GTAO Jokes, funny pics, funny stories, funny moments

[fathergraywolf]

Greetings my fellow San Andreans. I thought I would start a thread where we can tell a GTAO themed joke, share a hilarious online pictures, funny GTAO anecdotes and other funny GTAONLINE stuff.

I've not been on GTAF very long and never posted a new topic before so please forgive me if this topic has already been posted.

Reading through quite a few of these threads I realized people need to lighten up. So I wanted to start a thread where people can share and spread some humor, come here to have a laugh or post something to help others have a laugh. With these things in mind I'll start off with a joke. Michael, Franklin and Trevor walk in to a bar..........they robbed it.

Edited April 11, 2014 by fathergraywolf

[fathergraywolf]

Ok, anybody else?

[Jolly Swagman]

I've got a joke too:

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long holiday" Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says:"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone !"

 

Note: it was a fleeca bank on online so this is not off topic at all

Edited April 11, 2014 by Jolly SWAGman

[fathergraywolf]

^Nice.

[Puchicas]

Without any disrespect intended towards you, OP, I think the whole deal with any funny or amazing or [insert adjective here] story from a video game -- even a video game as immersive as GTAOnline -- is that it's bound to conclude with the inevitable, "Ok, So I guess you had to be there."

 

Hence the entire "cool story, bro" meme. For the person witnessing the event, it probably genuinely was a cool event. But even most cool events from real life do not translate as cool stories, much less with video games. Hell, even with the power of video, it takes a truly creative person with truly strong editing skills to make a video game montage of cool things worth watching.

 

Of course, this doesn't mean there's anything wrong with doing a thread about it (even if there already is a thread for it.) I'm just trying to describe a pattern I've noticed where one person is excited about whatever happened to them, and the rest of the people say "bro story, cool."

Edited April 11, 2014 by Puchicas

[fathergraywolf]

I think you misunderstand. I started this topic not to relate a funny in game moment but to make up a joke, create a funny photo shopped pic with the GTAV/O characters/locales. Or add a funny snapmatic with a funny caption. You know what I mean? Posts with funny in game humor containing GTAO ccontent created by the persons posting. Does that make more sense?

[Shootinalloveryourface]

Kinda like a knock knock joke, but with a GTAO player in it?

 

Knock knock....

...

[fathergraywolf]

Exactly.

 

Who's there?

[scubadave]

~ Moments in Tank Shifts ~

 

JB700 EDDIE BAUER TANK EDITION DISASSEMBLES RHINO TANK SHIFT

Catches a player glitching LSC up the a-hole, blows him and his Chradder up. Guy returns with a tank. Custom JB700 ScubaDave Signature Edition outfitted with turboNOS and rapid fire disassembles Rhino's turret and fires two additional F-You shots.

 

Edited April 11, 2014 by scubadave

[fathergraywolf]

^Exactly Scubadave. Good example. Something humorous featuring GTA content. The Eddie Bauer Edition JB700. Good stuff.

[Shootinalloveryourface]

Exactly.

Who's there?

Tank

 

...

Edited April 11, 2014 by shootingallovertheplace

[fathergraywolf]

 

Exactly.

Who's there?

Tank

 

...

Tank who?

[Shootinalloveryourface]

 

 

Exactly.

Who's there?

Tank

...

Tank who?

Tank who very much.

 

[fathergraywolf]

Why did Trevor cross the road?

[Jolly Swagman]

Why did Trevor cross the road?

To jerk off while wearing a dress on the other side of the road.

 

 

What is every GTA online players favourite dessert?

Roof-top Crumble

Edited April 11, 2014 by Jolly SWAGman

[Shootinalloveryourface]

Is that the answer?

[AlexSniperBullet]

When idiots show up in Los Santos. this is one of them

 

[Zepren]

Have you ever watched a clown with an RPG take out a police helicopter? I made this map: Curse of the Clown Pits, and the AI is hilarious on it. It's good fun, plenty of ramps, chaos and clowns.

[fathergraywolf]

 

Why did Trevor cross the road?

To jerk off while wearing a dress on the other side of the road.

 

 

What is every GTA online players favourite dessert?

Roof-top Crumble

Nice. I was going to say to catch that chicken and fnck it again.

 

 

Exactly. And we all go back for 2nds and 3rds and 4ths and......

Edited April 11, 2014 by fathergraywolf

[Sky_Light12]

got three stories :

~ i was planting C4 on someone's APT door and ring the bell then step back , guy comes out and Boom ! , i shout '' April fool , b*tches ''

~ relaxingly watch TV & eat popcorn . i intended to troll a noob player , but when i reached with my tank . the lv 80+ killed my prey before i could fire my cannon . i'm gone INSANE ! furiously kill that f*cker for kill my prey , he start by one & still Owned . i escaped to apt with lester's invisibility and i've send him message : '' Go To Hell , Prick ! you slaughter my Prey . because of you , I'm gone INSANE '' . he reply first message : '' i hate you fa**ot '' & second message '' you're fat bloated little sh*t '' . proof can be found here : http://imgur.com/3dD3mSN,PwL37BU#0

~ i arrived at LSC , notice a cavalcade & stole it . mod it with rigged bomb & other modifications , gifted it to noob players . first one refuse and simply shot the windows & second one accept the gift . until far enough , i detonate the bomb and i'm laugh louder & shout '' i farted your breakfast with a bomb , a55shole '' & he reply '' you ungrateful lout ''

oh yeah , additional gif : nokia bulletproof phone

Edited April 11, 2014 by Sky_Light12

[fathergraywolf]

got three stories :

~ i was planting C4 on someone's APT door and ring the bell then step back , guy comes out and Boom ! , i shout '' April fool , b*tches ''

~ relaxingly watch TV & eat popcorn . i intended to troll a noob player , but when i reached with my tank . the lv 80+ killed my prey before i could fire my cannon . i'm gone INSANE ! furiously kill that f*cker for kill my prey , he start by one & still Owned . i escaped to apt with lester's invisibility and i've send him message : '' Go To Hell , Prick ! you slaughter my Prey . because of you , I'm gone INSANE '' . he reply first message : '' i hate you fa**ot '' & second message '' you're fat bloated little sh*t '' . proof can be found here : http://imgur.com/3dD3mSN,PwL37BU#0

~ i arrived at LSC , notice a cavalcade & stole it . mod it with rigged bomb & other modifications , gifted it to noob players . first one refuse and simply shot the windows & second one accept the gift . until far enough , i detonate the bomb and i'm laugh louder & shout '' i farted your breakfast with a bomb , a55shole '' & he reply '' you ungrateful lout ''

oh yeah , additional gif : nokia bulletproof phone

 

Although that is funny, griefing stories are not exactly what I wanted in this thread. But thank you.

[fathergraywolf]

What's your favorite vegetable?

 

Mine is Brian B. ;-)

Edited April 11, 2014 by fathergraywolf

[Sky_Light12]

 

got three stories :

~ i was planting C4 on someone's APT door and ring the bell then step back , guy comes out and Boom ! , i shout '' April fool , b*tches ''

~ relaxingly watch TV & eat popcorn . i intended to troll a noob player , but when i reached with my tank . the lv 80+ killed my prey before i could fire my cannon . i'm gone INSANE ! furiously kill that f*cker for kill my prey , he start by one & still Owned . i escaped to apt with lester's invisibility and i've send him message : '' Go To Hell , Prick ! you slaughter my Prey . because of you , I'm gone INSANE '' . he reply first message : '' i hate you fa**ot '' & second message '' you're fat bloated little sh*t '' . proof can be found here : http://imgur.com/3dD3mSN,PwL37BU#0

~ i arrived at LSC , notice a cavalcade & stole it . mod it with rigged bomb & other modifications , gifted it to noob players . first one refuse and simply shot the windows & second one accept the gift . until far enough , i detonate the bomb and i'm laugh louder & shout '' i farted your breakfast with a bomb , a55shole '' & he reply '' you ungrateful lout ''

oh yeah , additional gif : nokia bulletproof phone

 

Although that is funny, griefing stories are not exactly what I wanted in this thread. But thank you.

 

you welcome

[Jolly Swagman]

What's the last thing that goes through your head before you die while riding a BMX in a public session?

The chrome front bumper of the douche bag that ran you over.

Edited April 11, 2014 by Jolly SWAGman

[Shootinalloveryourface]

I ran a two tank shift last night involving a car park glitch which was pretty dam hilarious.

[Alvarez]

Trevor: "a monkey driving pink Faggio, i must really lay off drugs this afternoon!"

[theNGclan]

Wanna hear a joke? Modders leaving online forever.

[Jolly Swagman]

This is the biggest joke about online

Too bad it's not funny

[J_Villasenor]

This is the biggest joke about online

Too bad it's not funny

This.

 

Why did Ron lose his business? (TPI)

[fathergraywolf]

This is the biggest joke about online

Too bad it's not funny

The other night I got a hooker, found a secluded spot, gave her a hundred bucks but before the finish my console froze. When I finally got back online my character was sitting in the car and the hooker was running away talking about how she was going to tell all the other hookers what a minute man my character is. I pushed the button to accelerate and run the bitch over but nothing happened. Then I herd my character crying. She hurt his feelings. That whore left my character emotionally scarred and unstable. He's better now after $40k and 24visits to Dr Friedlanders. All because R* has sh!ttry servers. Motherfnckers.