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Recommended Posts


I wander the lonesome pavements of my psyche

Never escaping my last breathe, he pulls it quietly

Four slugs from the chamber split down her own dome

Domestic violence flowered her grave and its stone

The modern paradox of life is unorthodox at most

You're set for life without desire to choke

Admire and boast, the realest fire of hope

Set alight inside a soul destined for destruction

Unassertive and willing to aline the charkas for mind abduction

And minor offences, spit it back in your face, then you get all defensive

You pull away from loved ones so how do you add sense to this?

If I die a death of dull and desperate drapes of desire

May my ego destined for destruction be absent and retire

As there's no real define distinction between life and death

Not a comma or semi-colon could describe this at best

It's what it is, death, he it stumbles across its language

As it consumes the one it loves, relapses but can not manage

As on death itself, it takes hold of its own life

And in itself, you never die, but death is the one to cry.

Edited by Coat.
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Mokrie Dela

And minor offences, spit it back in your face, then you get all defensive

This line seems apt, considering what I'm about to say. :p


Spelling is the only thing I see in your works that needs attention. Everything else is great. The rhyming structure's pretty good; To me it felt pretty natural, and it flowed well. Each line mostly felt relevant to the previous, In that sense, i think this might be one of my favorites of yours and I really enjoyed reading it.


I would say, however, to take a few moments to check spelling - "breath"/"breathe"; "Chakras"? While these are small slips in the grand scheme of things, They're the only thing I can see wrong, and easily fixed :)

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