Midlife Crisis DLC (Concept)

[tronheisenberg]

Alright so I'm sitting here waiting for a conference call to start and I thought to myself how cool would a midlife crisis dlc be. (Yeah i'm bored so if you don't like the idea please move along.)

 

This would be a mostly cars update as that's usually the first thing someone buys when they get divorced at 40. But anyway here it goes.

 

 

"Wife just run off with the pool boy, tennis instructor, or that sleezy yoga instructor? Well quit crying into your whiskey and get your manhood back. Introducing the Vapid Python. Direct inject some testosterone into those shriveled grapes you have left with this insanely fast and stupid dangerous manchine."

 

 

"Dinka is happy to announce the release of our newest sports car. After that bitch of an ex-wife is finished taking all your money and selling your Jester, you'll be lucky to be able to afford even this to get you to those single bars, and back alley's. But with a hand crank convertible top you'll be able to cruise by the ex's house to show off your new lady of the evening."

 

 

 

 

"With a little help from the good people of Dewbauchee, Pegassi is proud to announce our first ever 4door super car. Are you one of the few smart ones that didn't believe in true love from the beginning and have been hiding cash off shores the whole time? Congrats on being practical, and as a reward you now have the opportunity to purchase this truly unique super car from two of the worlds foremost car makers. Car seat won't fit? The three point racing harness is adjustable for the little ones."

 

 

 

"Ammunation is proud to announce the introduction of our newest .50cal weapon "The Compensator." Have you ever felt small? little? weak? Never again will you know that feeling with our newest hand cannon. With rounds large enough to go through your cheating ex the man she's with and then through the wall into your neighbors house this is perfect for any 40yr old compensating for well um their short cummings."

 

EDIT** Almost forgot this one

 

 

"For the first time ever available in Los Santos, it's the highly sought after manchine "DUKES" with more horsepower than a texas ranch and more testosterone than Florida during spring break, the Duke will blow away any young pup coming for your woman. Put the pedal to real metal, none of that cheap jap crap, and show this kids what a car is suppose to sound and drive like."

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this guys. Any suggestions criticisms or ideas leave them below. Hope you enjoyed.

Edited July 18, 2014 by tronheisenberg

[Reconified]

needs more porsche.

[Ninja_Gear]

Would it include a free prostate exam?

[Not A Nice Person]

4door super?

 

Goodbye Turismo.

[tronheisenberg]

Edited to add the Dukes in. I had it on my word document but forgot to add it to the post.

[ChrilLe]

That .50 pistol looks like the .50 pistol that you'll get when you buy the Collector's/Special Edition.

[ZakeBudek]

We don't need Porsche Boxsters or Mazda Miatas.

[havok024]

Don't need Midlife Crisis DLC...live it every day.

 

If I still had feelings, they'd probably be hurt by this.

[Biohazard Abyss]

That Shelby...

[tronheisenberg]

Don't need Midlife Crisis DLC...live it every day.

 

If I still had feelings, they'd probably be hurt by this.

Am I suppose to feel bad? It's called a sense of humor and it's a major part of this game.

 

We don't need Porsche Boxsters or Mazda Miatas.

Where do you see a porsche boxster or mazda miata?

Edited July 18, 2014 by tronheisenberg

[DopeFresh]

99% sure that that cobra would be slower than the z type.

 

rockstars logic.

[tronheisenberg]

99% sure that that cobra would be slower than the z type.

 

rockstars logic.

 

unfortunately probably true. But with the smaller wheel base, and lower ground clearance it might feel faster. It sure as hell looks 1,000X better!

[Voodoo]

I'm down for this due to the Dukes, alone.

[YA BOY DIRT]

The Dukes should come with a Dixie horn if you order it in orange from SSASA.

 

And "Vapid Python" genius.

[tronheisenberg]

 

Almost went with this over the Duke, but then I was like na... we could use more muscle. We already have that Rolls that no one uses.

[Dr.Huge Poop]

.50 is already in the game,you just don't get it because you're not special enough.

[havok024]

 

Don't need Midlife Crisis DLC...live it every day.

 

If I still had feelings, they'd probably be hurt by this.

Am I suppose to feel bad? It's called a sense of humor and it's a major part of this game.

 

Apparently your sense of humor does not identify dry humor and sarcasm. Maybe you're just too young to get the joke.

 

Oh well.

[tronheisenberg]

The Dukes should come with a Dixie horn if you order it in orange from SSASA.

 

And "Vapid Python" genius.

 

I'd like to see it be purchasable from Legendary only, and with a substantial collectors price tag. I know a lot of you would hate that, but I would like to see the duke be reserved for people who truly appreciate muscle. And if it was 200k-250k maybe we won't see any little kids make them chrome with dollar rims.

Edited July 18, 2014 by tronheisenberg

[JOEsAGGRESSIVE]

don't forget a '60s impala aka clean voodoo

[YA BOY DIRT]

What about a variant of this, the Maybach Exelero? (one of the world's most expensive cars, USD $8 million) I mean, if it IS a midlife crisis wouldn't the money ideally be going to the most pricey thing ever? Like, Michael had a boat.... This could be a new entry in the Sports class, and could be the first car in GTAO to break the $1 million price tag....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[tronheisenberg]

don't forget a '60s impala aka clean voodoo

If I could have any Impala in this game, it'd be this one. I mean come on, one of the greatest LA thug gangster movies of all time, and we can't have this car as far as I know.

 

[JOEsAGGRESSIVE]

I'd also like this bad boy

[jakebehnke21]

 

don't forget a '60s impala aka clean voodoo

If I could have any Impala in this game, it'd be this one. I mean come on, one of the greatest LA thug gangster movies of all time, and we can't have this car as far as I know.

 

 

 

^ that's a Monte Carlo, but I agree it needs to be in game along with hydraulics on some cars...

 

[tronheisenberg]

 

 

don't forget a '60s impala aka clean voodoo

If I could have any Impala in this game, it'd be this one. I mean come on, one of the greatest LA thug gangster movies of all time, and we can't have this car as far as I know.

 

 

 

^ that's a Monte Carlo, but I agree it needs to be in game along with hydraulics on some cars...

 

 

damn, i'm slow lol, trying to reply to comments to quick and i make myself look like an ass lol.

[mareepx]

OP, like always this is a well thought out dlc concept and it's something that i'd like to see added to the game.

However I feel that the compensator pistol is too similar to the 50 cal pistol from SE/CE and R* wouldn't allow that.

I think that instead we should receive a 44. Magnum Revolver, we don't have a revolver yet, and it's powerful as all hell

[Testarossa]

That 4-door supercar is ugly as hell.

[em1b16a2]

I'm in for an S2K.

[The Angel King]

I don't want to know the kind of man that goes through a midlife crisis and buys an S2000.

 

That .50 pistol looks like the .50 pistol that you'll get when you buy the Collector's/Special Edition.

That is because it is.

Edited July 18, 2014 by The Angel King

[VictinisRage]

 

 

Don't need Midlife Crisis DLC...live it every day.

 

If I still had feelings, they'd probably be hurt by this.

Am I suppose to feel bad? It's called a sense of humor and it's a major part of this game.

 

Apparently your sense of humor does not identify dry humor and sarcasm. Maybe you're just too young to get the joke.

 

Oh well.

 

You pillock. Sarcasm DOESN'T show in the interwbz.

[saintsrow]

This DLC needs a couple of new missions, where you get to take out the ex-wife's legal team. That would be satisfying.

 

And then maybe another one where we get to take out the ex-wife and her poolboy-toy with a knife at her Vinewood condo. And we should get gloves for that one. And escape in a white Landstalker.