Quantcast
Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
    1. Welcome to GTAForums!   (85,534 visits to this link)

    2. News

    1. GTA Online

      1. Find Lobbies & Players
      2. Guides & Strategies
      3. Vehicles
      4. Content Creator
      5. Help & Support
    2. Crews

      1. Events
      2. Recruitment
    1. Grand Theft Auto Series

    2. GTA Next

    3. GTA V

      1. PC
      2. Guides & Strategies
      3. Help & Support
    4. GTA IV

      1. Episodes from Liberty City
      2. Multiplayer
      3. Guides & Strategies
      4. Help & Support
      5. GTA Mods
    5. GTA Chinatown Wars

    6. GTA Vice City Stories

    7. GTA Liberty City Stories

    8. GTA San Andreas

      1. Guides & Strategies
      2. Help & Support
      3. GTA Mods
    9. GTA Vice City

      1. Guides & Strategies
      2. Help & Support
      3. GTA Mods
    10. GTA III

      1. Guides & Strategies
      2. Help & Support
      3. GTA Mods
    11. Top Down Games

      1. GTA Advance
      2. GTA 2
      3. GTA
    12. Wiki

      1. Merchandising
    1. GTA Modding

      1. GTA V
      2. GTA IV
      3. GTA III, VC & SA
      4. Tutorials
    2. Mod Showroom

      1. Scripts & Plugins
      2. Maps
      3. Total Conversions
      4. Vehicles
      5. Textures
      6. Characters
      7. Tools
      8. Other
      9. Workshop
    3. Featured Mods

      1. DYOM
      2. OpenIV
      3. GTA: Underground
      4. GTA: Liberty City
      5. GTA: State of Liberty
    1. Red Dead Redemption 2

    2. Red Dead Redemption

    3. Rockstar Games

    1. Off-Topic

      1. General Chat
      2. Gaming
      3. Technology
      4. Programming
      5. Movies & TV
      6. Music
      7. Sports
      8. Vehicles
    2. Expression

      1. Graphics / Visual Arts
      2. GFX Requests & Tutorials
      3. Writers' Discussion
      4. Debates & Discussion
    1. Forum Support

    2. Site Suggestions

Sign in to follow this  
Dealux

Relationships and romantic/sexual fantasies

Recommended Posts

Dealux

I have heard from some people that they enjoy watching porn with their partner during sex. I have also heard from many people that fantasies involving celebrities are a normal and harmless thing (for the relationship). Many people (even on this forum) seem to share these views, and my question to those people is how do you know it is harmless? How do you know that it isn't a sign that things aren't going well for you (that one of you is unhappy with the relationship)?

 

The celebrity fantasy example seems to be the more problematic one to me. Just imagine what it would be like if your partner had fantasies like that about someone you knew, maybe a friend. How would that make you feel? Now, is it fundamentally different to have fantasies about celebrities as opposed to people you know personally? I would argue that it isn't. It surely is more unlikely that your partner will dump you for a celebrity given the unlikelihood of meeting him\her, but the underlying problem is still there, regardless of the object of your partner's fantasies. He\she probably feels more attracted physically to that celebrity and would probably dump you for a similar looking person. Wouldn't you agree?

 

I think that this is either a problem with monogamy, which is to say that it doesn't work well at all, or you can simply avoid these types of situations. I think that such situations are avoidable to some degree. Just because you spot someone attractive (perhaps even more attractive than you partner) on the street it doesn't mean you have no control in choosing to think about them or not. You can simply choose to think about something else or even stop thinking entirely (the latter being much harder to do). I would argue that the same is true for celebrities. I have been attracted to quite a few female actors in the past, but I don't recall ever thinking about them for long periods of time. I just thought they were beautiful and I pretty much moved on (but then again, I don't really get the fascination with celebrities).

 

So I would argue that this is a matter of concentrating your attention on things that actually matter, and that you can avoid thinking about these things and eliminate the problem pretty much altogether.

 

What do you think? Are fantasies about other people unavoidable and harmless in a relationship? How can you justify a behavior like that?

Edited by Criѕtian

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WinterEdit

So many big words...

 

Anyway.

1) I do have sexual fantasies if you must know.

2) I wouldn't care if the other person had sexual fantasies of somebody. As long as they do not become sexual relations.

3) Is it unavoidable? I can't know since I don't have experience of that nor will I ever have.
Harmless? I guess it depends. One relationship may be healthy even if both people had fantasies of someone else and one may be broken if someone says as little as "wow that guy/girl's hot".

4) I don't really know how to justify it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CatDog96

What if I wanted to have gay sex with Ryan Gosling but I don't actually want the gay part, I could just fantasize that my girlfriend's him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mr. Scratch

Who gives a sh*t? There's a reason why they're called fantasies, as long as you don't put them to work in real life while you're in a relationship it's fine.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dealux

How is it fine though? It seems to suggest that you are unhappy with the relationship if you have to think of other people and fantasize about them. You also ignored the other points I brought up which I think show what the problem is with this kind of behavior and why I find it worrying.

 

 

 


What if I wanted to have gay sex with Ryan Gosling but I don't actually want the gay part, I could just fantasize that my girlfriend's him.

What would happen if you met a guy that looked a lot like him, or even better\more attractive?

Edited by Criѕtian

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WBaker

There is a difference between having a fantasy you want to involve your partner in, perhaps even imagining they were someone else, and fantasizing because you would rather be with someone else. Fantasies are harmless by themselves and don't necessarily signal discontent.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dealux

Fantasies are harmless by themselves and don't necessarily signal discontent.

They can be relatively harmless, but fantasies involving celebrities more often than not involve the person liking said celebrity for their looks (as opposed to wealth or personality). What would happen if you—while being in a relationship—met someone that resembled your favorite celebrity, or someone even better? Would you then say it is a problem for your relationship?

Edited by Criѕtian

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WBaker

 

Fantasies are harmless by themselves and don't necessarily signal discontent.

 

They can be relatively harmless, but fantasies involving celebrities more often than not involve the person liking said celebrity for their looks (as opposed to wealth or personality). What would happen if you—while being in a relationship—met someone that resembled your favorite celebrity, or someone even better? Would you then say it is a problem for your relationship?

No, I love my girl. I might have fantasies but it doesn't change how I feel about her. If someone does leave you because they met someone who looks like a celebrity then you just dodged a bullet. That person is shallow as hell.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Graven

Just because you spot someone attractive (perhaps even more attractive than you partner) on the street it doesn't mean you have no control in choosing to think about them or not. You can simply choose to think about something else or even stop thinking entirely (the latter being much harder to do).

You´re checking that A-grade ass, but thinking something entirely different. Really? :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dealux

 

 

Fantasies are harmless by themselves and don't necessarily signal discontent.

They can be relatively harmless, but fantasies involving celebrities more often than not involve the person liking said celebrity for their looks (as opposed to wealth or personality). What would happen if you—while being in a relationship—met someone that resembled your favorite celebrity, or someone even better? Would you then say it is a problem for your relationship?

No, I love my girl. I might have fantasies but it doesn't change how I feel about her. If someone does leave you because they met someone who looks like a celebrity then you just dodged a bullet. That person is shallow as hell.

 

I guess it depends on the degree to which that person\celebrity fascinates you. If you are mildly fascinated by someone else, it may be harmless, but then what's the point in fantasizing about them? Why not do something else? If there's anything I learned from my fantasies is that they tend to become more and more serious the more you think about them. That's how all of my serious crushes started.

 

 

Just because you spot someone attractive (perhaps even more attractive than you partner) on the street it doesn't mean you have no control in choosing to think about them or not. You can simply choose to think about something else or even stop thinking entirely (the latter being much harder to do).

You´re checking that A-grade ass, but thinking something entirely different. Really? :lol:

 

:lol: That's not what I meant. I meant that you can look away and do something else or think about something else.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WBaker

I guess it depends on the degree to which that person\celebrity fascinates you. If you are mildly fascinated by someone else, it may be harmless, but then what's the point in fantasizing about them? Why not do something else? If there's anything I learned from my fantasies is that they tend to become more and more serious the more you think about them. That's how all of my serious crushes started.

I think the core issue may not be fantasizing itself but rather the maturity of the relationship. I can't imagine becoming infatuated by someone just by fantasizing about them but maybe I'm just too old and ornery.

 

I had several smoking hot female friends in college. They weren't bad people but as far as being a mate they were severely lacking. One had a thing with a much older guy and the other was passed around like a joint. The idea of being with them wasn't a bad fantasy but making it a reality never appealed to me.

 

I suppose if there is a problem seperating fantasy from reality there is a problem, but that isn't a problem everyone has.

 

I hope I didn't come off as a prick in my post. That wasn't my intent.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Max

Contrary to popular belief, being in a committed relationship does not mean you suddenly stop finding other people attractive. Your vision is not magically limited to your partner. I have been with my girlfriend for 2.5 years, I find myself attracted to other women, celebrity or not frequently and there is nothing wrong with that. I'm sure she sees people who she also finds attractive. In a healthy relationship there should be no such thing as a 'thought crime'.

 

What is important its not your thoughts, its your actions. I would never cheat on my girlfriend, she knows this and I know that neither would she. Why am I so sure of this? Because we are both mature enough to recognise the difference between fantasy and reality. Often insecure and immature people try and police, and control their partners, they become consumed with jealousy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
gtamann123

I will never be in a committed relationship so I can fantasize all I want. And quite honestly I prefer living in a fantasy world anyways

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dealux

Contrary to popular belief, being in a committed relationship does not mean you suddenly stop finding other people attractive. Your vision is not magically limited to your partner. I have been with my girlfriend for 2.5 years, I find myself attracted to other women, celebrity or not frequently and there is nothing wrong with that. I'm sure she sees people who she also finds attractive. In a healthy relationship there should be no such thing as a 'thought crime'.

 

What is important its not your thoughts, its your actions. I would never cheat on my girlfriend, she knows this and I know that neither would she. Why am I so sure of this? Because we are both mature enough to recognise the difference between fantasy and reality. Often insecure and immature people try and police, and control their partners, they become consumed with jealousy.

Totally agree, but fantasizing is a whole different thing compared to just noticing other people.

 

Being skeptical about certain behaviors does not automatically imply jealousy or being a control freak. I want to give absolute freedom (with consequences of course) to my future partner and discuss everything that needs to be discussed, but I sometimes worry about possible consequences for some behaviors. Like I said before, I think that it depends on how serious those fantasies are, but even less serious ones can become more serious over time if you frequently think about the same person (speaking from experience, but I'm happy to be proven wrong). I think that (paradoxically) mild fantasies are avoidable and unimportant if they don't make you happier than your partner does, and if they did make you happier then it would constitute a real problem for your current relationship.

Edited by Criѕtian

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
EphemeralStar

Tried watching porn together with my bf before....it just didn't work for us. :/ I also don't like the idea of him watching porn anyway...when hello, I'm right here! XD But whatever. Celebrities.. well considering one time me and my bf got into a fight and he listed at least 10 celebrities he thought were hotter than me...-___- I get a little annoyed when we go to watch movies and maybe one of those celebrities he listed were in that movie and there was a revealing/sexy scene of her. That's just me being insecure of something he said in the past though, I don't actually believe he'd dump me for someone else because they look like that famous person. Also, regarding me finding other people attractive.... I do but I don't. I don't downright stare at attractive dudes walking by, I don't even care for muscular dudes in general(most act like cocky little bitches anyway) and because I'm in a 4 year relationship it's just gotten to the point that I don't care about other "hot" guys. I imagine that it's the same for my bf . We just don't go out of our ways to check out good-looking people when we're in a committed relationship already and excuse me for my weird example but I feel like there's a "force field" against people who may be threats to our relationship?? I'd only let a guy get SO close to me before I start distancing myself in fear that he may actually try something or start to like me?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dealux

Tried watching porn together with my bf before....it just didn't work for us. :/ I also don't like the idea of him watching porn anyway...when hello, I'm right here! XD But whatever. Celebrities.. well considering one time me and my bf got into a fight and he listed at least 10 celebrities he thought were hotter than me...-___- I get a little annoyed when we go to watch movies and maybe one of those celebrities he listed were in that movie and there was a revealing/sexy scene of her. That's just me being insecure of something he said in the past though, I don't actually believe he'd dump me for someone else because they look like that famous person.

This is what I'm talking about. Why would anyone want to make their partner feel this way? It's fine to admit that other people may be more attractive than your partner, but actively fantasizing about those people doesn't seem productive for a relationship.

 

Of course, I still think jealousy is, by and large, irrational, but if fantasies don't offer you that much pleasure (if they did please you a lot, it would be a bad sign I think) you could quit having them altogether. It's kind of like casual\social smoking. You never really know if it can become serious, and there are probably some minor detrimental effects in the short run, so why not quit it altogether? Are fantasies really necessary?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
EphemeralStar

I think having fantasies about other people and pretending your partner is them is not okay, that in my opinion is a warning sign right there. But there are many types of other fantasies you can act out with your partner that can add perfectly healthy excitement to the relationship. ex.. naughty school girl, nurse & patient, etc. :D I also think a little jealously can be cute. <3 If anything it shows your partner cares a lot for you, as long as it's not the super crazy possessive kind!

Edited by EphemeralStar

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
BuyMeTheMoon
It's completely okay to fantasize about hot nurses, sexy cops etc. in general, but when those fantasies start to involve one particular person that keeps popping up(be it a celebrity or the girl next door), I think it is becoming a bad thing. I don't feel the need to fantasize about other people when I have sex with my boyfriend at all.


I watch porn with my boyfriend, but it's not because I want to drool at the hot actors with big penises and fantasize about them, it's because it's fun to watch other people having sex, and it really sets the mood. I can't know for a fact that it doesn't harm the relationship though, but time will show. It sure doesn't feel that way now!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lukas72

I have weird fantasies with Ashlynn Brooke, despite retiring, I still see his vídeos :beerhat:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Finn 7 five 11

 

What do you think? Are fantasies about other people unavoidable and harmless in a relationship? How can you justify a behavior like that?

If you start fantasizing, but force yourself to stop somehow, that's just silly, you might as well just fantasize, the thought is already there.

 

Also you mention fantasizing and finding people attractive as two totally different things, well not really, if you find someone attractive and want to look at them for this reason, you're basically thinking of them as a sexual object in your head, you mightn't realize it, but I think that is basically what you are doing.

 

Anyway, in my opinion fantasizing isn't morally objectionable, you can't help it much, is it bad in a relationship? I don't think so, a partner gets a little stagnant for a while, they're still great, but you don't look at them or find them as ridiculously appealing as you used to kinda thing, it's a pretty common thing for sex to decrease after some months, so that's proof of that, allowing yourself thoughts of someone else, and then coming back to your partner can suddenly make them more attractive because it's something different.

 

There's no real right and wrong, for everyone it's different, some people it works, for people like you who seem to be the epitome of what is stereotypically considered 'right' it might not work.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WBaker

 

Tried watching porn together with my bf before....it just didn't work for us. :/ I also don't like the idea of him watching porn anyway...when hello, I'm right here! XD But whatever. Celebrities.. well considering one time me and my bf got into a fight and he listed at least 10 celebrities he thought were hotter than me...-___- I get a little annoyed when we go to watch movies and maybe one of those celebrities he listed were in that movie and there was a revealing/sexy scene of her. That's just me being insecure of something he said in the past though, I don't actually believe he'd dump me for someone else because they look like that famous person.

 

This is what I'm talking about. Why would anyone want to make their partner feel this way? It's fine to admit that other people may be more attractive than your partner, but actively fantasizing about those people doesn't seem productive for a relationship.

 

Of course, I still think jealousy is, by and large, irrational, but if fantasies don't offer you that much pleasure (if they did please you a lot, it would be a bad sign I think) you could quit having them altogether. It's kind of like casual\social smoking. You never really know if it can become serious, and there are probably some minor detrimental effects in the short run, so why not quit it altogether? Are fantasies really necessary?

Sorry for the quote train but it's important to realize how we got here.

 

It is not cool to share non-inclusive fantasies with your mate. It will only make them insecure. Somethings are better kept to yourself.

 

At the foundation of every healthy relationship is a lie.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
BarelyLegal

The same reason bisexuals can have monogamous relationships. Sure, I'd still suck a chubby guy's dick if I was single, but I'm with my female partner, and I'm happy. Indeed, I am still attracted to men too, but the love and desire I have for my girlfriend overrides the need to seek 'attention' elsewhere.

 

Fantasies are just that - fantasies. I sometimes masturbate to cartoon pornography. Sometimes with my girlfriend, too. Sure, I'd love Homer Simpson to climb through my PC screen and sit on my lap, but that's not going to happen. Fantasies are entirely normal, everyone has them. No human is 100% satisfied, we crave things we don't have. Would I like 50 sexy men and women to be circled round me, masturbating - ready to let me screw every single one of them? Hell yeah I would, but again, that isn't going to happen.

 

Whilst I could indeed find another partner, possibly a male if I wanted to, I don't want to. People need to realize that desire is normal. Being in a relationship with someone doesn't give you a brand-new sexuality. If you're heterosexual and in a relationship, you aren't exclusively attracted to your partner. You are still heterosexual, and there will forever be things your partner cannot offer you. Such as a bigger penis, a different skin-tone, the ability to ejaculate 3 times in a row - and that, my friend, is why humans will always desire more. Fantasies are as normal as the need for food and water.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dealux

 

 

What do you think? Are fantasies about other people unavoidable and harmless in a relationship? How can you justify a behavior like that?

If you start fantasizing, but force yourself to stop somehow, that's just silly, you might as well just fantasize, the thought is already there.

 

Also you mention fantasizing and finding people attractive as two totally different things, well not really, if you find someone attractive and want to look at them for this reason, you're basically thinking of them as a sexual object in your head, you mightn't realize it, but I think that is basically what you are doing.

Thoughts are involuntary/random, but you can focus your attention on whatever you want (in principle). Thinking about someone (or fantasizing) for long periods of time is a choice, and one that I think can be avoided.

 

It kind of depends on how focused you are on everything else. If you focus your attention on a person and let your thoughts wander, then yes, it does turn into a fantasy or sexual thought, but this isn't an unavoidable situation. Also, to think of something else or focus on something else is not to force yourself to stop. You are not a slave to your own thoughts (some may feel they are), and any fantasy starts with a thought. If you notice a hot man\woman on the street, you don't have to look away immediately. You can look at them for a moment and then go about your day. Even those sexual thoughts people tend to get when they look at someone attractive are avoidable if you widen your attention (i.e. to be aware of everything else that is happening), and this doesn't mean you are inhibiting yourself in any way. You are simply removing the problem by removing the thoughts, by focusing on something else, and by that I hope you don't think I mean saying things to yourself like "I have to stop thinking about this". That's not a proper way to stop thinking.

 

It is not cool to share non-inclusive fantasies with your mate. It will only make them insecure. Somethings are better kept to yourself.

 

At the foundation of every healthy relationship is a lie.

 

I would argue that these things are better to be avoided.

 

I don't think so. If fantasies were truly unavoidable then the more sensible approach would be to be honest and discuss things. Lying is never a good thing in a relationship. Not even white lies because honesty matters. It can matter in ways that you can't even predict.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CatDog96

 

What if I wanted to have gay sex with Ryan Gosling but I don't actually want the gay part, I could just fantasize that my girlfriend's him.

What would happen if you met a guy that looked a lot like him, or even better\more attractive?

It wouldn't be the same it has to be Ryan Gosling its not just about his looks its the way he is, you wouldn't understand.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
BuyMeTheMoon

Indeed, I am still attracted to men too, but the love and desire I have for my girlfriend overrides the need to seek 'attention' elsewhere.

This!

 

I see hot guys every day but my thoughts doesn't go further than that.. I'm not even forcing myself not to think more, it just isn't of my interest.

 

However, if there are periods with less sex than normal and I spot a hot guy, it seems like my thoughts fly away more easily..

Edited by BuyMeTheMoon

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Justin..

There's this girl I know I want to f*ck so bad and could easily but the mrs would castrate me if she found out I even want to lol!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
GunWrath

Been a few occasions where I've slept with women that enjoyed porn on the tube at the same time, there's also women I've slept with that enjoy quite a lot of freaky sh*t.

 

Luckily, I haven't had anything stuck up my ass and I've yet to meet any gore type chick that enjoys blood and such things. But anyways, I enjoy it when my women like to somewhat role-play a little bit.. I'm not a big role-player but I find it a big turn on or sexy when they want to dress up a little bit. I'm not into the little 'schoolgirl' deal though.. that's a bit too far for me.. I'm not into younger women or girls for that matter.

 

But everyone has their own little fetishes.. but some of the fetishes I've witnessed so far is pretty fawked up. I wear boots 90% of the time and I have some calluses out the ass and had one chick still want to play with my feet and suck on my toes and things of that nature.. nah jack, she was out the door. If you want to play with my feet, rub lotion on them bitches, don't be trying to give them a blowjob.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
John Smith

And that's the cheese sandwich I was enjoying for lunch ruined.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Meekail

Relationship fantasies makes me sick for reasons you should not know.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dealux

 

 

What if I wanted to have gay sex with Ryan Gosling but I don't actually want the gay part, I could just fantasize that my girlfriend's him.

What would happen if you met a guy that looked a lot like him, or even better\more attractive?

It wouldn't be the same it has to be Ryan Gosling its not just about his looks its the way he is, you wouldn't understand.

 

I know how these things work. I felt the same way about most of my crushes, that they were unique and the most beautiful girls ever, but perceptions and even preferences change over time. The fact is that you don't know whether there isn't an even better looking guy with an even better personality out there for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×

Important Information

By using GTAForums.com, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.