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The Three Bears & Goldielocks *EXPLICIT LANGUAGE*

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Once upon a time, two bears and a cub was living in a house in the forest. Now this was no ordinary family of bears living in a house in a forest, because whilst most such families you come across are vicious beasts devouring anything that has been remotely close to breathing within the last year at sight, the bears were vegetarians.


You see, papa bear and mama bear had been travelling with each their hippybus back when Woodstock was still a thing, and had met under the spirits of loving the world and the dream of a society free of violence and oppression. Honoring their values they had been raising their son to see a world in need of healing, and with a deeper understanding of the values that bind our society together into a community.


Unfortunately, baby bear had been born with special needs as he was paralyzed from the waist down and was diagnosed with Aspbergers. With all the teasing from the other bears, the family had decided to find a home for themselves, far from the careless and abusive nature of men and bears. And one day, after they had a ramp installed for baby bear’s wheelchair to have easier access into the house, they sat down for their Saturday meal. They always used to have porridge on Saturdays, baby bear l-o-o-o-ved porridge! It was the best, ever! That’s why they only ever had it on Saturdays, because that was the best day ever, so long as he got his porridge!


The table was set, but the porridge was still too hot. Baby bear was very particular about the temperature and consistency of his food, so they had to let the porridge rest for a while. Papa bear suggested they would go for a walk while it would cool off to the right temperature.


Baby bear, a slave to his routines didn’t like this idea too much, he didn’t care for changing the plans. Actually, the more he thought about it, the more disastrous this idea seemed. Who knows what could happen if they left the house? They could be late! What if the porridge was too cold when they returned? And how would he get through the rough terrain of the forest in his wheelchair? No, this all seemed like a terribly bad idea…


Nonetheless, papa bear had been dealing with baby bears tantrums before, he was an experienced and good papa bear. He suggested they could set an alarm halfway to the time the porridge would be ready, then they could turn around and return through the same route they had originally taken. And as for the accessibility, papa bear was strong. Very strong. He had spent most of baby bears childhood carrying him from one place to another, the wheelchair was only a recent aquisition, thus he wouldn’t mind carrying him once again.


Still skeptical, baby bear agreed, and they went for their walk. They went past bushes and brushes and shrubbery of all kind. Ni! Yes, they even passed some rabbits on the way. And eventually they came upon a human campsite. The forest floor was riddled with trash, dirty clothes, beer cans and condoms. Papa bear quickly covered baby bears eyes and ears. *There was moaning from one of the tents* And inside, he cried. It was obviously past their time for turning back, and soon the alarm confirmed this, so they returned to their home, having seen all the horror and despair humans brought about them, a lesson too well learned.


But as they returned to their home, the strong smell of spilled liquor would not leave the bears nostrils, and baby bear was asking papa bear, what is this horrible smell. *I don’t like it!* Baby bear started crying. And the closer they got, the stronger the smell. And when they finally saw the house, the door was sitting wide open!


Papa bear rushed into the kitchen, and the smell grew even stronger. Now, for a bear with much stronger smell then humans, this was almost unbearable! He could barely contain himself, as he noticed the stirred up bowls. *Someone’s been eating our porridge!*


But the experience was worst for baby bear, whilst the two other bowls was barely touched, his bowl of porridge was now only a bowl, clean as a whistle. *My-y-y-y P-p-porrid-d-ge* He started crying… And as he looked down, he saw papa bears chair turned over on the ground, and mama bears too. And right where he had been sitting every Saturday before, and where should’ve been sitting in his flashy new wheelchair, there was no wheelchair. It was all collapsed into a heap of parts and broken wheels, as if someone had just dropped straight into it with the full force of their body.



Papa bear knew that when baby bear was sad, the only place he felt safe and could be reached was when he got a chance to hide under his blanket in his bed, and cry it all out.


Just as he was about to carry baby bear in to his room, a shriek came from mama bear who had just entered the master bedroom. All the linens were messed up, dirty human clothing was all over the floor, mixed in with pillows from the bed, and in the middle of the bed itself, under a curled up king size blanket… Oh the smell, it was so strong… Someone had been vomiting all over their bed!


Mama bear was sulking aswell, as she went to get cleaning supplies for papa bear to clean up the mess. Meanwhile papa bear carried baby bear into his bedroom, and now, this was the final drop for papa bear. Non-violence, peace, prosperity. *Throw all that f*cking hippie sh*t out the window, I’m gonna kill this bitch, and today we’re having MEAT for dinner!* Right in the middle of poor baby bears bed was a naked, blonde, human slut. Ready to take advantage of a poor, underage, disabled cub.

They had been trashing his forest, trashing his house, and were trying to trash his poor baby cubs mind with their filthy ways, and now they were gonna pay. *Fire up the oven mama bear, we’re having Kentucky Fried Bitch for dinner today!* He was furry-ous…


Awakened from her deep drunken sleep by all the noise and commotion, the slut barely rolled away and slipped out the door when papa bear hurled towards her to rip open her throat with his sharp teeth. Papa bear hurried after. The filthy humans never returned to the forest again, papa bear must’ve given them one hell of a fight to scare them so much. But humans are dangerous too, because papa bear had taken a beating of his own. When he returned, his face and paws was full of blood, but luckily his wounds seemed to heal quickly after he cleaned up.

And they all lived happily ever after!

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Holy sh*t this is hilarious. You should get this published.

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*Fire up the oven mama bear, were having Kentucky Fried Bitch for dinner today!*

I died at this line. :lol:

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I liked it.

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Okay, I gave this a read-through and thought it was great. Somewhat of a more modern portrayal of what the three bears would be doing. As far as the story and style goes, it’s great. I love the way it comes across, as an ironic, parody. It’s brilliant!


As for the writing itself, there’s a few things I find to be a bit off:


*Throw all that f*cking hippie sh*t out the window, I’m gonna kill this bitch, and today we’re having MEAT for dinner!*


This just comes off weird—Remember to use quotation marks, as opposed to stars for dialogue as they’re normally used to explain action.


Another thing is that, remember to capitalize names:


*Fire up the oven mama bear, we’re having Kentucky Fried Bitch for dinner today!*


mama bear should be Mama Bear.


There’s not much else I’ll say as this seems like a one shot, and beyond the things I’ve told you it isn’t all bad.




He was furry-ous…


Edited by Ziggy455

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