Memorable quotes.

[Smoke Cat]

Big Smoke speaking Spanish. Coughio up el weedo, before I blow your brains all over the patio.

 

CJ: What kind of license you got? A fishing license? or, Did you get your license from a cereal box?

 

Oh, and Michael's proto-hipster speech.

[ChrisMathers3501]

YOU could be an Azerbajina for all I know.

[_Raven_]

Respect has to be earned, Sweet, just like money! What I'm saying is..............I'm Hungry!

 

-Big Smoke

Edited August 19, 2014 by The7thOne

[Stratocastor15]

"See you 'round, like a doughnut Carl." Tenpenny

[Tyla]

"Smell yer maw!"

 

- Glasgow tramp in GTA III

[Trillest]

"Anthony, it's over for guys like us. We're dinosaurs. Or dodos. Or dildos. Or something".

-Salvatore Leone

[Jerome]

 

''I don't think we're gonna be getting any heat from up north either... 'cause there ain't no ''up north'' anymore. It's all down South now.

 

Tommy on the final mission, I think his quotes are badass, he doesn't have to swear to say memorable quotes!

Edited August 19, 2014 by jayjay35

[Tyla]

Tommy on the final mission, I think his quotes are badass, he doesn't have to swear to say memorable quotes!

I always loved that about Tommy's dialogue. He never once said f*ck in the entire game.

[Detective Phelps]

"Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! I love you, in an appropriate way I mean." - Martin Madrazo

 

"Dumb. Florida. Moron." - Tommy V

 

 

"I'll have a number nine, a number nine large, a number six with extra sauce, a number seven, two number forty-fives, one wit' cheese, and a large soda." - Big Smoke

Edited August 19, 2014 by Los Santos Police Department

[donnits]

"PAY YOUR RENT LIKE EVERY GOD DAMN NORMAL AMERICAN PERSON!"

"There's been a lot of f*cking... rallies... and marches... and talk... and cheering... all about, f*cking, the homeless sh*t... and all about f*cking squatter's rights... If i may be so bold - if you don't work, then you don't like in an apartment... PAY YOUR f*ckING RENT LIKE ANY OTHER NORMAL f*ckING AMERICAN PERSON WOULD! ...squatters rights? i'll give you a right, i'll give you a left and i'll give you a kick to the f*cking head."

~Sheer Terror, Just Can't Hate Enough (LIVE)

[Mr_Leone]

First off cousin, my breath does not smell of titty. - Niko after a steamy date with Michelle to Roman, after his steamy date with the Albanians.

[happygrowls]

"If you ain't gonna respect your Body, ain't no-one gonna respect you!" -Sweet to Carl about the gym.

[Sergiu]

 

0:58

"That's right, I'm gonna be waiting for you and you and and anybody else who shows up, ok?
Cos that's the way I (h)roll."
-Andreas


Man, I just can't get over how funny Andreas' accent is.

[jeanrjm]

Edited August 20, 2014 by jeanrjm

[Osho]

Big Smoke:

- I'll have a number nine, a number nine large, a number six with extra sauce, a number seven, two number forty-fives, one wit' cheese, and a large soda

- A lot of people say gangsta rap is misogynistic posturing by fake-ass idiots who spend more time in drama school then they ever did pimping or hustling dope. Well, I assure you, OG Loc is the real thing. He's hated women all his life, he sold drugs to school children, he's murdered innocent people just for kicks, but he rhymes like an angel. And I assure you, it's all in a good cause. So either way, you could feel good about yourself listening to this music.

- The Big Smoke orphanage teaches kids important skills. I was an orphan; I struggled! I saw friends make mistakes and get pulled from the path of righteousness, but now, thanks to the generosity of a great man like me, kids is gonna be saved. Big Smoke, baby! Remember the name!

- All we had to do was follow the damn train, CJ!

 

Ryder:

- Same old CJ! Busta! Straight busta!

[Rambo_AFC]

LCS -

 

Toshiko - Do you think I'm a bad person, Mister Toni?

Toni - Well, princess, I ain't exactly a saint.

 

Maria - f*ck you, Salvatore Leone, you no dick bullying, wife beating, Italian piece of sh*t.

Salvatore - f*ck me? f*ck you! In fact, everyone has!

 

JD O'Toole - Oh God, I can't believe it. He is gonna cut my balls off. He's gonna put them in a vice! Not necessarily in that order. Oh God! I feel like the day the FBI searched my hard drive!

[ten-a-penny]

"..." - Claude

 

 

But to be serious,

 

"Every dog has it's day." - Uncle Leone

 

"Tenpenny, you motherf*cking piece of sh*t! I ain't letting you get away with all you've done!" - Sweet

 

"When you're done I'm gonna own this town. It's the American dream. And it's all because of you, Vic. You're a hero..." - Ricardo Diaz

 

"So... this is what the dream feels like. This is the victory we longed for." - Niko Bellic

 

"Alright, you wanna live? Tell me you wanna live. We'll work this out." - Michael Townley

 

Why I red that as ten-a-penny?

 

OT: GTA:O\s survival quotes can be f*cking funny. Especially Boneyard.

 

 

1. SH!T DICK!
2. F*CKING DIE!
3. SOMEBODY WHO HAD A LIL BIT TOO MUCH INSECT LAST NIGHT!
4. SUCK MY LEEAAAD!
5. PIECE OF GARBAGE!
6. UR DEED, DEED, DEEEEEEEEEEED!
7. GO BACK TO UR PUSSY DADDY!
8. WERE YOU LOOKING FOR sh*t? 'CUASE YOU JUST STEPPED I IT! (LMFAO!)
9. ILL SH*T DOWN UR THROAT!

They have the best funny quotes in probably the entire series except IV's Split Sides.

[toughmeister]

San Andreas

 

Police helicopter guy 1: "Hey I can see my house from here!"

Police helicopter guy 2: "Hey will you shut the hell up!"

[Testarossa]

I just wanted to piss you off before I kill you. -Tommy Vercetti

Edited August 23, 2014 by IanE55

[Kampret]

"Carl you motherf*cking piece of sh*t gangbanging c*cksucker!"

~Tenpenny

[Chevy Wolfs]

Edit: I have no idea why the text is so weird in some places.

 

"Roman never hurt anyone"

"So, this is what the dream feels like, this is the victory we longed for..."

Niko Bellic

"Dimitri: I want to buy you a present.

Niko: Will you wrap it up and put a pretty bow on it?"

 

Roman: I don't want to die, man; not like this!

Niko: How would you like to die!?
Roman: Having a threesome on my hundredth birthday? I don't know!

 

Many quotes involving Niko Bellic, actually.

 

"Timur: You want me to shut up? Good.

Luis: Good! Great! Total f*cking silence from here on in!

1 minute later

Luis: Not a word!

1 minute later

Luis: You're a f*cking terrible convesanolist, Timur."

 

Some funny quotes from TBoGT. I just love the convesations in GTA.

Edited August 23, 2014 by Chevy Wolfs

[Vercetti42]

Everything in Bury the hatchet in GTA V is just class:

 

 

[Drunken Cowboy]

0:58

 

"That's right, I'm gonna be waiting for you and you and and anybody else who shows up, ok?

Cos that's the way I (h)roll."

-Andreas

 

 

Man, I just can't get over how funny Andreas' accent is.

 

"Aite, man, but I'm gonna be honest, I'm gonna need some rubber gloves or something..."

 

How can we forget the LCPD?

 

"I'M COMIN' AFTER YOOOOOOOUUUUU!!!!!"

"THE DIPsh*t- I MEAN, 'SUSPECT', HAS A WEAPON!"

"DON'T MAKE ME GET OUTTA THIS CAR!"

"I'M NOT. f*ckIN'. KIDDIN'. ASSHOLE!"

"YOU'RE TRYING... MY PATIENCE. PULL OVER."

"I'M THAT BADASS NIGGA YOMAMA WARNED YOU ABOUT."

"YOU CAN'T ESCAPE FROM A COPTER, TOUGH GUY!"

Edited August 23, 2014 by Drunken Cowboy

[Liver Buster]

Everything in Bury the hatchet in GTA V is just class:

 

 

I like the spatting scenes between Michael and Trevor. Near Bury the Hatchet, I like the one during Paleto Score Setup, especially Michael's performance.

[Space Cowboy]

"If you was the last bitch on Earth, I'd start going out with an animal"- Carl says this to Catalina after her first mission (except Tanker Commander, since most people do that one first, they never have a chance to hear this quote) .

[LanaDelRey888]

"So this is it. This is when we show the Ballas what bangin', is all about. Grove Street is King. Say it with me niggaz, GROVE STREET IS KING!!"

- Sweet, The Green Sabre

 

 

"Whassup CJ, where you been?"

"Eh, sorry bro, I got caught up."

"Yeah, he was probably hittin' on one of dem Balla rats, yeah I know what you was up to nigga!"

*gang laughter*

- Sweet and CJ, The Green Sabre

 

 

"Yo Ballas. I'm taking you all down, you hear me? I'm taking you ALL down, bitches!!"

- CJ, The Green Sabre

 

 

"Look, just say what you gotta say. I ain't interested in playing these stupid games!"

"Stupid games? This is my heart you play with!"

- CJ and Catalina phone call

 

 

"Oh jeez.. who's this?"

"Whassup MY NIGGAS?"

"- oh, did he just say that?"

"Yeah.."

- Tony, Yusuf, Luis, Departure Time

 

 

"Yo T! T, give me a hug. Gimme a hug. Not too close though, I don't want to give me father the wrong impression."

- Yusuf to Tony, Departure Time

 

 

*orgasm sounds*

"Is that porn playing up there, bro?"

"Nah man, that's real women. Trust me. And I ain't paying sh*t."

- Luis to Tony, Sexy Time

 

 

"Nigga! Yo, this is Jonelle... Jonelle, this is Nigga."

- Yusuf to Luis, Caught With Your Pants Down

 

 

"Poppa! Welcome, Poppa! Uhh, this is my.. err.. business associate, Mr.. uhh.. N-"

"-Luis."

"Mr Lewis. Y'Allah, he is the greatest technical adviser in the whole city. And this is his wife, Jaundice."

*pushes Jonelle to Luis*

- Yusuf to his father, a while later

 

 

"Poppa, you know. These people, they mean nothing to me."

*points at the annoyed Jonelle and confused Luis*

"In fact, they were just going. Go, get out! You, Mr. Lewis, take your wife, Mrs. Lewis."

"And may I add, madam, this is not a very, uhh.. appropriate way for a married woman to dress!"

- Yusuf to his father, talking about Luis and Jonelle

[Mr_Leone]

GO f*ckER GO - Josef

[Tao Cheng]

我操他媽的真是爽翻了 - Tao Cheng

 

"Hah! Shieet! Didnlelelelemau!" - Sonny Forelli

[TheFunkyBunch]

You people are not very f*cking nice! - Trevor Phillips

 

 

[Liver Buster]

Michael: Hey, sure you don't want to come in?

Franklin: What? Your big empty-ass house? Dog, I'm depressed enough already.

Michael: Alright, well listen, thanks.

Franklin: Look, man, before you go... What the f*ck happened up there?

Michael: I said, Trevor went crazy, tried to kill me, I got jumped by the Chinese.

Franklin: Man, before all that. I'm talking about the Feds, Trevor, this guy Brad, man.

Michael: I know what you meant... Alright look, I made a judgment call. I don't if it was the right one, I did what I thought I had to do. I had a young family, Franklin. I was running with a crew of crazy motherf*ckers with nothing to lose, I saw an out, a future for me, my family. I took it.

Franklin: You took it? Man you burned every motherf*cker you've ever known.

Michael: It was that, or die. Look, I know it sounds cold, I don't expect you to understand it, not yet, but you will, when you've got ties of your own. Look, you wake up one day and your legs, they just give, and you just can't run no more.

Franklin: Alright, man, look, you watch your back, alright? When Trevor finds out you still alive, I don't know what the f*ck he gonna do.

Michael: Don't worry about Trevor. He's not gonna get near me. Hey, you watch your back. You hear me?

Franklin: Dog, it ain't me he coming for. We straight, it's you, dog, it's you.

Michael: I'm just saying.

 

While Franklin confronts Michael about the whole North Yankton thing after he saves his from the Triads during "Fresh Meat".

 

What an irony that fits right with Ending B. On the other hand, I really liked how Mike sounded desperate to justify his bad actions to Franklin, and another implication Michael doesn't give a f*ck about Trevor... at all and he tries to turn everyone against him.

 

...

 

"This'll put hair on your chest." - Trevor while he is about to torture Mr.K with a couple of clips during "By the Book".

Edited August 29, 2014 by TheUnholy