GTA36362355 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) <> Edited January 30, 2016 by MistaX ten-a-penny and Xanbukka 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dudclub55 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I think you should kiss her father in the mouth. t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA36362355 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) <> Edited January 30, 2016 by MistaX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
make total destroy Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Explain in simple terms that his daughter is not a piece of property, that you're gonna marry her anyway, and that if he doesn't like it, he can go f*ck himself. gunziness, Majestic81, Revenge of the Donut and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiju Blue Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I don't know how things work there so I'll just ask: Is her father's permission absolutely necessary? If you really, really want to get married, and there's nothing he could legally do about it, I say you should at least try. If the father's permission is legally required or you really want him to give in, just keep trying to convince him. He'll budge eventually. Maybe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phaamie Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) Not that i agree, but it seems he wants to know how your marrying his daughter improves the whole family's standing. Demonstrate to him how you plan to succeed in life and occupation and how that will take care of his daughter and everyone else. If he resists, tell him you and your future wife were hoping to celebrate this joyous occasion with him, but it is his choice not to join. Edited January 17, 2015 by Phaamie ten-a-penny and GTA36362355 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA36362355 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) <> Edited January 30, 2016 by MistaX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingodile_r89 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) From one Indian, heck one Brahmin to another, this situation is hopeless. He's going to be set in his ways, period. There isn't much you can do to change his mind if he's as stubborn as you described. Just marry her and screw everything else. You live once, you don't have to live it for uncles, aunties or anyone else. Carpe diem, friend. Edit: Get her the hell away from her family before they drive her nuts. Seen too much of this nonsense to even feel jaded by it. Edited January 17, 2015 by dingodile_r89 gunziness, GTA36362355 and ten-a-penny 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dingdongs Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 From one Indian, heck one Brahmin to another, this situation is hopeless. He's going to be set in his ways, period. There isn't much you can do to change his mind if he's as stubborn as you described. Just marry her and screw everything else. You live once, you don't have to live it for uncles, aunties or anyone else. Carpe diem, friend. Edit: Get her the hell away from her family before they drive her nuts. Seen too much of this nonsense to even feel jaded by it. yeah this. Give the old man a talk tomorrow and if it doesn't go anywhere, f*cking forget it. You said it yourself, you live in 2nd decade 21st century India... what is your girlfriend's thought on just blowing him off and getting married regardless of what he says? Xanbukka 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA36362355 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) <> Edited January 30, 2016 by MistaX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingodile_r89 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Seen it before. Like I said, hopeless situation, leave & take her with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. House Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 You're welcome on behalf of Britain for destroying your life with the introduction of a meaningless caste system. I'm sure Luchesse will be along soon to take this to mean I hate white people. Finn 7 five 11, Kaiju Blue, ten-a-penny and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 It can be a dreadful thing to have people so ardent in their beliefs disagree like that. The truth is that he may never consent to the two of you being together, and that could seriously affect your lives together in your community. It isn't going to be easy for the two of you, no matter which way you go on this. I personally hope you and her can find some peace with one another despite what outside conflict you might have as a couple. Were I you, I'd also consider leaving where you're currently at. However, I know that's easier said than done. You've probably considered the options a lot lately. Either way, I am sorry that you're in such a position with the girl you want to marry. If it matters, you have my condolences and sympathy. Whatever you do, keep in mind how long the two of you have lasted thus far, and how powerful that can be. No matter what her father says you will always have that. Ai®a©ob®a, Majestic81, GTA36362355 and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xanbukka Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Some of you might have read from my previous posts about the situation I and my girlfriend are facing because of her caste conscious old man. He is not agreeing to let us marry because I'm a brahmin and they are jains. I really don't understand why her father is still clinging to casteism which isn't common at least in the 2nd decade of the 21st century of urban India. The thing is, after 2 years of continuous and varied attempts by us at convincing him and having maintained immense patience, he still isn't bowing down to his daughter's wish. She keeps turning down the guys her parents show her as her potential husband and today she clearly told her father that she won't forget me (her parents have been forcing her to forget about me and choose from guys of their caste. Most of them are low qualified but because they belong to a well respected family of their community i.e. religious and prosperous traditional merchants) to which he replied that it is her problem and she has to deal with it because he just won't allow her to marry a non jain person and she should have thought of the outcomes before getting involved in 'such a relationship'. Losing my patience, I called him up today and asked him to meet me at least once to which he hasn't agreed yet but chances are that we are meeting tomorrow. He has done nothing to know me just because it was pointless for him and from what I hear, the reason he wants to meet me and my family is to give us a strong statement that he wouldn't allow this relation to continue at any cost. Right now, any advice would help. I just want to go in with a prepared mind and display my dissatisfaction which his daughter shares with me while also maintaing respect in the conversation and without sounding insulting to his viewpoint. He might even choose to bring his son and my gf's hunky cousin and try to break some of my bones and go all primitive on my ass so I really need some advice that can help because I want to be prepared for every possible situations through which this will go down and know how I can handle them. I still have a year and a half in front of me for pursuing my on going masters degree but her parents are hell bent on getting her married this year. How to solve this when compromise isn't an option? My girl is suffering emotionally since last 18 months because of the changed behaviour she has to face from each and every member of her family and her frustration is testing me because we end up fighting a lot as she feels its unfair to her that I face no such resistance from my family (in fact they support us) and I get to pursue my career which she was denied of because of the same conservative mind set. She keeps misunderstanding my helplessness as indifference but it really isn't so for me because I have hardly stopped being concerned about her ever since we became friends 6 years ago. I can't find words to make her feel better in all this and that is tad depressing and bad for our relation. This is a common problem, for people in the states. I'll tell you, what most wind up doing, in a like-manner situation, you, can take what you want from it. You won't get through their thick skulls, some people, take personal prejudice, to obscene levels...... Be prepared, to bag up, and run away together, to better then, be together. Sounds extreme, I know, but again, this is what most wind up doing, if the feelings between two people are strong enough. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA36362355 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) @tyler Thanks for the kind words. I really dont know how to feel about all this because I wasnt prepared to consider the possibility that we might not make it and when she started talking that way, my reactions were unthoughtful words that make no sense but sound horrific when said. We were sitting on canal walls today and watching the water in the reservoir and it felt like peace so its still there but we need to work on it for something good to happen. I, sometimes hate the thought of fleeing away with her because interestingly thats what my parents had done. And thats why I want to convince her father. Indian weddings are occassions which are very important because of the type of community we live in and so it becomes important for me to not take away that from her or me or any of our parents. Edited January 17, 2015 by Mister Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Coming from my own background, I can sympathise with you in regards to that. A sense of community and solidarity is oftentimes easily brushed aside in the modern era, but it's no secret as to why one would like to see all sides be content. This is a story that's been played out across all of history, and the somewhat sad fact about it is that the outcome is still unpredictable, really. Worse yet, it's mostly out of your hands. That ideal sense of being that drives you to want to stay and see if things can work out is the same drive that compels people like your partner's father to remain ensconced in conservatism. I wish I could tell you how to overcome that, because if I knew the answer to that I'd be able to fix a lot of issues in the world. The reality is always a lot more complicated than an abstract answer can safely stem, though. As for the relationship itself: this kind of stuff takes its toll. It's understandable as to why you're both rather upset at the possibility of her father never letting up on this. It sounds even more tragic that he's the one person in the family who seems to be so against it. One of the better things you might be able to do to help her understand that she's not alone in the suffering is remind her that you're both together on it; her family's opposition is painful for you both, and your family's support can be just as comforting, in that vein. Would you say that your family is overall supportive of it? I hope they are, anyway. This is more of a far cry, but perhaps you could offer to help her father somehow. His ardent faith and dedication to his business might mean that he values determination, and although you've shown that you are determined in the sense that you are willing to stay by his daughter's side, perhaps something more directly helpful to him will be more palatable. In that sense I'm just wondering if any sort of olive branch to him will work. It sounds like he is set in his ways of wanting someone that is worthy of his daughter, or at least worthy of her family. I know it can't be easy, but finding some way to integrate yourself on a communal level and showing that you're not just out to steal his daughter from under him, if showing that is at all possible, might help. Again, you have my deepest sympathies for your situation. Things like this are never easy, especially with religious differences involved. It's far too easy for both sides to stop listening and caricaturize the other, and prolong the issue indefinitely. For me, the key to breaking that is defeating the idea that you are any different to them. Doing that is a lot harder than it sounds though, and it may very well be a futile effort in the end, anyway. Xanbukka, GTA36362355, Abel. and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adolf_Traplord_Hitler Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) Caste system and marriage in same clan are one of weird things in India, ain't Brahmins strict so much? and i think they have a difference from Jains, in your condition it seems so damn hard to marry her, i think only way you have satisfy your parents and let girl satisfy her parents, does she do any job? because job also matters, if she's, her parents would go on more difficulty level for you, if not, also they ain't goin to let you take her easily, they wouldn't like to make their daughter work like a slave in laws, but its all freakin fake but still indians have belief in it. She can only make her parents trust about you and herself, it might be difficult, but this moment, its girl's most important decision in her life and it should be her dicision, no one other's. you should calm down a bit, do not prowoke a war with males of her family, be polite and gentlemen, there shoudn't any tensions on boy's side. You must be doin a great job with heavy salery, people of india are somehow greedy, they relief themselves knowing that you have very good salery. Sorry if troll spotted or failed! Edited January 18, 2015 by xNaZix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA36362355 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) He did finally come to discuss the issue. According to him, he cannot allow us to marry because his father had actively stopped such marriages in his social circle and so he cannot disrespect the principles and the influence he had in the community by doing what his father didn't approve of before dying 7 years ago. He also said that he might not hold on to those principles when his 16 year old son comes of age because he understood that the next generation need not subscribe to those principles. I still argued that he should think about his daughter's life and let her take her decisions but he couldn't agree. It was a neutral meeting though and no harsh words were exchanged. My parents affirmed that they can respect his priorities but I couldn't so I stayed cross and made it clear that my priority is her daughter's happiness. My parents are genuinely good folks and I'm sure he knew it was true when they said that his daughter will live a happy life with us. He confessed that he has some limitations which he cannot comfortably share so it was more like a stale mate, I guessed it might have something to do with his financial problems so I didn't ask. His other son who is a f*cking twat had accompanied him and he was making a fool of himself by repeating everything his father said in different words and he hit the nail on hypocracy when he lied that he had to decide to be practical and had given up on his relation because his girlfriend's parents didn't consent. Of course I knew the reality from his sister and he instead should have told the truth that he agreed to whatever I said because we have the same stance in our respective relations afaik. @tyler I had tried to get on the good side of her father by being able to help him in some way but never found that olive branch to offer. All I can do is wait while she tries to convince her parents because there is no way I could do anything to help except be supportive to her. I think it would be wrong on my part to influence her against her parents anymore because his father did share his condition and though I don't agree with him, I have to be neutral when it comes to criricizing his conservative thoughts in good faith. Its still all upon how long she can hold on to her wish of marrying me. Edited January 18, 2015 by Mister Kay Tyler 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingodile_r89 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Sorry you're going through this, mate. I've seen parents emotionally blackmail their kids for issues like this. Hope this ends well for you. Majestic81 and Xanbukka 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA36362355 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 If in case she starts losing hope which I guess is closer than I think, what should I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crossed Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Partly why my ex cheated an used me was cause she wanted her family to want her again. I didn't put up with peoples bullsh*t. Now I'm a broken man rebuilding but it'll get better. If she chooses family and tradition over the love you share with her, just go on. Let it make you stronger. GTA36362355 and dingodile_r89 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingodile_r89 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 If in case she starts losing hope which I guess is closer than I think, what should I do? It will suck, but at that point you need to accept that it's broken beyond repair and look out for yourself. It just might be the worst thing to happen to you, but trust me, you'll come out a lot stronger. It sounds cheesy, but it's true. GTA36362355 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K^2 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Mister Kay, I don't know how strongly you hold to your own religion, so I hope I don't offend you by this. But you don't have to be born a Jain to be a Jain. I don't know how high your standing would be if you convert, but it sounds like her father stands on it because of a principle and probably because he wants his grandchildren to be brought up in the same religion. I agree that these are silly reasons, but based on these, I don't see why he would't accept a converted Jain as his son in law. I understand that this is a big deal for a lot of people, but this could be a path for you two to be together and for her not to lose ties with her family. That seems like it'd be pretty important to you. Finn 7 five 11 and DuckEarly 2 Prior to filing a bug against any of my code, please consider this response to common concerns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Majestic81 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) Someone who cares more about religion than his daughter's happiness isnt someone anyone would want as a father in law. OP and his woman are better off without him. If she chooses her family over you and i hope she doesnt. then there's nothing you can do. it means she doesnt love you enough. harsh but you'll have to accept it and move on. Edited January 19, 2015 by Majestic81 ten-a-penny 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA36362355 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) <> Edited January 30, 2016 by MistaX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingodile_r89 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 So, anything happen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franceska Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 So, anything happen? He got laid with the father instead. ten-a-penny, Finn 7 five 11, GTA36362355 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuff_luv_capo Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 So, anything happen? He got laid with the father instead.You have a thing for topics with "advice with girlfriends" in the title don't you? GTA36362355, EpicnessInABox and Coin 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nowdrivefaster Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 (edited) Well... my father let me know he wouldn't accept any kind of boyfriend for me. Only from our religion and our country. Perhaps from Norway, Iceland, Denmark or Sweden... but it was difficult to get his approval for every single one of my boyfriends before this one I have been for seven years with. . . History is full of examples as for not accepted love stories. But in case you really love this girl, you should convince her father somehow. Prove him that you are a decent man. That's all I can say Edited January 27, 2015 by Nowdrivefaster GTA36362355 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franceska Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 He got laid with the father instead. You have a thing for topics with "advice with girlfriends" in the title don't you?It's usually a story, so it gives me something to read while I'm bored at work. Unfortunately I don't know anything about this whole religion else I would have offered advice. EpicnessInABox 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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