Heist failure stories

[Retrodeadmetal]

So I encountered a major bug in prison break heist setup to get the velum. The hanger has a invisible wall you can't go through so you can't even deliver the plane to finish

[Bella Odessa]

Doing the prison heist is a f*cking nightmare; completing the preps leading up to it are their own special kinds of hell. 9 times out of 10, everyone but me dies at the airstrip. Then at the finale, someone always crashes the vellum. Don't really have to name a specific time because it's all the time. 

[God-eater]

6 hours ago, Retrodeadmetal said:

So I encountered a major bug in prison break heist setup to get the velum. The hanger has a invisible wall you can't go through so you can't even deliver the plane to finish

 

Ah, so not fixed, then. I checked out the hangar in freeroam yesterday to see if the bug was still there & got in just fine, but it was always an erratic thing. Anyone know if it's blocking The Bogdan Problem as well?

 

@Bella Odessa - I'm sure Tater & I can help you out. Ping us when you're on next. 

[Shadowfennekin]

9 hours ago, Bella Odessa said:

Doing the prison heist is a f*cking nightmare; completing the preps leading up to it are their own special kinds of hell. 9 times out of 10, everyone but me dies at the airstrip. Then at the finale, someone always crashes the vellum. Don't really have to name a specific time because it's all the time. 

I just blast ahead in my Toreador and Vigilante, nobody can die if everyone's dead upon arrival 

 

Seriously though, if you like playing Heists/Setups I recommend doing that. Far less stressful

[God-eater]

28 minutes ago, Shadowfennekin said:

I just blast ahead in my Toreador and Vigilante, nobody can die if everyone's dead upon arrival 

 

Seriously though, if you like playing Heists/Setups I recommend doing that. Far less stressful

 

Sad but true - the best way to get thru Setups with randoms is to eliminate as many opportunities for them to f*ck it up as possible. Sometimes that means essentially not giving them a chance to play the mission. Can't tell you how many times I've basically solo'd Pac Standard-Signal - the team lays eyes on me twice: when we walk out of the apartment and when I ditch them on the island after the cutscene. 

 

Unfortunately, randoms have earned that kind of treatment. 

[Captain Yamamoto]

13 hours ago, God-eater said:

 

Ah, so not fixed, then. I checked out the hangar in freeroam yesterday to see if the bug was still there & got in just fine, but it was always an erratic thing. Anyone know if it's blocking The Bogdan Problem as well?

 

@Bella Odessa - I'm sure Tater & I can help you out. Ping us when you're on next. 

it does.

 

morons didnt double check the code with the dre mission, and the wall ends up loading in because of it.

it means Bogdan and Prison Break are currently uncompletable

[ChrisChros87]

I checked the hangar in my IO game yesterday too, indeed, I couldnt access it. Fired an RPG which left a mark on the invisible wall when I rotated the camera. Ran around to the side entrance, invisible door remained

[God-eater]

Oh, randoms in OG Heists, it delights me that even after all these years you can still find new ways to amuse me. 

 

So I'm Demo in a PB Finale. Host is Prisoner (R21) & PO (R37). Pilot is R190, so assuming he can get the plane out of the hangar I have some hope that he'll be fine with the jets, which is good because my spidey-sense is telling me I will be sorely needed at the prison.

 

You know that movie Arrival, where Amy Adams learns how to see the future, but also that you just let things play out as they're going to? This was just like that, except Amy Adams is slightly more attractive than I am and there were no aliens.

 

So I have just bagged the bus and am setting out for the airstrip when the host & the PO pull up next to me in their hot pink Ignus, honking away (I know, right? It's a noob trifecta). Now, my method is to bag the bus early, so these two idiots should be nowhere near me at this point, and I didn't set a waypoint so they can't have accidentally picked that up - they're just chasing my dot. Since the honking continues, I gather they aren't simply saying 'hi' - they want my attention, possibly because they think they need to be on my bus and not their own. 

 

This is the Amy Adams moment. I see it all play out in my head. From here on out, please note that everything that happens, I knew was going to happen. Like, every detail.

 

So off I go, the Ignus (a multimillion dollar supercar) utterly failing to keep up with me in my high-performance prison bus. My standard route involves the dirt road near the Great Chaparral farm, then offroad down the spine of the ridge to cut over the switchbacks & into Harmony). That spine can be treacherous to the uninitiated, and I watched with some amusement as they completely lost it, then again at the bottom with that little jump before Harmony. Then again after I cut offroad at the billboard to head for the airstrip. I was actually on the runway before they caught up with me, honkng away.

 

I slam the bus into the corona, get out & head for the MW jeep. They park the Ignus next to the bus and get out & start walking around the bus. Note that I'm not actually looking back at them - I don't need to; I know what they're doing. I knew from the moment they started following me that that hot pink Ingnus was not long for this world. I figured it would be an important lesson for them, and they wouldn't be too inconvenienced since the other MW Jeep was only a few moments of shameful jogging away. 

 

Anyway, as I get into the jeep, I trigger the sticky I put on the bus back when I shot the driver, toasting the Ignus in the process. I had not driven 50 feet when the killfeed reports that the host has died. I'm genuinely not sure how, since the sticky & all related chained explosion were from me & thus protected under FF Off rules. The only thing I can think of is the host was already injured from crashes and the wreck of the Ignus or the bus crushed him. Kinda sorry I didn't see that, cuz it would've been hilarious to watch. In any case, it's just as well he died as it facilitates the next step in my plan to point them in the right direction. 

 

I get to the chopper & mow down one of the MW guys, carefully avoiding the second. I get out and give him a salute, and he obliges me by loading me up with all the bullets. I do hit Continue just in case the Pilot is paying attention and wants to eject from this clusterf*ck, but they all vote restart. So be it. What's another few minutes, right?

 

Now that the two infants are spawned comfortably next to the correct bus, I head off to collect my bus a second time. I'm in no particular rush since I'm well aware that I won't set eyes on the Buzzard again. 

 

I'm just hitting Harmony when the killfeed reports that the host has been killed. This means he died pretty much right after getting out of their cutscene. The PO does much better - I've actually torched the bus and am just firing up the jeep when he dies. 

 

I quit out at that point, as my work is done - I've shown the noobs where their bus is and they also just got a master class in the first half of the Demo role. Now, I doubt any of this will take, f*ckwit moron randoms being the f*ckwit morons that they are, but one can hope. I also feel some pity for the Pilot, who has spent the last several minutes collecting & flying a Velum twice, so quitting now spares him driving to LSIA a dozen times. 

 

I've seen idiot randoms, and I've seen newbie randoms, but idiot newbie randoms are always a special treat. They are failure innovators, and will often f*ck up in ways that idiot veterans simply can't anymore. 

 

I think it's why I still do OG Heists. DCH & Cayo fails are boringly identical, but there are just so many different ways to fail an OG Heist that you never really know which one you're gonna get. Here's to the noobs, and here's to your mummies for buying you an Xbox instead of aborting you like they should have - Skol! 

 

 

[God-eater]

Prison Break, I'm Pilot, host gives 25% each, so I'm... oh, none of it matters because the f*cking hangar door is bugged. 

 

If only there was a way to exploit the Hangar door for glitched money - R* would be on that sh*t like white on rice. You know, instead of fixing it either in the June DLC or never. 

 

It is literally a game-breaking bug, R*, you f*cking stupid, lazy, uncaring cunts.

[theEwing1979]

Prison Break set-up - steal plane from Vargos. 

 

Invite popped up, I thought... Why not? I thought it would be nice to reminisce about the times I used to grind the OG heists.

 

Host rank 6, other team members at rank 36 and seventy something. With this in mind I figure I'll definitely use my armoured Kuruma to help these lowly noobs get over the line. 

 

So... It begins.... Nobody gets in my car, despite me advising it might be a good idea. After six attempts resulting in me watching the three of them running around the runway like headless f*cking chickens I pull the plug on it. f*ck them. 

[God-eater]

16 hours ago, theEwing1979 said:

Prison Break set-up - steal plane from Vargos. 

 

Invite popped up, I thought... Why not? I thought it would be nice to reminisce about the times I used to grind the OG heists.

 

Host rank 6, other team members at rank 36 and seventy something. With this in mind I figure I'll definitely use my armoured Kuruma to help these lowly noobs get over the line. 

 

So... It begins.... Nobody gets in my car, despite me advising it might be a good idea. After six attempts resulting in me watching the three of them running around the runway like headless f*cking chickens I pull the plug on it. f*ck them. 

 

Toreador/Vigilante, my friend. As @Shadowfennekin points out above, the noobs can't die if there's no one left to shoot them when they arrive. Then all you have to worry about is the pilot crashing the Velum (or, currently, being unable to enter the hangar at LSIA). 

 

The Kuruma would be the way to go if randoms had a clue, but as you observed they will not get into your car at gunpoint (ironically, if you have a Vigilante, they'll fall all over each other trying to get in. I keep mine locked since if I do bring a passenger, they will invariably dive out while I'm boosting around the airstrip, lose half their life as they ragdoll for 30 feet, then the rest from the dozen Vagos they tumble to a stop in front of). 

 

Sad is the playerbase that won't accept (or even recognise) a carry when one is presented to them. 

 

May as well add today's failure story since I'm here.  

 

PB, I'm Pilot. Demo has no clue. Follows the Ground team into the Prison. I think one of them must have yelled at him because on the next attempt he went for his bus. So, I'm in the air & have had my standard "I'm fine vs the jets, help the ground team" message ignored as per usual, and amuse myself by keeping the jet away from Demo for the duration of my flight. As the initiated among you know, it's actually easier if Demo doesn't destroy the jet because then you can steer it wherever you want instead of having to constantly loop around to gather up the respawns. The jet is also tethered to the Velum so it can be hilarious watching Demo desperately try to chase you down while you climb into the stratosphere and circle the Alamo Sea. 

 

Anyway, the ground team is taking forever in the Prison (if only they had some air support to speed things along, eh?). I'm watching their progress as any decent Pilot does, and angle around to land outside the Prison after they do the standard "Prisoner has to run back halfway across the yard to collect the Professor because he failed to do his one job" thing. I note with some concern that my jet hasn't disengaged yet as the Ground Team are milling around the gate - I guess the bulletproof NOOSE van wasn't placed obviously enough for them. 

 

Finally, my jet nosedives after the Ground Team steal a cop car (I know, right?) and I bring the Velum down just outside the Prison gates... and then roll my eyes as the Ground team proceeds to drive right past me and go for a nice drive in the country. They're not even headed for the airstrip, just offroading around the Boneyard as if they're going to be able to shake the cops. 

 

I sit tight for as long as I can, but several cops are coming at me on foot so I'm forced to take off. I use the opportunity to buzz the Ground team - fly about 10 feet above them so there's no way they can miss me, then guide them back to the field outside the Prison. I stop & open the door as they pull up off my starboard front quarter.

 

Anyone wanna guess what happens next? Go on, guess.

 

Correct! Both the PO & the Prisoner run to the co-pilot's door (ie where Rashkovsky sits), hit Y and, one right after the other, run thru the props. I took a video of it to send to each of them. 

 

Link to stupidity here.

 

Here's the kicker, tho - I messaged the host to express my disappointment, and he had the jaw-dropping cheek to imply that the Prisoner had screwed up while he had not. Motherf*cker, you went thru the props first, which neither of you would have if you'd run around to the rear door, since the rank 6 Prisoner was just following you. 

 

This is what I mean when I go on about how stupid randoms are. Like, so stupid that they throw shade at someone for screwing up in the exact same way that they themselves just screwed up. Dunning-Kruger at its finest right there. 

 

It's a good thing I expect nothing from randoms but failure, or I'd probably have uninstalled GTA by now. At least now I know why the endless failures don't put them off the game - because they refuse to acknowledge that they are the problem. 

Edited January 10 by God-eater

[xInfected_Virus]

Here's a video that my friend sent over on a Discord server. No it's not my video. 

 

 

[4eyedcoupe]

I have a recent prison break failure, but i was the reason for the failure. I was made demolition. When i got to the chopper, i could see the pilot wa flying in circles, perfect. I took flight in chopper and went toward the prison and fired missles at every target that popped up. Going smooth so far. I can see the ground team is getting close to the exit, everyone is alive, and all of the sudden i hear a lock on noise.  I immediately starting going straight up but it was too late. Chopper was destroyed. I felt horrible

[Super Grunt 281]

It's the prison or the jet, the latter will never chase the helicopter but can still fire a missile if an opportunity show up.

 

I had that kind of failure one day and it wasn't the prison, it came from the right and that's where the Velum was and I knew it was within range of the extended radar.

[Guest]

The funniest failure I ever encountered was Cayo Perico, where right off the bat the host and one other player were arguing with each other about who should really be in control then started pulling rank on who had done the heist the most. It went something like this:

 

HOST: Follow me and I will make you lots of money.

RANDOM: Give me 20%. 

HOST: Okay. 

 

[we reach drainage tunnel]

 

RANDOM: Can I just shoot my way through this thing?

HOST: No. We are doing stealth.

RANDOM: Look, I've done this a bunch of times. 

HOST: I have, too, lots and lots of times. I did it a bunch of times yesterday.

RANDOM: So, did I. I did it like five times yesterday.

 

We approached the gate. The random immediately quit in disgust. All of a sudden, the host who had "done this lots of times" was stumped because he couldn't cut the gate. Why? He hadn't done the prep. I explained to him that he needed the blow torch but it was okay, because we could try to find another way in (I knew the locations where hooks, uniforms, etc. spawned). After going "WTF" a bunch of times, CEO immediately quit. 

Edited January 12 by atomicgirl
meant right off the bat, not right off the gate :-P

[God-eater]

Sigh. Sometimes you can't drag randoms kicking and screaming to victory.

 

So, I'm killing time between cooldowns with OG Heists. I get a Pac Standard. Oh, well - money would've been nice, but it'll blow 20 minutes easily enough.

 

You know how there are certain subtle hints that a gig is gonna be a total clusterf*ck? On Pac Standard, it's when crew members plow full pelt into the first guy that hits the checkpoint outside the bank. Today's hero is a rank 37 f*ck-knuckle on Crowd Control, and that was just the first of many eyerolls. You'll see...

 

Anyway we get in. All three of them start running around like idiots, including Demo who is chasing the Hacker around like his dick is in a lasso. Mr F*ck-knuckle discharges his Up'n'Atomizer into the floor and lauches himself over the gate because he clearly thinks this is a clever and necessary move. Totally kills a hostage in the process, of course. Then he doubles down and shoots a teller, so that's that for Crowd Control. I do a Mr Blonde and waste the rest of the hostages because I'd rather not listen to the screaming if I don't have to.

 

Anyway, after the alarm cutscene Demo runs past the gate and sees the prompt pop up, and like a kitten seeing something shiny he jumps on it and burns the first door. They run thru and begin running around like idiots, jumping on desks, running up stairs and trying to melee each other. Much as before, Demo stumbles into the second door and accidentally does his job. I post up by the corpses of the tellers to wait for guards.

 

Note that at no point does Mr F*ck-knuckle stop running and jumping around, shooting walls and pointing his gun at me. 

 

Hacker starts the hack, and Demo runs upstairs to join in on Jumpfest 2022. It's like watching 3-year-olds on a sugar rush.

 

The hack is long finished when Demo decides to go burn the last door. I'm dutifully dropping guards & ignoring Mr F*ck-knuckle as best as I can. The bagmen hit the vault and each grab a table, expertly maximising our potential money loss. We regroup at the door and I gird my loins for what will no doubt be many restarts.

 

Did I mention we're wearing tuxedos? Because we're wearing tuxedos.

 

We do the breakout, which isn't too bad because me and RPG are a great team. We only lose about 80 grand because Demo is just sprinting full pelt at any cops he can see. We get to the alley, and here's where I realise I had assumed incorrectly that we were escaping - turns out we're playing Hold the Alley at All Costs. I've just killed the Noose vans in the street and am sighting up the chopper when Demo and Mr F*ck-knuckle die. 

 

We restart. It goes as before, but luckily the game has changed to Hold the Alley at All Costs But This Time Take Cover, so I have time to get to the bikes while only one of them dies. I nuke the bikes, then myself.

 

Amazingly, they restart instead of ignorance-based ragequitting.

 

So, we're at the bikes and the take is down to around $859K. I saddle up and, as always, get underway and reach the Noose van first. I hop in and wait for the three of them to ignore what the guy 10 times their rank is doing and burn past on their deathtraps, which they do. 

 

I'm not even out of the city when Demo dies. About 20 seconds later, he dies again, which is pretty impressive considering about a third of that time was spend respawning.

 

I message Demo "Come with me in the Van". We restart. I get to the van, watch the Hacker & Mr F*ck-knucle burn past me a second time, but note a glimmer of hope when I see that Demo is sitting at the bike spawn. I head towards him, but it turns out he's just a very slow reader and he takes off, clipping the van as he speeds past me. 

 

I'm as far as Chumash the first time Demo dies, and just coming into Lago Zancudo when he dies the second time. At that point, the take is about $650K and the host, understandably, quits.

 

On the bright side, my payphone hit is ready ao I go off and make almost twice as much money as I would have had the Pac Standard been successful in a fraction of the time it took us to fail it. 

 

 

 

Edited January 13 by God-eater

[Cutter De Blanc]

So I was joining random heists as I do and got the prison break, and it was me (Level 140) and three low level players (35, 10, 18) They made me the pilot which is my favorite role because you don't have to do much except fly the plane and know what youre doing. At any rate, they made the level 10 guy prisoner, and the level 18 guy prison guard. These guys were so green they were asking questions like "is there some way to get snacks without going to a store" I wish I'd had my headset I could've taught them a few things while mucking about in the sky. We failed it about as expected with the two low levels dying in the prison over and over until someone quit

[partci]

I joined a Bogdan. There are 3 persons on the team and the host starts the heist. I'm like, whatever, it's a breeze, this is something different. I am the one in the sub. Host kicks me 25% - OK, that's really fair. I just get to the desk and am about to take the photo... The Avenger was destroyed. F me. Luckily I get spawn at the photo position, so I get through the cut scene. I get out of the sub - The Avenger is somewhere FAR AWAY in the opposite direction it usually is. After I swim for a bit, I realize I have to swim to it, cause mr. host apparently could not fly it and the other guy could not shoot to save his life. I'm almost there when I see them both spawning at the beach. They both died? Dunno, game does not restart, so I managed to get to The Avenger and get it in the air, one of the idiots swims towards me, the other one goes back to Paleto. I tried to pick the swimmer, but he somehow failed to enter the vehicle, which I realized when I took off for the other moron. Who died at that moment.

 

Both gave up and left the game.

 

And I stay here, baffled, writing about my amazing experience.

Edited January 13 by partci

[Nerfgoth]

On 1/3/2022 at 8:16 AM, God-eater said:

 

Sad but true - the best way to get thru Setups with randoms is to eliminate as many opportunities for them to f*ck it up as possible. Sometimes that means essentially not giving them a chance to play the mission. Can't tell you how many times I've basically solo'd Pac Standard-Signal - the team lays eyes on me twice: when we walk out of the apartment and when I ditch them on the island after the cutscene. 

 

Unfortunately, randoms have earned that kind of treatment. 

 

Did Signal with some randoms and got a message why I didn´t use the firsts Seasharks! I just texted back that I was going for the other ones.

Thought it was common knowledge that there is Seasharks closer to the island.....

[God-eater]

2 hours ago, Nerfgoth said:

 

Did Signal with some randoms and got a message why I didn´t use the firsts Seasharks! I just texted back that I was going for the other ones.

Thought it was common knowledge that there is Seasharks closer to the island.....

 

Lol I've had people quit over it because they think I'm trolling the mission. A neat way around that is to take a 4-door, preferably something they'll all want to get into, like a Toreador, and just take them there. Doesn't always work, but it's worth a shot. 

 

And there are lots of things about the OG Heists that used to be common knowledge but are now known only to veterans; things like Player Saved Outfits, using the Armored Kuruma, the whole Hacker carries cash/Bike teleport thing or the Noose Van escape on Pac Standard. Even getting Demo to cover the prison on PB can be a nightmare - every time I'm Pilot, I message Demo that I'll handle the jets alone so they can help the ground team; maybe one in twenty listen. 

 

Funny thing about the OG Heists - not one of the elite challenges can be completed by sticking to the script; in each case, you have to come up with a solution that almost feels like cheating. Players these days will never get those because they'd drive right into the ocean if the GPS told them to. For a bunch of criminals, they sure as hell like following the rules.

[Nerfgoth]

11 hours ago, God-eater said:

 

Lol I've had people quit over it because they think I'm trolling the mission. A neat way around that is to take a 4-door, preferably something they'll all want to get into, like a Toreador, and just take them there. Doesn't always work, but it's worth a shot. 

 

And there are lots of things about the OG Heists that used to be common knowledge but are now known only to veterans; things like Player Saved Outfits, using the Armored Kuruma, the whole Hacker carries cash/Bike teleport thing or the Noose Van escape on Pac Standard. Even getting Demo to cover the prison on PB can be a nightmare - every time I'm Pilot, I message Demo that I'll handle the jets alone so they can help the ground team; maybe one in twenty listen. 

 

Funny thing about the OG Heists - not one of the elite challenges can be completed by sticking to the script; in each case, you have to come up with a solution that almost feels like cheating. Players these days will never get those because they'd drive right into the ocean if the GPS told them to. For a bunch of criminals, they sure as hell like following the rules.

 

Don´t forget Series A final where you just can ditch the pick-up truck and use (almost) any car of your choosing ! It is the same in PB final!

 

I have done countless of Pac Stan final and what I have learned that when not choosing Player saved outfit it mostly goes sideways as soon they goes for the bikes! So my rules for almost all heists is; What you pay is what you get aka if you troll me and don't give me anything I´m just there so you can start the heist but expect to be carried all the way! And second the rule of 3 when not playing with friends. I will leave after 3 tries!

[Cutter De Blanc]

I like doing heists with people who don't know what they're doing. I don't like doing heists with assholes. If you attack me or my car, I'm going to quit I don't care how far we were in the mission. Have fun sitting on that lobby screen sh*thead. I do these for fun, not profit

[Super Grunt 281]

19 hours ago, God-eater said:

 

Lol I've had people quit over it because they think I'm trolling the mission. A neat way around that is to take a 4-door, preferably something they'll all want to get into, like a Toreador, and just take them there. Doesn't always work, but it's worth a shot. 

 

And there are lots of things about the OG Heists that used to be common knowledge but are now known only to veterans; things like Player Saved Outfits, using the Armored Kuruma, the whole Hacker carries cash/Bike teleport thing or the Noose Van escape on Pac Standard. Even getting Demo to cover the prison on PB can be a nightmare - every time I'm Pilot, I message Demo that I'll handle the jets alone so they can help the ground team; maybe one in twenty listen. 

 

Funny thing about the OG Heists - not one of the elite challenges can be completed by sticking to the script; in each case, you have to come up with a solution that almost feels like cheating. Players these days will never get those because they'd drive right into the ocean if the GPS told them to. For a bunch of criminals, they sure as hell like following the rules.

I don't think the helicopter player going after the prison is unexpected, when you figure out that the jet is dumb and is insanely lazy on the attack there is nothing else for demolitions to do beyond approaching the surrounding road and shooting the guards.

 

Unless is actually possible to run and gun for the ground team and keep the target close (I can never remember exactly his name) .

 

Humane Labs raid can't be done with elite 'normally' ? I know the damage threshold objective can be done the designed way (already got it on some finales with randoms, the check not elite) .

[theEwing1979]

I just want to thank every person that has ever contributed to this topic. These stories are my favourite thing to read on the whole forum. 

 

Thank you.

[God-eater]

1 hour ago, Super Grunt 281 said:

I don't think the helicopter player going after the prison is unexpected, when you figure out that the jet is dumb and is insanely lazy on the attack there is nothing else for demolitions to do beyond approaching the surrounding road and shooting the guards.

 

Unless is actually possible to run and gun for the ground team and keep the target close (I can never remember exactly his name) .

 

Humane Labs raid can't be done with elite 'normally' ? I know the damage threshold objective can be done the designed way (already got it on some finales with randoms, the check not elite) .

 

HLR is about the only one where it's possible to get Elite legit - possible, but everything has to go absolutely perfectly.

 

The biggest problem is you lose so much time just getting everyone to the Valkyrie. Where you start from is a huge factor as well - basically Eclipse is the go, maybe Tinsel Towers, everything else is just that little bit too far. Back in the day it required Bati 801's/Hakuchou Drags driven perfectly with zero crashes along a straight-line route that involves some offrosding & ramping the Zancudo River - these days you load everyone into a Toreador, use the boost flagrantly and boost across the Alamo Sea. But the Ground Team can't use the Heavy Vests or they'll take too long swimming out, and the Valkyrie team has to drop the choppers super-fast and already be waiting at the beach when the Ground Team pops out. All of this requires super-expert-level play from all parties and absolutely zero mistakes, misteps or delays. Randoms don't have a prayer.

 

 

On to today's Heist Failure Story. It's a DCH so boring and exactly what you'd expect, so I'll keep it short - my real issue is the behaviour of the toxic-as-f*ck host. 

 

Anyway, it's Aggressive, 2-man, no idea about takes, cuts or entry as the screen bugged out. Not that it mattered. Get to Outfitting, host switches off of the Heavy Armor to suits, I try to warn him but there's just not enough time. Paleto arcade, sigh. We get to the casino, Staff Entry, host charges thru the metal detector and dies instantly. Restart. Host charges thru the metal detector and dies instantly. This time he also votes Continue and that's that. 

 

Then he messages me "You motherf*cker". It was in Hungarian so I doubt me reporting it will have much effect, but I did it anyway. But, seriously, what a dipsh*t. As always, I wish I had the magical ability to teleport into the living rooms of these people so I could stand in front of them, look them in the eye and ask them to repeat what they just said. I'd have to wear rubber boots, of course, lest the stream of piss pouring out of them ruins my shoes. 

 

I swear that GTA attracts the absolute scum of the earth. Look, people, if you wouldn't say it in person, don't say it just because you can hide behind a screen. It's the epitome of cowardice, and you should be ashamed of yourselves. Have some goddamn self-respect. 

 

Also, f*ck Hungary.

[God-eater]

It's funny how people hear dialogue differently. 

 

For example, during the Casino heist, when Lester spends 40 seconds screaming "GET OUT OF THE VAULT NOW!!", I interpret that to mean that Lester would very much like us to exit the vault as immediately as possible. But many other people hear it as "nah, go ahead and keep drilling those worthless lockboxes, take all the time you need, no hurry at all".

 

If only there was some clear, understandable way for him to communicate with us...

 

 

[God-eater]

Today's DCH tally (numerous kicks and network errors excluded)

 

S&S, 3-man Cash. Someone shoots out both cameras outside the staff door. No Duggan, we don't make it past the metal detector. Heist failed.

 

S&S, 2-man Cash. Host hasn't done Security Passes prep & blows the hack at the Staff Door. Heist failed.

 

Big Con, 4-man Cash, P&W entry (fuuuuuu...). No Duggan. All 3 of them walk in front of the stairwell camera. Restart. All 3 of them walk in front of the stairwell camera. Heist failed. 

 

Aggressive. 3-man Cash. Main Entrance. Mk II SMGs/ARs. No Duggan, no Heavy Armor. 3 restarts in the Casino, 3 more in the Staff Lobby. Finally someone else votes Continue, Heist failed.

 

S&S, screen bugged out so don't see take. 4-man crew. Host drives in front of valet at Main Entrance, then swipes Staff Door before I can tell him we're done. No Duggan. Don't make it past the metal detector. Heist failed.

 

S&S, 4-man Cash, Staff door. No Duggan. Lowbie opens up with an Uzi vs 2 Guards. Restart. Lowbie opens up with Uzi vs 2 Guards. Restart. Lowbie opens up with an Uzi vs 2 Guards. Host quits. Heist failed.

 

S&S, 3-man crew. Screen bugged out so don't see take. I expertly deliver myself to the mantrap door. Host farts around upstairs for an hour, lowbie gets impatient and runs back. I don't know which one of them runs in front of a camera, but someone does. No Duggan. 2 Continue votes, Heist failed.

 

God-eater gives up after two and a half hours of abject misery, knocks out a Payphone hit, then a Cayo he's got sitting there, then another payphone hit, makes nearly 2.5 million dollars in under 30 minutes. Turns off GTA.

 

Said it before, will say it again: it's a sad indictment when the best way to play a multiplayer game is by yourself. Also, the level of stupid in this playerbase beggars the imagination. Is there anyone else who knows how to complete a DCH? Please, speak up so I know that you exist, because based on my experience I'm the only one.

[Super Grunt 281]

Every approach except Silent & Sneaky because I only do Big Con to do aggressive again.

[PhilPerlmutter]

3 hours ago, God-eater said:

Also, the level of stupid in this playerbase beggars the imagination.

 

That. The main stupidity is that 90% of the time, people will not even write back when you try to communicate.

And yup, there are plenty of people who know, I do as well although I might be out of practice a bit, since I have never done it again since CPH although my DCH being my favourite heist due to connection missmatch problems....

[partci]

2 hours ago, PhilPerlmutter said:

90% of the time, people will not even write back when you try to communicate.

Can you blame me for not wanting to communicate with 90+% of the player base out there?

Edited January 19 by partci