Forty Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I work with this girl who has, for some reason or another, convinced herself that I am going to be her new boyfriend. Luckily, she's part time. But whenever she works, she f*cking straight up coon fingers the sh*t out of me. Cannot keep her hands off of me. She practically gave me a breast exam today. It's slowly started leaking into my personal life. She got my cell phone number off a company emergency directory and now sends me text messages. At least three or four a day-- none of which I respond to. She added me on Facebook, which I accepted like an idiot. She spammed the sh*t out of my page until I started getting comments from other, you know, real friends who started wondering who she was. I had to resort to deleting my page. Saturday night, she out-and-out propositioned me via text message. I didn't respond and laughed it off when I saw her at work today. Before you ask, no, she is not attractive. She is an absolute beast, sea-beast, wildebeest, Dr. Hank McCoy AKA Beast, Paul's Boutique, second album from the Beastie Boys. Straight up swamp donkey. Here's what I would like to happen... ideally. I'd like for her to leave me alone forever without me having to say anything to her. I might just sh*t myself in front of her-- but with my luck, she'd be into it... So, for now, I'm sticking with a stalwart front of tactical ineptitude co-mingling with a graceful haplessness. There are some people that like being fawned over-- even if it's from someone they find completely repugnant. I am not one of those people. iiGh0STt, Danz., epoxi and 8 others 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. House Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 You could just actually kill her instead. Much less hassle, much easier to cover up well. Killerdude, Pyrrhic, lol232 and 16 others 19 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finn 7 five 11 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Not sure about the faking death thing, but I recommend you wear a fake moustache, that'll fool her. Peregrin Brandytook, Killerdude, gnad.1992 and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johan Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Annoy her... I did that with my last ex from a year ago last week, she told me off and deleted my number. Works every time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
98 in 1 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Try telling her that you're gay and you have no penis. If that doesn't work, then yeah, you'll probably have to kill her like Nale suggested. Use an icicle and no one will be the wiser. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trinette Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Wear a giant sign on your body saying "Not Forty". It'll completely throw her and everyone off, leaving them dazed. universetwisters 1 sometimes. you look very strange. somewhat smiling. a little vain. saying not today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osho Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I work with this girl How'll you even manage to work thereafter, if she's going to know about you anyhow. How difficult is to tell her that you're already engaged to somebody or something like that. Rather faking death, be forthright Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Brown Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Give your two week notice. On the last day, buy a rag and some chloroform, knock her out in the middle of the store and bring her to her home. Put her in her pajamas (if she wears any) and then into bed. Never return to that store. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. House Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 You could also take a sh*t on her doorway, in front of her to see if that scares her off before more extreme measures are taken johnny_zoo, Killerdude, gnad.1992 and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarshalMoo Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) Have you told her you're not interested? Have you said you don't go out with coworkers? Isn't there some kind of policy against this everywhere? Those were good advice to me in a similar situation. Edited February 27, 2014 by JIMHO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finn 7 five 11 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I work with this girl How'll you even manage to work thereafter, if she's going to know about you anyhow. Fake moustache dude...have you never heard of a disguise? Kalvin 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyeMacHunt Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Before you ask, no, she is not attractive. She is an absolute beast, sea-beast, wildebeest, Dr. Hank McCoy AKA Beast, Paul's Boutique, second album from the Beastie Boys. Straight up swamp donkey. Seems Casey Donovan is back on the prowl after her recent catfish adventure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mista J Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Report her for sexual harrasmemt. Problem solved. lol232 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EphemeralStar Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Honestly, you have to be very blunt with someone like this in this situation. Use direct language and tell her that she needs to stop and that her actions are making you very uncomfortable. If she continues the behaviour and if it intensifies, yeah, you can report her for harassment. Also, maybe ask your friends to help you tell her to stop too. DEALUX 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
na89340qv0n34b09q340 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 OP, I was playing nationstates a few minutes a go, and reading the replies in this thread a few minutes after that, and it gave me an idea: During the last Hotdogkennethsisland Athletics Championship, a massive controversy arose following the revelation that double gold medalist Atlanta Johnson possesses both male and female sexual organs, despite being entirely female in external appearance. What if you tried telling her that you were competing for the olympics, and would be moving out for training and deployment soon. It would be so romantic, like when the soldier leaves their wife and has an affair with the asian woman during world war 2, and tbh I think olympic athletes get more respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyeighties Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Just report her to you bosses file a formal complaint. That simple Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homemade Dynamite Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Just call the cops for harassment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Scratch Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Time to put LAZARUS into play then, get a bouncy castle and jump on it from a building while she watches. SingularSoul 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uNi Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Pic or GTFO WBaker, SWEETSAPRIK, johnny_zoo and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I cucked Alex Jones Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Pic or GTFO Agreed. It's easy to convince yourself someone's ugly when you're not interested in. I want to see some proof. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travís. Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Why don't you block her number, block her on facebook, and tell your boss she is sexually harassing you, hopefully she'll get fired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clem Fandango Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I feel compelled to advise you to seek help, as you are being stalked and harassed. Although, were it me, I would just have lots of nasty sex with her and leech off of her financially. Constant f*cking while she's home, buying pizza and beer on her credit card while she's at work. Oh, to be loved. 98 in 1, Finn 7 five 11 and Frank Brown 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graven Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) Fake dumb, it's much easier. Or start talking politics. Edited February 27, 2014 by Graven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Scratch Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Tell her you woke up this morning and suddenly became gay. na89340qv0n34b09q340 and Illousion 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gnad.1992 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I'll wait for you to post her pic before i give you any advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phunkism Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Please tell me you are not serious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Creed Bratton Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Faking death is too complicated. Have you considered actual suicide? It's much more effective. Solves all your life problems permanently. Travís., Th3MaN1, Illousion and 6 others 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoadRunner71 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRk3-GSbJyo Commander Clit and Finn 7 five 11 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clem Fandango Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 As for faking your own death, I wish I could give you some advice man, but my father died while faking his own death, so it's a bit of an emotional subject for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fireman Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) Get a live hog and a car. Drive to a rail depot and kill the pig and use the pig to bleed all over the interior of the car. Don't forget to take the receipt out of the trunk of the car before you leave. Leave behind your wallet and glasses and ta-da, you're done. Edited February 27, 2014 by Fireman GTA36362355, Cuexcomate, Killerdude and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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