Things I learned from GTA Online

[Thr33X]

The following is an incomplete list of things I've learned from my days playing GTAO, from a combination of personal experience and interaction with others...

 

DISCLAIMER: This list is not to be taken as complaints, but as a satirical, sarcastic commentary on certain behaviors, habits and occurrences regarding GTA Online. If anything posted at all offends you, then you really need to lighten up.

1. The average gamer is a horrible criminal. I don't mean good horrible either.
2. Everyone...and I mean EVERYONE...wants to be a gangtsa.
3. There are a lot of bad parents in the world (according to Laslow).
4. Spending my money on what I want makes me a corporate slave.
5. There are 1000 ways to play this game, and depending on who I'm talking talking to 999 of them are wrong.
6. People are masochists, they hate something so much, yet still engage themselves in what they hate.
7. Rockstar (apparently) doesn't care about anyone, cuz someone said it on the internet.
8. If I win a DM, I'm a hacker...and hated by many.
9. If I win a race, I'm a hacker...and hated by many.
10. If I use Off The Radar, I'm a hacker...and hated by many.
11. If I'm an actual hacker, I'm a hero...and loved by many.
12. If I killed someone in freeroam X amount of times with guns, and they kill me once with a tank, I'm a scrub.
13. Being a badass in GTAO suddenly increases your "street cred" IRL.
14. If I'm a guy and use a female character, I'm gay.
15. If I use Free Aim, I'm one of the "cool kids".
16. Anyone with "YOLO" or "Swag" in their name are instantly targeted for death.
17. Anyone with chrome on their PVs as a primary are too.
18. GTA is all about blowing things up. And shooting people. And blowing people up. No story, no context, just "money, cars & violence".*
19. If you paid someone $20000 in GTA$ and 5000 RP for everytime they played Capture, they still wouldn't play Capture.
20. Contrary to what they wanted it to be, a R* Verified symbol on a job is signal not to play it.
21. A male playing as a female character is still gay, but taking Snapmatics of dead male nudists' penises aren't.
22. Anytime I kill another player with a weapon they don't use, I'm either "lucky", a "Noob" or have "no skill". It has no correlation with my actual proficiency with said weapon.
23. If you're in a custom job lobby and the creator of the job is in the lobby, leave.
24. Adders...lol.
25. Cheaters all have YouTube channels. Like this for Chop.

Now updated for The High Life!!!

 

26. If I race Non-Contact, my manhood is in question.*

27. Jazz Hands is the new Air Thrust.

28. Most of GTAF will hate very DLC that ever comes out for this game.

29. Gold hues is the new Chrome.

30. Zentorno- Adder now even more irrelevant.

31. If R* can update Rooftop Rumble, why not update other missions too?

32. Twankers new tactics...camping tank drop off spots. More pussy than kittens at the Playboy Mansion!

33. No new clothes for females. So much for the notion that R* isn't sexist...lol.

 

Other Member's "observations"

- Everyone knows everything about you but yourself

- If you're on foot and run from someone in a tank, you're a ''pussy''

- If you're on foot, face someone in a tank and die, you're a ''fa**ot''

- If you're on foot and destroy someone in a tank, you're a ''fa**ot'' and a ''hacker''

- If you get your own tank and destroy someone in a tank who attacked you first, you're again, a ''fa**ot'' and a ''hacker''

 

Oh, and if you do any of the above, you're also a ''n*gga''

 

So basically, the typical GTA player is labeled a homosexual african american with the ability to gain unauthorized access to data.

 

 

- Blowing someone up in their PV with a sticky the fleeing the scene and hiding in your condo makes you "better" then them.

- If you grief a griefer, you're a hypocrite.

- If you call someone out for being an asshole, you're a hypocrite.

- If you buy cash cards, you're a sell-out.

- If you use the Combat Shotgun, you have no skill.

- People will react with hostility towards anything merely for the sake of "looking cool".

- If you have an opinion about GTA that differs from "the status quo" even in the slightest, expect to be harassed, flamed and insulted...no matter what side of the opinion you're on.

 

 

If you use passive mode, your a pussy
if you use a tank, your a pussy
if you use an RPG, your a pussy

if you use a minigun, your a pussy

if you hide while having a bounty, your a pussy

If you don't own the 2 most expensive properties. You're broke
If you don't own every super car with chrome and dollar wheels. You're broke
If you don't slap every attachment on every gun and put some stupid tint on it. You're broke and have no skill

Bear in mind this list will likely be expanded on at a later date.

Edited May 14, 2014 by Thr33X

[TubeGuy]

accurate

[jbarb78]

Lol, that's pretty accurate.

[oo00oo00oo]

18. If you're really good at the game and people can't kill you, you'll get reported as a hacker and kicked from the session even if you play legit.

[Aero Dynamo]

 

1. If I win a DM, I'm a hacker...and hated by many.
2. If I win a race, I'm a hacker...and hated by many.
3. If I use Off The Radar, I'm a hacker...and hated by many.
4. If I'm an actual hacker, I'm a hero...and loved by many.

 

[ChrilLe]

 

1. Everyone...and I mean EVERYONE...wants to be a gangtsa. - I ain't gangsta, I'm Mexican.
2. There are a lot of bad parents in the world (according to Laslow). - Never trust Lazlow.

Edited February 26, 2014 by ChrilLe

[meatrocket8]

19. Some people take this game WAAAAAY to seriously.

[boone4796]

This is incredibly accurate! Every single one of them. Well done op

[Thr33X]

20) Any new ideas anyone comes up with, no matter how good they sound...are bad ideas.

 

21) I'm paying for other people's "free DLC" with cash cards...even though the DLC is already fr...wait, what the f*ck is this sh*t? Muthaf*ckers on that new kind of crack.

[AlienTwo]

Don't buy cash cards, dude.

[Hazencoke]

I think the same people who defending using female characters are the same people who dress their character up as slutty as possible

[AceThaCreator]

I think the same people who defending using female characters are the same people who dress their character up as slutty as possible

For some its true i prefer a more badass looking female Edited February 26, 2014 by BlackAce23

[Thr33X]

Don't buy cash cards, dude.

I think you misread me there...it was to ask "how am I paying for something that's already free?"

 

 

I think the same people who defending using female characters are the same people who dress their character up as slutty as possible

For some its true i prefer a more badass looking female

 

Same here. But you know what...to each their own. Play how you wanna play, just don't kill my vibe.

Edited February 26, 2014 by Thr33X

[AlienTwo]

If you don't buy the cash cards, you won't be paying for something... free or otherwise.

[DrAnomalous]

This can easily be condensed.

 

Edited February 26, 2014 by DrAnomalous

[Thr33X]

This can easily be condensed.

 

True enough my friend, true enough. But someone has to record these unwritten "Rules Of GTAO", and I've put myself to this daunting task, lol.

[DrAnomalous]

 

 

True enough my friend, true enough. But someone has to record these unwritten "Rules Of GTAO", and I've put myself to this daunting task, lol.

 

Playing GTA with other people online since IV really has been a lesson in psychology and human nature.

Edited February 26, 2014 by DrAnomalous

[coach_wargo]

Hat's off OP, the hacker stuff is sig worthy. \/

[HalfOfZero]

I like how you've taken the time to write this, seems accurate.

 

Tanks.. I f*ckin hate those bastards. And the idiots that use em when they get a bounty put on them...

[LeperJones]

well the YOLO SWAG thing's pretty well justified. ;D

[da_illest101]

19. Some people take this game WAAAAAY to seriously.

yeah, it can be mind blowing some of the comments people make

[da_illest101]

22) tanks are this evil undefeatable force that should have never existed withing the realm of free roam

 

till this day I still don't get the beef people have with tanks.

[Baltharuch]

The following is an incomplete list of things I've learned from my days playing GTAO, from a combination of personal experience and interaction with others...

 

 

2. Everyone...and I mean EVERYONE...wants to be a gangtsa.

 

Bear in mind this list will likely be expanded on at a later date.

I disagree with this one. I want to be a ghetto, ratchet black woman.

Edited February 26, 2014 by Dementious

[Zorvaine]

- Everyone knows everything about you but yourself

- If you're on foot and run from someone in a tank, you're a ''pussy''

- If you're on foot, face someone in a tank and die, you're a ''fa**ot''

- If you're on foot and destroy someone in a tank, you're a ''fa**ot'' and a ''hacker''

- If you get your own tank and destroy someone in a tank who attacked you first, you're again, a ''fa**ot'' and a ''hacker''

 

Oh, and if you do any of the above, you're also a ''n*gga''

 

So basically, the typical GTA player is labeled a homosexual african american with the ability to gain unauthorized access to data.

Edited February 26, 2014 by Zorvaine

[trunkster]

I don't want to be a gangsta mofo. I'm gonna pop a cap in yo ass unless you take that back. Biatch. Word to your mother.

[Thr33X]

Holy necrobumps Batman!!! Ammended my new "findings" to this post. Mods, please close the follow-up thread: http://gtaforums.com/topic/703685-more-things-ive-learned-from-gta-online/

[Oz70NYC]

- Blowing someone up in their PV with a sticky the fleeing the scene and hiding in your condo makes you "better" then them.

- If you grief a griefer, you're a hypocrite.

- If you call someone out for being an asshole, you're a hypocrite.

- If you buy cash cards, you're a sell-out.

- If you use the Combat Shotgun, you have no skill.

- People will react with hostility towards anything merely for the sake of "looking cool".

- If you have an opinion about GTA that differs from "the status quo" even in the slightest, expect to be harassed, flamed and insulted...no matter what side of the opinion you're on.

[vipprimo]

Well played sir.

 

[Dottie]

here is some more suggestions based on what i've heard in game chat
If you use passive mode, your a pussy
if you use a tank, your a pussy
if you use an RPG, your a pussy

if you use a minigun, your a pussy

if you hide while having a bounty, your a pussy

[Thr33X]

Now updated for The High Life!!!

 

26. You're not a man if you race Non-Contact.*

27. Jazz Hands is the new Air Thrust.

28. Most of GTAF will hate very DLC that ever comes out for this game.

29. Gold hues is the new Chrome.

30. Zentorno- Adder now even more irrelevant.

31. If R* can update Rooftop Rumble, why not update other missions too?

32. Twankers new tactics...camping tank drop off spots. More pussy than kittens at the Playboy Mansion!

33. No new clothes for females. So much for the notion that R* isn't sexist...lol.

 

* =denotes sarcasm because it's observation of an opinion made by ignoramuses. Pew Pew-Bang Bang-Shots fired.

 

More coming soon. Add your own as well, I'm updating the OP. Unless it's something like #26. f*ck you.

Edited May 14, 2014 by Thr33X