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Funniest things NPCs say.


Tritium

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IceDree

NPC1: Business isn't exactly booming you know.
NPC2: Oh please.

NPC1: ...

NPC2: ...

NPC1: I think I'm gonna pick up smoking.

NPC2: Oh please.

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Stylishmoo280

‘You’re a dick without a dick!’

in the casino heist, a random Texan just screams ‘ASS!’

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hugh750

today i was driving an vehicle i got from an npc (an obey 9f), parked near the vinewood police station to look at the player list to look for a random who blew up my buzzard while i sourcing crates.

when an npc said "nice set of wheels".🤣

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  • 2 months later...
SqualidCoyote

I do have to question the wisdom of some of Los Santos's NPCs. In normal life, if someone flew out of the sky, leapt off their rocket powered missile launcher, wearing nothing but some boxer shorts, a raccoon mask and some gang tattoos, carrying a machine gun, and accidentally barged into you on the pavement, would you call them a dickhead or some other offensive name? And if you did would you expect them to apologise for their clumsiness rather than riddle you with bullets until you were more lead than flesh and then take a snapshot of you on their phone for posterity's sake? 

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vicecityrulz

"Your girl was pretty f*cked up last night"  I almost crashed the first time I heard it.

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hugh750
On 12/20/2019 at 10:44 PM, Benny Guy said:

"That vehicle (vee-HICK-el) makes me...moist"

 

- random elderly lady that thought my truck was the coolest thing in existence

about a week or two ago i also had an elderly lady say to me about my imorgon (that i recently gave it a pearlencent red paintjob with a ragga rum livery, it turned out looking pretty nice).

and she also said "that vehicle makes me moist".

i think that was in grapeseed.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Up2NoGood45

Hispanic NPC “I want to lick your face all over”

 

Chubby white NPC “whatever”

 

😂

 

I ran into an NPC car he says “sh*tty job, sh*tty life.  EAT MY ASS!”  😂

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Up2NoGood45

I’m doing the VIP mission “Plowed”. I hit a Prius and while it’s rolling through the air driver says “Come on people, look at your carbon footprint!”  😂

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AirWolf359

"Control yourself!"

npc yelling after me as I drift through a street corner in my Corvette C8

 

when I run to my car on the other side of the street and almost hit an npc

"excuse me, there is no reason to freak out, ok?"

Edited by AirWolf359
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suicidal_banana

Was playing the vault lasers prep near Murrieta Oil Field (bottom-right of the map above the docks) and one of the OP army dudes went "SEMPER DIIIEEEE!!" at the top of his lungs instead of the usual "semper fi!", laughed so hard i actually did die.

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  • 5 weeks later...
Angry Akula

A hooker, after performing a BJ: "have you been eating asparagus?".

 

I have to admit, this one caught me by surprise. 😆

Edited by Angry Akula
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El Diablo 702
1 hour ago, Angry Akula said:

A hooker, after performing a BJ: "have you been eating asparagus?".

 

I have to admit, this one caught me by surprise. 😆

After getting a wanted level w/ a hooker in the car she started screaming “I don’t wanna do this anymore” , never heard it before or after.  After a slight car accident the npc yelled something about “my lawyer is a Jew”- and then that he’s from liberty city and not to f*ck with him. 

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Taterman
8 hours ago, Angry Akula said:

A hooker, after performing a BJ: "have you been eating asparagus?".

 

I have to admit, this one caught me by surprise. 😆

For reals?

 

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  • 1 month later...
suicidal_banana

Was at the observatory for the vault contents thing, as im following the guard i walk past a group of girls:

NPC #1: Hey sugar, hows it hanging?

NPC #2: Fineee, im kinda learning that money doesnt grow on trees, unless you're a beaver and wood is your currency i guess.

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Up2NoGood45

I created a huge traffic pile up and 5 star wanted level on the freeway so cops are getting smashed by speeding cars right and left and just chaos.  Cop pulls up and says “looks like I’m working some asshole overtime” first time I ever heard that one!

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hugh750

this is one i heard today that i don't remember hearing before, i sold a car at the overpass lsc and i called for one of my cars.

an impatient npc driver said to me while i was crossing the street to get to my car, (i think it was) "can we move i wanna get high".:p

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Up2NoGood45

I think they’ve been adding some new dialogue.  I finished a Gerald contact mission and was killing time around his apartment before delivering the coke so I bumped into an NPC and he wants to fight.  Says in a Fred Sanford voice “I hoped you packed a lunch bitch!” That’s a new one!

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AgentSapphire
On 10/4/2020 at 3:19 PM, Angry Akula said:

A hooker, after performing a BJ: "have you been eating asparagus?".

 

I have to admit, this one caught me by surprise. 😆

I did a quick search on google and I learned why she would say that 🙂. Very innocent.

Edited by AgentSapphire
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  • 2 weeks later...
suicidal_banana

After hopping into a car's passenger seat and punching the female driver out, she went:
"Im gonna think of you when i menstruate later!"

 

Alright honey, you do that. 😆

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  • 2 weeks later...

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