see are exactly my type of humor.

But my impression was that in 95%, I wrote stuff and nobody bothered to write back, not even something like "no English, sorry".

 

Maybe it is just me getting to old, but in my youth we wrote a lot more ingame and player communities seemed to be more relaxed, better working together and overall way less toxic. Therefore, multiplayerwise, the gaming scene has died for me mostly except for some niche type games only few people play.

[God-eater]

5 hours ago, partci said:

This was your fundamental mistake: my rule in cases like this is NEVER go for the chopper - go for the tunnel and forget about it. Spares tons of headaches.

 

I know, I know, but the host was paying 20% so he gets my A-game, which includes showing them the chopper escape (ok, trying to show them the chopper escape...) and they'd followed me that far, so I figured they'd keep doing so. 

 

@Sam2150AD. His name is Aram. Date didn't go well as she looks a lot like him, not my proudest bang. Rank is actually more than 20 times the rank 36's, but, like you, I don't care for doing precise math.

 

Oh, and I had no intention of sticking around for the hacking of doors, but they were clearly a newbie so I figured I'd at least drop some pointers instead of just bailing on them and leaving them in ignorance. Like I said in a previous rant, if we veterans don't teach them, who will? 

Edited January 19 by God-eater

[Rotorhead359]

The classic "I sourced the heavy reinforced armor but I don't need it" (read: actually has modded in all the preps and changed the main loot to diamonds.) Also somehow gave himself a 65% cut and everyone else 25% (4 players)

Naturally, we failed outside because we left the armor at home, and because our weapons were empty (we had the gunner with the mk2 weapons and low ammo)

I had already told the host I would quit on the first fail (for switching out of the heavy armor) but someone else beat me to it, while I was explaining to the host that the cops don't care about Duggan Shipments, only armor.

Edited January 24 by AirWolf359

[partci]

Host setting me to 10% at PacSt Finale. I told him I don't play for peanuts. He continued pointing my high level and how I should not need any money at this level. I pointed to him that my bank account is not what it is because I played this game for years for peanuts. He proceeded to reduce my cut to 0%. OK, play stupid games, win stupid prices. Initially I walked to the bank (I mean, I walked all the way to the bank, from the apartment), then killed all the hostages, you know, the usual stuff. Was planing to blow up the boat once we get to it and fail the mission right at end, for the sting. It was not to be, as Mr. Smartass died three times before me even getting to the bikes checkpoint and quit the game in rage.

 

Man can't even troll like a man in this game.

Edited January 25 by partci

[Rotorhead359]

Prison break, easy difficulty. While I have no problem doing pilot or demolitions for 15% and on easy, I don't tolerate stupid fails.

The level 19 and 34 ground team were doing great (admittedly, I stole some of their kills with the Buzzard but still, they owned it)

And then the pilot got himself shot down by flying straight in front of the jet for too long, just as the ground team were getting in the truck with Rashkovsky.

Pathetic for a level 208 with a K/D of 8.4 and a full flying skill bar, I wonder how he got that. (not the K/D but the full flying bar)

 

Next heist: silent and sneaky but with 4 people and some randumb can't find the stun gun and destroys all the cameras.

After 3 restarts we make it to the vault undetected, but some randumb couldn't hack a single fingerprint to save his life. (yes, I told them I would hack)

At least we had all the loot so now we went out loud, only to get wrecked by NOOSE. 2 players vote Continue, game over.

 

And here's why host as demolitions on PB is a bad idea: they always think they have to protect the plane against jets or something, I dunno, while the ground team needs their help more.

So I'm in the plane, still waiting for my timer to run out, I had already told the host to help out the ground team, he either ignored or didn't understand, ground team (2 rookies) die at the same time and prisoner leaves.

 

Edited January 26 by AirWolf359

[PhilPerlmutter]

On 1/26/2022 at 10:17 AM, AirWolf359 said:

[...] he either ignored or didn't understand, ground team (2 rookies) die at the same time and prisoner leaves.

 

 

Many players only look at the mission information and map marker which tells them to assist the Velum.

I always tell the people, no need to help me, rather help the ground team with the helicopter.

But many, if not most are sort of like NPCs, they are there to run the mission script.

Prison Break is very easy if everyone knows what to do (even ground team can chill out with easy kuruma method), but it is a really rare combination to get all 4 players knowing their role they have to play.

I am a really patient guy, I don't mind writing people what to do, but it is rather pointless if people do not read or are not interested getting some advice after multiple fails.

That's what I meant earlier, and it is by far the most frustrating thing for me about this game.

[Rotorhead359]

54 minutes ago, PhilPerlmutter said:

 

Many players only look at the mission information and map marker which tells them to assist the Velum.

I always tell the people, no need to help me, rather help the ground team with the helicopter.

But many, if not most are sort of like NPCs, they are there to run the mission script.

Prison Break is very easy if everyone knows what to do (even ground team can chill out with easy kuruma method), but it is a really rare combination to get all 4 players knowing their role they have to play.

I am a really patient guy, I don't mind writing people what to do, but it is rather pointless if people do not read or are not interested getting some advice after multiple fails.

That's what I meant earlier, and it is by far the most frustrating thing for me about this game.

ok, I guess it was my fault then, for telling him something that went against the game's instructions xD

 

Anyway, the failure is usually in their logic.

On their first time, most hosts take a role on the ground team. Then they watch the plane get shot, and figure the jets are a problem and they need to protect that plane by taking demolitions.

That is why they will hunt down jets to the best of their ability and ignore the pilot's advice not to. (because the last pilot got shot, remember?)

They don't see that the real issue was a pilot who only flies smuggler planes to tropical islands, but has never been in a dogfight.

If a pilot crashes, find another one, if they get shot, tell them to get behind the jet and it's all good.

 

I'm a good pilot, and I know how the game's rubberband AI works, but if I fly straight with a jet behind me, I am going down, whether demolitions likes it or not.

And if someone were to just crash the plane, again, there's nothing demolitions can do about it.

 

So unless you get one of those rare hosts who takes demo to cover the prison specifically, it's wrong, and they should be taking pilot or ground team.

Edited January 27 by AirWolf359

[RevoIutioN]

In 2016 I did CMM on Apartment Heists. Last setup, 3 of us stops to take down that chopper. In my scope I see someone BLAZING past me in a super car over the bridge. Its th russian guy that has suddenly decided to become Steven Seagal. Gets blown up in his car and man, that yell I can still hear sometimes. "Nooooooooo!" with a russian accent at 6 in the morning here in the middle of a hot summer. I am totally Hyper at this point and had to go to bed in my sweats. That one I will never forget. Funny thing is it was the last thing I heard from him. Hope you are ok, Oligator. Haha!

 

Not sure why he did that if he got the Devil in him or something but to be honest but its fun when I try remembering that yell 6 years after. As everyone left after that I dont know what happened hopefully he didnt get some kind of mental breakdown or something

 

I was constantly the groups scapegout as I didnt use a mic so in one way, I liked seeing him blow up for being such a douchebag.

Edited January 27 by RevoIutioN

[RevoIutioN]

Last CMM a very skilled runner left the Kuruma on Steal Meth with 100 Red Necks left... do not know why. And he died. Even if it was unlucky that doesnt matter. Why!? If staying in car we would still be good!

[[]LSPD[]]

My Heist failure stories you say?

 

[Rotorhead359]

Casino heist Silent & Sneaky.

Host sets entry and exit to staff lobby, good, he has also sourced the infiltration gear, also good.

I drive to the casino, park the car right next to the door, press E to swipe my keycard.

All guards show on radar, none with helmets, so they are quickly dealt with.

I walk up to the next door and press E.

 

Lester: "This hacking interface is so simple, a bonobo could use it"

 

Unfortunately, none of us were a bonobo.

Edit: he went back for level 2 keycards and invited me again.

Edited February 2 by AirWolf359

[Rotorhead359]

Don't ever call your crew idiots on a heist, for thou shalt not pass.

 

You have the Paleto arcade and give me 15%, fine.

You only know Bugstars, no problem.

You're too lazy to drive yourself, but one of the other 2 randoms was driving, not my problem either.

You have level 2 keycards, so I take a little detour, kill all the guards, and get you to the vault undetected, my pleasure.

At this point you have been carried all the way.

 

So, I figure, I won't drill the vault and let you do it. I'm an assassin, not a construction worker.

The other 2 randoms tried drilling the vault but failed.

 

Then your 16 year old ass drills the vault with ease, and calls us idiots for making you drill the vault, the only thing you had to do on the entire heist so far?

Bugger off already, and may you forever fail your heist.

Edited February 3 by AirWolf359

[Zak Ras]

Hosting Pacific Standard - Convoy in a nutshell;

 

[Rotorhead359]

It is written in my country, a picture says more than a thousand words. Does this qualify?

I overwrote the original text saying he alerted the guards because I didn't want to call him out in public.

Edited February 22 by AirWolf359

[Wastelander (Suzuki)]

16 minutes ago, AirWolf359 said:

It is written in my country, a picture says more than a thousand words. Does this qualify?

I overwrote the original text saying he alerted the guards because I didn't want to call him out in public.

Could be worse. Could be that as well as the universal sign of a failed heist "Mr. Dreadlocks Soundcloud Rapper looking headass" walking up to the guard and instantly doing this as so as you park the car:

 

[Rotorhead359]

PSA: the planning board in this cutscene is always 100% accurate. If you want to save yourself the grief, look carefully.

We had a nice long drive from Paleto in our maintenance van, and then the host failed a hack and triggered the alarm.

 

Spoiler

If only the host had chosen Bugstars, this wouldn't be a problem, but Maintenance is basically Silent&Sneaky, where you need to pass all the security doors, and you don't get suppressors.

 

Maintenance is only better than Bugstars if you have the Level 2 passes, otherwise it's dots hacks everywhere.

At least Bugstars allows you to avoid the dots hack (staircase on the way up is fingerprints)

 

 

And then there's this one, who in all his wisdom did Duggan Shipments, Patrol routes, and went to buy masks, but no security passes.

And when we arrived in the Casino, the guards still had their helmets...

Edited February 23 by AirWolf359

[Zak Ras]

It's taken about 14 15 years and 3 YouTube accounts to finally get so annoyed I made a video and obnoxiously added sound effects at the end of each section with the tiniest hope it will sort out a problem for even just one person (that and the opportunity to do what I normally do with this area of the game came along). Mike Toreno should be a GTA Online meme, because I can't understand how a sandbox game that allows players to freely use every method of known transportation on Earth that doesn't involve leaving the atmosphere, can fail at flying countless times thanks to their inabliity & inexperience with said method, yet continue to keep joining Heist missions that involve flying without bothering to get practice in even just Freeroam, and not see they are the problem - for both themselves and 3 other players.

 

 

Edited February 25 by Zak Ras

[DuhBritishTea]

G6 Big Con with randoms is like dragging a horse (randoms) to water (easiest stealth in history) but the r*tards refuse to drink the water (keep f*cking shooting) the fully armored guards. 

[Rotorhead359]

Humane Labs: EMP. I had the Hydra.

I roll it into the hangar, and just as I hit the marker, I hear an explosion in the background.

Mission failed, someone died.

I'll just say, their timing was impeccable.

Edited March 8 by AirWolf359

[Hécate-II]

 

I'm officially done with Short Trips, not touching this kryptonite ever again. Even by 2x its not worth with randoms, when you take in considerations all the fails, the crappy slow vehicles(is that even bypassable?), the crappy Bullpup shotgun that never has been remotely enjoyable(2-3 shot to kill a Vagos...). In 10 minutes I could probably earn +100k with Diamond Shopping, Headhunter and one new Agency job. 

[Zak Ras]

24 hours prior, I figured while we laugh and share our tales here on the Forums, it wasn't gonna get the message across to people who need it. So I ventured into the mess that is Reddit in the hopes of spreading the word of Toreno to at least someone... it went better than I could've imagined, there were one or two people trying to brush off any sense of self-responsibility, but I'm hoping that maybe just maybe there'll be at least a handful of people capable of flying in GTA Online now.

 

[Rotorhead359]

21 hours ago, Zak Ras said:

24 hours prior, I figured while we laugh and share our tales here on the Forums, it wasn't gonna get the message across to people who need it. So I ventured into the mess that is Reddit in the hopes of spreading the word of Toreno to at least someone... it went better than I could've imagined, there were one or two people trying to brush off any sense of self-responsibility, but I'm hoping that maybe just maybe there'll be at least a handful of people capable of flying in GTA Online now.

 

I used to know someone who always needed a pilot, just to fly the Velum on his Cayo scope.

He was great at everything else, did all the rest solo, I could leave after the flying part etc, but he would never start his scope solo, because he always crashed the plane. And he regularly crashed his Sparrow too.

I told him to do the flight school many times, but he wouldn't, so eventually I stopped playing with him. Crashing planes is one thing, but refusing to learn, gtfo.

Edited March 12 by AirWolf359

[Zak Ras]

I was saving a bunch of finales for a "return from hiatus" payout... but I've been doing a few Heists On Call over the last few days and I've found something new...

 

Prison Break - Station multiple times across multiple teams, and every single one of them results in the Cops team, or the other Cop if I'm on that team, absolutely tailing the Docks team all the way to the boat, then chasing the car all the way into the desert, not even bothering to get their hands on a cop car - including Rank 100+ players. Something is genuinely wrong with people getting into this game now. There's no way multiple people across the world can play this game for a few days, then load up that mission and suddenly just forget what the objective text is for - yet somehow decide they must have to follow the OTHER team who are doing SOMETHING ELSE. Now here's the kicker, every team that did this, I asked them why they ignored the text telling them what to do and instead just follow the other team for no reason - none of them have replied.

 

                                                                                   

 

Having seen that, I thought I was gonna host Pac Standard, Casino G6 Gold, Cayo Longfin Diamond & a UD Contract - all with best settings/full prep and see if I could get some content out of it. It was a twist on the Heists with Randoms formula; rather than join poorly prepped Heists and watch a clueless Host fumble around, instead host it with the best settings and still see them screw up... but after an hour and a half of Pac Standard across 4 teams I've added one extra factor for the fullest effect, and I've already watched one team hilariously ruin Pac Standard for themselves instantly then quit after one fail. Given the one extra factor I added at that point, it was f*ckin' brilliant!

 

I'll get back to you all on this - it's gonna be magical.

 

                                                                                                           

 

EDIT: They're all done, quick report;

 

Spoiler

Pacific Standard - It's been 7 years, randoms have learned nothing. Took 6 different teams, 2 hours of footage.

 

Casino Heist, Big Con Gruppe Sechs - the biggest issue out of the four I found is people who can't hack; trying to hack. Took 4 different teams, 55 minutes of footage.

 

Casino Heist, Aggressive, Sewers - Every single team quit after one fail, and yet they tried to rejoin on a new attempt. On top of that; the big problem with G6 was people desperate to hack rather than grab money, despite not knowing how to hack? Well this was the exact opposite; no one wanted to use their thermal charges to open the doors. Took 5 different teams, 70 minutes of footage.

 

UD Contract - Done on the first attempt. Aside from someone running around like a headless chicken in the vault not realising they too needed to fill their bag with gold, the only problem was the classic, I have decided to take cover and will no longer attempt to move towards the goal, instead opting to fight endless enemies. 17 minutes of footage.

 

Cayo Perico - Done on the first attempt. Cayo is far more forgiving than expected IF you do all 3 disruptions fully & poison the water. This still doesn't stop randoms refusing to pick up guard clothing, grabbing seperate vehicles then drive along the main road by themselves like complete maniacs, having not turned the power off despite hanging around the power station only to be seen by one of the many camera's along the route they take. I unfortunately lost someone who didn't die as the game loaded back into the results screen. 20 minutes of footage.

 

Edited March 14 by Zak Ras

[Battle Scars]

Did a Fleeca Heist with a buddy and they bitched about how the hack was too hard, it failed and I ended up having to do the whole hack, jeez the buddy was a level 184 and bitched about how hard a simple hack was... Fricking hell 

[Hécate-II]

Not really a failure because I blew up myself with sticky bombs twice intentionnally and left because raging, cursing cheaters...but lets take a look to this retarded average PC cheater noob sh*tbag rat...

 

This guy clearly not only uses its modmenu to make money(because too bad to play Union Depository without godmode) but he also have a kd way out his league. 

 

Yet he picked the Sniper set instead Hustler while being lvl 95, ominous, he wasn't answering to my question "have you ever played this?" then when the gun shoot-out broke out, he rushed into NOOSE aimbots, in one second I understood he was a cheater. I'm pissed and lost my time because I was joining from phone. For two seconds I thought about getting a car and ramming them, but finally I just blew up myself, enough time wasted. 

Edited March 15 by Hécate-II

[Rotorhead359]

So, I joined a couple more casino heists. Not sharing all of them (mainly Aggressives with no armor and no Duggan Shipments, boring), just the highlights:

 

1. Silent&Sneaky with 4 players from the Paleto arcade. Host had literally done all the preps (which also became his demise later on).

Host triggers EMP as soon as we enter the staff lobby, we run downstairs and into the vault no problem.

Me and a level 1100 player did all the hacks (and the killing on the way earlier) so we had all the cash with about 50 seconds to spare.

And then the host overstays his welcome inside the vault by drilling all the deposit boxes, causing the level 1100 to rage quit.

The takeaway from this one: skip the power drills.

 

2. Another silent&sneaky with 4 players, from the Vinewood arcade.

Host offered everyone 25% (suspicious but I'll take it) and of course it turns out, he has no keycards.

Now with this one, the fail was on me, because I fell for it. Idiot me decided to stay and hack the doors instead of leaving right there and then.

I explained very clearly that this hacking would take some time, and I would very much like for them to wait patiently and not get detected.

Guess I was expecting too much from randoms, because of course they had to shoot at the first couple of bulletproof guards on the right, who aren't even in our way.

At that point, another random saved me from my dumb self and left. I don't know what I was thinking there.

 

3. Silent&sneaky, host had the keycards. 2 fails on this one, the first being cash in vault and only bringing 2 players.

We didn't get all the cash, but we took the bonus vault twice, so still decent money.

He looked professional all the way through, except he took the other getaway car (I got mine first) and didn't follow me to the helicopter but took the sewer instead.

And while I was waiting for him at the buyer, he said he suddenly he had to go, and that was it. If only the poor fool had gotten to the helicopter with me, he would have made it.

Worst part: he knew about the helicopter, but chose not to use it because he hates flying.

Edited March 27 by AirWolf359