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Lombard Direct

My Bad Dad

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Lombard Direct

Why are you so bad?

My little Dad :(?

 

YOU PUNCH AND YOU POUND AND YOU TEAR AT MY FACE,

It's a bloody disgrace

 

YOU RIP AND YOU ROAR AND YOU PUNCH OUT MY LIGHTS,

What about MY damn rights?

 

Why are you so bad.

My little Dad :(?

 

YOU STOMP AND YOU STAMP AND YOU SHATTER MY JAW,

That's against the law

 

NO MORE DAD

I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU SAD

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Ziggy455

Off-topic: I f*ckin' lost it at your username. Christ, I remember that advert.

 

On-topic: As a whole piece, it seems very cathartic. Simplistic in prose, and it seems that you wrote it very quickly. It works as a whole piece but maybe it's a little too relative and a bit basic in terms of rhyme but what would I know? I'm not 100% on poetry.

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Lombard Direct

Off-topic: I f*ckin' lost it at your username. Christ, I remember that advert.

 

On-topic: As a whole piece, it seems very cathartic. Simplistic in prose, and it seems that you wrote it very quickly. It works as a whole piece but maybe it's a little too relative and a bit basic in terms of rhyme but what would I know? I'm not 100% on poetry.

Thanks. It feels great to have it out of my system. I've been bottling this up since the 90s.

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Mokrie Dela

user1367_1176089328.jpg

To give him the benefit of the doubt (9 posts since 2003... hmmm):

Simple piece, and it's quite childlike. Almost likable, but too basic, too bare. Rhyming is a little forced, and the whole thing's kind of vague.

It did make me think of the bridge of Down With The Sickness, though, so now i'm gonna listen to that.

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universetwisters

I liked it! It's kinda relatable to me though, seeing as my mom's kinda like that. But overall, good read and nicely simple!

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Mr. House

This is pure beauty.

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waxman.

My god. This is great.

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Build Up Your Survivor

Such raw beauty.

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Vercetti42

This actually made me laugh a bit. But if I am serious here though, your use of rhyming words is decent but it's the format and the events that jump out of nowhere that make me rate this poem below par.

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Meekail

This reminds me of a piece I wrote in school about my dad when I was on Grade 3.

 

Nifty stuff.

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