Explain Your Last Crime In GTAO To The Arresting Officer

[Sw1ft562]

officer: what the hell do ya think you're doin asshole?

 

me: my bad, officer. i didnt know it was illegal to jerk in public. i seen a lot of people doing it so i figured it was ok.

 

officer: *draws weapon*

 

me: last night.. there was this girl... even she was wanting me to jerk all around her. when i asked why, she said because she wanted to record it. ..but when i started to do it she just ran away screaming for the cops. im really confused about all this jerking stuff. im thinking i should just go back to air thrusting people in public.

 

officer: *unloads clip*

Edited August 10, 2014 by Sw1ft562

[elondon]

Officer: "The railroad company will consider dropping the charges if you explain why you were on their property."

 

Me: "Pretty much my whole life I've wanted to fight some guys on the roof of a speeding train."

[PhoGarrett]

Pretty good topic and straight-forward. Great job OP!

[Is this The Guy?]

Officer: You know why I pulled you over?

 

Me: Dollar sign rims, bitch

Edited August 10, 2014 by Thisguyherenow

[MythicRare]

*I parachute down*

*A police car arrives*

Me: "Hello officer, what seems to be the problem?"

Officer: "Well, I saw you parachuting down while driving here, and you're standing next to the flaming fuselage of a military transport aircraft. Care to fill in the blanks?"

Me: "Well, my friend is in his apartment, and he's not buzzing me in, right? So, I consider it unethical to enter his apartment without him buzzing me in..."

Officer: "...Really?"

Me: "Don't interrupt me. Anyway, I started shooting at his windows, and driving cars into the door to his apartment, but he still won't let me in. I then got an idea. I strategically entered the LS Airport tarmac...

Officer: "You broke down a fence."

Me: "Okay... I broke down a fence. So, I drive to Merryweather's hangar, and steal a military transport jet..."

Officer: "And then you flew it into his apartment."

Me: "Not necessarily... but yes."

[VintageViro]

*kills player with bounty in Sandy Shores*

 

Officer: "I think you just caught on the wrong side of town, boy! The hell were you doing out here?!"

 

Me: "Officer, he killed 5 of your partners, stole my car, and killed my friends! He had to d-" *shot down*

[RavingxZombie]

Officer: Why were you going 200 MPH in a super.

Me: Gotta go number 2! "Takes off yelling gotta p**p gotta p**p"

Edited August 10, 2014 by RavingxZombie

[GR Choke]

There was money on the table with the bricks

I was in the living room feeling on this bitch

Heard my car alarm going off on my 6

So my dogs start barking and some niggas hit the fence

So I take my dick out this bitch mouth and walked to the window

Pull the blinds down and took one hit of the Indo

You niggas ain't doing sh*t, but stealing my neighbors rims so

Walked back to the couch and told the bitch to bend over

That's what I'm rolling with...

Nah, I ain't saying sh*t and I ain't snitching on nobody

Yeah, that's my four-five, but it ain't got no bodies

And two dead niggas? Them is nobody

They shoulda torched 'em, then you wouldn't had no bodies

I mean look at these pictures, just so sloppy

Couldn't have been me, I do my sh*t like John Gotti

Feed the nigga to the sharks after dark

[redpoint]

Officer: So let me get this straight, you just shoot everyone who comes near you for no reason?

 

Me: Well, not for no reason, they didn't honk their horn in a playful way so they were obviously going to kill me...

[Kampioen]

Me: Good day officer, what a nice day it is in sunny Los Santos.

Officer: Die, pig!

[MigloEstevez]

I Killed a Monkey.

[Wheeling and Dealing]

"see what had happened was...."

monica

Edited August 10, 2014 by Wheeling and Dealing

[Skeever]

*does 'Jerk' celebration in corner, officer approaches*

Officer: "What do you think you're doing?"

Me: *turns around*

Me: "Just excercising."

Officer: *looks down to see shakeweight in hand*

Officer: ...

Me: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Officer: ...

Me: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Officer: ...You're free to go.

[Jioyt 123]

Officer: would you care to explain why this buzzard attack helicopter and luxor are in a wrecked pile, along with the bodies?*brings out notepad and starts to write*

 

Me: well you see, i was following this guy around the city in my buzzard...

 

Officer: ...because?

 

Me: because he had a bou... I mean, i had "orders" to "escort him" from "some one"

 

Officer: *looks suspiciously* yes and this wreckage appeared here, how?

 

Me: well he just started to randomly open fire at me, so my natural instincts kicked in. I MUST protect myself from this heartless criminal. He drove to LSIA with extreme, unsafe speed, whilst i was attempting to blow him u... Pop his tires, to keep the people safe.

He unfortunatly made it to the airport and viciously hijacked a private jet. I knew i had to stop him, which some how ended up with his stolen aircraft plummeting to the ground in a bloom of dark black smoke.

Little did i know, he jumped out before his plane went down, and quickly disabled MY aircraft.

But little did he know, helecopter blades keep spinning for a while, ending with his severd body and my poor aircraft here, i a metal mess.

 

Officer: well thats all well and good, but what about the rest of the bodies here?

 

Me: well we got bored and started to kill eachother.

 

Officer: *mumbling*got bored and started to... Wait WHAT?

 

Me: oh look, hes here right now.

 

*officer turns around, to be beat to death by my friend with a crowbar*

 

Me: damn dude nice!

 

Friend: ikr!

*jioyt 123 has a 9000 bounty*

*friend pulls out a minigun*

Me: well, shi * "friend" blows me away*

[cjdavies]

Officer: Explain why you decided to leave a sticky bomb outside LSC waiting for the driver to come out?

 

Me: I was doing your job, he stole a high priorty vehicle for Simeon.

[UP9390]

Me: Be Patrolling in obvious Unmarked Vehicle

Get's involved with a 10-50 with an incompetent LSPD Officer from the Del Perro Station

LSPD Officer initiates felony stop

Attempt to explain to him that I'm the Sheriff of Los Santos County (In a uniform, and displaying ID)

I call for backup from my agency

He calls backup for himself

Massive shootout between our two agencies begins

(Insert LAPD Harbor Division vs. LASD Video here "Who Are You?")
(Look up either "LAPD Harbor Division vs. LASD" or "Who Are You?" (The forum goes full retard every time I try to link something and forces me to refresh the page -_-))

Edited August 11, 2014 by UP9390

[Ezza.]

Officer: You're under arrest for the murder of 49 police officers, the shooting down of 8 Police Helicopters, posession of explosives, Grand, grand, grand Larsony, GTA, DUI and being in contact with underworld figures.

 

Me: Well, you see. Don't I get a phonecall?

 

Officer: Yes

 

Me: *Calls Lester*

 

$300 later

 

Officer: You're free to go. Sorry for the inconvenience sir

[TheGoodSgtScooter]

Officer - Care to explain?

Me - What?

Officer - The five dead SWAT in the scoop of this bulldozer?

Me - No.

Officer - Are you looking at me?

Me - No.

Officer - Did you just lie to me?

Me - No.

Officer - KILLING MAKES MY DICK HARD!!!!

Me - LESTER!

Lester - What's up pal?

Me - Here's money now make the cops disap - Wasted.

Cop - Takes selfie.

Lester - Call me when your brain starts working.

[Biker_J]

Officer: Why did you interfere in a police investigation on the beach?

Me: Oh, you know, it happens.

Officer: So, hitting my men, with a baseball bat, while they are in active combat with another civilian just happens?

Me: Hey, the guys were members of my crew, you were shooting at them, what did you expect me to do?

Officer: Stay out of it!

Me: Well, I didn't use a gun, I merely hit a couple of them with a baseball bat to knock the living.. to knock them out.

Me: As there is no gun, there is no crime right?

Officer: Wrong.

Officer: *BANG*

Me: -Wasted-

[Testarossa]

"I'm sorry I was driving so fast but my girlfriend's on labor!"

 

I don't even have a girlfriend.

[pizza4life]

Me: I saw three fat guys standing in a circle and thought it'd be funny to see them fall down from bullets.

 

Officer: It was.

[AboveAndBeyoncé]

bumping this thread up to get more replies as this is an interesting topic

[Tiny Rick]

Ar

Arrested. Not even once.

[Hmmm nice bike]

Gerald made me do it.

[customkingpimp]

some of these are well done and hilarious. Props!

[LeoV]

"Well you see officer, your partner here was in my way...kinda like you are now"

 

[matajuegos01]

sorry, but that f*cker had a pink t shirt, i hate pink. and that woman needed a knife to the face, you know, sometimes you're THAT bored.

[CrysisAverted]

I dressed Trevor in drag, walked out onto the street and thats it, I was frozen in place and arrested.

[TheGoodSgtScooter]

Well officer, I was trying to execute the store clerk at ponsonbies, (she said my shirt was fashionable, and I don't quite know what that means so I took offense and shot her then and there, an' this mean check shoots me from behind when I's shooting the clerk! So's I chase her down and and see that she tryin' to kill someone else! So she kills again, and them she guys shot, and she comes back, and I started killin' her, and her friends show up, so I start killin' them, and then some other people show up, and help me out, and then I got on top of the Epsilon (Kifflom brother brother) to get a better shot, and them you came up here and now you're tryin' to 'rrest me!

[Black Terminator]

-Me just got done leaving the ghetto gang attack and about to get in my Hearst-

 

Officer: We know what you did.

 

-Me turns around and gives them the eye brow look-

 

Officer: Did you hear me son? We know what you did?

 

-Me does the face palm taunt-

 

Me:..What is it that I did?

 

Officer: We have you recorded for hundreds of manslaughter, theft, car blows up, player deaths, player cars exploded and other sh*t.

 

Me:...Of that..

 

-Me laughs while taking a smoke-

 

Officer: You shouldn't be laughing, we are here to arrest you for life bitch..

 

Me: Well..it seems that we have a problem motherf*ckers!! You forgot the other half of you that I killed by my Heavy Sniper.

 

Officer: Do you have any last words?

 

Me: Yes I have some last words but they ain't for me. But they are for you. How does it feel?

 

Officer: How does what feel?

 

Me: To not catch a deadman motherf*ckers!! It's like I said on my first day here on Los Santos, you ain't going to catch me. You can't arrest a dead man son!!

 

-Takes my Pistol and smokes myself while giving them the evil smirk-