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Funniest things NPCs say.


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My favorite was, I was crossing a street and a guy hits me and says "Ohh my god! Are you ok?!"


He then rams me again after I get up off the ground, says the exact same thing, and hits me yet again as I get up and it kills me.

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I had missed the first part of the conversation, but a NPC was saying this on the phone: "... Don't worry, I'll be wearing a condom tonight".

NPC about our cars: "Your car is the sh*t, sooooo hot".

"I need to take a shower because I stinking like a dirty piece of sh*t"

"Puta madre piece of sh*t"

Vagos member: "precisamos de ayuda"(we need help)


Redneck: "Do you want to see inside of a propane gas?"

"Don't mess up with a country boy"

Trucker: "Let's roll!"

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While cruising at a pace with traffic a parked car pulls out in front of me and I barley hit it. The occupant is all "Ahh, whiplash"

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Death Rains From Above

Random Cop: "IT'S OVER FOR YOU!" *Gets blasted in the face by my Carbine Rifle*


Other Random Cop: "YOU'RE GOING DOWNNNNN!!" *Gets crushed by a flying cop car that was blown up by my RPG*

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Hispanic Soldier: Te voy a romper la cara! *Gets his face smashed Bear Jew Style*

NOOSE Member: Killing makes my d*ck hard! *shoots his balls* 'Uhh...that dick, sir?'

U.S Army Soldiers: I'm a f*cking marine!; USA,USA,USA! Don't f*ck with the f*cker! (Press F if you want to pay respects)

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I love when cops say "Get a job!"

Every day I feel like R* is trolling me with that one




I like it when you beat up Lester in the Fleeca Job and he comes out with things like



"Why I oughta..."

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Best one I heard was a female npc on the phone saying something like "yeah I'll meet you down the gloryhole later" "yeah I can't wait for some of that slurpy goodness"

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I was playing with a friend last week, during the double rp/$$ event for contact missions. In between missions, we went to Ammunation and stocked up on ammo and armor..and bought a couple of weapons. The NPC behind the counter said to both of us "well don't you two make a cute couple". It was just out of the blue, very funny moment. I was playing my second character who is a female and my friend was playing his main male character.

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I heard this along time ago when a NPC was talking on his phone with some person.


"Sure I'll go to your baby shower!"


Like.. 7 seconds later in that call:


"Hey, make sure to bring that gay dog."



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